Troubled 12 Year Old

W.,
you are doing fine, sit with her and tell her you are there for her. tell her you want her to trust you enough to talk with. dont be quick to judge her give yourself a moment to digest anything she says even if its hurtful to you listen to her its very hard my daughter is 14 and im learning im not listening. just be patient and listen first try not to let your emotions get in the way. its hard i know. my daughter hasnt met her real dad either. she just found out her dad isnt her biological. she took it well. remember to listen and instead of telling her what to do ask her what she thinks should be done. let her figure out the answer with out telling her the answer. like if she tells you she cant do something ask her what do you think could help get it done?
my prayers are with you
G.

I've been on both sides of the fence. My mom worked 2-3 jobs (still does after all this time) and I felt like I lived in a house with a stranger. I had a lot of resentment and anger. Now I'm a single mom with a 5 year old daughter who has nothing to do with her father (I don't get child support either). I work and go to school. I moved back in with my dad and stepmom and started back to college last year. There's the background.

Kids, especially adolescents, feel that you spend more time on what's more important to you. So, if you can, spend whatever time you can with her. As far as college goes, it's always a great idea. Some classes are online, there are a lot offered once a week at night, so it doesn't have to cut into too much of your time away from home. Plus, there's a lot of financial help out there for single moms. You may not be able to help her so much with her homework because you learn in different ways, but you can set up times when you both do your homework together. My 5 year old practices writing 3 letter words while I write papers for English Composition. It's not always easy, but I do the best that I can. And I try not to beat myself up about the rest.

Try not to do much meds for her even though she is ADHD for they do make them more moodier. There is a thing out there called brain booster tech. they do stimulations for the brain that helps kids train their brain to focus more and have less difficulty. you can email me anytime I will try to find out more info on it for yaa if you like me to

First of all I want to tell you that this is NOT your fault. My son is 12 he has ADHD and he is going through the same thing and I'm not a single mother. You need to take your daughter to a child psycologist or child psyciatrist. My son has started going to a child psyciatrist and it is helping him a lot. The reason I chose a psyciatrist is because after my sons Dr. talked with him he decided it would be better in case it was caused by his ADHD and psycologists can not priscribe medications as they are not M.D.'s. If you need help finding one, ask her Dr. to recomend and refer you to one. I have never heard of anyone needing to be 13 before a counsellor could see them, but you need more than a counsellor. A child psycologist or a child psyciatrist is better able to understand the minds of children. I hope this helps you. God Bless

Hello. The fact that you asked for advice shows that you are a caring mum. The most important thing you can do is keep her off of psychiatric medication that a counselor might recommend.

A side affect of most psych meds is suicide or suicidal thoughts. They are very dangerous drugs.

Check out www.CCHR.org for more info.

To help your daughter, talking to her, spending more time outside and less time in front of the TV will help. Nutrition, sleep and an active life will help any child. I was a 10th grade teacher for 5 years and found those solutions to work best with my students and their parents.

W.,

I'm a 41 year old woman who, when I was growing up, was angry with my mother for not spending enough time with me. She worked and that was okay, but the rest of her time was devoted to her boyfriend and whatever else was important. I came in last and as the years went by I got more and more angry. It was a good thing we lived with my grandparents or I would have been really messed up. Later on I went for couseling and they said that my love tank, so to speak, didn't get filled up. It left me very needy. It was like I had a big hole inside of me. There are books out there on this subject that can help you. I can tell you this important thing though, if she doesn't get your love and attention she will find someone else who will give it to her. Since she needs this love and attention so much, it can make her vulnerable to the wrong kind of people. I hope you can help her out. I think if you just tell her how much you love her and shower her with your attention it will help - it will take a long time - its not going to happen over night, but start now and pray that the Lord will help both of you. If she pushes you away, don't give up, I believe in time she will stop doing that. She's gonna be watching to see how long the attention you are giving her is going to last. She doesn't want it to be a short temporary thing. Never give up and in due time you both will reap the rewards of a closer relationship. Good luck and God Bless!!!!!

I can understand what you are dealing with a little. I was your daughter when I was her age. I let all of that anger fester inside of me and it could have ruined my life I am sure of it. I know that you do, but make sure she sees that you put her first. All I wanted more than anything was to know that no matter what my mom loved me and that I was her first priority in life. At that age you don't really think of working and struggling to make ends meet a way to see that your mom cares. Don't let her give up. Whatever she does and no matter how old she gets don't give up. Understand that her anger is justified and when she turns 13 immediately put her into counseling. I think the greatest gift my mom ever gave me was never giving up on me no matter how much stress I put her through.

You should talk to a child counselor. Maybe they have one at her school. If not they should have the names of a few in your area. There is someone who will talk to her even though she is not 13. I've never heard of that. Getting her someone to talk to may help, especially if that person can help the two of you communicate with each other. Good Luck.

HI W. P.,
How about talking to your daughters school guidance counselor? Sometimes they can get tutors or mentors for middle school kids who need extra help.

Where is she going to school? She might function better in a school like Lealman Intermediate or Bayside High. Or she might need a program like Goals, TEAM, MSAP, or Dropout Prevention. You might even want to put her in PACE, which is located in Pinellas Park. It is part of the Dropout Prevention program for Pinellas County Schools. The counselors there helped my daughter.

These programs are alternative education. They help kids with ADHD by placing them in small classes where they get more attention and encouragement, and where every teacher knows their name. They are with the same kids most of the day, so that they can make friends while also being monitored, and helped by a small group of teachers.

Your child might do well in computer based classes as well. ADHD students like to multi-task and that is what computers offer.

Talk to your school guidance counselor or call Dropout Prevention at ###-###-#### for more information.

S. C.
School teacher, librarian and mom

I am not sure what area you are in, but Northside Mental Health Center has some great counselors. You should call them. They work with kids and adolescents.

Hello,
I am very new to the site I have 3 children and two step children. One thing I always here from other moms is they are always talking about they try to do things with their children to spend time with them. I don't think its what you are doing with her or where you take her, I only get to see my children for about 4 hours a day through the week its not nearly enough but every chance i think about (which sometimes I don't) I try to make dinner, the car ride home, the waking up in the morning as much fun and silly as I can.. I have a soon to be 12 year old myself and she loves to stand in the kitchen and just talk about whatever even though sometimes its just 30 min, I hope it makes a difference b/c I never had that kind of fun with my mom.. And sometimes she really gets into what we are doing and she opens up unexpectadly and really ask serious questions, like "mom, if your friends were going to run away from school what would you do?" ( this really happened and the kids actually ran away from school) So maybe just try to take baby steps with her instead of trying to take a full day and take the risk of those awkard silence moments when you run out of things to dicuss... just an idea.. Hope this helps..

Hey W.,

Depending on the type of insurance you have, there are a load of good counselor's in the area for a child your daughter's age. I work for Camelot, and we're Medicaid based, but if that doesn't work for you, I can give you the names of other people that would see her.

S.

Directions For Mental Health
www.healthehurt.com
1437 S Belcher Rd
Clearwater, FL 33764
###-###-####

They dont have an age limitation... good luck!
It's almost across the street from Big Lots off Nursery & Belcher.