Twin Troubles

I really hope nobody ever told you being a mom was easy because they were either lying, only had one kid, or had enough help, paid or otherwise. Oprah said being a parent was the hardest job in the world and she doesn't even have any. You are being way too hard on yourself, you just tripled you work load by having twins. Try to spend some time with each child by themselves, that will mean having dad (is he around, you didn't mentions him) or grandma watch the other for even just an hour at a time. This might help with the fighting and tantrums. You may even have to let some of the housework go sometimes, expecting a spic and span, model clean house is being too hard on yourself too. When they grow up they not going to care the house looked perfect, they will care that mom played with them. Also, not all kids develope at the same rate and do everthing at the same time. Join a playgroup or a group called MOPS (mother of preschoolers), I can tell you more about is if you like. This will help you and them by socialising a little. Potty training is not always easy either, alot of 19month old are not trained yet. Try to lighten up on yourself and them, pick you battles wisely, because as they grow up it will be about eating veggies, clothes,school,friend, bed time and the list goes on and on. Relax, enjoy them while they are little and take each day as it comes. I'm sure your'e doing the best you can. One more thing,just give them water in the cups at bed time.

By the way, no twin, but 3 kid, ages 14,12, and 4.

N.,
The jump to three kids from one is huge! You are being too hard on yourself. Every child is different...some are easy to mold, discipline and teach....some are more academic, others more physically active, others loud, others independent, others passive and compliant, etc. It's good to be on a schedule and flexible at the same time. Just don't campare your twins to your 7 yr. old. They may not be interested in letters and potty training until they are 3 or 4 or 5. And that is okay. Every kid develops at a different speed. Anyway, I just want you to relax a little about it all. Try to focus on what is important at this time and worry about the rest later. Tackle one thing at a time. Don't stress over the "toddler to-do lists" in your head. Love them, be consistent in discipline, and give them room to grow into themselves (which may not necessarily be what their big sister is/was or what you think they should be like). Good luck and take a deep breath every day!
S.

N.,
You are doing a great job. I have a 16 year old daughter, 16 month old boy twins. I know how you feel. I raised my teenager pretty much by myself. It was easy, organized, I worked full time, the house was always clean...etc. I got remarried, had twins and WOW.....my life has changed. I am now a SAHM but it is still hectic and crazy. Some days I feel like I do nothing but chase kids and pick up after them all day. What one don't think of the other one does. Twins are double the work, and then you have a 7 year old who requires your time also, you have your husband who wants attention, dinner and other household chores. You have a full plate girl. You are a busy mom, don't be hard on yourself My twins are very clingy also, they are definitely mommies boys and want me all the time. Some days it is very wearing. I understand how you feel. You deserve your time, take a break and go to lunch with a friend or shopping or whatever without the kids. You need a break too!! Consistency and schedules seem to work best for me. Try trading their sippy's with a favorite bear or stuffed animal when they go to bed and only letting have their sippiys when they need a drink during the day not carry around all day. My boys tend to get in that habit also, and I try to sneak them away when they lay them down. They fight one minute and the next they are best friends playing again. I think that is normal for twins.
Good luck....you are doing a great job. You are a busy mom, take it easy on yourself.
J.

To me, having kids that know their ABCs early or potty trained quickly does not necessarily equal "awesome mom".
My twins are 4 now and I've realized the best route to take isn't what you read about in books or what is advised by family and friends...it's what works best for you. Taking care of twins is a tough task and just do what works best for you. I've never heard of anyone that didn't get into college because they weren't potty trained until they were 3. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Sounds like you're still an amazing mom! You're being too hard on yourself. Did your first child go to day-care? I know they have more discipline and schedules than at home. It sounds like you enjoy planning and schedules, so maybe you could create more of a regimented schedule. You could "play school" in the morning (ABC's & 123's), have a story time, snack, outside play, nap, and "stretch and grow" time. Offer a potty break every 2 hours, and keep a rewards chart in the potty room (our day-care used jelly-beans as rewards... some people like the idea, some don't). Hopefully they'll keep busy and learn to work together. With all that attention, hopefully you can focus more on your 7-yr-old when she gets home from school. She may even enjoy "teaching" the younger ones this summer!
E. G

My sister in law has 3 year old triplets and they are very difficult to manage or even babysit for. My s/i/l often blames herself for not being enough for each of them and says that is why they are so "bad". I tell her all the time that they have had to share and defend themselves since they were in the womb bumping against each other. It is kinda all they know. Don't blame yourself or try too hard to figure it out. It is just hard sometimes. Have you tried letting one sleep over with family so you can spend one on one time (taking turns) with each of them. I would take one baby to come over to give my s/i/l a break and by the next day the other babies were missing their sister and excited to have her back.