D.P. asks from Stratford, CT on December 04, 2008
Twins & a Toddler
I am 21 weeks pregnant with twins (will not find out sex), and I have a 14 month old daughter. I am struggling to figure out how I will manage with newborn twins and a toddler will only be about 18 months when the babies are born.
I am trying to figure out these questions to accomodate all of my children:
- What type of stroller or travel system would be best? (i.e. baby carriers vs. stroller, double stroller vs. triple stroller, etc.)
- What type of vehicle? (I currently have a Toyota Camry, but I feel it will be too small to fit 3 car seats, a stroller, and have extra space for shopping, etc.)
- Would I need a different type of diaper bag for the children?
- Has anyone used cloth diapers with twins?
- What type of sleeping arrangements have worked? (I have co-slept with my daughter since she was born, but now that will have to change...)
- Realistically, should I expect to have free time to myself, i.e. to work from home, with twin newborns and a toddler?
- Is breastfeeding twins difficult?
Also, I was wondering if anyone has had a homebirth with twins. I am planning to have a homebirth.
Thank you in advance to everyone who provides advice, information, and resources.
More Answers
G.T. answers from Rochester on December 05, 2008
When my twins girls were born my son was 13 months old. To answer your questions.....
--I had a double umbrella type stroller for the twins and the toddler either walked along side holding on to the stroller, or I had a single stroller for him that someone else pushed. Most times I didn't go anywhere with all 3 without help though.
--Since I also had 2 older children (ages 10 and 11 years) we had to buy a van that seated 8. There was a seat for each kid and plenty of storage room in the back.
--Yes, you will need a different type of diaper bag...you will need a BIG one. Even if you take a change of clothes for each and diapers it adds up. I had one made for me that I loved. It was just a cloth bag with big pockets to help keep it organized, but it was big enough that it held everything I needed.
--All of my babies wore cloth diapers until they were 3 months old. That's when I had had enough and went to disposables! How many diapers should one person wash a week? Not that many, that's for sure!
--I never had any of my children sleep in my bed. I wanted all of them to learn to sleep in their own beds right from the start. The twins shared the same crib until they were about 6 months old though. All 3 of my little ones shared the same bedroom until my son learned to climb out of his crib and would wake the twins. That's when he got his own room.
--Free time? What's that? Don't plan to have any free time for the first 5 years! Just kidding! Now is not the time to make any big changes in your lifestyle. Wait until the babies are born and you have settled into a routine to see how much time you really have. But keep in mind, that the minute you get settled into a routine, something will change it and you will have to start all over again.
--I bottle fed all my babies due to the lack of milk production, but I know several moms of twins that have successfully breastfed twins. At least for the first few months. Most of them got a breastfeed pillow made just for breastfeeding twins to make it easier.
--Having twins is considered a "High Risk Pregnancy" by most doctors and it is not recommended that you do home births. Too many things can go wrong that usually don't happen with a single birth. The first being that, on average, twins are born 3 to 4 weeks early and are usually smaller at birth and may need a little extra care.
All that being said, my biggest advice is for you to find a local "Mothers Of Twins Club" in your area and go talk to experienced moms who have all "been there, done that". They will be able to give you EXPERT advice and little tips and tricks to make life easier that no mother of singletons will understand or know about. And even the doctors don't know about most of them! I joined our local MOTC right after my twins were born and really don't think I would have made it without their help. You can find a local club on this site: http://www.nomotc.org/
Good luck to you. I sure hope I have helped you even if it's only in a small way. You are going to need all the help you can get! haha
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K.H. answers from Utica on December 05, 2008
Hi D.
Congrats on the lovely family.
You seem quite overwhelmed with the idea of the twins coming. When I was 19 weeks I was in the hospital with preterm labor. However, the girls were born at 37 weeks.
I was at the store with them when I saw a gal with 3 little ones although I didn't see how they could be triplets I knew they were not singles, so asked "how old are they?" Well, to my surprise they were only 9 months apart. The twins were born at 7 months, as she said they would have been close enough if they were full term. We visited for a while, but know it has been done before and you can do this.
I did have mine in cloth diapers but not the first month or so. I did not breastfeed because of some complications with the C-section.
I carried less diaper bag with the twins than with my singles because you have more weight in babies. My twins weighed in at 5'11" and 6'8" so used stroller not any kind of carrier on my person. They don't last long enough.
Have you seen Twins magazine? I loved it. Check it out.
