Tween - Chicago,IL

Of course you need to tell her mother. There are so many things wrong with what you have seen. She is too young to be on FB, too young to be kissing. She is using profanity publicly and is on her way to being a promiscuous teen. My kids will not have FB until they are in high school (as FB "requires").

Last year I "tattled" on my 14 year old cousin to her mother. Her FB page was filled with sexual postings and images. I don't care about being a "snitch". Don't worry about being "cool", lets work together to keep this kids safe and age-appropriate.

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a quick email with a link doesn't hurt. she put it out there in a public space after all and I'd be upset and would want to know if my 11 year old was acting that way.

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You just say, "There's something on facebook I really think you need to see." Leave it at that. You've done the right thing by telling her and not being judgemental.

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You shouldn't put anything on the internet that you don't want your mom to see! If her mom hasn't seen it yet, it should definitely be brought to her attention! It's not being a snitch, it's the right thing to do.

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as a mom of an almost 11 yr old girl I would be thrilled if you tattled such a thing about my daughter. PLEASE do tell the mom. How can I discipline or teach my child if I don't know what my child is doing?

And btw, both my 10 yr old and her 7 yr old sister are on facebook. I routinely read their pages, they know that, I also have to approve all friend requests. They mostly play games on there. I believe it has been a great thing for both girls as they have improved on their typing. It also is a way to instantly talk to their friends instead of calling them. They know cousins that live in other states and update eachother on what is going on through facebook. My 10 yr old would never have known that her 11 yr old cousin had done a science project on bugs if it weren't for a facebook posting. Or the stories of her uncles various bunnies they had as kids. All of that came up from facebook posting.

If you teach your child right, facebook is nothing more then a chatting session.

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Yes, tell her parents. She is eleven! Her parents should know. My 10 year old has friends on facebook, but thankfully, she hasn't expressed an interest yet. I don't plan on allowing it until she is at least 13, I won't go around the rules on that one. And even then, she will be monitored.

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Personally, I would if I know her parents. Parents should be monitoring their childrens internet activity anyway. It's a shame that her parents don't know how this little girl is portraying herself. A rule in our house is that our daughter (13yrs) is responsible for what is on her page/news page. If someone she is friends with posts inappropriate comments on her page or on the home page that she can view, she knows that she must remove that person as a friend. (no matter who the person is).
I would start there. It sounds like your daughter already knows that it is not appropriate behavior. Have her delete the child as a friend to start with. If you are okay with it, just nicely tell her parents that you viewed some inappropriate comments on her web page and you thought they might want to know. Be careful not to give your opinion as that might cause the parents to become defensive.

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I assume your daughter is on Facebook to have seen that? No 11 year old should be on Facebook or any internet social site. Exclamation point! Yes, you should contact that other parent. That girl obviously has problems and your daughter clearly shouldn't be hanging around with this girl.

H. B.

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i agree with Ashley S, my girls only 3 but when the time comes i would hope that some one would tell me :)

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I suggest that you start with having your daughter message the girl that the picture and her comment are too extreme for her, or outside her comfort zone. Your daughter should also suggest to the girl that she remove the picture because it makes her look too slutty, and she knows that's not how she really is. If the girl gets upset with your daughter, that's OK, because it sounds like the two girls are out of sync with each other anyway, and it may be to your daughter's benefit if she can distance herself a little from her friend. But if the girl complies and realizes the image she's setting for herself is not one that she wants and follows your daughter's suggestion about removing the picture, then it would be nice if you daughter would offer to lend her ear if the girl needs consoling (that should also give you a chance to guide your daughter directly and the other girl anonymously about matters like this.)

If it gets to the point that you decide to alert the girl's mother, then you're not being a snitch. You're being a protector of a child. And that's perfectly okay. And, if it's more comfortable for you to get the information to the child's mother anonymously, that too is perfectly okay.

Good luck!

