Trying to Decied Weither to Stop Having Children?

C.,
I truthfully believe trying to make a decision and/or trying to have a discussion that deep requires complete and stable hormones from both the husband and the wife.
I would really wait until your hormones have really settled before making that grand of a decision. Hormone stabilization takes approximately 2 years as you know, and with you having basically two back to back babes, your body has not had time to rest, much less be yourself.
Just so you know my back ground, I am 37 and only have one miracle Healthy child, but before I retired I worked with parents and youth of all ages. I have three cousins with
6 children, my oldest cousin at age 44 is now expecting
baby # 7. So, as you see, since you have great pregnancies and babies, you have time. Don't rush something/a decision that does not have to occur now, right??
God Bless, God Speed, In my prayers, M. N.

1 mom found this helpful

You are a very young woman with many childbearing years ahead of you. I would strongly advise NOT doing anything permanent. There are many, many forms of birth control on the market that are 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. Try some of these options because in five or ten years you and/or your husband may change your minds and want to have another baby. Vasectomies can be reversed in some cases, but there are no guarantees. If something awful were to happen to your family (your spouse or any of your children were to die), would you want to have more children? Consider all of these things before doing something permanent. Your husband sounds like a very loving individual and I am sure that the two of you can decide on the option that is best for both of you. Good Luck! Kati

Hi C.-

I am a mother of two and my husband and I decided that two children meet our needs, but I have certainly learned that all couples have their own ideas and needs. When I found out that a good friend of mine was pregnant with her fourth and another is trying for her third, I felt no jealousy or desire to be pregnant again. To me that indicated to me that I content with our decision. Of course, that may change in the future.

I think everyone is different and to take it one day at a time. Good luck!

HI! Sounds like your husband is sending a signal to you by offering to undergo the vesectomy. My advice is to let him go through with it so you can spend some quality time with him, as well as really love, appreciate and have adequate time and resources for the children you already have. You already have a big family, based on today's standards. 4 is an even number, too. No odd man out. Enjoy your youth while you can. You guys have accomplished a lot in just 7 years. Anyway, just wait until your new one arrives. A lot of joy accompanied by more sleepless nights... Good luck and Congrats on your new baby.

C., Having two children of my own 2 boys, 18 and 16 whom are and have always been very active in sports, my best advice is for the sake of your children.Your choice impacts them too. My point being that It breaks my heart when at their games (which we rarely ever miss) to see a child with no parent there, the sadness in that childs eyes when they get a hit or strike out someone, etc. and not being able to share the joy with at least one of their parents because two parents can only be at one place each at a time. Having only two kids compared to others we know with three or more, I have always been satisfied with the two. I have always felt bad for the kids whose parents couldn't attend their games because they had other kids to tend to. It's just not fair to them. Unless you're lucky enough to have extended family to help attend all their events and help with transportation, my advice is to stop. Also, the teenage years are really scarry. When I was your age (I'm now 44) thought about having more, now with all the stresses that come with teenagers am so happy we didn't. Remember, small kids, small problems. Big kids, bigger problems. Also you could always consider adoption in the future.

I found myself in your position a little over 7 years ago while I was pregnant with my last child. I am a Mom of 4 who had one miscarriage as well. My husband wanted to be done having children and I did not. He said he would have more but wanted to wait like 10 years. His youngest sister just turned 16 and he is 32! Of course this idea to me is crazy! So with him having so strongly decided, we spoke our opinions and in the end he was fixed. He felt the same way about it being easier on him than for me to have tubes tied. I will tell you I was upset. I love being a Mom and Wife. That is what I am and it was hard on me to know I could not have anymore kids. For a long time I was hurt inside but focused on my children I had, I even started doing childcare, which I still do today! I love it!! I get to stay at home with my children and still make an income by being with babies that I so love. Now that my kids are 14, 13, 10, and 7 I can tell you I am so grateful my husband made the decision he did. As much as I was unsure and hurting about it, I am know today it was the right thing. With 4 children all activly involved in things as well as us being a very active church family we do not have enough time in the day or days in the week! It is very hard to keep a balanced lifestyle and have good quality time with each child alone as well as family time with Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Soccer, Track, Band, Choirs, Drama, Church, and my husbands ball games! Plus trying to work out to stay healthy, have down time, and have adult.....Do you see what I mean? And for us all to fit in one car we have no choice but to have a van with no room for friends to tag along. So really take the time to pray about your decision. Look far into the future as well as today. There is no way to be 100% sure on the decision. I was stuck on what if something happened to one of my children, but realized through prayer that I could never replace a child with another. I also kept in my heart I could adopt, so many children need a good home and loving parents today. This is still something I would love to do, and maybe someday I will. But for today I am content with the hard decision that my husband of 13 years and I made 7 long years ago. God Bless!

