C.C. asks from Washington, MO on April 01, 2008
Trying to Decied Weither to Stop Having Children?
I am pregnant with our 4th child. We will be married for 7 years in Sept. We have a 5 1/2 yr old son, two daughters, a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. We are due in June. We have always talked about having a big family. And have spent most of this pregnancy talking about having more children. Now we find ourselfs talking about making a permant decision to stop having children. I am very confused on how I feel. My husband is starting to really like the idea of stopping with number four. And I find myself going back and forth hourly on the subject.
So how do you know when you are done having kids? Does anyone have any advise on this matter. I am afraid of making the decision and then not beening happy about never having anymore. I know that I am ready for a break of being pregnant but what if I change my mind?
We have had all really good pregnancies, labors, and deliverys. We have had one miscarriage. I really don't want to every go through that again. And I am also terrified of having any kind of complication with a pregnancy or delivery.
If/ when we make the decision to be done, my husband has said he would be the one to get fixed. He does not want me to be fixed. He says it is just much easier for him and less risk involved.
1 mom found this helpful
So What Happened?™
I want to think everyone who responded to my request. My husband and I still aren't sure if we want to stop having kids. We both go back and forth. But we have decieded to not make anything permant yet. We plan to take at least two years (God willing) before having anymore. We love our children and have been blessed in so many ways with them.
S.R. answers from St. Louis on April 05, 2008
Instead of anyone "getting fixed" try other less permanent methods of birth control. You're 24 and that's really quite young to be deciding you're done with having children.
I'm not by any means an expert on what's available to you but you might consider:
Norplant (or a similar product)
The shots you take every 3 months
All of these are short term and can be removed or discontinued anytime should the 2 of you decide to have "just one more."
A.G. answers from Wichita on April 02, 2008
I think that there is nothing wrong with stopping for a little while. If I were you I would wait until I had my baby, and give it a year. If in a year you do not want to have anymore children then you can do something about it. Use birth control until then. I would not rush to make this big of a decision until I had had a brake from being a baby making machine and be a mom, wife, and woman. Then you can weigh all of you options. My husband is going to medical school and we are taking a brake for a little while. I do not want anymore kids right now, but I do not know if I will want another child in a couple of years. Good Luck, and Congratulations!
J.M. answers from St. Louis on April 02, 2008
Why don't you try an IUD? It can last for about 5 years, and you do not have to worry about taking a pill every day. If and when you decide to have another baby, simply have the doc remove it. Good luck!
M.N. answers from St. Louis on April 01, 2008
I truthfully believe trying to make a decision and/or trying to have a discussion that deep requires complete and stable hormones from both the husband and the wife.
I would really wait until your hormones have really settled before making that grand of a decision. Hormone stabilization takes approximately 2 years as you know, and with you having basically two back to back babes, your body has not had time to rest, much less be yourself.
Just so you know my back ground, I am 37 and only have one miracle Healthy child, but before I retired I worked with parents and youth of all ages. I have three cousins with
6 children, my oldest cousin at age 44 is now expecting
baby # 7. So, as you see, since you have great pregnancies and babies, you have time. Don't rush something/a decision that does not have to occur now, right??
God Bless, God Speed, In my prayers, M. N.
1 mom found this helpful
K.O. answers from Wichita on April 02, 2008
You are a very young woman with many childbearing years ahead of you. I would strongly advise NOT doing anything permanent. There are many, many forms of birth control on the market that are 99% effective at preventing pregnancy. Try some of these options because in five or ten years you and/or your husband may change your minds and want to have another baby. Vasectomies can be reversed in some cases, but there are no guarantees. If something awful were to happen to your family (your spouse or any of your children were to die), would you want to have more children? Consider all of these things before doing something permanent. Your husband sounds like a very loving individual and I am sure that the two of you can decide on the option that is best for both of you. Good Luck! Kati
R.W. answers from Wichita on April 02, 2008
I am a mother of two and my husband and I decided that two children meet our needs, but I have certainly learned that all couples have their own ideas and needs. When I found out that a good friend of mine was pregnant with her fourth and another is trying for her third, I felt no jealousy or desire to be pregnant again. To me that indicated to me that I content with our decision. Of course, that may change in the future.
I think everyone is different and to take it one day at a time. Good luck!
