Turning off the Clock?????

I'm coming at this as a mother who for lots of reasons (physically among them) could not have more than 1. And also having had a miscarriage and then lost a child. But I had to find a way out of that ache, espcially as my sister was having baby after baby. The first was to spend much time during the day focusing on how complete my family is right now, as is.

The second thing was once my child was old enough (about the age of your youngest--is it telling that this is coming up as the youngest is nearing school age?), I knew I had to start focusing on my life outside my family. My husband had his career, but I needed a focus. This is true no matter how many kids you have. At some point, you have to learn to live without taking care of them. So I worked on that. Look for the positives in your family situation as it is now, and not what you think you're missing. I would not change my family now for anything and love babies, but truly feel happy in my life how it is.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't have any idea, but I'm gonna keep an eye on this because I never thought we'd have more than 2 and we can't really afford more than two if we want to put them through college...but I want another:(

babysitting someone elses baby cured me. I watched my great niece while my niece was in college on tues and thurs and dealing with the carseat, diapers and such for a few weeks made me accept that I really am ok without those elements in my life any more. Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed the time with my great niece and we are close, but it helped me accept the good in not having another little one of my own.

I know that this is totally a late response to your original question, so I apologize. I just couldn't let your question go without responding with the deepest understanding of what you are experiencing. I have 3 kids as well, and it took about a year of my husband and I talking, arguing and eventually praying together to decide to have #3 (I really wanted #3; he was content with 2). So, I was really hoping that after I had #3 that the desire I had to have more kids would go away. Unfortunately, it has not (and my third is 3 yrs. old) and usually gets worse right around the time of my period. I have talked to a lot of women about this and it sounds like there is a definite grieving period that happens at various stages of your kids' lives, including the end of having children. So, I guess that is what I'm going through (and possibly you are going through), but I sure wish I could stop grieving soon! :) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling that way. I'm so thankful for my family and I so want to be content, but I really wish that God would take away that ache and longing. I'm trusting that He will (or fill it with more of Himself) in His timing. Hang in there!

I know the feeling of wanting another baby. I have 3 boys, and I would have liked a fourth child, but I came to realize that my three boys are enough because prices of formula, diapers, clothes, etc. are going through the roof. I think it would have been too hard on us financially to have another child so after boy three came along back in 2004 I got my tubes tied. To be honest though sometimes I would still like another baby, but I look back upon the problems I had with miscarriages, and high risk pregnancies, and the cost of all the stuff now I don't feel the ache as much. Sometimes it just takes time for it to go away. I still haven't gotten over it 100%,but I feel that I'm close. I always weighed the pros and cons of having another baby after my third son. It helped to ease the ache of wanting another baby.

D.

I am 31 and have been married for 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4.

I would have liked another child, we have three, but for various reasons out of my control, we didn't. When I see a baby, I often think, "another one would have been great." However, I realize how wonderful my family is, that we are out of diapers and lugging diaper bads, pack n plays, travel high chairs, etc. and I am so thankful to not have to worry about that. I guess what I am saying is, be happy with where you are all the wonderful things you have with your family. I also don't "ignore" the fact I wanted another. I honor that and then remind myself of the above.

Sorry no but if you get anything good pelase tell me too.

i ahve 4 kids I want one more. My husband and I always said 5 and so it is in my head that we should have five and then when I got pregers with the 4th on accident before we were ready he freaked out and got a vasectomy.... so i do not get my 5th baby and I really feel like I am missing that child I am suppose to have.....I have that ache in my stomach and I am almost 40. Now I want to adopt but he will have none of that either..... it is tearing me up inside but I get zero response from myhusband just anger... and I LOVE my kids all of them just at night when its quiet I feel like my 5th baby is calling me and I can;t get to them........

I have no idea how to help you... but if you find the answer would you mind passing it along???? I have 2 boys and a girl (30 y.o now) and usually do ok. But friends get pregnant and BOOM the ache comes back. I don't know why it comes, but it does. Husband doesn't want anymore, and I really am happy, but sometimes its just there. Hopefully you can take comfort in knowing that others feel the same! Best of luck to you.