My other knowledge is what to do in a real emergency. For instance how to get them out of the house by myself if there was a fire. Well, you get the idea. We had a fireman come to Mother's Of Multiples, and his advice to us was to grab a blanket and put all of the babies in the blanket, making sure you have all 4 corners run out of the house like you had a Santa pack, not necessarily on your back. He said they might have a few bruises but you would have them all with you and they would be protected from the smoke.
It was a blessing to many in the group, including myself and we are all thankful that we didn't have to use that info.
The other knowledge I have is to make sure you keep yourself hydrated. Drink water.
There won't be time to work at least not at first, sometimes I didn't have time to shower.
God bless you and your lovely family.
Rejoice and relax.
K. SAHM married 38 years --- adult children 37, 32, and twins 18 in college after homeschooling.
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M.S. answers from Syracuse on December 04, 2008
Wow. So I can't answer all your questions or offer advice really, but here are a few thoughts. My kids are 13 months apart but I don't have twins. I just looked at a carseat that CAN fit 3 across in a Camry, the Sunshine Kids Radian65 or Radian80. It's a convertible, more narrow carseat with a slim profile (also folds). I know what money is like for me with the 2 kids so close together and in diapers, and I could never buy a new car right now.
I also tried to work from home without success - it's hard enough with one kid. You get so little time to yourself, and you have to spend it working. I just became exhausted and resentful, so I put the kids in daycare and I work out of an office now. I get to spend more time with the kids, because the work I accomplish is more focused, and I leave it at the office every day. But 3 kids, you're probably stuck at home for a while unless you can convince someone to help you.
Especially because your daughter is so young, you should transition her to a crib in her own room right away - the general advice I got was not to make any changes in my first born's life (like taking her out of your bed) 4 months before or after the new baby(ies). If she's using a bottle, you should wean her to a sippy cup at this point too. My daughter wakes my son up at least 3 times a week and it's hell. In the beginning, you daughter will probably be confused and resentful, and it might help to have your mom or someone she's comfortable with, who can help you in the middle of the night.
Stroller: You're going to want a good quality one, whatever you decide, because you're going to use it a long time. You might consider a double stroller and a backpack/front carrier (like the Ergo which can do both - hold a newborn in front or a toddler up to 40 pounds on front/back/side). By 2, your oldest will like to walk places and may not sit in a stroller, therefore possibly making a triple stroller a waste of money. I own the Baby Jogger City Series Double stroller and love it. It fits through all doors, side by side, and is great quality. Oh, and it fits perfectly in the Camry trunk, along with all our groceries.
I have a friend that recommended separate diaper bags for each child, but that didn't work for us. We have separate diaper bags depending on the outing (the RUNNING ERRANDS diaper bag and the OUTDOOR FUN diaper bag). You will have to find what works for you, but I wouldn't spend money on new diaper bags yet.
We cloth diaper one of our kids full time, and the other one when he's not at daycare. My advice would be to get through the first 3 months in disposables, and then decide whether you want to invest the time and money into cloth. I wouldn't even consider it if you don't have a washer/dryer, but you could look into a service and then it wouldn't be so hard.
I have a friend with a 4 year old and 4 month old twins. With the help of her family, she gets to run errands and stuff without the kids (I saw her at Target last week, ALONE!). Of course, if you're breastfeeding both of them full time, I don't think you should expect much time away from them for a while. Many moms have great success breastfeeding twins! But definitely get a good pump so you can take a break, or decide that's it's OK with you to supplement with formula so you get a break.
I wouldn't even consider a homebirth if I was pregnant with twins. I am not saying that as a judgment, though. If you are serious about this, I would find a really good midwife who is fully supportive, check whether your insurance will cover it, start seeing a chiropractor, and find a good doula AND/OR Bradley instructor who has experience with homebirths. If you can't get these things, you may want to look into giving birth somewhere (birth center/hospital) where you can still have the birth experience you are hoping for.
Good luck. The road ahead of you will be so much fun and excitement, but it's also really a challenge! Enjoy the ride!
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M.B. answers from Rochester on December 05, 2008
D.,
I can answer a few points:
Keep your diaper bag simple! Enough changes for all 3 babies clothes (x1) and cloth diapers for all 3 babies x 3 hours (if you can make it with 3 kids on your own for more than 3 hours, you have my AWE!) So, 2 cloth for the older, and maybe 6-8 for the younger two (worst case scenario). Don't forget food for the oldest, too. That's where those expensive little jars come in handy - but plan on packing the diaper bag the night before, not 'keeping it stocked'. *** Keep a small stockpile of diapers in the trunk (disposables if necessary) for emergencies.
Along with cloth diapers: kiddapottamus (sp?) piddle pads for the car seats.