I'am 28 yrs old and had my second child a yr. ago,eveyone asks me if i'm done and will I get fixed NO WAY am I going to get fixed first of all I have more yrs to come to have kid's and what if something happens to my marriage.It just can't be undone.So before finanlizing on a permermanant decision your 24 yrs. old good luck in your marriage.

Only you and your husband can decide that. Your husband's opinion should be heavily weighted in your decision as he is an equal partner in rearing your children. If he thinks 4 is enough then you should discuss the pros and cons with him of having more children and make the decision together. You should look at the overall cost of having another including college expenses, space in the home, your health, and even the bigger picture of contributing to global warming and over population by adding another child. You should also look at what makes you happy and content. Do you have plans on someday joining the workforce or doing something else that you enjoy? Take the time to really analyze yourself, maybe you are missing something in your life that you cannot put your finger on and you are trying to fill it with a child. You have two of each which is pretty good; you should feel blessed regardless of the decision that you make. Plus, you are still young so you have time to think about it more. I'm confident you will do what feels right for you and your family.

honestly, it's a big decision, and i myself go back and forth quite a bit - one thing i'll suggest (and you've probably already considered this) is keep in mind you'll have to at least wait until you have this one to decide! pregnancy is a hormonal time and you might find that after #4 you're REALLY ready to stop! or you might feel strongly the other way. i saw someone suggest an IUD, that's a great idea too, since it's not permanent, but very effective. it sounds like your husband is wonderful support but if he feels really strongly then maybe you should consider his side of it. but then, men HAVE been known to change their minds, even if it doesn't happen as often as it does with us! good luck!

I had 3 babies is 3 1/2 years. After the 3rd (which was a surprise), I had a tubal done. I was sure I didn't want any more kids. I was thrilled with that decision for about 2 years--my 3rd was a very challenging baby/toddler (he's still a challenging 4 year old), but some days, I sort of wished I could have just 1 more. Then, the feeling passes. I'm not sure if you ever get over that feeling?? Everyone loves a baby. Now, most days, I think I'm past it. My boys are great, things are finally getting easier and I don't want to start all over again. I'm not sure if I hadn't had the tubal if we would have had another baby or not, but at least we would have had that option. There are days, I'm not sure how we would handle that one more, but...
I'm not sure if any of that helps, but if you're not completely sure, just wait. You don't have to decide right now. I can honestly say I wish I hadn't gotten the tubal when I did.

C., congratulations on your children and pregnancy! I am a 36 yr old mother of five children and can relate to your indecision. I always thought 4 was the perfect number of kids, but was blessed with a 5th bonus child last July. If I were to stick to my original plan I don't know which of my children I would give back. I would first say, PLEASE do not try to make this very important decision while you are pregnant or any time within the first year of having your son. There are so many other options rather than "fixing" something that isn't broken. Have you and your husband looked into natural family planning? It is a very effective way of controlling the number of children you have without taking any drastic measures.
As far as how one knows when they are done having kids, I'm not sure there is a clear answer on that one. Some people just say they reach a point of fulfillment. Others say they don't think they will ever feel "done" which is why always remaining open to the possibility is such a beautiful choice. I have a good friend who made the decision you are contemplating during her pregnancy and scheduled a tubal ligation after her c-section, only to regret that decision within one year. Pregnancy is such a time of emotion it would be hard to make any kind of important decisions while influenced by the surge of hormones a woman undergoes.
I wish you the best and will pray for your discernment.

A. D.

Follow your heart dear if she says your done for now you are ok ! Take care & God Bless you & your family ! @)----,-

Have you thought about doing the IUD? Its a device they place in your uterus that is birth control. Its easy to install and the doc can take it out whenever you decide. They are good for up to 5 years and I think some last 10 years! This might be an alternative that way it is nothing permanent! Talk with your doctor if you are interested.
Hope this helps,
--S.

