19 answers

Trying to Get Pregnant After a Miscarriage

So I never write on these things but I am starting to feel a little desperate and down about my situation so I thought I'd throw it out there and see what people have to say. I had a miscarriage a few months back. Since that time I have been trying very hard to get pregnant. Everyone I talked to who had had miscarriages said they got pregnant right away afterwards. My doctor told me I would have no trouble afterwards, that I'd be super fertile. Well, I am now, today starting my 4th period since the miscarriage and I know I have been "trying" at the right times. But my cycles seem to be all off. I'll have one cycle where I only go 20 days between periods, then the very next I go 33 days. I have been charting my BBT and cervical fluid, so I seem to be ovulating and seem to be timing sex correctly. Any advice would be helpful. Is this just how it goes when you have a miscarriage? Could I have a problem?

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I had miscarriage in Sept. 2005. We started trying right away and like you my cycles were not regular. I was really stressing which probably didn't help. I had friends who got pregnant literally the first cycle after a miscarriage so I swore something was wrong. I decided I'd wait 1 year then seek help. I didn't need to. In July 2006 I found out I was pregnant with my son who was born March 07. It took me 10 stressful months but it happened, irregular cycles and all. It'll happen.

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Hi J.,

I'm going thru the same thing right now myself. I'm 46 and we tried for almost a year with no luck so I went to see a specialist. They did blood work and told me I was actually getting ready to ovulate within the next 4 days. Well, I did get pregnant, but at 5 weeks, we were not progressing as we should and I ended up having a miscarriage. On May 22, I had a D&C. I'm still having blood work, but no luck yet. It's very hard because I feel my "time is up". You may try a specialist who can do simple blood test to determine where you are in your cycle. Please keep me informed of your progress. I also have a 3yo and would love a second one :)

J.,

My 1st pregnancy ended in miscarriage & my doctor told me to wait AT LEAST 3 months before trying to allow my body time to recover. I agree with the other posters, give yourself & your body time to recover. A miscariage is very stressful and you need to take the time to grieve and recover. If you are still not pregnant by your yearly check-up, then talk to your doctor about it, and see what they suggest, but give yourself that year. Although I have heard of people getting pregnant right after a miscarriage, I have also heard of it taking a year or more. Try not to stress (I know that is easier said than done) and relax.

Good Luck and enjoy your one-on-one time with your 1st child! ~ B.

J.:

I am sorry for your loss. I can tell you from my own personal experience, it's not easy and very hard to get over. I've had 3 miscarriages - two in one year - one at 20 weeks and the other two at 12 and 16 weeks.

We TRIED EVERYTHING to get pregnant the first time - 4 years of TRYING. No kidding, tests, needles, etc. Literally two months after we just "GAVE UP", we got pregnant. I wasn't EVEN THINKING about it - the stress that TRYING to get pregnant created in my life, on my body and in our marriage was HUGE. Giving up was a HUGE RELIEF and the fun came back! KABOOM! Preggers!

I can tell you that after my first miscarriage, I was pregnant the next month. I was NOT even thinking about getting pregnant again. After the second miscarriage, I got pregnant again 3 months later.

The problem you are having is called STRESS. Stress has EVERYTHING to do you with you being able to conceive (and produce milk) - your body feels the stress you are under and will not allow you to conceive. It's like the "flight or fight mode" your body is fighting you right now.

Take a deep breath - grieve for your loss and don't think about getting pregnant again - once you take that stress off you, you will be amazed at how your body will react! Stop charting and all that other stuff - you are creating excess stress on your body. Relax, have FUN sex, not the planned timing sex - it really takes the fun out of creating a new life.

I hope this information helps you. I would beg you to stop charting and stressing over this. You cannot replace the loss of one child with another. Grieve over your loss - it's a healing process and your body will acknowledge that.

God Bless.

C.

J.,
Don't try so hard. Do you beieve in God? The reason I ask that is because I always thought I couldn't get pregnant after I had my miscarriage but when I did get pregnant I felt that that god felt the timing was right. It will happen when you least expect it. If your period is messed up then your ovulation may be off. I understand you want a nother child. You still have time. Focus on your one child and just let everything else happen. God will give this baby to you when the time is right. I am not a holy roller but I do believe that. Good Luck and God Bless

I had miscarriage in Sept. 2005. We started trying right away and like you my cycles were not regular. I was really stressing which probably didn't help. I had friends who got pregnant literally the first cycle after a miscarriage so I swore something was wrong. I decided I'd wait 1 year then seek help. I didn't need to. In July 2006 I found out I was pregnant with my son who was born March 07. It took me 10 stressful months but it happened, irregular cycles and all. It'll happen.

