March 12, 2010,
Z.Z. asks from Rockville, MD on February 18, 2010
Trying for a Girl After 4 Boys
When do you stop trying for a girl when you have 3 boys and another one on the way? We were lucky enough to get pregnant with girls twice, but sadly lost both of them in the 2nd trimester. My husband and I both come from large families and knew we wanted 4 children. When I hear of people having 5 children I think it's a lot, but really only one more than what we will have. I know there's no guarantee if we try again in the next couple of years, that we will have a girl, but I just don't know if I'm done yet.
When we found out we were expecting the girls, I started collecting girl's clothes from friends and was very excited. We were heartbroken when we lost both of them at 20 and 23 weeks. I thought this would be my last pregnancy, but since we were told we were having another boy, I'm not so sure now. I said at age 40 I would be done no matter what, so I have 3 1/2 more years to think about it. I'm just not sure. I know my family would think I was crazy to want more than 4 kids, but really, I've never asked them to help or anything. My friends are the ones who are their for me.
Anyway, I was just wondering what other people thoughts on this were.
So What Happened?™
This is not really a "What Happened" comment, but I did want to clarify a few things. My husband and I have done genetic testing and spoken in depth with a genetic counselor. There are no problems genetically. We did find out I have a blood clotting disorder that usually does not affect pregnancy, but for some reason did not allow the two girls I was pregnant with to survive past the snd trimester. I had blood clots on the placenta and it wasn't functioning as it should to get the babies the nutrients they needed. I am now on injectable blood thinners for this pregnancy.
As far as "trying" for a girl, I guess some may take that the wrong way in thinking that I would be disappointed if any future pregnancy turned out to be a boy. That is not the case at all. We love all our boys and wouln't trade them for the world. My husband and I have already discussed adopting a girl and that may be the course we take. As I said, we have a few years to think about it. We may go ahead and decide to start the adoption process after a year since we know it can take years for adoptions to take place.
I appreciate all the replies and realize that the decision is mine and my husbands.
C.C. answers from Fresno on February 18, 2010
I'm sorry for your lost baby girls, and congratulations on your boys!
I've often wondered how children feel who were born the "wrong" gender. In other words, when parents say, "We're trying for a girl" and then the baby is a boy, does he feel like he wasn't what the parents wanted, right from the start?
If you want to have another baby, by all means do so, but I think if you go into it wanting one gender or the other, that is not the right reason to have another child. My husband and I have 2 girls, and thought about having a third child (I think deep in their hearts, most men do want a son), but ultimately we decided that we weren't willing to bring another child into the world only because we hoped to have a boy - because the chances are 50/50 that it would be a girl, and no baby deserves to be the source of disappointment, even for a moment. Just my two cents. =)
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M.W. answers from Washington DC on February 19, 2010
I am sorry for your loss of your daughters, I can't imagine how hard that was. It's really up to you and your hubby as to having a 5th child, trying for a girl. What if you get 5 boys? I am not sure on your beliefs, but God will give you what is in His will. Not sure if that helps, but I thought I would share.
It doesn't matter what others think of you having more kids, just the ones involved in raising them and taking care of them, you and your hubby, so long as you can provide for them all in every way, then it's no one else's right to tell you otherwise.
Good luck and God bless!
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B.W. answers from Minneapolis on February 18, 2010
Hugs to you for the loss of your babies. I can't imagine how hard htat must have been, that late in pregnancy. Do the doctors know why you lost them? Being you have 4 healthy boys, and lost your two girl pregnancies, I would consider some genetic counseling before trying to conceive again.
We have two boys, ages 7.5 and 4. We tried for a year to get our oldest, 18 mos to get our youngest, and tried for almost 2yrs to get pregnant with #3. We finally stopped trying and we have chosen to go with our plan of adoption early. we didn't want to adopt htis soon, but it was in Gods plan for us to adopt now. We have been in process for about 18mos (from start of paperwork/homestudy to now) and are still waiting. But its not nearly as hard to wait to get pregnant.
If a girl is in your heart, maybe consider adoption? There are so many children out there waiting for a family. You may have to wait, or choose an international adoption (we did this first and our country shut down as we got up to the front of the line).
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J.C. answers from Houston on February 18, 2010
hey more the better lol.if you have the money the love and the space in ur home go for it dont worry about what others think do what makes you and ur hubby happy:)good luck
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B.D. answers from Richmond on March 12, 2010
Well if the question is are you crazy for wanting more kids....my answer is no. I think with most women after the littlest one turns 1 and on ....you start to think um i may want another one. I have 2 boys,a girl and one on the way. I really want another girl and we looked just online at the charts on when is the best time to conceive a girl and went from there.
If the questions is how do you know when do you stop hoping for a girl...the answer is you wont but I am sure if i had three boys and one boy on the way...I wouldnt do it because I love my boys but they drive me insane...haha...You are a brave soul! It sounds like to me you have everything under control with your crew and hey whats one more right..lol. Me and my husband have always said we wanted 6 but we think we are done with 4..lol. You make urself happy and dont worry what others think. Our parents still cant believe we have three...haha.Be happy and Good luck!
C.R. answers from Dallas on February 18, 2010
We had three girls and were trying for that boy when I got pregnant with twins! We just KNEW we were going to be blessed with two boys. We now have 7 month old twin girls and they are just amazing. We really feel like the Lord knows exactly what we need.
That being said, I understand your heart. I long to have a son. I'm 42 so we are complete. You'll have a better understanding of what you'll want to do after your new baby arrives. You will also have to put out of your mind what other people think. Just make sure that if you decide to have another child, it's because you want to expand your family and that you will be okay with it being another boy. Good luck and look forward to meeting your new little son!
S.C. answers from Myrtle Beach on February 18, 2010
I think it's wonderful that you are considering having more children! I don't think you are crazy at all.
I'm so sorry for your loss, as that must have been very difficult for both you and your husband.
Congrats on the latest boy! God has truly blessed you!
R.R. answers from Norfolk on February 19, 2010
I also lost two babies during the same gestation periods as you, but they were both boys, and we successfully created two beautiful girls.
Go through genetic testing before you decide to give it one more try. The genetic combination may be defective, and no matter how hard you try, you may have to wait to spoil daughter in-laws and grandbabies.
You are the only one who can decide if the loss of both your babies before is worth the heartache of trying again. For myself, I was so heartbroken over the loss of the two babies I was just overjoyed to have a healthy baby.