June 02, 2010,
S.L. asks from Boise, ID on October 19, 2009
Travelling in Third trimester--I Don't Wanna!
My husband was given two weeks' notice on Friday. This is the second time in 5 months that he's been laid off because work for engineers is drying up (no funding). He's really stressed out, which I COMPLETELY understand.
This summer, we had to skip a trip to Arizona because he had just gotten his new job and couldn't get the time off. It was to visit his family in AZ and attend my family reunion, also in AZ. He had extra family visiting at the time, and we were going to camp at the Grand Canyon, too. It was going to be a great 2 weeks!
Now that he's going to be unemployed, he's thinking that now he'll have time off, and is pushing hard to take this trip now!
I think it's a horrible idea to spend hundreds of dollars on a trip the moment we have no income, but he says he wants to see his grandparents before they die and that he needs a break (stressed out).
The thing is, I'll be 36 weeks pregnant when he loses his job. I have a c-section scheduled for November 30. He's planning on camping on the drive there, to save money (which I'm usually all for!) He says he'll take our 5 yr old and camp in a tent, and that the 3 yr old and I can sleep in the back of the van. That doesn't sound fun.
I just don't think that this is a great idea. I think it's a bad idea, actually. There are so many reasons why! I haven't discussed a lot of them with him yet. I think he's acting irrationally. Here are some of my concerns. Please, tell me whether you think they're valid, and please add more! I need to build a strong case before I talk to him about it!
1) Driving for 2 days and camping on the way while 8 months pregnant sounds like torture.
2) We had to skip a Christmas trip when I was almost 8 months along with our first because the doctor wanted me within an hour of the hospital I'd deliver in. I don't see my doctor clearing me to travel.
3) If I were to go into labor while in AZ, I have a doctor I trust (we used to live there--he delivered my second) and family to stay with, but still! Can you imagine having a c-section and a newborn 2 days' drive from home?
4) If I were to go into labor while driving, I'd be in big trouble. I've had 2 c-sections before, so they want NO contractions, lest my uterus rupture.
***He'll probably discount all of these "going into labor" concerns because I've never had a real contraction on my own. I had to be induced at 41 weeks with my first, and my second was taken by c-section a week early.
5) Why can't we go after the baby is born? (Because then he'll have a job and won't have time off)
6) I have a LOT to get done before the baby comes, and a 1- or 2-week trip is going to be major work for me, not to mention eating up half of my time. Not only do I have to get the nursery ready, but I have to get the house ready for my parents to stay with us for 2 weeks, and I have to get things ready for the holidays, too.
7) Shouldn't he be looking for a job?
8) Our insurance changed. Now instead of a $500 deductible, it's $5,000. How can we think of spending ~$600 (his estimate) on a road trip? I also think he's underestimating, thinking that I'll be able to cook along the way and bring food and shop at grocery stores instead of fast food. Again, I usually support this idea, but it's a lot of work, and not as cheap as staying home.
10) We just found out that my SIL will be staying with our in-laws during the same time period. That would be WONDERFUL because we havent' seen them in years (they're in the Air Force and are currently stationed in Germany), but it also means there would be 3 extra adults and 5 children 5 and under staying there, in two spare rooms. Again, not fun.
11) He's saying that he'd ask his parents to help finance the trip. I think that's awful, especially because his mom is planning to fly out to help after the baby comes.
Please help me!
K.K. answers from Boise on October 20, 2009
I think it sounds like a bad idea for you to go. That's WAY too far for you to be traveling at 36 weeks, especially if you do happen to have a contraction. That's too much of a health risk for you. All pregnancies are different, so who is to say that you won't possibly have a contraction while on the road? As someone else said, most insurance companies will not cover the cost of the delivery when you travel in your third trimester. I would suggest maybe having him take the trip and take the kids and you stay home. That way he can still get to go, but you don't have to have the worries about possibly going into labor!
P.S. I'm sure you thought of this too, but that'd mean you'd be 37 or 38 weeks along traveling back!
E.B. answers from Boise on October 20, 2009
Tell him to go without you, and have a great time!
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S.O. answers from Anchorage on June 02, 2010
Its hard not to throw these all on him to start with but what I've learned in 12 years of marriage is that sometimes you bite your tongue and the solution is made for you. Then you are not the bad guy. You have all the right reasons NOT to go on this trip. Great trip, wrong timing. Maybe a visit to your doctor, who can tell your hubby or write a note for you, is all you need.
M.W. answers from Boise on October 20, 2009
Bad idea!! If you talk to him about all of your concerns, and you present an alternative (visiting sometime after the baby is born), and he is still determined to go, have him make the trip by himself. Don't be angry about it; just matter of fact. It would not be wise for you to make the trip, but you hope he has a good time. :)
J.P. answers from San Francisco on October 20, 2009
I think that all of your concerns are valid. Driving two days with an 8 month old baby sitting on your bladder is going to make it a difficult trip. I also think that you are right about your doctor not clearing you for travel. Why don't you call him now, and find out (maybe gently suggest that it would be great if you couldn't)? If your doctor doesn't clear it, that should be the end of the discussion. Besides the cost of the insurance, many insurances don't cover you if you travel that close to your due date. I would contact them too.
It sounds like he is reacting to the lay off and maybe he wants to just control something? Remind him that you will see his parents in just a few weeks, and if you push off the trip till later (whenever that is), you will be able to spread out the visits. The end of your pregnancy is not the time to be overly stressed about non pregnancy related issues.