My freshmen daughter told me she was concerned for a friend who "cuts" themselves. (yes, I know a friend but she told me the name just not putting on here) I told her thry need professional help but I want her to know what to do. She wants to help but scared and I told her she really can't help unless they are at the point they want help. Does anyone have any resources where to start to find info for her to read/find help?
Then 3 hours later, my college freshmen called and said a girl in her dorm attemted suicide! I felt like I was repeating the same info.
How do I help my kids and let them retain their innocence of such troubled minds??
Thanks Momma L, those links are what I needed. I want to show my youngest how important this is to get help for her friend and both those links said basically what I told her!
I plan to talk to her more today after school. We already discussed her telling her youth pastor and that is why she was scared of offending the friend.
What I meant about their innocence is the fact that I'm glad I have the type of relationship with both that they are comfortable telling me and they have no concept of how to deal with this cause it is not in their realm of life. My 1st reaction was to call the parents, counselor myself but I really want it to come from my kids.
Will post another update.
IMy daughter cuts to deal with anxiety. It is not a control issue. If any of her friends had known I would have wanted them to tell me. This is very serious and I wish I had known sooner. She was in counseling when we found out. We knew she needed help but we did not know how severe everything had gotten. If at all possible talk to the school social worker and see what can be done to help this girl.
Years ago my daughter was cutting. I didn't know it, but her boyfriend informed me of it. We sat down with her and talked to her and got her into counseling. She said she never would have told us on her own. And while she was mad at the boy for telling us, the counseling did help and prevented further physical/emotional damage. Your daughter needs to tell her friend's parents.
You need to either contact the school counselor and inform them or contact the parent if you have a relationship with the parent. Cutting is very serious and isn't about "getting help when you're ready".
Your daughter isn't mature enough yet to make this decision and judgment call. As the adult in the situation, contact the responsible adults and make sure that the parents are notified.
I recommend your daughter tell a teacher or counselor. Maybe they would be able to keep her name out of it but tell her not to be surprised if her friend find out. Her friend may not stay her friend but in the long run the friend will be glad that your daughter told some one. I think this would be a good time to explain that growing up requires us to make hard choices even if they are the right ones.
This young girl could be depressed or even suicidal. Cutting is usually for attention or to relieve stress. This girl need to figure out a better outlet. Also, if you get the school involved they can bring in the parents so that might make the discussion easier for the child bc the councilor will be able to mediate and help explain things to the parents.
You daughter can be a helping friend by encouraging her friend she needs to tell her parents or school or youth counselor. "If she refuses to go, let her know that because you care for her and don't want to see her hurt herself, you will need to talk to the counselor yourself."
Here are a few tips you can read together on 'helping cutters':
http://www.studentministry.org/tips-for-helping-a-cutter-...
http://listen.family.org/askdrbill/A000000443.cfm
As for the attempted suicide, same advice as above. Anyone can call a suicide hotline and ask for advice. A friend should encourage the person to seek help and provide encouragement.
here is a website you can go over with your daughter... many of the help lines will have ways for friends to cope with it too and to help guid thier friends to help ... it is a serious problem that many teens go to. One thing that I have noticed with teens that cut, from knowing friends and watching shows on the subject, is that it is a control issue. Many teens who cut do it because they feel they have no other control, they are also often coupled with eating disorders another control mechanism.
http://www.focusas.com/SelfInjury.html
The best thing I can think of is for you to talk with your daughters about this, why people do this and why they think their friends may be doing these things and for them to be a listening ear. You are correct that they will not get help unless they are ready to but your daughters can help get them ready if they are educated and have good support.
First of all, I think you or your daughter need to inform the parents of the child that is cutting. They need to know so they can intervene immediately. I think you are obligated morally to try to help.
As for the attempted suicide (that happened with a girl my freshman year as well) it needs to be used as a life lesson. Discuss with your daughter how the girls family would feel if she was successful, discuss how even though challenges SEEM insurmountable at the time, they aren't. Discuss choices and the effects they have on others.
You can't (and shouldn't) keep your kids in a bubble or expect that they will not be exposed to such serious issues. Just use them to teach how to positively impact another.
I think their innocence is already gone.
Don't worry about your kids, they sound fine. See if you can figure out a way to help the friend who is cutting herself.
