Trying to Get My Nursing 13 Month Old to Sleep Through the Night! Any Advice?!?

I hate to say it, but I think you've got to let her cry. You didn't mention it, but do you have a husband/partner that can deal with her at night?

I have a 14 month old daughter that I still breastfeed. At the beginning of December was when she first started to sleep through the night, although we have been trying to keep night-time nursing to a minimum. At their age, they can definitely sleep through the night without eating. Anyway, she had finally started sleeping through the night. She did this on her own, because I wasn't strong enough until this last month to just let her cry, although all my friends told me to.

Then she got a cold so we were letting us come to bed with us, and she also came in to bed with us when we traveled to my parents for Christmas. She was also nursing at night during this time, for about 2 weeks, after sleeping through the night for 2 weeks. When we got home from my parents her cold was better and we wanted to get her back to sleeping through the night since we knew she could. The first night she cried and we ended up letting her come to bed with us and I nursed her, just so we could get some sleep. Then next night we decided we were not going to let her come to bed with us or nurse. We could only stand the crying for about 15 minutes and then my husband went to reassure her. I think this was a mistake because it started the whole thing up again. He came back to bed and she cried for about 15 more minutes, then fell asleep. She has slept through the night since.

It is heartbreaking to hear them cry, but they are old enough to sleep through the night without nursing. It gets to be a habit to wake up and breastfeed. I had many friends who breastfed their children tell me to let her cry, and until you do it, it's hard to see that it will work, but you just have to be strong for a few nights. I think it's better to have someone else deal with them at night if it's necessary, because your daughter will associate you with breastfeeding as soon as she sees you.

Sorry this was so long, and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My doctor told me that at six months she did not need to eat in the middle of the night. She eventually stopped waking up because I wasn't feeding her. This will take a while for you since your child is 13 months old. Good luck!

I have always nursed my son to sleep for bedtime, but stopped nursing during the night unless he was teething or I thought he might be sick at about 5 weeks. Around 9m he started waking up during the night after we screwed up his schedule w/vacation... so I got in the habit of nursing him during the night, it was easier than listening to him cry. Anyway, it became a pattern quickly. They are no longer hungry at night, it's just their way of soothing themselves back to sleep, but they need to learn to do that w/o nursing. Just like adults wake up, roll over... we learn to go back to sleep, we're not waking up to eat, just to adjust covers... SO, try to not nurse or pick him up. If he cries, it will only be for the first night or 2. You can do it, it's hard, but give it a try. IF you're consistent they learn QUICKLY that they won't be nursing so they will go back to sleep. Hang in there. There are a bunch of books about this, read a couple if you want to find more info about what fits your family.

Hi S.,
I don't have advise, but I do have a wonderful on-line book that will give you the tools to change your daughters sleep habits. It really helped my family and i hope it can help yours. Shoot me an email at ____@____.com and I will send it to you (and anyone else who might need it)
Take care, and Happy new year!
M.

You only mentioned nursing so what do you feed your daughter during the day?? At this age she should be holding a sipper cup and eating babyfood and if theres a bottle being weened off it.......

Babies who are nursed past 8 months take longer to sleep through the night than babies who have been switched over to foods according to their changing needs...she's growing and breast feeding no longer handles her needs nutritionally, at this point its an emotional thing for both mom and baby ....

Try a bottle with formula and cereal as a part of her bedtime routine, see how she will sleep through the night with maybe 1 diaper change....

At 13 mos, your baby should be getting enough nutrition during the day to sleep through the night (actually, I think this is true much earlier.)

When I weaned my baby (at 7 mos) from nighttime feedings, my pediatrician recommended shortening each nighttime nursing by two minutes each night, which allows the baby to gradually decrease her food expectations. Cutting a feeding off cold-turkey isn't fair to the baby. So, if you normally nurse for 10 minutes each feeding, the first night of weaning you would nurse for 8; the second night, for 6; etc. Once you're at 2 minutes, that's non-nutritive at that point, so you can totally eliminate a feeding once you've reached dthe 2 minute mark. If she's still crying, then practice whatever method of self-soothing you believe in (ie, progressively lengthening crying periods, touching her, whatever) - but at that point, it's about her sleeping/self-soothing skills, not about hunger.

