Tubes Tie or Not???

If your husband is the one that is "done" and you are not sure then tell him to get a vasectomy. It is much easier as far as recovery time, you don't that feeling of never having children again because you can and his reversal would be much easier than yours. BTW, it is VERY normal for you to have these feelings.

I was a bit younger when I had mine done. I was 30, but I had it done when my 3rd child was delivered by C-section. My children are 20 and 21 months apart respectively. After having trouble getting pregnant with my first child, my fertility rebounded and had absolutely no problems getting pregnant again and again. My husband and I decided that we could comfortably care for and provide (college) for 3. We sincerely believed that if we felt we wanted another child, that we would happily adopt.

I too hated the pill and the hormonal side effects. I never tried some of the newer bc options like the ring and the shots for the same reason. I knew someone who had an IUD implanted incorrectly and not only did she get pregnant again, but it punctured her slightly causing an infection. I suppose the fear of a botched implant and pregnancy kept me from that option. Having the tubal done has taken such a huge worry off my shoulders.

If you seriously believe that you want no more natural born children, then you should have it done.

K.
SAHM of 3 ages 7, 5 & 3, married for 11 years to my best friend.

Ok...I am 31, I have 3 kids and really don't want anymore. I just couldn't go through with "having my tubes tied." When you said in your post...."it seems so final." That is exactly how I felt. I have the Mirena IUD and love it. It lasts 5 years and I barely have a period. There are other options that the pill. Some people are going to say "what are you crazy...do you want more?" But trust me...your birth control methods are seriously the last thing on their minds....they will forget about it and never bring it up again.

Hi M.,

I had mine tied 15 years ago and never had any problem, life is good without side effects of pills, so if you are sure no more babies, go for it.

Blessings,

A.

I can not possibly tell you what to do in this situation, but I can say I regret having my tubes tied after my third only because I wished that I would have had one more child...I have 3 great daughters, now 22,21 & 16 yrs old, I wished that I would have had another one close to my now 16 yr old. My oldest two are close & my youngest one feels left out of my oldest two's lives. They can all be close at times, but for the most part, they aren't. If I had to do it all over again I would have had a fourth.

As far as side effects...I had vaginal births w/my 1st two, & my third was by "C" section due to complications (the ambilical cord got wrapped around her neck & kept losing her heartbeat) once delivered they tied my tubes. So I was in almost unbearable pain for two weeks & then slowly the pain subsided, but up to two years I still felt discomfort...not sure if the "C" section was the main problem or combined w/tubes tied. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I had it done immediately after giving birth to my second child (c-section). I have gone through period where I really wish I had another baby, but it really isn't economically feasible for me. I'm glad I couldn't change my mind and have another because of that. But it doesn't stop the baby fever! I don't regret doing it at all and definitely don't miss taking the pill!

i have 3 girls and we think we are done but like you, tube tying seems so final. i opted for an iud. the 10 year one. i have had no problems with it. i have a 5 year one after my second child and also had no problems. i some people really hate the iud and some really do have trouble. again, i have had no problems at all. i thionk it is something everyone should consider. you jsut never know what your future hold or what your heart will want later in life. to me there is no need for surgery if this product works. good luck!

I had a tubal 27 years ago after four children. Never had any side effects, pills to take, have never had to take hormones and no worry of a fifth pregnacy. Also, never lowered sex drive. Good luck in making the right decision for you!

I had my tubes tied after my 2nd child because my husband and I didn't want more...then we got divorced and my 2nd husband did not have any children so I had my tubes "untied" and I had my son! I had them tied after he was born.

I had a tubal ligation which is when they go through your belly button and it is an out-patient procedure and virtually no down time. The day of the surgery I slept most of the day from the anesthesia, but that was it.

The microtuboplasty to reverse it was a bit more involved. A couple of days in the hospital and cut across about the bikini line. A few more days at home relaxing and some retricitions for awhile..lifting, etc.

I only had 1 more child because we thought 3 children made a perfect size family!

Good luck!
K.

My husband's a doctor and will be getting a vasectomy once we are "for sure" which after this one, we are, but will still wait maybe up to a year just to be certain. It's MUCH MUCH MUCH less invasive, costly and the recovery time is way easier for them - even he agrees on all that and thinks it's ridiculous for the woman to do it unless they are already having a c-section planned. If that's the case, and you're certain, then go for it. Good luck, it's such a hard decision to make. Oh, I read about that Essure procedure too, but the idea of having something foreign in me for the rest of my life personally freaks me out - but I've read good things about it and it's another option.