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Yes Yes Yes before she starts F***ing. If you are close with the mom you can have her say she searched her daughters name on google and found out about hte facebook page and wants to see it. We have to be parents. My daughter is 14 soon to be 15 and I check her page at least once a week. My sons are 24 and 21 and I get on them about the foul language they use so parenting doesn't stop at18. I am so glad tht your daughter was embarrassed instead of saying see she has a boyfriend why can't I. Children want to grow up too fast and parents have to apply the brakes. I am sure if the show was on the other foot you woud wnat someone to tell you so you could handle it before it goes to far. Using the F word is already to far for me.

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Um, I don't think kids that age can have a Facebook page????

Maybe you can tell her anonymously??? I would.

Luckily, your own daughter is classier than that and has values. Good for her.
Maybe she will choose another friend, now that she sees how crass and crappy her "friend" is.

You seem to have taught your daughter well. Bravo for you. And she is open with you... keep that up.

all the best,
Susan

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Yep I would tell her mother that her daughter has a facebook account and is posting inappropriate things and leave it there. I'm going to make a guess that mom probably doesn't even know about the facebook account, let alone the inappropriate statuses.
Contrary to pretty much every body that's answered you so far, I believe in showing and teaching responsible behaviour when it comes to internet use. Trying to keep them off of it is nearly impossible. They will simply go to a friend's house and sign up for an account that you don't know about there. It's easier to show them, sign them up, add them as a friend (make this mandatory) and monitor the heck out of it than it is to try and forbid it.
To me the internet is just like sex, drugs, alcohol and all those other nasty things we don't want our teenagers doing, we can only control it so much for so long. Once they leave the house we can hope and pray they follow the rules (and if they do you are very lucky and count your blessings) or they will do it anyway and we just won't know about it.
The nice thing about the internet, unlike most of those other not so nice things, is that we can teach responsible behaviour at home, we can sign them up for facebook/twitter/mysepace accounts and monitor the behaviour whether they are home or not. Protecting them only goes so far and only works for so long.
Once the kids are asking for facebook accounts I'd go with it and use it as an opportunity to connect with your child, lay down some rules and learn about safe and appropriate internet use. Make it a learning opportunity instead of just saying no. I think that will go a long way toward ensuring an open and honest relationship with your tweens and teens as they get older.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I would tell her mom! I have an 11 year old daughter too and if I found this out about one her friends I would be on the phone in a second. Good for your daughter to be embarrassed! It shows she has morals. On the other hand if this was my daughter I would want someone to tell me. Good luck!

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We have had several friends whose children have posted on sites and I do tell the parents. They have been thankful, one young lady was posting she was 18 while she was 14 with provocative pictures.
I wouldn't let my tween have a facebook page, in fact my 15 yo isn't getting one anytime soon. There's time enough for that later.

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She's 11...tell. My daughter is 12 and I'd want to know. She's trying to be liked and respected and this is not the way. You're an adult not one of their peers. It's up to the parent's. If you were in this other parent's shoes...

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Yes politely bring it to her attention. I just did this with my nephew. I sent him a private message and copied his mom and dad on it.
He had posted 2 messages - one wall post and one directly to his mom that said something along the lines of "god my mom is a stupid idiot! I asked her to harvest my tomatoes and she didn't do it" and "god mom, you're a freaking idiot!"
Kids don't get it that this stuff can be held against them and that they need to be very careful with their words and photos they post.
I have a 15 year old and I check his wall constantly. It only takes one picture of a kid doing something inappropriate or posting foul language or posting inappropriate things that can get them in big trouble. Schools, teachers, colleges, places of employment all do regular searches now.
Tell her!

yes,, by all means tell the mom. Facebook is viewed by all sorts of people. If employers, schools (high school or college) can view and deny admission, it is allowable. I think that this girl should be taught that her actions will reflect not only on herself, the "boyfriend" but the parents and friends as well. It is just not cool, sorry.

Yes, you should definitely speak with the friends mother. As parents we have to all work together and with the technology now days, we have to work even harder. This friend is moving too fast and trying to act too grown up and in a way that she may think is cool, but is really damaging. Kids need and actually appreciate boundaries. You're not being a "snitch" you are concerned for this young girl. I actually don't think you can have a facebook page when you're 11 - can you? Don't you have to be a certain age?