Trouble with Potty Training

I wouldn't ask her if she needs to go potty. I would take my daughter every 30 mins. or so and just sit her there. While she was on there I would read her the potty book or any other book. She eventually started going. But to get her to tell me, I did a potty chart. My daughter loves stickers and so I printed out a free potty chart from the internet and let her put a sticker on there every time she went potty. When she filled it up I rewarded her with ice cream or something she usually never gets. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

Hello,

I managed to potty train both my boys(they are a year a part) by using this program I found online written by a grandmother....great advice and I trained them both in only a few days! Here is the website http://www.pottytrainingbasics.com/

This is not a commercial, I am just so excited that it was so easy. With my s..they are now 14 and 11 it took weeks to get them trained.

I have seen this same problem with several kids. When you switch back and forth between diapers and panties they get confused and will just go in the diapers. Also with pull-ups, they tend to treat them like diapers. I have found to just pick a date. On that date go strictly to panties except for nighttime and going out. Yes they will have accidents, tell her they are just accidents and that happens, try harder next time. Don't make a big deal about it. Also, take her to the store and let her pick out panties, maybe some special ones will help.
Good luck!!!

J., I used this approach with both of my children. There is a book called "Once Upon a Potty" by Alona Frankel that I had for both of my children. In this book, which they now have with either a boy or girl character, the featured child received a gift from his grandmother and they go through the process with figuring out what the gift is. (Is it a birdbath? No! Is it a hat? No! and on and on!) It was a potty! It worked so perfectly with my first child because his grandmother DID give him a potty. We substituted my child's name for the name of the child in the book, and substitued words for pee-pee, poopoo and what he called his grandmother, "Ma", that our family used, and basically "customized" the book for my child. We made it no big deal! We left the potty in the den, because it wasn't being "used" as a potty, and my child would sit on it like it was a chair to watch TV. Eventually, they picked up on it and started using the big potty. The book was one of the three every night bedtime stories for both of my children, at their request! When my youngest son came along, I arranged for his grandmother to give him the same gift so the story fit his life, too. I think they loved it because it was about them! The potty training just came naturally after that. What a neat thing to get your Mom to send your daughter a potty in the mail! What an exciting event to open the present, just like the child in the book, and try and figure out what it is. Maybe your Mom will include the book in the gift mailing, as well! Good luck!

A. D.

Instead of asking her if she has to go potty, just take her into the bathroom about every 30-45 mins or at least once an hour, and sit her on the potty. If you don't have a little potty chair than you might buy one of those seats for the big potty, they are cheap and fun. Just sit for about 5 mins, especially after meals. Try and make it fun, like doing a pee pee dance to the bathroom and don't make a big deal about it, just bring her in the bathroom and sit her on the seat. Make sure when you go you bring her in there and let her see you sit and then sit her on the potty too. Good Luck!

Rather than asking if she needs to go, I would suggest taking her at regular intervals, or even when you go. Praise her when she goes.

Hey, we haven't quite hit the potty training stage, but SuperNanny told one mother to let her little girl pick out the panties. Then when she put them on, she told her daughter "ok, let's try not to get Cinderella wet today" or "tell Mommy when you have to pee pee so The Little Mermaid doesn't get messed up/wet/dirty" whatever word you want to use. I don't know if that will help or not.

I had a friend recently go through this with her little girl and finally just broke down and had a serious talk with her 3 year old and told her that Mommy just couldn't do this any more (her little girl was a little more defiant about NOT using the potty). and Once the little girl saw how frusterated and sad it made Mommy, she wanted to try harder. They prayed together that God would help her rmember to use the potty. and My friend said that they havne't had a problem since.

I don't know if that will apply to you because this little girl DID know how to use the potty and was doing well until her little brother came along .... you know how that goes :)

Hope you can find some good advice from the other moms who have been through it!

Hi J.! I haven't read all of the others responses...but, my experience is this---tell, don't ask. Tell her it's time to go to the potty. Not-Do you need to go potty? And even if she says no, take her anyway. You have to win this battle. Good luck, and I'm praying for you! :)

It sounds to me like she just isn't ready. I would just forget about it for a few weeks and try again. If she's not ready, what does it really hurt to wait a few more weeks until the stress has been relieved from both of you. Potty learning is stressful for both of you, don't forget how scary it is from her little point of view. Obviously this is not something she is excited about, so let it go and try again later. Like I've heard so many times - no child has ever gone off to college without being potty trained. Take a breather and goodluck.

I agree, try to see why she isn't going. Has she used the a kids' potty before with success? It's really hard. I am going through it now with my 3 year old daughter. The things that worked for us were a rewards chart (printed it off at suppernanny.com) and then just being naked waist down. With her it was all about being oppositional with me and not having the motivation to go. She has 100% accuracy when naked now and we're working on going out in public, but just try and get to the bottom of what the reason is and then you'll probably know what to do. Good luck and hang in there...it won't be much longer!