M.,

I had my tubes tied. I have not experienced any adverse effects. It was a relief for me. I had the procedure done around 15 years ago. I think it may be a bit easier on the man if he gets his end fixed but I know sometimes that isn't an option to the man. Anyway, good luck on the decision. I know what you mean about it feeling final. Perhaps you might want to wait for a few months or a year after the baby comes to make sure that is what you really want. Good luck!
C.

M.,
I am 28 and I had my tubes tide last year after my second child. If you are not sure if you want more kids or not, then i would say NO...do not do it. BUT you need to realise that there is still a 1% chance that you can still get pregnant if you get your tubes tide. You also can have invetro, if you change your mind later.
I had a hard time getting mine done as well, but it was the best thing for our family, considering that Daddy and I do good to make it by each week, but that is not to say that we wont be more financially secure in the future and that we wont want more then, but again, this was a decision that we made together and i am happy with.
Also, FYI, when i had it done, they blew my stomach up with some gas and it caused more discomfort and pain for a week, then having my babies did, so be prepared for some serious discomfort.
Good luck.

M. C.

I had my tubes tied the next day after our third child was born and never had a problem. That was 39 years ago and we had made that decision before he was delivered and never regreated it. We now have 13 grandchildren that are wonderful and we enjoy them very much. I believe it is a decesion you have to make together.

Talk to your OB/GYN about an IUD. I cannont take any form of hormonal birth control, it gives me dangerously high blood pressure. My husband did not want a vasectamy, and the IUD has been a great answer.
Jen D.-Frisco

get husband to get "fixed" much easier on the male than on the female. he can have sex within a few days... and do not worry about him being less manly.

I would recommend it. It was the best thing I did after having my son. I never have to worry about taking birth control pills or getting pregnet. It was easy day surgary.I was not in much pain afterwards. It felt like like cramps for about 2 days. And I did not gain weight or anything like that.

It's really a decision only you and your husband can make...but I know with me presonally I had mine tied 6 months after my 3rd child and after he was about a year old I really regreted doing it. If your not "really" sure it's what you want, you might want to take a little time and ponder it before you actually make that decision. It can be reversed, but it is alot of money to do it.
Good luck!

If he is done then he should get a vasectomy. It's not that bad.
My girlfriend has a 2 and 5 yr old. She had her tubes tied and it is going to be over $10K to get it reversed because she is having the itch again.
My ex had it done while I was pregant with the third.

I don't know if you have bad menstrual cramps or not, but I did find that I had horrible cramps after my tubal at age 22. I just had a tubal reversal in March, because I changed my mind once I remarried and my new husband didn't have any children. (We are happily expecting a girl on Feb 6th!!) While researching the tubal reversal I was surprised to find that there are some side effects to having a tubal. I later wished that I had just gone with an IUD. So, you might want to do a google search so that you can have all the details.

Good Luck!
T.
Mom to 2 with another on the way!
www.TFJPhotography.com/blog

I had my tubes tied when I was 23 - had a girl & boy and was positive that I didn't want any more kids. (I was a single mom) I married my first love a couple of years ago and wished that I hadn't had my tubes tied - we would make beautiful babies. I'm older than you are and I went 20 years positive that I didn't want any only to wish now that I hadn't done it...my point is - if you're NOT sure, then DON'T do it. As far as the side effects, I don't remember any - except that I did get pregnant after the tubes were tied (not common) and the miscarriage was painful.

Hi M.,
If you're through with children, go ahead and have your tubes tied. I did, and it was a great experience. It truly was. I had no trouble with the general anesthetic, there were only three tiny cuts, and I only took painkillers for 24 hours after surgery. I took it easy the first two days and wore loose, old sweatpants so as not to irritate the stitches. The only thing that bothered me was when it got close to time to have the stitches removed. The sites got very itchy. It has been over five months and I can't tell I had anything done. No pain when I jog or exercise. I highly recommend it. (My tubes were cauterized, not clamped.)
L.

If you expressed doubt of wanting to do it, even a good DR would tell you DON’T!!! This is a permanent decision. Lots of people have it done, it is an easy procedure, and it works. So the procedure is not in question, it is your desire.