I had a miscarriage between my 2 kids and it was a fairly long process for my body to recover, my cycles to become regular and me to get pregnant. I gave my body about 3 months to recover before consciously trying and it took another 4 months after that before I got the positive test. It can be very frustrating but becoming too stressed about it won't help. I had a plan to speak to my doctor about it by my next yearly if I wasn't pregnant, it made me feel like I had something to fall back on if trying on my own wasn't working and it took some of the stress off. I got pregnant during a month when I had least expected it and had not been even thinking about it. Give your body and you some time to heal, I hope you get your positive soon.

Jen

When they say right away they normally mean with in 6mo. or so. When i had my daughter nearly 7 yrs ago i thought i would get pregnant right way so i avoided like the plague. After 2yrs of not trying we decided we wanted another. So we started trying. Well after trying for 5yrs i finally got pregnant but miscarried after about 2mo. or so. My husband thought i was crazy and thought i should let my body recover but I told him I wanted to try again right away. I miscarried in early July about the 4th of July. Well it took about 5 or 6mo to get pregnant again. I WAS THRILLED. Most people don't get pregnant right away with 1yr is normal. Quick is anything faster than that. It seems funny to say but things have to line up... don't get frustrated yet. ALSO if your periods are messed up maybe you already are pregnant and you don't know it. Have you tested yourself, you many have to wait a week and test again. Good luck

J.,
First, I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. I know how heartbreaking they are -- I had 3 myself.

It took about 6 weeks for my period to return after my miscarriage and then my cycles went right back to the way they were after my miscarriages, but they did not after my daughter was born and I'm now dealing with the same thing you are -- erratic cycles and this cycle is the first one where we are trying for another child. Very frustrating.

However, at the time of my miscarriages my doctor said to wait two cycles before trying again.

If you don't feel like you are getting satisfying answers from your OB-GYN, then I would suggest consulting a reproductive endocrynologist at a fertility center. They can do some quick, easy tests to see if there is an answer to fixing your cycles and they can also help you determine when you are ovulating. At your age, normally docs say try for 6 months before you consult a specialist so you may want to try a few more cycles and see what happens.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you have a second child soon!

Hi,
I miscarried at my fourth month with our first child. It was almost 8 months later when I finally became pregnant again. I had become so desperate that I enrolled in a fertility class!
It just happened a week after I attended the class. When your body is ready, it will happen. You have to de-stress, as that will hold things back. Ensure that you are eating a baby friendly diet, good and fresh stuff. It will happen, not when YOU are ready, but when your BODY is ready. That is the advise they gave in the class, and whamo! Best of luck, and again, just relax, it WILL happen!!!
W.

I also had a miscarriage (in early January)and my doctors recommended waiting until my hormones evened out and my periods became regular again before trying. My periods have been coming every 28-29 days for 4 months and we've been trying the last three months and we have not had luck yet. I think sometimes your body just might need some time before it is ready to support another pregnancy. My thought is that I would rather wait a little and have a successful pregnancy than have to go through another miscarriage. It is really tough though! I am glad I have one perfect kid and really hope for more but I'm trying to be patient. I understand what you're going through. Good luck!

Just wanted to echo what many responders have said. Your doctor was out of line to say that you'd be 'super fertile' after your miscarriage. If your cycles returned to normal after a mc, you'd be fertile- one ovulation, one period just as always. Many women need a few months for their body to get back to normal. Continue to chart & do your best to relax about conceiving. If your sure that you are ovulating it will happen sooner or later. If your unsure try to find a professional to take a look at your chart with you. As for the ovulation predictors consider a 'lens'. They're reusable! It's a small microscope that you put a saliva sample on daily & when there is a ferning pattern you are ovulating. Try googling "ovulation lens" and you should come up with both places that sell them & sites that describe in more detail how to use them.

It took my body almost 6 months to get back on track cycle wise, then I got pregnant that month. It takes longer for some women. I would give yourself a little longer and then maybe call your doctor. After my miscarriage I started showing symptoms of PCOS and they put me on meds to help get pregnant, within 2 months, I was pregnant again! Good Luck!!