T.M. answers from St. Louis on April 02, 2008
HI! Sounds like your husband is sending a signal to you by offering to undergo the vesectomy. My advice is to let him go through with it so you can spend some quality time with him, as well as really love, appreciate and have adequate time and resources for the children you already have. You already have a big family, based on today's standards. 4 is an even number, too. No odd man out. Enjoy your youth while you can. You guys have accomplished a lot in just 7 years. Anyway, just wait until your new one arrives. A lot of joy accompanied by more sleepless nights... Good luck and Congrats on your new baby.
K.D. answers from St. Louis on April 02, 2008
C., Having two children of my own 2 boys, 18 and 16 whom are and have always been very active in sports, my best advice is for the sake of your children.Your choice impacts them too. My point being that It breaks my heart when at their games (which we rarely ever miss) to see a child with no parent there, the sadness in that childs eyes when they get a hit or strike out someone, etc. and not being able to share the joy with at least one of their parents because two parents can only be at one place each at a time. Having only two kids compared to others we know with three or more, I have always been satisfied with the two. I have always felt bad for the kids whose parents couldn't attend their games because they had other kids to tend to. It's just not fair to them. Unless you're lucky enough to have extended family to help attend all their events and help with transportation, my advice is to stop. Also, the teenage years are really scarry. When I was your age (I'm now 44) thought about having more, now with all the stresses that come with teenagers am so happy we didn't. Remember, small kids, small problems. Big kids, bigger problems. Also you could always consider adoption in the future.
A.U. answers from Kansas City on April 02, 2008
I found myself in your position a little over 7 years ago while I was pregnant with my last child. I am a Mom of 4 who had one miscarriage as well. My husband wanted to be done having children and I did not. He said he would have more but wanted to wait like 10 years. His youngest sister just turned 16 and he is 32! Of course this idea to me is crazy! So with him having so strongly decided, we spoke our opinions and in the end he was fixed. He felt the same way about it being easier on him than for me to have tubes tied. I will tell you I was upset. I love being a Mom and Wife. That is what I am and it was hard on me to know I could not have anymore kids. For a long time I was hurt inside but focused on my children I had, I even started doing childcare, which I still do today! I love it!! I get to stay at home with my children and still make an income by being with babies that I so love. Now that my kids are 14, 13, 10, and 7 I can tell you I am so grateful my husband made the decision he did. As much as I was unsure and hurting about it, I am know today it was the right thing. With 4 children all activly involved in things as well as us being a very active church family we do not have enough time in the day or days in the week! It is very hard to keep a balanced lifestyle and have good quality time with each child alone as well as family time with Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Soccer, Track, Band, Choirs, Drama, Church, and my husbands ball games! Plus trying to work out to stay healthy, have down time, and have adult.....Do you see what I mean? And for us all to fit in one car we have no choice but to have a van with no room for friends to tag along. So really take the time to pray about your decision. Look far into the future as well as today. There is no way to be 100% sure on the decision. I was stuck on what if something happened to one of my children, but realized through prayer that I could never replace a child with another. I also kept in my heart I could adopt, so many children need a good home and loving parents today. This is still something I would love to do, and maybe someday I will. But for today I am content with the hard decision that my husband of 13 years and I made 7 long years ago. God Bless!
S.D. answers from Topeka on April 02, 2008
I'am 28 yrs old and had my second child a yr. ago,eveyone asks me if i'm done and will I get fixed NO WAY am I going to get fixed first of all I have more yrs to come to have kid's and what if something happens to my marriage.It just can't be undone.So before finanlizing on a permermanant decision your 24 yrs. old good luck in your marriage.
L.H. answers from St. Louis on April 02, 2008
Only you and your husband can decide that. Your husband's opinion should be heavily weighted in your decision as he is an equal partner in rearing your children. If he thinks 4 is enough then you should discuss the pros and cons with him of having more children and make the decision together. You should look at the overall cost of having another including college expenses, space in the home, your health, and even the bigger picture of contributing to global warming and over population by adding another child. You should also look at what makes you happy and content. Do you have plans on someday joining the workforce or doing something else that you enjoy? Take the time to really analyze yourself, maybe you are missing something in your life that you cannot put your finger on and you are trying to fill it with a child. You have two of each which is pretty good; you should feel blessed regardless of the decision that you make. Plus, you are still young so you have time to think about it more. I'm confident you will do what feels right for you and your family.