HI,
there is a great book out there call Potty Training in a Day. It might take a few days, but you do have to be there 24/7 to be successful. this book advocates a lot of practice from you child. Children need to learn to hurry to the potty. So it is fun to run fast to the potty with your child like a game, saying "hurry hurry" and laughting, having fun. When a child has an accident, the child is encourage to clean up, wash and redress themselves. Of course, they need your guidance, but the idea is to let them do it themselves. This is a not so easy task and the child soon learns, like you, that this may not be the way they want to spend their day. this book also says that the child will learn by teaching. get a doll that drinks and wets. Your child feed the doll water in its bottle and soon the water comes out like pee. You encourage your child to teach the doll to go in the potty. Make this a nice together time for you and your child. You teach the doll by feeding it and showing it how to go potty, then it's your child's turn to imitate you and teach the doll lilke you did. Your child will feed the doll and when the pee comes, hurries the doll to the potty. Yeah!!! the doll went in the potty. This way the child learns to also go in the potty. The book is really good and gives many other tips to help. The main thing is to spend time, be posotive and encouraging and to be there 24/7, consistency, and soon your child has it down pat.
I tried to teach my girl to go potty by rewardin food,. but it didn't work. I waited a few months and and used this book and she was good in a week. It's best to wait until the child is 2 or older, this way the ki8dneys are developed. I put potty beside her bed so she could go by herself at nighjt or in the morning by herself. Of course, she had to be out of the crib and into a Jr bed so she could get out easily to go. It is also important to keep the regular pantys on and not resort to diapers because your child will need lots of practise pullin her pants upa dn down, also will know what it feels like to be wet and also lots of practise in cleaning up the mess. But keep up the courage and be there. This too will pass sooner than you think and your job will be well done, your child will feel proud for growing up big and you will be free of diapers!!!

One thing to also consider is that she knows you are emotionally invested in this process (you say you are lost--she knows this). Even after he knew how to use the potty, my son would tell me, "I want to pee in my diaper," because he knew I wanted him to use the potty. I backed off with training and just used diapers for a few weeks. Then he decided he wanted to wear big boy underwear. It only took a few messy days after that--for peeing, anyway. Pooping was rather scary for him. He was holding it. So after days of no pooping, I would put a diaper on him and tell him that as soon as he pooped, he'd go back to big boy underwear. He eventually decided he wanted to poop on the potty, but he would say, "I'm worried," before going. I told him he didn't have to use the potty if he didn't want to ("the potty will be there when you are ready for it").

Getting back to my original point--you may need to decide for yourself that it doesn't matter all that much when you daughter becomes potty trained. She will figure it out, and I'm guessing the less you care, the sooner it will happen.

I say this out of love, because I've been there but you need to BACK OFF!! She will be ready when she is ready. I learned this with my first, also a girl. My daughter is very smart and yet I had these same difficulties. Both our pediatrician as well as my brother in law told me to back off - that it had become a power struggle. My brother in law said the best thing to me, he told me that one day it would be like someone flipped a switch - and that is exactly what it was. One morning my daughter woke up, announced she wanted to wear her underpants and that was it - she rarely had any accidents and even went through the night without diapers. I'm much more relaxed now with my sons. My second is also potty trained and now I have my two year old who, while I encourage to use the potty, I'm not obsessive about it with him. He'll get it when he's ready and so will your daughter. Don't make a big deal of it, don't get upset, let her learn it on her time. You'll be fine.... good luck!

J.,
It's tough not having family close by but you have us :>) But I do agree with Melanie C. You have to stick with the big girls until nighttime. It's messy but not long term. I tried to potty train my first daughter at 2 1/2 (before my next one came). No such luck. My ped. said she just may not be ready. And with me and morning (afternoon and night) sickness I gave up until my second daughter saw born.
As you have heard every child it different. But with my oldest, not 4 1/2, I started out with a sticker chart. Every time she sat on the potty for an amount of time she got to put a sticker on the chart, if she dribbled in the potty she got to put a sticker on the chart and so on. But she still wet her big girls. I felt lost. I let her pick out the big girls and all that. Then I read on-line that if you just stop taking them every 15 minutes or so and LET them wet in the big girls they learn faster. WOW! First time she had this look of "what just happened, get these off of me" then the second time she almost made it to the potty. Only took a day that way. The other way took two weeks. Maybe it was both ways that taught her. But the wetting the big girls you could see really hit home. She wanted to keep them dry. I don't know it this would help or not. But like the others... Don't stress. I know it's hard not to. Good Luck. Hang in there.

I have 3.5 years daughter. I just passed the potty training with her. I am not sure if this works for you but It works for me. I gave her 1 lifesaver gummy everytime she use the potty. I made her to sit on the potty every 3-4 hours regardless she needed to potty or not. I tried to make it as a habit. I guess you can use any thing that your daughter like for example, stamp on her hands or sticker. It wasn't easy at the beginning. We had many accidents. Now, she uses a big girl underwear. Don't stress yourself. If she doesn't want to do it, don't force her. Good luck

I think you are confussing her by letting her wear big girl undies and pull ups. I would tell her that there are babies that need the pull ups. Have her help you round ALL the pull ups and Diapers and take them to the church nursery, day care, hospital, whereever there are babies. Tell her she is a big girl now and big girls wear panties and pee pee and poo poo in the potty. (This worked for my 3 1/2 year old stubborn son!)

