Trying to Sleep Train a 1 Year Old

Co-sleep.

Our story is this: my son had a bed in our room until he was 9 months old, at which time we moved to a 2 bedroom apartment and I thought since he has his own room he might want to sleep there, but I was wrong. After 2 months of hell trying to get him to sleep in his own room, he started sleeping with us in our bed. He is now 27 months old and he, my husband and I are huge fans of co-sleeping. My son feels emotionally fulfilled by the co-sleeping relationship and we all get a great nights sleep.

I have always found the idea of "sleep training" to be quite disrespectful to the child, because it largely discounts their needs in favor of the parents' need to sleep. Don't even get me started on the negative neurological and psychological effects of "Cry It Out". So, the real question you need to ask yourself is whether it is more important that everyone gets a good nights sleep and feels emotionally whole, or that your child learns to sleep on their own, possibly before she is ready.

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sigh, sorry mamma, no sleep for you! I nursed all my kids on demand, no schedule or formula, nursed them to sleep, crept ever so carefully up the stairs and PRAYED TO GOD they wouldn't wake up in the next 5 minutes, could never let a baby cry..........Hope her father is willing to take a shift every other night or so......also can you nap when she does? In the long run, it is a very SHORT period of time, eventually they will sleep through the night, but I do remember being exhausted to the point of dropping dead for, well, years, since I had three.....now they are teenagers and I'd trade driving lessons and negoiating with admissions counselors for just one night of exhaustion holding a beautiful new baby in my arms......

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She sounds like my daughter. She was a VERY high needs baby and didn't sleep through the night until she was 3 yrs old. She was found to be ADHD last year and is gifted. She was super duper active from birth. Letting her cry wasn't an option , I don't like it and I knew it wouldn't work with her. I mean you know your child. My son slept through the night at a year and I didn't change anything between the two of them.
Have you tried co-sleeping? I know it sounds like a bad idea and a start of a bad habit but when you are THAT sleep deprived you do what you can to get it. Or have you tried giving her benydryl? I tried it with B , it didn't work but it was one thing my ped suggested. It might work with yours. I even tried a lavender plug in to see if that would help. Soft music, night light, suffties, blankets, rubbing her back. My daughter also had Night Terriors as a baby, she'd wake up screaming like someone was killing her and be inconsolable , fight me , had no idea who I was for at least 5-10 minutes. All I could do was hold her tight so she wouldn't hurt her self and after a little while she'd calm down and go back to sleep.

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Hi L.. Sounds like you've got a great a routine, but you lo needs to learn how to fall back asleep by herself. You've (sweetly) come to her rescue every time she wakes up, can't fall back asleep and cries. She's gotten way too used to you helping her fall back. If there isn't a medical problem (or teeth, I know how that is, trust me - my lo is NOT an easy teether) involved here, like a virus, an ear infection, GERD or sleep apnea (breathing problem) etc. - then it's just that you are her sleep aid.

You have to let her figure it out (she's old enough, it's okay) because otherwise you have a very long road ahead of you - and she needs her sleep so badly. Let her cry. I know (trust me, I know) it's hard to let them cry, esp because they can make themselves sick over it - but you have to maintain by remembering that this is going to help her and everyone else in the long run. Make sure she has a comfort item (bunny? blanket? pacifier?) and that she's comfortable (room temp, pj's not itchy, etc.) and then let her do what she needs to. She has got to learn how to fall back asleep on her own.

Put a chair outside her door and just sit there or pace the rooms away from her bedroom - whatever you need to do. If you hear her vomit, make your husband go in and soothe her, change her quickly and quietly and put her back down and leave again (if you do it, she'll want your breast). She will have to self-soothe...and eventually (it shouldn't take more than a week) she'll get it. She WILL get it. And you will all sleep thru the night and it will feel like heaven.
The other thing to keep in mind is - you're not getting any sleep right now - so the next 5-7 days of crying (i doubt it will be that long) isn't worse than anything you're going thru now...and the benefits (a full night of sleep - remember that?) are SO WORTH IT.
Just be consistant in how you respond to her - by not responding.
My son's longest cry session was 45 mins and it ripped my heart out and I almost went in numerous times, but my husband reminded me of what we were doing and how it was better for everyone, including my son, in the end...and he was right. He slept for a great few hours and woke up in the middle of the night and cried for a few mins and went right back until the morning. The next night it started with the first wake-up of a 25 mins cry/screamfest - and then slept throught the night, the next night - none. 7pm to 6am.
They have hiccups along the way (teething, illness - which you deal with and help them through) but once they're well again, it's right back to self-soothing.
Good luck - i know how it is to not sleep.
Be strong - it really is the best thing for you.
All the best.