I see no logic in a woman permanently stopping her body from ever producing children because her husband is sure HE is Ok with it. The person wanting to absolutely ensure
“no more kids” should be the person having the surgery. Your husband should be having a vasectomy if he wants no more kids not pressuring you to want no move kids.

When deciding if you should have surgery to prevent any future children I think you need to ask yourself, “Are you sure you don’t ever want any other children?” If you can’t absolutely answer. “I AM SURE”; Then you shouldn’t do it.

There are TONS of long term birth control options out there. You can always opt for surgery at a later date when and if you ARE sure.

I have one friend who just had a baby a month ago and was in your shoes. She opted for Mirena, the new IUD. It’s good for several years.

There is also Implanon – the matchstick type arm implants that are good for years.

If your husband is the one who is truly "done" with having any more children then he should be the one to get his tubes tied (vasectomy). It is easier, cheaper, etc. for the man. If he is really serious then he shouldn't mind at all. That said I have had my tubes tied for years as have most of my friends and none of us ever experienced any problems with the exception of one. Her's was not a physical problem but rather a situation where she lost her husband. She later remarried to a man who did not have any children of his own. That was a number of years ago and she deeply regretted that she was not able to have a child with her new husband. She still does to this day. Not that anything like that would ever happen to you but we never know what the future holds for us in this life. If and only when YOU decide YOU absolutely positively don't want any more kids then go for it.

I had my first child at 19 and he was born with special needs, then 14mths later had my daughter, and 14mths later had my second son, so quite a rollar coater ride for a few years. I was 22 when i had my third and had my tubes tied immediately after he was born. I was young but had 1 special needs baby and 2 more while on bc pills. So i felt it was a good option for me. I did have some irregular periods for a while and few more cramps, but it went a way after a few months. IF your husband is not willing then I do say go for it.

GM

I had my tubes tied - it is final. I haven't noticed any more weight gain or hormonal issues or anything.

S.

I had my tubes tied during my c-section with my second child. It was no difference than my first c-section. No extra pain, no extra mess nothing. I have not gained extra weight or anything. Now my mom had a complete hysterectomy and gained lots of weight with it. But as far as having your tubes tied i say go for it. It is the best thing I have done, no worring about taking a pill every day or getting a shot. Now I have heard about the 5 year iud that they can put in you might check that out if you are still so unsure. I wish you the best of luck

I know exactly how you feel and have said the exact same words "it makes me sad to know that it is so final" and "I'm sad that this phase of our life is over" to my husband when we were having the discussion last year after our 4th was born. My hubby had the V in October and I cried that morning taking him to the doctor (my head knew we were done but my heart was still sad). While sometimes Im still sad I know we made the right and responsible decision for our family. My advice to you would be this:

1) Dont worry about this stuff now, it's taking energy away from what should otherwise be a great time in your life. Enjoy every minute of your pregnancy (even the not so great things) knowing that it could be your last. Get back on the pill after the baby comes and give yourself 6 months to a year for your hormones to get back in check and then talk about it again with your hubby. If you decide to have them tied later you will have the recovery time to deal with but maybe it will give you a reason to rest and after a year with 3 kiddos it will be much wanted and deserved.

2) If you and your hubby decide to have something done let him do it. When I asked my OB she said it was better for the women's heatlh in the long run (menopause, cancers, etc) to let their hubbies take care of it. Plus it's cheaper and a far easier recovery for them. My hubby rested for 3 days and was a little sore but was back to work on the 4th day.

Good luck whatever your decision and to be honest with you I'm not sure that the desire to bring a life into the world will ever go away entirely for some us, that's just how we are wired. But we have to remember too that we are not all meant to be like the Duggars (18 kids).

Tie your tubes. It made my life so much easier. And, if you have a c-section, the doctor can do it after delivery.

It is out patient surgery for your husband to get "fixed" but major surgery for you to get your tubes tied. Your husband should look into that.

Hi M.,

I have three small children and begged my OB to tie my tubes. She said she didn't want to do that because they are starting to see problems later in life from doing that procedure and that my husband's recovery is much easier and less invasive. I guess there are women who are having painful heavy periods after that procedure. I don't know, but that's the info I was given!

Congrats on #3!