If you are cloth on your older child, you can (if you started from the beginning) just get the same amount of newborn diapers for the 2nd child.
If you are going cloth, plan on a diaper wash each evening, so they are fresh in the AM. It doesn't matter if you have enough cloth diapers to last a week - you could LOSE a week just feeding all these guys!
You are right about the car. You have family, maybe they can watch while you run to the store (or other errands) if you are not in the market for a new car. Car seats all around will be safest, as all will have to go to the doc's or other appointments.
Toyota? double stroller will probably work best - and plan on carrying one of the twins (switch off so they get equal Mom time :) or your oldest (heavier but Mom time is equally important. A combination stroller and sling should work wonders. But having the double for the two car seats for the twins will ensure that the oldest has a spot - you'll just have to carry the spare car seat when the oldest wants to 'park'. I don't think any one item is going to 'fit the bill' for your situation, but this is the best I can think of!
Don't worry about co sleeping - you might put her mattress next to your bed and get her used to at least napping on it - then when the time comes, you'll be able to co-sleep the twins. You might find that you'll have to do things you wouldn't normally do to make this work. You can do it!
I didn't and don't expect free time to myself. If I get a few minutes, it's a bonus. A shower is a great place to meditate, even if only for a few minutes. Work on a relaxation routine now and you will be able to access it any time you like.
Breastfeeding twins is possible! You will hopefully have someone at home with you the first few week(s) to help you get the hang of it (and to rock them when you need sleep to recover).
Good luck finding work from home. I pray for the blessing of you're being a SAHM for your babies!
Give yourself time to adjust to your children to nurse, feed, clothe, pamper, diaper and play with your children on a daily basis - if you can - before you think about or go back to work. Cutting back on little extras might surprise you on the rewards later with your children.
I know I haven't answered everything, but
Good luck, and congratulations!
M.
C.F. answers from New York on December 05, 2008
first congrats! I would have to say that, no I don't think it's really feasible for you to work from home while trying to care for twin newborns and a toddler.. You will definitely have your hands full! breastfeeding in and of itself is challenging and breastfeeding twins is just a different kind of challenge. Certainly try it if that's what you want. However, don't feel guilty if it doesn't work. As for co sleeping withyour daughter, I'd start to get her used to her own bed. Sleeping in your own bed alone, may be your only alone time all day! :) Also, I would be very nervous of delivering twins at home. As a maternity nurse, I know all that can go wrong; one can deliver vaginally while the second required a c-section. You want to be as safe as possible with the babies....
best of luck!
M.A. answers from New York on December 05, 2008
omg. all i can say is PLEASE don't do a homebirth. you are having twins! so much could go wrong. please, get over the whole "experience" of it all, and do what is SAFEST for your children and you.
H.G. answers from New York on December 04, 2008
Holy cow! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and even more so on your awesome attitude! You sound like a pretty incredible person. :)
I don't have twins, so I can't relate on many subjects. But I will give a few opinions:
1. I cloth diaper my son, but I don't recommend it for you. It's not super hard, but with THREE kids in diapers, I really think you should just stick with disposables. At least, at first. You're going to need to cut stress wherever possible, and you don't need to deal with washing cloth diapers while balancing those kids!
2. I can't imagine how you'll work from home with three kids like that. Is that necessary? If so, I think you'll need at least part time help. Especially if you're nursing as well.
3. Nursing twins is completely doable, but not nearly as easy as nursing one! (Especially those first few months.) So definitely get support from a post partum doula/lactation consultant. She can give you all kinds of advice on ways to make it easier. And again- you'll need to cut as much stress as possible out of your life! Do you have a good pump? My friend who had twins invested in a hospital grade pump, and she said it made all the difference.
4. Unless your daughter is a very heavy sleeper, I think she'll be disturbed by the constant wakings of your newborns. I would slowly transition her to a crib in another room. The last thing you need is a cranky toddler! :)
5. Sell that Camry. Hate to say it...but it's minivan time! (Ha! I've got one, btw. Love it, despite myself.)
Good luck! You're in for a circus of love and craziness! And keep us updated on that home birth. I've never heard of anyone doing it with twins!
J.G. answers from Rochester on December 05, 2008
I do not know first hand the answers to your questions, but I have a close friend who has 10 month old twins. She is still breastfeeding them several times a day, but has had to supplement with formula from the begining. At first the boys were in the pack n play next to her bed, but she now has both babies in the nursery in seperate cribs and if one wakes up and cries the other does not wake up. She uses a white noise machine. Wish you the best!
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