Trying to Decide If We Should Have a Third...

All babies are loveable, innocent blessings, and most families accommodate however many they have successfully. I have known a number of women AND men who really struggled, however, with one or more of their kids, for financial reasons, insufficient time/energy to deal with a child's needs, medical challenges in parent or child, and other reasons. So your question is wise.

As a mother of one and grandmother of one, I know that having fewer children has its blessings, too. Whatever resources of time, energy and money are available can be focused on doing the best job possible when raising one or two children. There is less to worry about in terms of providing for fewer children over time.

But the biggest concern that many of us have now is whether the Earth can continue to support the 7-billion-and-growing-fast population. (This was my main reason for stopping with only one child in the 1970's, when the population was much smaller.) There are already signs of social and environmental stress that fewer and fewer thoughtful adults are able to pretend has nothing to do with population growth. And it seems to me that every child we bring into the world who is raised with the expectation of having three or more of their own children adds to the pressures exponentially.

So I have a plea for women who are in the "maybe" camp – consider that those little blessings of yours may be fighting to preserve what's left of their environment by the time they grow up. Or competing for the dwindling resources that are left. There are already heavy burdens of pollution and depletion of the planet we all must call home. It's something to consider carefully, for the good of all living beings, including the kids we've already birthed.

And in my experience, though I am crazy about babies, it is eminently possible to live a happy and contented life with one or two children. I've known women who have made peace with none, and gone on to have rich and rewarding lives. It is really a matter of making a choice, or accepting reality, and focusing on what we do have.

Whatever your decision, I hope you find it a happy one.

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We have three. After we had two, my husband was done (despite that we discussed having 3-4 before we got married) Once he saw how much work they are, and how expensive they are, he was just done after two. It took a lot of talking, convincing, tears, and prayers on my part to have that third child. When I first got pregnant, he was less than thrilled, but he came around and was excited by the 3rd trimester. Now he tells me all the time that he can't imagine life w/out our youngest. I know he will never resent me, but I think I would've resented him down the road if we'd only had two.

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I have to echo what Peg said so well...

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The vibe I got from you reading your post is that you are both content with 2, but you had this vision for yourself with 3.

We only have two and would not want anymore. Two adults, two hands, two kids. Do you have another bedroom, will you need a bigger car. It seemed to my hubbie and me there would be quite a few things we'd need to do to accomodate a 3rd.

I sounds to me like you are actually happy with 2.

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my hubby and I are currently battling this right now. We both love and adore our boys so much (5 and 2) but we do think from time to time that a 3rd would be an amazing addition. The only thing stopping us right now is the cost, we pay nearly $25000 in childcare with 2 and the extra expense just isnt in the card right now.

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Hi M. K weather you have a third child or not is really up to you and your husband, no one out here can decide that for you. We had two sons and thried for a girl and got her and we have 3, it really wasn't much differece than having 2 for us. J.

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We are expecting our third. We are terrified, stressed, but calm and beyond excited all at the same time! We also vacillated with the decision for a few years. We just had this feeling that our family wasn't complete yet, and we started dreaming of our new addition. There will always be fears, just like there was when we were tying to decide to have our second. Even in planned, very happy pregnancies, a bit of ambivalence is totally normal.

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One of my greatest regrets in life is stopping at two . . . I really wish I'd had another when my youngest was about two or three.

By the time I was ready my husband was done. And I was infertile.

I hope you can pray and come to some guidance on this issue, for both your sakes.

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Heres my thing, I stopped at two, and the thought of having another one made me just downright sad. I hate being pregnant, I get so sick and depressed. But, then I (whoops) got pregnant with my third. She makes our family complete, and no, it doesnt make me too insane. :) Yeah its hard, but Im overwhelmed with love for 3 amazing children that I thank God for everyday. I wouldnt change a thing.
Now, I even think, what if I didnt have my 3rd child and my 3 year old was the "baby", I think I might freak out a little, but then again I know what I would be missing.

Its a tough decision. You may or may not regret not having another child, but you will never regret HAVING another child. Hope that makes sense!!

Good luck in your decision!