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Have you truly tried crying it out? It sounds like she just can't soother herself back to sleep. Young kids naturally wake frequently through the night, but learn to fall right back to sleep. It sounds like maybe she hasn't learned to do this. CIO may seem awful, but you are really just teaching them an important life skill. She won't remember it in the long run. The other thing that might help her sleep for longer stretches at night is to wean her to 1 nap. My kids both went to 1 nap at a year old... and most kids I know. If she used to sleep through the night and that has changed, I would say maybe it is an ear infection, but since she never has, it seems that she is just used to having someone soothe her to sleep and can't break the cycle. Try letting her cry for 5 min.... then go in and rub her back. Don't say a word, and keep the lights off, just let her know you are there. Then wait 10 min.... go rub her back (briefly), then go in at 15 min. etc. It will be a rough couple of nights, but it will work if you are consistant and don't give in. You will all be better off in the long run.

Good Luck

I agree about reading Dr. Weissbluth's book. Much more helpful than the No-Cry Sleep Solution and the Ferber book. Weissbluth explains the biology of sleep, sleep cycles and how important it is to get enough sleep, both for the adults and the baby. You must be very consistent either about co-sleeping or about letting her sleep alone. Don't give in to your fear of her crying. Your daughter is crying so hysterically because she is not sure what the expectation is and what your reaction will be, sometimes you go to her, sometimes you don't, sometimes you rub her back, sometimes you feed her. This is MUCH more psychologically damaging than crying. You can write out a schedule of how many minutes you will let her wait the first night, even if it's 2 minutes, and then how many minutes you will wait each successive night, so you are consistent. Each time she wakes up at night, keep the lights off, and start over. Do the same thing at nap time. Don't give in and let her sleep on the couch with you if you want her to sleep in the crib. It may take a while, because you are trying to change a habit she's had for 1 year. How many habits have you changed in yourself overnight? If you truly want to teach her to sleep alone, you can and you will all be happier for it. I wish you well!

My son was never a good sleeper, either and he was also high-needs. I would suggest maybe doing some reading on the Dr. Sears website and also some of their books. They make you realize that some kids are just needier than others. It sounds like crying it out is only going to make your situation worse because she is losing her sense of security. With my son I just accepted the fact that he was a high needs baby and co-sleeping was the only way either of us was going to get any sleep. Most nights I would just go to bed with him so that I felt like I got enough sleep. Once he turned 3, he started to become so independent and I think it's because I made sure he felt secure those first 3 years. After he turned 3, I was able to wean him and get him to go to sleep on his own. It doesn't last forever - I promise! I wish you luck - I know how it feels when it seems like you're never going to sleep again :)

Here's a link which might help. Noted sleep expert Dr. Weissbluth has some suggestions. http://billiediscoverytoys.blogspot.com/2009/07/healthy-h...

I had a helpful book. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr Weissbluth. I found it useful. Good luck.

I nursed (or rocked) my son to sleep up until he was 9 months old. He was never a good sleeper and did not take a pacifier. Every now and then he would throw us a bone and sleep 5 or 6 hours, but usually we were lucky to get a 3 or 4 hour stretch. Friends and family had suggested CIO, but I didn’t think it would work (I was convinced that he would scream for hours and never go to sleep), and I was willing to nurse or rock him as long as it was working.

But we finally reached a point where it was no longer working. I did try various things like trying to pat his back, staying in the room with him, but not picking him up, picking him up to calm him, but putting him back down in the crib. Most of these things just seemed to make him more upset, and I would finally just give in and either nurse him or rock him.