Also, the key with night weaning is to proactively wake her up to nurse her, instead of nursing her in response to her crying. So, when I did this, I set my alarm for about 45 minutes BEFORE she would normally wake crying, and would nurse her for the set number of minutes. This allows you to keep up nutrition while you're weaning her WITHOUT giving her positive reinforcement for the crying. If you're proactively nursing the baby, then you know that when she wakes up crying, it's not because she's hungry.

I strongly recommend that you read or watch the DVD for "The Sleep Easy Solution", by Sleepy Planet. We did it, and within a week our baby was transformed from a baby who woke every few hours, requiring us to calm her, to one who sleeps consistently for 12 hours, from 6:30pm to 6:30am.

I think it taks about two weeks to reset a routine. so just make sure she is not really hungry. But keep up the routine. Oh, you might want to try feeding her baby food instead of breast before sleeping. She maybe associate the breast with sleep.. Good luck

It's not going to happen. Bless you for trying. Dr. Jay suggests this: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp Good luck. My 2-year old still wakes up 3-4 times a night. She is the world's most amazing child... but not an all night sleeper... Best of luck from another tired Mama.

Hi S.,
Firstly, take a deep breath. There are things you can do. One of the crazy things about kid's sleep is that if you are wired, they are a barometer and pick up on it, but not knowing why, they wake and rouse and wriggle and want to keep you close out of shared anxiousness!

Remember you are on the same side, you are a mom / bub team, together, and can improve things together, then feel all the better for doing so.

Also, only 50% of babies are sleeping through the night at 12 months - 50%! So, rousing is totally developmentally normal. Did you know that her age is also a common one for INCREASED wakings and feedings? Very normal - their teeth are moving (painful molars!) and they are growing their brains, their bodies, and this happens at night, so they are restless. (and that 'Sleeping through the night' is classed as 5-6 hours, not 10 - 12)

You are doing your best and need some more ideas.

What if you:

- Got her totally shagged in the arvo - outside activity, LOTS of activity to wear her out! (including YOU in this exercise...)

- Eat more protein - both of you!

- those homeopathic drops are calming...

- Activities with mega eye-contact is thought to be conducive to sleep.

- Checked out Pinky McKay's teleseminar coming up at the beginning of January? Its called:
Secrets of Baby Sleep - Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby (and you!) Get More Sleep. (I LOVE Pinky McKay) http://tinyurl.com/i-love-pinky-mckay

-She may just be THIRSTY for a drink of your milk - along with being thirst quenching, breastmilk has that lovely sleep inducing hormone 'Knock out drops' they are often called! I am often thirsty at night myself - it wakes me up! Babies are little.

- DITCH the clock. DO NOT look at the time at any waking, at all. It means you turn on your higher brain more, and this is rousing, as you think "OMG, again!" I did this strategy, and I can tell you, I could not care less how often/ if? he wakes - it blurs together as I don't use that part of my brain - only use my boobs, LOL...

- cover every little LED light in the room - apparently some kids will be disturbed by these. Light hitting the retina triggers wakeful hormones...

Here's a fine tuning of the Pantley Pull Off technique. GOLD

"The Squish and Plip

When baby is flutter sucking (or fairy sucking, or butterfly sucking - whatever your word for it) and does THE PAUSE, squish your nipple flat on either side of their mouth, so the boob isn't touching their face, and plip out the nipple. Only pop it out in the pause, though.

Then breathe slowly and gently on their face - very reassuring that you are not dumping and running!"
Source: http://tinyurl.com/helpful-feeding-to-sleep-tips

You know, the phenomenon of finally asking for ideas is really great for breaking your own mental circle / barriers and whatnot, so that change can happen - perhaps your energy is now shifting and she will pick up on it!

There is no magic cure / trigger, assuming you are wanting to go the gentle parenting route of course...