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Your husband is on board! Go for it! :)

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I have three - 7 1/2, 6, and 1. Baby #3 has kind of thrown us for a loop. He is very mild tempered and his big sisters love him to death, but just having that third, starting all over again at the beginning, and being 40 years old, is honestly exhausting! I wouldn't change it for the world, or change my mind if I were to go back, but just go into it with the knowledge that it's just as difficult as the adjustment to one or to two. No, it's not easier because it's the third. My husband and I still have a good relationship, WHEN we get to spend any time together! I wouldn't "try" for a third, but if you stop preventing, and are blessed with one, then it was meant to be. Good luck either way.

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Once that third baby is here I don't think there is any way your husband would not adore him/her. I think his comments may come from normal fears (the imbalance, extra financial strain, going thorough that tough baby stage, etc). You say that your marriage is amazing, which tells me you have a strong marriage on a solid foundation, so go for it! I bet once baby is here and becomes part of the family you both could not imagine life without him/her. AND I can tell you this...my sister was in your boat and stopped at two and years passed and they both deeply regretted stopping. Now, they have a 14 yr, 12 yr and yep, you guessed it-pregnant again.

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Our third fits in great! out of all of them she has been the easist to adjust to, we are so much more laid back this time then with the other two which is a great feeling. She is 1.5 yrs old our older two are 4 and 6

You have many good answers here so I'll be brief. First, our third child has been the cherry on top of the sundae, just a joy to raise and now as a young adult woman, wonderful. No regrets here. Second, someone once told us that the progression is geometric--that is, the potential interactions among the family members obviously increases with each addition. In that regard, of course adding a third increases the work load, the financial load, and the interaction load. That said, it also increases the 'potential' load, the potential for heartwarming as well as for heartbreaking. That's life. You'll adapt no matter what you choose.

There is no right answer here. You'll be blessed no matter which way you go. I don't think you or your husband will resent a 3rd. You won't be able to imagine life without them. It will become normal before you even deliver. You have a chance to regret NOT having the 3rd but I doubt you'll ever regret the 3rd. I say go for it! I had two, had my tubes tied, reversed it, and had 3 more. Never a regret! Only blessings!

You only live once, and for most people, children make life worth living. If deep down you really want a third, and your husband is on board (especially since his reason is to give you something he knows you want), then you should go for it. You'll adjust accordingly to the third baby, and you will have two excited little helpers as well. It's more likely that you'll stop at two and regret the decision later when more children are no longer a possibility than it will be to regret having the third baby. Once that baby is here, you'll be happy you went for it, and as another mom said, you won't be able to imagine life without him/her. I can understand your worry about balance, but your family will adjust naturally. You'll come to the right decision eventually with more communication with your husband. This is just my opinion. I just had my second 7 weeks ago, and I know I'm not quite done :) Children are a blessing, and you'll be blessed the way God sees fit! Good luck to you and your family!

I agree with Mommy R (just below)...and I just had #3. Everybody says you'll never regret having #3 but you might regret stopping (I even used this argument with my husband when he was content with our two boys), but it's just not that simple all the time. Don't get me wrong, we are crazy about our little baby and wouldn't have it any other way. There's a lot to consider and weigh beyond "because I/we want another baby." So many people say #3 is the easiest but I don't really agree. It really depends on the temperament of your 2 older kids and how they get along with one another. There's an 18-mo difference between my boys (and the oldest is 4); granted, they are able to play by themselves and do not need me all of the time, but they are true boys and are very physical in their activities...and with one another. There's a lot of chaos and yelling in our home these days :) They pick on one another even getting in the car, so it feels like everything is a battle with them. I could manage to take the boys to a museum by myself but not now with all 3. And forget about taking them with me grocery shopping! How much help and support do you have with family, friends, neighbors, etc.?

The greatest change is that #3 really takes a toll on your couple time with your husband. We were at the point where we'd get a sitter every 3-4wks for a date night, but those days are long gone. I waited until the baby would go down more easily at night before getting a sitter because putting 3 kids to bed at the same time is no fun. I don't think the issue of being "outnumbered" is that big of a deal, but do think about whether you'll need a new car, your house, etc. We love to travel with our kids, but it's more complicated and more expensive for sure.

If you decide to go for it, go in knowing you'll be in the weeds for a few years. As much as I wanted #3, I still had fleeting moments of doubt when we were trying b/c my younger son was getting older and was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So, really give it some thought. There's nothing wrong with a pros/cons list if it helps ground you.