Hi C....speaking from the point of view of someone who married a man (who had been previously married) who had already been "fixed," it put me through a tremendous amount of pain not being able to have a child with my husband. I was angry at him, too....but we are now in the process of adopting after nine years of marriage. My advice, wait a bit...if he's the one doing it, there's plenty of time...have your baby, talk about things, then decide when you've both had time to mull it over and pray about it. It's better to KNOW FOR SURE than to go back and forth with surgery, etc. I would wait until you both have no regets or desired for other children and then do it...that way, you'll not look back and pine for a child you really wanted but could no longer have. Congrats on #4!

Your only 24, vasectomies can be reversed.

Perhaps you should get an IUD after your delivery and then you can wait a few years and see how you feel then.

I personally think 24 is way too young to decide that you don't want to have anymore children. I am 34 and on my 5th pregnancy, but we also have adopted one child, and my stepson also lives with us. You might decide 5 or 10 yrs from now that you want more. I think if YOU are not 100% sure that you don't want anymore, you guys should hold off.....

Have you ever looked into Natural Family Planning? It is 99% effective and NO side effects!! AND it includes God in the equation! I have 5 kiddos: 4 girls, ages; 9, 6, 4 and 2 and a 3 month old boy! Babies are a gift from God, so why shut him out in the decision? I know it can seem overwhelming at times, but you're so young. I wouldn't make any life-altering changes that you may regret. Especially not while your pregnant and full of hormones!! God Bless you and your family.

I would suggest that you not make any decision during pregnancy and the early months postpartum. The drastic hormone changes going on in your body make it difficult to make a clear headed decision about something like this.

Be patient. Wait until after your hormones have settled down - after the baby arrives, after you are in your routine with having 4 children...it may be a year later when you feel yourself again, but don't make that kind of decision when you are so emotional.

C.,

Why don't you try an IUD? It can last for about 5 years, and you do not have to worry about taking a pill every day. If and when you decide to have another baby, simply have the doc remove it. Good luck!

i am 36 years old and divorced. I have made the decision that i do not want to have any more childern and am having the surgery on Friday. In talking with my doctor he has stated that it is easier if the man has the surgery for two reasons. First it is easier on them than it is on us women and second because it is reversable. If you decide later that you do want more childern than there is an option for you. Just wanted to let you know so that maybe it would help easy your mind a little. It is a big step to have the surgery. I myself have an 18 year old going into the army this summer and a 12yr old though i love my childern greatly i am very confident that i do not want anymore. I hope this help some in your decision and best of luck with what every you decide is best for you.

You REALLY need to consider the stress & strain on your body. Since your a SAHM you need to also consider your husbands decision. He may not want to come straight out & tell you that he may not be financially able to handle more children...men are just fickle like that. Cherrish the ones you have & concentrate on giving them all your heart desires. The wat economy is now a days....that would make me reconsider a whole lot of my decisions. Pray about your situation but your much too young to put that kind of wear & tear on your body & remember you need life, health strenght & piece of mind to care for all that you do have. Good luck & God Bless.

You should educate yourselves on the risks of sterilization. Especially for men, there are many side effcts. The doctors doing them say there aren't any risks but there is a higher risk for prostate cancer, migraines and many other things. Women can have side effects too. Also, never make this decision while pregnant. I would wait until your youngest is at least 3 years of age before you make any permanent decisions.
I had my tubes tied after my 6th and then realized what a mistake I'd made. I had it reversed and was very fortunate to have 3 more children. Since then, I've meet many, many people who regret having sterilizations done. Children truly are a gift from the Lord and He always provides for them.
D.-blessed mom of 9

Hey, I can totally relate! I am pregnant with our fourth also, I am due at the beginning of August. We have 2 girls- 41/2 and 2 (3 next mo.) and a son 11 mo. The situation is a little different in our family in that I am the one that is pretty much decided that our family will be complete after this baby. My husband and I both come from families of four kids and I am feeling very content especially after finding out this one is also a boy.
One thing my husband told me is that whatever decision we make, we are not going to regret it, we are going to make that clear from the beginning. We are also christians and so we want to make sure our decision lines up with what God wants for us too.
Well, I didn't give you any advice, but I just wanted you to know there is another family going through the same thing!

Give yourself a break. You are only 24 years old and already have 4 kids. Is there a reason that you have to make this decision at this point in your life? Have this baby, enjoy him or her for a few years and then decide. Even if you wait three years, you will only be 27, hardly too old to have more. And then if after a few years, you don't feel compelled to get pregnant again, have your husband go take care of the situation. Take a breather, enjoy the family you have.

