Two Daughters Who Fight All the Time

L.,
It may be interesting to role play. Ask the older sibling to pretend she is the youngest sister, and vise versa. It may become apparent to you how the older sister sees your younger daughter. Just a thought, it may be fun for them to reverse the order even for a few minutes, and give you some insight. Hope it helps.
Deb

The main thing about sibling rivalry is to stay out of it (that is soooo hard) and let them settle it. Sit them down and tell them you are not going to intervene and they need to work out their own issues. If the cannot to BOTH come to get you and you will decide. THey may not like that action because you could have them both sit in their rooms for awhile. They are in the end trying to get your attention so this takes you out of the middle of it. Here is a good article
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/siblin...

I have 2 daughters also, ages 6 and 9. I also have a teenage son. All 3 of the kids fight and argue. My husband isn't home but every 3 weeks and I take classes also. THe only advice I can offer you on the arguing is that even though it seems like your 8 yr old could care less about your 5 yr old, it is just the age. My 9 yr old looks at my 6 yr with utter disdain, but when she doesn't think I am looking or listening, she cares for her sister. My 13 yr old is the same way with his 9 yr old sister, but I catch them getting along. Just take a deep breath and have patience because the times you do see them getting along is precious. They are siblings, that is how they are.

Do your daughters have separate rooms or are they in the same room? Does your 8 year old have her own time away from her sister or are they together all the time. Just wondering if your oldest could use some big girl time. My 8 year old (a boy) has recently become different. That's the only way to describe it. He has starting being quite smart mouthed at times and has begun wanting some independence. My husband and I are attempting to find a balance between allowing him some new room to be "big" and maintaining the expectations in our home. His sister is only 2 so they have a different dynamic than your girls, but I am wondering if allowing your oldest to have some ""big girl" time away from her sister would help her enjoy the time with her sister more when they are together. And- just keep modeling what it looks like to show love to each other and she will catch on.

SISTERS!!

Hmmm, boy do I remember my sister bugging the snot out of me as kids. lol But now we are the best of best friends. I wouldn't know what I'd do without my sister now.

What helped my sister and I as we grew up. My mom had to take the competition out of the equasion. We used to compete for her attention.. (yep sad, but the truth) We wanted to know which one of us, was mom's favorite.
So, my mom. (great lady she was) She found ways, and activities that made us work together. My mother taught us ways to work out our differences.
And when we did fight... this wonderful lady would tell us, that it's not okay to fight. We need to be the best of friends because were sisters. And one day we will need each other more than a friend. (she's right). Mom know's best, she had 2 sisters, and 4 brothers. She was the gooo-roo of dealing with all of them! A family that big, they are still close knit!

Good luck!! Teache'm to love each other!!

My oldest son and middle son are the same way. Always have been. They are now 21 and 18. They live in the same house and now they at least ignore each other. But it has never gotten any better and I don't imagine that it ever will.
I think that my oldest is jellous of my middle.... and for no justified reason. It seems that the middle one should be jellous of the older one.
So I don't know what to tell you. I think that me and my X were so different that one boy took more after me and the other took more after his dad so they definitely CLASH BIG TIME!
But it has never gotten better. All I can say is that hopefully they will grow up a little and learn not to fight.
Good luck. I have searched for that answer for years.

My children used to fight and say mean things to each other. My rule when I caught them was that for every mean thing that I heard them say, they had to say 10 nice things to their sibling. It was really funny listening to what they would say to each other. "I like your blue shirt." "You have straight teeth." "You don't have a bed head today." They would struggle to find 10 nice things to say. But, it made it not worth it to say those mean things if they had to say 10 nice things for every mean one.

It may be that your older daughter is jealous of the attention the younger one is getting. You could try to do a special activity with each daughter separately so that there would be one on one time. Another suggestion is to play cooperative games as a family and set an example of cheering eachother on. An example would be a homemade obstacle course where each family member takes a turn running the course while the others cheer them on. Our family likes to play spin the heart with a heart shaped rock. We spin the heart and say "who get's the love?" Then, everyone blows kisses to whoever the heart points toward. Even taking turns at meals saying what you love about one another could help to bring the family closer together.

I think it is a girl/girl birth order thing. My two girls are the same way (6 and 4). Good luck!

I'm a big fan of the SUPER NANNY. And from all the shows I've seen, she would have you do some exercises with your two daughters where they have to use teamwork to accomplish some tasks. Her example is the the "shared chore technique". The exact web address for this is: http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/R...

Or you can find it on www.supernanny.com.

Also, I am an older sibling that was raised with only one sister. I think I was the same way as your older daughter. I believe that when the second child comes along, some first borns feel less loved. She may be a bit jealous of her younger sibling. If it's possible, make a point to spend some alone time with your older daughter. She's 8, so maybe the 5 year old goes to bed a little earlier. You can spend an hour coloring with her, or playing "Go Fish", or whatever she is interested in.

We all try our best to be the best mommies possible. Give yourself a pat on the back, you're doing a fine job!!