A great alternative is an IUD! There are 2 different ones: there is Paraguard that is copper and non-hormonal and can stay in 10years. It can be removed sooner if you guys decide to. There is another one called Mirena that does have hormones (but side effects are minimal) and can stay in for up to 5 years.

It's a great alternative to something more permanent and it's non-surgical. They can usually insert it when you go in for your post-partum visit.

I have had 3 c-sections and when I was pregnant for the 3rd they asked if I wanted to tie my tubes since they'd already be in there...my answer was no. I'm with you, I don't think I want any more kids, but I also didn't feel like I could make that decision while I was delivering a baby! So, I didn't have it done. Now I'm trying to get my husband to go have a vasectamy (sp?). Good luck with your decision!

Congratulations on your upcoming arrival! I have had no regrets with my decision to have my tubes tied. I had a scheduled c-section, so this seemed to make sense. My husband offered to have the surgery since we knew we were done. It does make it seem final, but I knew we were done, so this has made it so easy to never worry about bc. I haven't had any side effects either. My obgyn explained that having your tubes tied doesn't cause periods to be any heavier, that typically they will go back to the way they were before using the pill. (since the pill seems to lighten periods.) Just something to consider, but mine haven't been too bad.

I had my third child at 37 and even though I knew she was the last one, I just couldn't get my mind around getting my tubes tied. I know it was purely a mental thing, but the ability to reproduce plays a strong part in my image of myself as a sexual being . . . I would have felt "incomplete" if I'd done it. So instead my hubby got "fixed" because he didn't have that same issue. This way, no pill, hormones, etc. for me, but no more children, either!

if you know you are done having any more kids why not have your husband get a vasectomy. It's a much easier procedure for him than for you (unless you get one in the hospital after childbirth). Either way, you can enjoy intimacy without having to worry about getting pregnant again!

I would say go for it! I had mine tied the day after I had my second little girl. The only negatives I had, (and since have had endometrial ablation done)was very heavy periods. I have talked to many of my friends that also have had their tubes tied and this was a common thing. I did not gain any weight, and the recovery was very easy. And as far as it being "permanent" ~ the only thing permanent is getting an ablation or hysterectomy. A tubal can be reversed (not always simple, but can be done). So unless you want to take BC until menapause or your husband wants to get fixed, then getting you tubes tied is the way to go! Becuase my guess is obstinence is NOT AN OPTION!!~followed by a big smile :>)

By no means is this any sort of advice, but I just delivered by c-section my 2nd, I will be 38 in Feb. I had them tie my tubes when they took the baby. If you do want to do that, be prepared to be asked a LOT "are you sure"??
It almost made us 2nd guess ourselves because we really weren't terribly convicted one way or the other. HOWEVER...we do both agree that if we want more kids there are plenty of kids that need to be adopted that would be our option...so...maybe that is a discussion you guys may want to have. I would probably NOT have done it if my hubby and I were not on the same page on that front.
Surgery went fine and I really have no more pain than i remember with the first one.

I was exactly in the same boat as you. I decided to go with Paragaard IUD. It is non-hormonal and it lasts for 10 years. It has only been a couple of months since I have had it put in.

I know that you've read a lot of responses already...I had this done after #3 last Feb. Your kids are about the same age as mine were when my son was born last year! I "knew" that we were "done", but I still right after I had it done was still sad and somewhat regretted doing it. But, I may have felt the same way if my husband took care of this also. It was for me the finality that the part of my life of having babies is done. Am I sad when I don't have to worry about getting pg? No way! That is so nice to not worry about. But, I think it was more the sadness over this phase of my life being finished. I would definitely think about it in the next 5 mo b/f your little one arrives, discuss it with your dh and decide as you get closer. It really is nice to get it done when you're there.

Best of luck!

My husband and I are expecting our second child together (his fourth) in February. He is also done having children. I would love to have more but understand the economic reality of the situation - which is we simply cannot afford more children. Since my husband is the one who's expressed the most desire to be done, he's offered to have the "snip" three months after our child is born. I know most men shudder at the thought, but it is a very simple procedure with very little pain and no side effects or consequences. My sister's husband, my friends' husbands - they're all having it done. You've had to bear three of his children. Should he have to make a little bit of sacrifice? Seems only fair...