The only thing I can suggest is that if you really want to turn off the clock it's going to take will power. You can also try borrowing one from a friend. Offer to babysit. It works for me, once a month my husband and I have a bunch of friends over and one couple has a 3 year old. Having her and my 2 year old in the house at the same time quickly silences the clock for me.

As for you having a 4th, I don't think it would hurt you. Your youngest is at a good age and your two older are able to help out a good deal so a new baby won't be deprived. Talk to your husband. A neat suggestion is if you two can agree, go off your BC for a stretch of time, let nature take it's course. If in that time you conceive then fabulous, if not then got back and BC and try to muscle through the ache. I would try to barter for a year off the pill.

Good luck.

I think that you've got to find another outlet for your feelings. Have you tried volunteering in the baby room at your church, or offerring to babysit your friends' babies? You could also channel your desire for another baby by volunteering to hold babies in the hospital that need to be held and loved, but don't have enough nurses or parents to go around.

I was having the same kinds of feelings you're having with respect to adopting another child. We have two bio daughters, and one adopted from China. I would REALLY like to be able to adopt another child from China, but my husband has said no. And because of our age, I think he's probably right. But that doesn't make the want go away. So I decided to start and lead, along with others at our church an orphan care ministry. I've been able to fulfill the desire to help children in need without adopting ourselves.

I will say, though, that if God made it clear that He wanted us to adopt again and my husband was on board, I'd jump at it! It's been a blessing for our family!!!!

Hope this helps a little bit.
M.

I wish I had answer that works for you. I get my friend Carris baby about once a month and it reminds me of the long nights, crying, and stinky diapers. It works for a few days but that ache just creeps right back in. I have been fighting with my urges since we lost our last one in July last year.
I go to school and am working on starting a career path. My two are heading for teenage years fast and soon they will be old enough to give me grand babies is what I tell myself.
I don't think it ever goes away were mothers thats what we do best. But if you figure the answer out to your question please feel free to share with us.
Good luck.

Might think about volunteering at your church or someplace where you get to be around them and feel like you're nurturning them. I do that. I DOES help!

i think you should seriously consider adoption. There are children out there who need someone like you with a love for children. In China there are thousands upon thousands of abandoned baby girls. try Living Hope Adoption Agency or a similar organization. you can get a little bit older child too if you (or your husband) don't want to start too young. just something to think about! =)

Hi T. R,

No advice here,just sympathy. I am 51 and into menopause but would have another in a heartbeat. Good luck!

K. Z.

Getting rid of the want for children by a woman is like asking a man to stop wanting sex. Impossible! I say keep having kids until you don't want anymore. It will happen.
If not, you can try babysitting, working at a daycare, school, etc where you are around kids and babies and can fulfill that need to love and teach.
Focusing your attention to other things will help.
As you get older you will realize you can't keep having babies because you aren't strong enough. That's when grandbabies become so important.

I was afraid I'd have that itch too. We had our first child when I was 25, and got pregnant when she was 6 months old. My husband and I discussed it, and decided we only wanted two children. So, I scheduled a tubal ligation that was performed immediately following delivering my second. I am very thankful I did it, because honestly, I love babies, but since I CAN'T have anymore I never have that deep urge. You may want to consider doing something like that if you're sure about your decision. I wanted to make sure I could do everything for my kids like help them buy their first car and be able to pay their way through college, and I knew that having more than 2 would make that very difficult. There are reasons why you stop at a certain number, most of them are financially. As long as you're comfortable with the decision, I'd make it permanent.

Wow, this one has touched a sore spot for me. Unfortunately I have no advice, only the deepest sympathy. I am 36, just had twins, one of whom's head was the size of Kansas which I thought would put me off having babies forever. But I find myself checking out newborns with that same longing in my belly. I sometimes wonder if women aren't hardwired to keep wanting babies, and if there isn't some drug that would short-circuit it. Until they invent it, though, I'm going to keep trying to convince my husband to have another one. I can already see that I'll have to go through the full grief cycle when I actually am done having babies. I hope you find that peace because that will give the rest of us hope for it too.

I don't think the ache ever goes away.Maybe you are wanting a little girl.Boys are great but girls are totally differant. Maybe you could adopt a little girl.It's been 5 years since you were pregnant do you really want to go through that again?