If you are wanting a temporary "fix", have you looked into Mirena? It is a new type of IUD and it is suppose to be even more effective against pregnancy than a vasectomy, but it is only good for 5 years at a time. I was skeptical against having it done until I did more research on it. I have had mine for about 6 months now and I love it. The best part about the Mirena is that it can be taken out at any time before the 5 years is up if you decide to have more children and you don't have to wait a certain time frame, you can start trying right away. You also don't have any "downtime", you get it put in at your doctor's office, it takes about 10 minutes total, and you are ready to go shopping afterwards. I love the freedom that it gives me. My husband and I are fairly sure that we don't want to have any more, but we didn't want the permanent "can't change your mind now" fix. This works great for us. After the 5 years is up with the Mirena, you go to your doctor's office, have it taken out and a new one put in. I don't mean to sound like a commercial for them, but I really do like the options that it gives me. Good luck!

No one else knows what's best for your family. Only you and your husband can make this decision. The only advise I can give you is too take your time, you don't have to decide anything today or even tomorrow. I would certainly wait until a few months after you give birth to ensure that it's not the hormones that are affecting your choice. If your husband is going to be the one to have surgery, there's no time frame. Also keep in mind that this has to be a mutual decision to have another. You can't compromise on something like this, you either have it or you don't. Either way, you're very blessed to have the happy, healthy, loving family that you do. Best of luck, remember there's no "wrong answer"

It definately is a personal decision. But at your young age I would for sure chose the procedure on him and not your self. Congrats on the fourth. My husband and I have been trying to concieve for years. I always wanted a large family. I have a 11yr old son from a previous marriage. Can not wait for God to bless me with "just one more".

Hi! I,m also a mother of 4 kids and I also had a misscrriage.
When my youngest was 2yrs old I started having some problems
I had a prolasped bladder and a cyst on the uterus that had went in one side and out the other and had also fallen. I had to make a decission to have a hsyterotomy or not. I chose to
have the hysterotomy and the bladder fixed. Because I believe
that is what God wanted me to do He gave me 4 healthy kids.
Yes I loved being pregant but I also wonder if everything would go well. I don't regret it. If your husband has spoke
up and said he would get fixed I would let him . You and your
husband take the time and enjoy the kids they grow up so fast.
My oldest is going to be 20yrs old this year. I enjoy every body elses babies. I pray that I have helped you.
B. K.

You sound like you are very busy. I have four boys from 8 years to 26 years old. I made a decision to have my tubes tied by the time I was 40. I didn't want to have any more children after 40 partly due to the higher risk of birth defects. You might set yourself an age, maybe 30, and then think about it again. You might decide you want more children, or you might decide not to. 24 is still awfully young to decide on a permanent fix.

I only have two children, both girls, when I was pregnant with no. 2 and found out she was a girl we were gonna try for another one, a boy. (No. 2 was a surprise, they are 14 months apart) So I went on the pill and 9 years later I have no desire to have any more. We did want to try for a boy, but the odds were against us and we really din't want another girl. We are very happy and may decide one day to adopt a boy. But right now I'm glad we didn't get "fixed", just in case we did want to try again(I had two very difficult pregancies). Neither my husband nor myself is "fixed" and there is still that opportunity to have another, but like I said we are very happy with our two beautiful girls. What I'm trying to say is wait, get on the pill and wait. If you do decide that you are done then he can get "fixed". If you decide you want more then all you have to do is get off of the pill. Think about your decision and pray about it. Good luck and God bless.

Dear C.,

You need to feel comfortable in what you and your husband feels that completes/fulfills your family. I don't want to sound like I'm bursting your bubble, but the age old question should be how many children can you afford? Unfortunately, remember as they get older it will cost more too. College, cars, food (cause they will eat more), clothing (cause they will want name brands), and they will take up more space in your home. So really it comes down to what you/husband feels is a good number. Good Luck and best wishes.

I am a mother of 5 and I know how much work it is. I love having so many children even though my friends think I"m crazy. I still think I want more and feel sad when I think my 8 week old is my last but I'm getting too old. Friday I'm going in to get the implant that lasts 5-10 years. My husband said he would have surgery but I don't want anything that permanent. With this implant you can have it removed and start trying right away and it's only an office visit to have it put in or removed. Hope this helps! Good luck!

24 is incredibly young to make such an irreversible decision. There are so many safe, secure birth control options now. Ask yourself if you are 100% certain that 10 years from now you will absolutely NOT want any more children. When in doubt, DON'T.