My husband and I finally hit our breaking point when he started waking every 1-2 hours needing to be put back to sleep. It wasn’t hunger… he would sit up in the crib and cry until one of us would pick him up. Then he would immediately put his head down in our arms in the “sleep position” that we always used to rock him to sleep, and close his eyes. We would have to bounce him in our arms until he was completely asleep. Otherwise when we put him in the crib he would sit right back up and cry and we’d have to start over. Then an hour or two later we’d have to do it all again. Then at some point during the night I would nurse him again, hoping for a longer sleep block, only to have him up again within an hour. It was soooo frustrating.

After one particularly bad night of this, at 5:45 am, having been up every hour or two all night long, we were completely exhausted, crying, frustrated, and neither of us could stand to rock him for one more minute, so we just put him in his crib and let him cry (he had just nursed and been changed, etc.). He cried for 15 minutes, then jumped in the crib for awhile, but within 30-40 minutes he was asleep and slept for 3 hours!

So we made the decision to try CIO that night at bedtime. Within 35 minutes he was asleep and he slept 7 hours! Then I nursed him, and he went back to sleep. After that first night, there were some nights where there was a bit of crying, and some nights with none at all, but every night included at least a 6-7 hour block of sleep followed by back to sleep after nursing, and many of the nights he slept all the way through – 10 hours! I had not had a full night of sleep in 9 months. As I’m sure you know, that really takes a toll on you and affects everything in your life. It was hard to believe the change after we did this… it was like we flipped a switch and he started sleeping.

My son is now over 2 years old. I think it was probably right around a year old that he started sleeping all the way through consistently, but even when he was still waking at least it was after much longer stretches of sleep and it was much easier to get him back to sleep.

For all those months before we did CIO, when I would go to bed at night, I’d be thinking about when I’d have to get up again, hoping for 3-4 hours, knowing it was more likely less. Now I go to bed knowing I likely won’t be getting up until morning. It’s a wonderful feeling. On the rare occasions that my son does wake up during the night and call for us, I can go in and cuddle with him and know that then I can put him back in bed and he’ll go back to sleep.

Looking back, I think doing CIO was the hardest thing we have had to do, but it was also the best parenting decision we have made to date. Best of Luck to you – I hope you find a solution that works for you soon!

my little guy was a very bad sleeper. and the night I started the food combining way of feeding him...he slept so much better. It could be possible that she has acid reflux or some other kind of digestive issue.

here is a copy of the great taste no pain food guide:
http://daytimesunshine.blogspot.com/2010/05/great-taste-n...

Here's a page to read for more information to read...but you don't have to buy the book. I haven't. http://www.greattastenopain.net/great.asp

My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was almost 2 1/2-years old. I can relate. We even paid a fortune and hired a sleep consultant when she was 10-months old, but that only got her out of our bed and decreased the wakings from 5-7 times to 2-3 times per night. My husband and I were still zombies during the day. It got much better once she was put on medication for reflux when she was 18-months old. Then the wakings went to 1-2 times/night, and she would fall back asleep each time much more easily. Then, we stuck to a VERY CONSISTENT routine, making ever so slight modifications once every few weeks to get her to the point that we only have to sit in her room near the door until she falls asleep at night, and then she sleeps through until the morning. It's a lot better than where we started. Good luck. I can relate to how exhausted you feel. Everything in your life revolves around how tired you are, and there doesn't seem to be any hope in sight. I know. But, it can get better. Just keep making sure there is no medical reason why she can't sleep well, and then stick to a very consistent routine. No dabbling with different methods. Good luck.

Your daughter sounds similar to my son. He would wake up every hour or so, and he demanded that we hold him in a certain way while walking or standing... no sitting allowed, and definitely no lying down! The book that saved our sanity was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It is the only CIO method book that says to do the bedtime routine, kiss them, and leave and don't go back in. If they think you are going to come back in, they will only wait for that to happen and they won't actually go to sleep!

It also made a great point which was this: We teach our kids a lot of things. We give them tummy time so they can crawl. We teach them how to use forks and spoons, how to hold the bottle, etc. We generally do not teach our kids how to self-soothe. By giving them this valuable tool early in life, they will have better coping skills throughout their lives.

Good luck!

I don't have time to read all of the other responses but have you considered taking her to a sleep clinic? My bestfriend's daughter fits this sleeping profile to a "t" and was just diagnosed with sleep apnea. Sorry as I remember all to well the every hour waking for months with my first. Luckily (and sadly) CIO worked in his case.