Is your daughter in daycare? If so, you shoujld ask the provider to explain the method they use for pooty training and try to follow it closely. If not, I recommend acctually bringing her to the potty insteady of asking her if she has to go because she may not recognize the urge until its too late. This will feel like she is potty training you! I bought my son a small toy with 3 figurines that he wanted in the package. He recieved one toy after he went pee on the potty, one after poop, and the other when he actually told me that he had to go and went on the potty. Remember potty training takes a while. When my two boys were ready they were 31/2 it took a weekend of non stop bathroom trips, a few accidents and a reward at the end. My daughter told me no more diapers at 2 but it took her 6 months to be day trained and at 4 she still uses a pull up at bedtime. Good Luck!

Get "Mommy I have to go Potty". It has lots of great ideas and should be helpful.

Here is the method that worked really well that my brother-in-law used when the kids were getting older and refusing to go potty. Depending on if it was winter or summer, when they dirtied a diaper, he told them that they were too big to wipe and change like a baby, so if they didn't want to go potty they'd have to use the big kid method. Then he'd take them out to the garden hose or to the bathtub if it was winter, and wash their bums with cold water from the hose or the tap. It's very surprising, but it doesn't hurt them (not icy, of course, just chilly.) When they complained, he'd say "well, if you use the big potty we won't have to do it this way anymore, you can just wipe with paper like I do." I think he used this on two of their three kids and it worked in like two days. I was just sorry mine were already trained by then!
And the advise to be consistent is right--same way every time or it won't work.

Hi J., FIrst of all, don't despair! I guarantee your child will not be in diapers forever. It sure seems like it sometimes, but "this too shall pass." My advice is to pick a day when nothing much is scheduled, and introduce her to a whole new idea. Tell her that you are so proud of what a big, smart girl she has become that you are going to let her take care of all her potty times. Give her a plastic container or box with several pair or new panties, a container of wipes for kids, with a bow or card to make it special. Tell her there are no more diapers, but you will be glad to help her change clothes if she has an accident. She will probably protest, but stick with your guns. Plan to clean up some accidents--this is the worst part--as your furniture, carpet etc., may have to be spot cleaned. However, be encouraging and don't make a fuss over accidents. When she is successful, give her a little hug and say something like, "I knew you could do it" and then let it go. The object is to help her have pride in managing by herself.If this doesn't work in three or four days, go back to square one and have her pediatrician check her for urinary track infection or other problems that couldbe preventing her success. I've raised four and potty trained most of my grandkids. Every child is different, but by age three, most kids can stay dry during the day and manage to use the potty for BMs except when they're sick. I hope this is helpful.

I learned the best way (not always the funnest) with my daughter is to let her potty on herself. They dont like to be wet. Diapers pull the moisture away. Panties dont. After a while my daughter used the potty on her own. She didnt even tell me she had to go. Try that. You never know it just might work. Good luck!

I think the most important thing is to be very consistent. If you really want her potty trained, you can't switch back and forth from pull-up to big girl panties. That just sends the wrong message. She should wear her big girl panties all day long and only wear a pull-up at night time, if any. There will be many accidents at first, but she'll realize that it doesn't feel very good to be soaking wet and she'll get the idea. Or, she may just not be ready yet. You could just tell her that she can only wear her big girl panties if she's ready to be a big girl ALL THE TIME. Some kids just take a little longer to get ready. But, if you're gonna take a break from the training for a while, use pull-ups full time and totally don't mention it until you're ready to commit full-time. She'll get there eventually. She won't be wearing pull-ups on her wedding day! (although it may feel like it!) =0)

I would totally ditch the diaper/pull-ups. If you are really trying to potty train there is really no need for them...usless she is sleeping?!?!?! I know that it is inconvenient to change a mess...but it should not last too long...even let her run around naked...if you are around the house of course...it makes things easier. Good luck!

Hello,
i have a 2 soon to be 3 yr. Old in july. I am also stuggling with the concept of potty training .but do not get discouraged or use threats , that will definatley deter your child even more. Be patient and possitive ,remmember our children come around on their own time , i believe that 2 and 3 yrs old is still a reasonable age to be working on using the potty . If we push and fight we take away thier right to feel joy in accoplishing a great task. Try and talk to her about why she does not like to pe in the potty . Praise her as much as you can even for the simple things and maybe her outlook twords this issue will change . I know it is frustrating but it will happen.
I am a single mom of a beautiful, bright 2 1/2 year old.

Hi J.,

Since she is old enough to talk, ask her why. Also, you might tell her that it's OK, but she'll have to change her own pull up and clean her own bum. My son refused to train. I asked him why, he said he just didn't want to do it. He knew how and he knew when he needed to go, but he simply didn't want to.

I told him that if he wasn't completely out of his pull-ups by the time s certain event rolled around (a birthday party) that he couldn't go because it was a party for big kids and big kids didn't wear pull-ups. They were for little kids and babies that were too little to do it on the potty. A week before the event, he told me he didn't need the pull-ups any more, he was going to the party.

Good luck!!

I wouldn't put her in the pretty panties till she used the potty, it would be her reward for using the potty.