Hi C.,

I hear you on this one. I have 4 children myself. I would have more but the thing that my husband and I are looking forward to is having our time. I am 32 yrs old now and at some point I would like to be kid free. And be able to go do as I please and I can't do that as long as I am raising kids. So we are done. We haven't done anything permenent but we are very diligent on taking the pill and not having any fun 2 days before the start of my monthly and 2 days after the ending of my monthly.
I think this is a decision that needs to be made when you are not pregnant and not full of homones.
But there is one thing you can do from now and until the end of this pregnancy write down each month the way you are feeling, what is going on and what you are dealing with. And then after you have baby go back to those notes you have made.

After I had my 4th I made a list of all the reasons I should want to have another child and why I shouldn't, I had the whole side filled with why I shouldn't. I was 16 when I had my 1st, 24 when I had my second, 28 when I had my 3rd and 21 when I had my 4th, each time the pregnancy got harder. And with being a home child care provider and chassing kids all day and then still having to raise my own, yep that did me in. Don't get me wrong if my husband said he wanted more I would but we both agree that 4 children is enough. And with me doing daycare it is sooo nice because I can love on all these kids that are mine but I didn't give birth to them and I get to send them home at the end of the day.

I think 4 is a big family these days and it's an even number if you go for another one then it would be an odd man out so you would have to go for 6 and make it an even team, lol.

Anyway just my thoughts, W.

Congrats on your big family and your pregnancy! You are very young, so my advice to you is to not make any permanent decisions right now. If you are open to birth control, the Mirena IUD lasts for 5 years and is very easy to put in a few weeks after you deliver your next child. It is very effective and will give you lots of time to think about your family size with no worry of unexpected pregnancy. You could have 20 years of fertility left, and if you are no certain now you could change your mind about having another baby somewhere in that time. Vasectomy reversal is not impossible, but why make that permanent choice just now. I say think on it until your new baby is at least a toddler, maybe until he/she goes off to school. See how an empty house feels to you, or a house without a baby which you have never really experienced in your married life! Good luck to you.

I think that there is nothing wrong with stopping for a little while. If I were you I would wait until I had my baby, and give it a year. If in a year you do not want to have anymore children then you can do something about it. Use birth control until then. I would not rush to make this big of a decision until I had had a brake from being a baby making machine and be a mom, wife, and woman. Then you can weigh all of you options. My husband is going to medical school and we are taking a brake for a little while. I do not want anymore kids right now, but I do not know if I will want another child in a couple of years. Good Luck, and Congratulations!

Instead of anyone "getting fixed" try other less permanent methods of birth control. You're 24 and that's really quite young to be deciding you're done with having children.

I'm not by any means an expert on what's available to you but you might consider:

Norplant (or a similar product)
Diaphram
IUD
The shots you take every 3 months

All of these are short term and can be removed or discontinued anytime should the 2 of you decide to have "just one more."

I can definately see your point about taking a break from being pregnant! It can take a toll on the body! My advice to you is not to make a permanent decision now because you are dealing with abnormal hormones and may regret the decision down the line! There are many other options out now that are more reliable than taking a pill every day! Your OB/GYN can explain these options to you more in depth. This way if you guys do decide down the line to have more kids then he will not have to have another surgery! Take your time on this decision its an important one! And always remember that it is all in Gods hands! If you pray about it he will answer you! Good luck and God Bless!

if your not sure then get on birth control that way if you want more you can stop the pill at any time or if not then tell your husband to go get fixed.

I, too have four and have wavered on the idea of more. While I adore my kids and would love to have more, in my case, I felt it was important to be conscious of what I can offer them. I am in a different place than you, as I have a 13 year old and am much older than you. The older they get,though, the more they cost. Not that you should make your decision on cost alone, but I think you need to be responsible and ask yourself if you are going to be able to give them the best life possible. Also, you don't want to spread your time too thin- you want to give fair attention to each child.

I don't know what your family's financial situation is, but I think you must be responsible and consider their future when considering to have more. You may want to take some time and enjoy the kids that you have. Maybe use one of the IUD on the market that can last up to 5 years, but can be taken out if you change your mind before that- so it's not so final.