What if you explore ideas, keep asking questions - you never know which of the little ideas other mums share will be the helpful little insight that gets you on the path to what you need to get through these challenging times. We all have them (people who don't are liars)

In a year or so it will seem like no time.

Hugs and best wishes,
C.

You'll find a way forward!

Read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.... it's a fabulous book. Remember that the brain controls sleep, not the stomach. She's developed the habit of nursing so frequently. It'd be easier if someone (not her source of milk) helped you teach her how to sleep through the night because she's probably frustrated knowing the milk is right there and you're not giving it to her. My Mom-in-law helped me and it made things easier. But seriously buy the book 'Healthy Sleep Habits-Happy Child' it's a great book!
Good luck!

Instead of nursing try giving her just water in a bottle. She has established a habit because you are warm and comforting. Trying to break a habit can take up to 2 weeks and I am sure that you want a good nights sleep. All my kids slept through the night at 8 weeks. I feed them every time they were hungry during the day so they could get the warm cuddly feeling but at night I knew they weren't really hungry and just gave them water to take the edge off.

P. Amic
CEO/Clinical Director
Special Beginnings:
An Early Intervention Network

Now that I am on the other side I can safely say that this belief that your child is manipulating you is bunk. Yes, it may be a habit, but the body gets used to eating every so hours and that is the healthiest way to eat. A child has a smaller stomach and takes in less food in a serving. Therefore the need to eat more often will still be there. My son was a HORRIBLE sleeper and I DILIGENTLY tried each method out there... gave each one at least 2 full weeks before giving up and changing to another method which also failed. My son will be 2 on the 12th of this month and he is just now sleeping through the night. He is a thin boy and so I know that he did have to eat more often. Be patient and try to rest as much as you can. This too shall pass.

Try a little oatmeal cereal with breast milk in a bottle before sh goes down for the night. My son is 5 months and although he has always been a good sleeper he sleeps all night when we do.

You can't be the one to get up with her unless you are going to nurse her. I hate to say it b/c I was completely against CIO but I finally had to let my daughter CIO at 17 months b/c she was still nursing throughout the night. I was sick and on meds so that made me feel not so guilty. The first night I am not sure how long she cried b/c I was so out of it, the second night she cried for 5-10 minutes, the 3rd night it was about 1-2 minutes and then she was sleeping through the night, finally, at 17 months!

Hi, I don't really know if this will help you but it did help me. Are you feeding the baby any solids? At 8 to 9 months old I started feeding my girls the instant baby cereal to help fill them up and after a couple weeks of this, starting off with a little and gradually giving a little more each night they started sleeping at longer intervals until finally they slept through the night. Alot of woman don't agree with solids at such an early age but mine loved it.....give a try.

12-14 months is a time when many babies do wake frequently - just as we start to think they "ought" to be old enough to sleep through. Sometimes it's easy to forget 13 months is still a baby!

Lots of great gentle suggestions in the posts above. My first was a brilliant night waker who needed lots of help switching off and falling asleep! Although we managed to get him to actually fall asleep lying next to me after a feed and to wake less frequently using ideas from Elizabeth Pantley between 13-18 months, he remained a frequent night waker till he was ready to sleep longer at 2.5-3 years. By this stage he was pretty much self-weaned but he still woke for reassurance in the night. Some kids just come wired that way - some kids are more 'wired' than others! And it is these babies that need more of mum day and night!

I chose not to use Jay Gordon's method (which is similar to what you have described but slower) because my son wasn't actually breastfeeding to sleep anyway and I wanted small changes. I didn't want to night wean altogether I just wanted him to fall asleep more easily and sleep longer than a hour or so at a time!

I do think that if mum is stressing about sleep bub picks it up through her body and probably through hormones in the milk too - so the best thing you can do is make sure the lead up to bed time is relaxing for you and your bub. I used a sleepy time oil blend, played relaxing music and took a moment out to have a chamomile tea before my bub's bed time routine.

If it helps - you are not alone and there are many good ideas and supportive websites and books out there.