Trouble with 1St Grade

Updated on September 05, 2012
J.H. asks from Kansas City, KS
16 answers

My daughter started 1st grade 2 weeks ago and is having a really hard time adjusting to it for some reason. She loved school last year and couldn't wait to get back. She loves her teacher so I know that is not the problem. The first week of school she did fine and last Monday she was fine but on Tuesday ( 8/28) her little sister started pre-school and when I took my 1st grader to school she completely lost it! She started crying and screaming saying that she was going to miss me too much. I was 15 minutes late getting my other daughter to her first day of preschool. I thought she was just upset because she wanted to go with me and my husband to take our other daughter to school but she hasn't gotten better. Every morning she has a melt down before school. I have spoken to her teacher, counselor and vice principal and they all say that once the day gets going she is fine. I am at a loss as to what to do. She is a very shy little girl and doesn't make friends easily so that might be it. It is breaking my heart. Has anyone dealt with this before and how long till it got better. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

My friend went through this. She had to learn to make drop off really short and sweet. Sticking around trying to console her daughter or "make it easier" did no good. It was "Goodbye. I love you." and go, even when she was upset, clingy and begging. My friend came back home in tears nearly every day. She didn't know where it was coming from. Preschool and kindergarten drop offs went so wel and he daughter liked the teacherl. Any talk of school she tried to be really positive, she never reiterated that her daughter was unhappy. Instead of "I know you don't want to go to school, but..." It was always "Today is art class, Yay!" "today is pizza day in the cafeteria,etc." It did finally get a bit better, but it took a while. Hang in there!

3 moms found this helpful
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K..

answers from Phoenix on

DD kind of went through this last year for Kinder. I found that the less I babied her & coddled her, the easier & faster, we got through it. I think that once they realize they can get attention for the crying, it keeps the tears flowing even though they're really not that upset. Keep the goodbye short & tell her you love her & then leave.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Get the book "The Kissing Hand."

It's about a little raccoon who is afraid to leave his mom to go to school. She gives him a magic kiss on his hand and tells him that no matter what, that kiss will always be there - it will not wash off. And when he's feeling lonely or scared at school, to rub his kissed hand on his cheek and he will feel his mother's love and it will comfort him. He does, it does, and everyone is happy!

I read the story to my GD who had to be in a behavioral health hospital for 2 weeks. She was scared to death for us to leave her - heck we were scared too! The next day when I went back to visit the nurse told me that my GD kept rubbing her hand on her cheek and smiling and that she had stayed calm all day!

It really worked for her. I'm sure your LO will love it also!

3 moms found this helpful
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J.T.

answers from New York on

Glad to hear it's not just my daughter. She LOVED K and her teacher this year is great but she's having a bit of trouble too. I think it is the longer day and maybe anxiety over upcoming homework and what's expected. She's sad there's no kitchen to play in like in her K class too and generally less play time. I figure it's an adjustment. It's gone from playschool to real school and depending on the kid, that's not appealing. Funny as my younger is way more academically inclined than my older but she also is a worrier and doesn't want to grow up. My older one loved 1st grade right away I think bc she seemed to focuse on the social aspect... No advice really except I guess our children aren't the only ones. My 1st grader is shy too and misses her old friends who weren't put in the same class.

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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.W.

answers from Detroit on

My son went through the same thing in first grade. I was worried he was getting bullied or something, but he just missed us. He did like school, but wanted us there too. In his perfect world I think he would have gotten to go and have us spend all day with him!

It did take a while, but he worked through it. He also did fine once the day got going. My husband was the one that took him, but he would just have to give him a hug, say, " I love you" and be on his way. He tired to stay and calm him down at first, but ti didn't really help (maybe even made it worse) and then he was late for work alot, too.

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Well, you know your child best. However, if this were my child, I'd try a little tough love. As in, ignore the crying fit and just matter-of-factly get her ready for school, drive to school, drop her off in line on the playground (or wherever she is supposed to line up), give her a hug and wave a cheery goodbye, and LEAVE. The more you feed into this and try to psychoanalyze the situation, the worse it will get, in my experience. If the teacher says your daughter is fine while at school, then the tantrum before school is entirely for your benefit, and because she can. My younger daughter went through this in preschool, and the more we fed into it, the worse it got. When we started just completely ignoring the crying, she stopped crying, and soon she was happily skipping from the parking lot to the classroom.