One last thing, I do not want to sound critical, but from your description, it seems that you started having kids at 17 and were married that early, too. That's fine if it works for you and I don't want this to be taken the wrong way- but from someone that has seen it happen many times first hand- slow down- watch your kids grow and enjoy them, because I have a feeling at some point in the next 10-15 years you might wonder what happened to your life. The more kids you have and the more time you give them - the more you lose a bit of your individuality.

I know that having kids and rearing them and watching them grow and learn is rewarding and terrific, but , and I am speaking from personal experience, you as a person can get lost. Your life becomes them, and that doesn't do the children any good. You need to be a well rounded indidvidual. Especially when you are at stay at home mom. So consider you having a life with just you and your husband to enjoy each other- in another 18 years or so.

Good luck,I hope I didn't sound too lecturing, but I have been and know people that have been in the same place you are.

Well maybe wait until after this baby is born before you start deciding to have more or not have more, enjoy your pregnancy and the children you have then after the 4th is born, then make the decision. I say if you are financially set and are able to have more then GO FOR IT. If your struggling then well then you know the answer.

Is any woman every completely sure?

I just turned 46. I have a son who is almost 18 and I had him when I was 28. Then at age 32 I had our daughter who is now 13 1/2. I had complications with both pregnancies/deliveries and miscarried in between. But I did get that yearning just 4-5 years ago and asked my husband what he thought. I won't type what he said since this is a family friendly forum, ;) but he included a lot of adjectives! But in all honesty he was right. Because of my complications, he was not willing to risk another one, especially at my age at the time. Plus he jokes about having a 50 year plan. . . By the time we both are 50, technically we will be child free or almost. Any by the Grace of God, we will be healthy enough to enjoy each other and do things that are difficult to do between sports practices/games, homework, school activites, etc.

All the best to you,

L.

I am the mother of a 14 year old son and 9 year old daughter. I have had the desire to have more children every year for the past 5 years but am now 37. I believe that at 24 I would have used an alternate birth control and give ourselves time to make a permanent decision.

You are so blessed and I pray you are able to make the right decision. As my husband says, "don't do anything permanent, you might win the lottery and have the money for another one."
Good luck!!!

Your story is so close to my heart. I had my fourth child while I was 23. My first experience with parenthood brought me identical twin boys! We got almost 2 years into that and decided it was time to have another. We were blessed with another healthy boy. We struggled at that point with the decision about having more or not. Here's why. We loved our babies (babies then), they truly were the best things in our lives. We loved the feeling we got from having a child to care for and love. We also knew that financially, the more children we had the more strain there would be. We did come to the conclusion almost 2 years after our third one that we would not have any more. The decision was hard to make and we just couldn't bring ourselves to make the vasectomy appointment. Finally, I made the appointment. Just knowing the decision was final hurt so very bad. Then, a few weeks before the appointment, I found out I was carrying our fourth child! We were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. My husband went ahead and had the vasectomy while I was prenant. That was also a very hard decision. All of my pregnancies, even the twins, were great. I was healthy and the babies were healthy. NO bad experiences at all. Since then, I suffered uterine cancer and had a complete hysterectomy. My husband was already fixed, and we knew we were not having any more children, but the loss of the ability to carry a child hurt very bad. My husband and I (married 12 years this June)love our children. We love children of all kinds. We still, even now, yearn to experience the joys of having another child. But, we have our FOUR healthy children to love and care fore. As they have grown older their needs have changed. They no longer rely on us for the little stuff. My twins are 11, my third son is 8&1/2, and my baby girl is 6 this Friday. Talk about yearning for the baby. Here's my advice to you. Take everything into consideration, your love of children, the joy of bringing a new life into the world, the joy of parenthood, the time they will need from you as they grow older, the financial support you will need to give as they are older (especially things like college funds, first cars, insurance). My husband and I would probably still be having children (if i were able)if we knew we would be able to house and feed and clothe them all. We still talk about it at night sometimes. But, we made a good decision. Our children have our time and we are able to be there for them. I'm not sure I could attend all the soccer games, dance rehearsals, music programs, cub scouting, girl scouting, and all the other extracurricular activities if I had 6 or 7 children. It is a challenge, big challenge to get to all of them with the 4. I believe my husband and I loved having the children because once we experienced the early years and knew we could survive we were comfortable with having babies. It was something we knew we were good at. Now, we are experiencing new challenges with the pre-teen twins, and the newly 6 year old girl, and the son in between who blends in so well that we have to make extra effort to put the spotlight on him. We are scared of the new stages. We're not sure we're doing it well. And, I know I would go back to having that newborn in a heartbeat. I want to end by saying, whatever decision you make, one day you will no longer be able to have children (whether it's age or illness) and even then you'll long for it. I believe that's why grandparents cherish the grandchildren so much! Thanks for listening. Hope my story helped a little. Have a great day!