I am only 24 so I can't help you with the age issue but I can relate to being done and not wanting to get your tubes tied. My husband and I have 3 children (plus one in heaven) and we know for sure we are DONE but I just didn't want to get my tubes tied, so he had a vasectomy. It was not nearly as bad as he thought it was going to be. He had it done in the dr office on a friday, went home and rested over the weekend and was right back at work monday morning. Plus, for men, it is so easily reversed with higher success rate than a tubal reversal "just in case" you decide you want more later. Did I mention that it's cheaper too? It couldn't hurt to talk to your hubby about it anyways. Whatever you decide, follow your instincts and good luck! Congrats on baby # 3!

You have to know yourself - I had mine tied when I ended up having a c/s with number 3 - my husband was already scheduled for a vasectomy - so we really knew we were done. Of course there are times I feel I want another baby, but I also know my family is complete.

At 39 with soon to be 4 beautiful kids, I would consider having it done.

I totally understand you...I was there 1 1/2 yrs ago when we had our fourth child. I love having our babies and I still can't come to terms of tying tubes although we don't plan on having anymore. Like you said...it just sounds so final. When I was pregnant with #4 my mother-in-law told me if there was any doubt in my mind then I should not get them tied. She did it with child #3 and regretted it. So I took her advice...I didn't think I could handle just giving birth and also knowing in the back of my mind that this was the last baby...eventhough he probably will be. I also don't want to take the pill and all those hormones....so what a delima. We have just been counting days of my cycle and crossing fingers but it's time for me to start taking something. Good Luck with your birth!

it took me a few weeks to feel completely normal post surgery, but yes i love never having to worry about BC. i would say do it. you will have 3 kids and be at a great age to enjoy them all.

I totally understand your feeling of "final". I had my 4th baby (a wonderful surprise) about 7 months ago. I had my tubes tied when he was born. I spent a lot of time thinking and crying about it. I knew in my head that my husband and I didn't want more children but in my heart I wanted more. I finally decided to go through with it because I knew that I was blessed with 4 beautiful children. Some days when all the kids are behaving I wonder if I made the right decision but on days when my I am tested to the limits I know I made the right decision. Whatever you decide make sure you and your husband are in agreement and that you know no matter what happens you made the right decision.
Other than the pain afterwards, I have had no side affects.

I had my tubes tied after my twins (I have three children total) and havent noticed anything different. No weight gain or anything like that. My period was a little off for a couple of months, but Im not sure if that was just me getting older, having twins or what but after that it was back to normal. I also had mine with a c-section. We knew we were done and havent regretted it, but if you arent sure I wouldnt do it.
Good luck with whatever you decide..

I also hd my tubes tied after my second bcause I was for sure tht I did not want anymore. Have you mentioned to your husband that he gets the big V? This way you still don't have to take the pill and worry about making the decision yourself. Good luck it is a big decision to make.

I know how you feel. I just turned 38 and have two wonderful boys, but I'm not sure if I want one more and then have my tubes tied or just have it done by 40. It does seem so final. It seems just like yesterday my husband and I were trying to get pregnant with baby number 1 and now we may be done. It is sad in a way even though I'm thankful for the healthy children I have. I guess I don't have an answer, just an "I know how you feel." Good luck with your decision!!!

I think it's hard to come to the realization that you're not going to have anymore children. It's in our DNA, but if you and your husband do know that your family is complete, I'd advise to have it done. I had my second and last child at 41 and had my tubes tied at delivery. It was such a relief not to have to worry about birth control any longer. And yes I did have the occassional pang for a few years (my youngest is now 6) when I saw a pregnant woman. But I would have had that whatever birth control or sterilization method we chose.

Congratulations on your newest addition and good luck!

Hi M.,
First off, congratulations on your soon to be bundle of joy! I too have three children and delivered my third when I was 33. After my last child we got an IUD (the one with out hormones) and it has worked great. We were thinking about having another one but never did. Now that we have ruled out having a 4th, I am now 37 and my husband is almost 43, my husband is going to get snipped. It is such an easy process for them to go through. Walk in...15 minutes later....walk out...yes, walk out! It is SURGERY for a women to undergo and frankly...haven't we been through enough? Don't get me wrong, I had easy pregnancies and loved being pregnant but my last one was an emergency c-section and since then had an emergency appendectomy (I only do things if it's an emergency :-) Back to my point, it is much easier and safer for him to get a vasectomy.
Good luck with your decision and may God bless your new bundle of joy.

K.
Working from home and loving it!