My advice is the same that I gave someone else yesterday. Stop trying so hard and stop thinking about it. Your body needs time to heal for the miscarriage and if you are trying again already, the stress of that is not helping your body get back on schedule. When you are stressed, worried, or trying to hard your body isn't relaxed enough to get the desired result.

I had a miscarrige in Oct. 2005. My husband and I didn't talk about the miscarriage, another baby, nothing. We just grieved seperately and tried to heal. I didn't want to see a baby, talk about, anything. I wouldn't even let him near me. Around Jan. I said ok about that, he was getting upset about the situation. Then in March I realized I was late. Turns out I was pregnant again. It was the most stressful 10m of my life.

Good luck,
M.

Try the book "Taking Charge of your Fertility." It worked for me!
I wish you the best of luck! So sorry you had a miscarriage.

C.

You could try taking "vitex" tinture (chaseberry) I get it at the local health food store. It helps to regulate your hormones. The tinture works best but you can take the pill form. You take a dropperful in warm water 2 to 3 times a day. Good luck, I hope this helps
L.
www.jennifersclothdiaperboutique.com

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your miscarriage. They are so devastating to deal with. Trying to conceive is always stressful and then to add a miscarriage on top of it just compounds things.

Secondly, Your doctor should never have told you that you would be "super fertile" and "that you'd have no trouble afterwards". Chances are, he's not psychic, and he doesn't know how your body will recover. Every woman's body is different and recovers at different rates. Are there women who get pregnant right away after a m/c? Absolutely! And then there are other women for whom their bodies need time to recover and regulate itself. With your cycles so out of whack, it may be harder for you to get pregnant until your body is back to "normal" again. My suggestion to you is over the next couple of months is to continue charting and TTC, but don't focus solely on that. Really watch your cycles, get an OPK to find out if you are really ovulating and chart that too. The kits don't always work for everyone, but it can't hurt to try it for yourself to see if they'll work for you. Walmart has cheap generic brand that works perfectly, I've used them with my last 2 children. Good Luck. Feel free to email me with any questions.

Hello J.

I was in your situation last year, and now I am pregnant. My miscarriage occurred in April, and I only got pregnant at the end of December. Yes like you my periods were all over the place, so I was probably "very active in bed" in the wrong time of my cycle. My solution was the ovulation testers. A friend gave me those sticks that you pee on, they tell you when you are ovulating. You do it everyday, every morning. At first I was even thinking that I was not ovulating, cause the little strips did not show anything for so many days in a row. Then one day, oops the strip showed ovulation, it was about 10 days later than I had thought!!! And I got pregnant just then, and I am expecting in 3 months now.
I think the strips made it easier on me, it was some kind of no stress. Maybe you will not be pregnant again right away, but you would be able to understand you cycle better.

(you can buy packages of 24 or so, of a no name brand, cheaper than those regular ones).

I wish you good luck!

I.

I don't have a lot of advice, other then to tell you to relax, keep trying, remember it's supposed to be fun (not work) and hopefully it will happen - I don't know about that being more fertile stuff - I think that is just optimistic talk - after I had a miscarriage it took me over a year to conceive again - if you are really concerned - talk to your dr - for me they were able to do tests which were covered by insurance (even though they were really fertility tests) just to make sure I was fully functioning and healthy - in fact they found I had a bacteria infection I didn't even know I had - unclear if that was a reason for not being able to get pg, but it could have been - good luck - take a deep breath - and enjoy your husband and the miracle you already have :)

There are many ways to physically help you, as many of these Moms have suggested- all great advice. But you have to stop worrying about it so much during the time you are mentally mourning your loss. I had three miscarriages before I actually had a successful pregnancy. The successful one happened as such a surprise, but before that- I had gotton right in my head that if it did not happen, we would be okay, I would be okay. Don't stress youself out about this, you have a child and although you may want another one- worrying, tracking, stressing, and constant anticipation/then ultimate disapointment will only make your mind & body work against you.
BREATHE! Be happy and satified with the now and another child will happen when it's right and ready. If it doesn't, surely there is some ultimate reason life reason it doesn't - it is not the end of the world! Take that love and desire - go pick one out! Give yourself a break-life is good. And.......... BREATHE!

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