You should try an IUD. They last for 5 years, but can be taken out at any time between then. I'm getting one next week (its called Mirena), and it's reassuring to know that we won't get pregnant, but if we decided to have more kids, we can.

I have had the same dilema as you are going through right now. About two years ago, when I had my last baby, I had an appointment scheduled to have my tubes tied. I got all the way to the hospital, the paper gown, the I.V. and everything before chickening out. LOL.

Now, I'm pregnant with Baby number 4 as well. My advice to you is to maybe have "Merina" put in after your pregnancy. It is a birth control device that will last for 5 years and is easily removeable if you should happen to change your mind about having more kids. It will give you a good long break from being pregnant too!

Good luck!

C.: I can't pretend to be in your situation but I can tell you what my sister told me a couple of weeks ago. She will be 24 in May and is pregnant with her 3rd, due May 13, her oldest will be 2, May 14 and her next will be 1 on June 2. She's got her hands full and knows that it will be even harder once the third one comes along. She has basically been pregnant for three years. She knows that she isn't ready to have another child now, but also thinks that she might want more children later. You might consider something reversible (an I.U.D. or the shot) or just birth control if you aren't ready to make a permanent decision. Your OB should be able to give you the statistics on how reliable these birth control methods are. It's a personal decision, I know -- but my opinion (from my ripe old age of 30) is that 24 is really young to decide that you absolutely don't want anymore children. So, there is my two cents worth -- =-) Enjoy the blessing that God has given you!

Hi C.
I knew I was done having children when I was pregnant with my daughter ( she is now 2 1/2). I had 2 miscarriages in 2002 & 2003 and delivered a healthy baby boy in 2004. I had found out during my son's pregnancy that I have a problem with my blood clotting when I'm pregnant and that is what caused my miscarriages, so when I found out that I was pregnant again I decided that I was having my tubes tied after my daughter was born.I was 35 when my daughter was born and the day after I gave birth I called my ob to schedule my tubal. At my 6 week check-up my dr. said everything looked good and the next week I had my tubes tied.
You may want to really discuss your husband having a vascectomy. It doubles a mans chance for prostrate cancer and if he has a family history of prostrate cancer it triples it.
My tubal was a breeze. I was alittle tired the day I had it done, so my mom and gramma stayed to help with the kids while I slept, and by 7 pm I felt good and was taking care of the kids by myself the next day. Having my tubes tied is ONE of the BEST decisions that I have ever made.
hope this helps.
Hope this helps

I also think you cannot make this decision now. I have 4 children and thought about taking permanent actions right after our 3rd was born, but my gut feeling said not to. (I'm 39 and had our first at 29). I would suggest waiting until you settle into a routine with #4 and then see what you both think. You are certainly young enough to have more without having to worry about amnio and all of the other age-related complications that can occur. A break from being pregnant is really nice (I had 4 kids in 6 1/2 years.) Good luck - you'll just know when you're finished.

Bless your heart. I can completely relate. I have 4 girls and they are 10,9,7, and 5. When we were pregnant with our 4th daughter we decided that she would be the end. My husband went and had a vasectomy while I was still pregnant. I was obviously fertile and I believe we would have 4 more by now if he hadn't done that for us. When people ask me why did we stop or aren't we going to try for that boy, I just smile. Isabel (that's #4) is just the last piece to our family puzzle. I felt that when we made the decision to make her our last. She's 5 now and I wouldn't change a thing. The girls are all close in age and they are all so different. I see babies now and I love to hold them and play with them and then give them back. I never think..."what if" because my husband and I made a decision that we really had prayed about and we are very very blessed with wonderful people to raise. Whatever you decide make sure it's a decision you both make and always stick by it. Don't allow yourself the "what ifs". Good luck and congratulations on baby number 4!

Hi C.,
With #4 on the way, I'm sure it may seem to be very overwelming. However, I do believe some people are meant to have large families and are blessed to be able to do that.
At 24 yrs. old I wouldn't make any permanent decisions. A lot can change when you are in your 30's. I had my first at 24, 2nd at 27...thought I was done, boy and a girl but at 35 I wanted a third child. It's been just wonderful. In 6 years you will only be 30, the baby will be in school and who knows your husband might want another one by then and you might too. Your 1st and 2nd children will be a big help to the younger ones, I have a now 13 and 10 yr old who make great helpers to my 2 yr. old. Children are such blessings!
Good luck with the new baby! Take care, V.