I think sometimes kids cry for legitimate reasons (sadness, fear - you know when it's one of these reasons, usually), and sometimes they cry to make a statement (as in, how dare you focus on my little sister going off to preschool! I'm the big girl who goes to school here!). When it's the latter, you just have to nip it in the bud, or suffer the consequences ongoing. :-/ Good luck...

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Just keep on trucking!
Keep your tone positive, don't interrogate her about school.
The teachers, etc are aware and they may nudge her toward a friendship or two. Check in with the teacher in a few weeks. Keep to a routine every day--no exceptions.
Good luck!

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L.*.

answers from Chicago on

We are going through this too . Our boy /girl twins are in first grade and as I think of it the "rainbows and butterflies " are gone . Its big kid school . It is h*** o* them and longer than last year even though they were in all day. They miss the artwork,science experiments,dance class, music , snack time etc. Also, my son is having a harder time making friends.But recess is only 20 mins so it goes by fast. It is an adjustment so it will just take time .This happens to most kids in first grade . Put a picture of the two of you in her backpack or lunch box. You can also tie something to her shoe that makes her think of you . By the way , it is always worse when mom drops off . Kids are better with someone else. So dont worry , it will take time . Just reassure her you will be there after school . Hang in there mom 0:)

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S.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Put a picture of you and other family members in her back pack or somewhere that she can look at it. Write her a note (or draw a picture if she can't read) to tell her how much you love her.

Have a secret code word she can say that means you will be there with her when she says it (i.e. not in physical form, but "angel form". Give her something she really likes to eat as a reward for not crying (i.e. if you don't cry, I'll give you a fruit snack).

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

All I can say is it may be the transition to first grade. My son loved school last year in K, but this year his standard morning response is, "I'm not going. It's too long. It's too boring!" His teacher sent home something saying that first grade is an adjustment. Expect some tears, tummy aches etc. But by Nov the growing pains are over and that they start to like it. My advice would be not to engage her tears. Tell her she is going to have a wonderful day, kiss her cheek and send her in and don't turn back. I'm not sure if you can leave her in the front door but our first grade won't let parents into the school. Is there an older child that can walk her in, or a fellow classmate? That also helps. Usually my son gets so distracted seeing his fellow first grade buddy (who also has the same complaints by the way) that he forgets his protests and goes in without a problem.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

Just keep plucking along and she will be fine. Make sure you always ask about her day, what she did, and who she played with. Make sure she is getting enough rest because they seem to have emotional break downs when they are tired. It seems they just don't have a means of expressing or identifying what is wrong.

My very well adjusted 6 year old had a melt down the other night when her Dad and I went out to dinner. She was with her sister who had taken her out to eat and play pinball and suddenly she was on the phone crying that she missed me. It was totally unexpected, but everyone has those days.

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A.R.

answers from Seattle on

Boy! That's a tough one! Maybe there is some child in her class that she is intimidated by? Or perhaps some activity that is new to her and she hasn't quite got the hang of it?

My daughter was like that this summer when I sent her to a camp. She was fine the first week and then she would cry when I dropped her off the next week. When I asked the camp coordinators, they said she was fine and was having fun. On repeated questioning it turned out that they played "tag" everyday and she was always "it"! It could be just something like that.

Hope you figure out what's going on!
Good luck!

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M.M.

answers from Kansas City on

My situation is different than yours because my daughter is only three years old. However, we have found a strategy that works sometimes for her. She doesn't like being left at church or Kids' Day Out, but she loves being a helper. If her teacher can find something for her to help with right away, the desire to help overwhelms her sad feelings at being left. A bit of work for the teacher, but it could be worth it.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

My oldest DD had a period in the beginning of 2nd grade she didn't want to go to school, and her complaint was that she would "miss" me too. I also have a younger child that started preschool that year. I think it may be a little jealousy that they sort of realize the younger child will now get more time with you (unless your preschool is full time, ours was just a few hours/day, few days/week). Plus preschool is all fun and play. Her school is now becoming more actual work, less all about play. I think SB's advice is really great. Don't give it too much attention or she'll start to feed off of that and start to see is as more of a big deal. Also try to carve out a regular one-on-one time with just your 1st grader that she can look forward to, a special activity or something she can look forward to when she misses you at school.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I second "The Kissing Hand". My SIL got it for my DD before she started preschool.

I would not feed into the dramatics, but keep an eye on her overall behavior and make sure she gets enough sleep, etc. Keep in touch with the teacher - if the teacher says she's fine, then it's likely just a transition thing.

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