Oh this is a hard one! I have 2 girls and for me and my husband this is perfect. We get to do everything with them that we want to do and our girls get plenty of attention. I can't see us with more than our 2 girls. I came from a larger family (oldest of 5) so for me that played into a small part of my decison. But more than anything is that when I think of my little family I always have this feeling that we are complete, that everyone is there. When we just had my oldest daughter I had a feeling that someone was missing, then my Natalee was born and it as an instant "now were all here" feeling. So I would say pray about it and talk to your husband about it and see when you think that your family is complete. I will admit that I sometimes get that feeling for may be just one more baby. But I just have to think how perfect things are for us. And this is kind of silly but we love to go to amusement parks and ride roller coasters I always think that if we had 3 kids then someone would always have to ride the roller coaster by them selves and with 2 everyone has a buddy when we go :o)

Good luck and no matter how many you have love every minute of it!!

S. (mom of Audrey 6 & Natalee 4)

I'm 24 also, and can't imagine making a permanent decision this young. My son just turned 5, and I'm expecting baby #2 in November. For a while before this pregnancy I thought I was content with one, but instead of doing something permanent I used the Mirena IUD and loved it. It's good for 5 years, but can be taken out sooner. I only had mine for 1 year. I had 2 miscarriages shortly before this pregnancy and never want to go through that experience again. For that reason, my husband and I both think we're done after this, but I think I'll still go with the Mirena to give us a few more years to decide.

Hi,

You have a perfect family. Two girls & soon to be two boys... In this day & age with the costs of living 4 children IS a big family. I would really stop if I were you that's just my opinion but most of all you have to have both partners in agreement. Even if you would want to continue and have another child and your husband doesn't you shouldn't go on it should be a agreement with both parties for a issue like this for sure.

We have 3 beautiful girls and may try one last time for a boy we want so deperately but we are both in agreement so that helps us.

L.

I had our son when I was 18 and our daughter when I was 21, after she was born I went back on the pill, due to hormones I had the IUD wout hormones placed. Dh and I talked and we decided we were done, so I went to the doc and they scheduled a tubal ligation, so I was 22 when I got my tubes tied after my daughter. We have a boy and a girl. About 5-6 years ago we decided that we might like to have another one, we are military and were at a location with a good military hospital and they were able to perform the reversal procedure, well we went thru all kids of tests and even the surgery they were unable to reverse it because of how it was tied when we were stationed in Germany(a German doctor did my surgery) So, it took me a long time to deal with the fact that I couldn't have anymore. So it is something to really think about. The only reason I could get my tubes tied at the age I was, was because we were stationed in Germany and I had a boy and a girl. When I was at the doctor in VA they told me they have had many women come in and be put on depression medicine because they have realized that they were unable to have anymore children and couldn't deal with it. I don't know if I would have even done it at all if we had the counseling, I think I would have left the IUD in place and left it at that, because you never know what can happen down the road. I am now going to be 32 and have an 11 (12 in September) and 9 (10 May 1st) and I wouldn't change it for anything now that I have dealt with many emotions, but if I had to do all over again I wouldn't have done it.

There are plenty of non-surgical options that you can use until you know for sure what you want to do.

You may never feel 100% done. We have three children and are "done" but as the baby grows in to a toddler I have that yearning even though I know I don't have enough time, resources, energy to handle any more children.

C.,
You are only 24 years old so you are young enough that you have several years to have more children if that's what you and your husband decide! I had my first child at 35, so I say relax. If you don't want to become pregnant any time soon, just use some type of protection/birth control that you are both comfortable with. If you are not comfortable with 'artificial' birth control, then learn about 'natural' birth control.
My husband and I have decided that neither of us will undergo any medical procedure to prevent pregnancy. I monitor my monthly cycle based on body temp, and cervical fluids or excretions. I track my cycle and avoid intercourse during my fertile time when I am pre-ovulatory or ovulating. This is also how we conceived both of our children within 2-3 months of trying, so it is effective. If you don't know how to monitor you cycle, talk with your OB/GYN to get the information you need to learn how to monitor your cycles to prevent or achieve pregnancy.
Good luck!