Transitioning to New Swimming Lesson

My daughter is 4 and one min she will like things - the next not and I have no clue why. We will talk and the reasons that she says make no sense to me - but they do to her. I think its because she is feeling pressured to do it or do it right. What seems to work - is I stop pushing it and making it so important. Maybe give swimming lessons a break for a little while and try something else fun - Karate, Scoccer, Art, Gynamstics. He will go back to swim lessons at some point. Maybe take him to the pool yourself, husband, friends and have a great time as a family to remind him how much fun swimming in a non pressure enviornment can be.

I m also a member at the YMCA in Puyallup and I had something similiar happen. My son's first swim lessons (Pike) went great, he was so super excited to go and had a blast. He didn't get to progress however because he was way to excited and his report card said "if he calmed down he could swim :)" Anyways, when we started the next session he cried and screamed and wouldn't do it because he had a girl teacher and last time he had a boy. So far on day taht there is a male sub he does great but when she is there he cries. I am not sure why. I can tell she is young and doesn't feel comfortable with the little kids, so I am not sure if he is sensing that or not. Just thought I would share my experience, I know that it doesn't help much but I feel your pain.

K.,
Our two boys are different. Our oldest is a fish in the water. Our youngest likes swimming and is a super swimmer. He recently dislikes swimming. We think it's because he has no friends in the classes and the kids he does meet don't advance with him. (The have to repeat the class) Our oldest now swims on a swim team and we are at the pool 3 days a week. Even though we are there, our youngest has no desire to continue with lessons, so we don't try to "convince" him that he wants to. He just hangs out with other sibblings and has a good time.
As a child my parents were constantly trying to "convince" me that I wanted to do certain activities or choose certain toys. I didn't like it and as an adult remembering it makes me angry, so my husband and I don't try "convincing" tacticts with our boys. If they say no, we drop the subject and move on. School is the only thing that there is no compromising with.
My advice is to stop trying to "convince" him that he needs to swim and that he will enjoy it; even though it may be a safety issue for you. I would keep him out of lessons and the pool (any public pool) until he asks to go and shows a desire.
Sometimes we try to "convince" kids that it's what they want and all will be okay and the kids push back because of fear, dislike of the activity/thing or simple defiance.

I hate to swim and I don't like water other than a sprinkler or shower. When I was young a neighbor tried to drown me in a pool and I've been afraid ever since. Growing up I had other traumatic water events that have forever changed my stars and I refuse to put our boys through things like that. They aren't sheltered, we just allow them to make choices and we decide if it is a reasonable choice and go with it. (Our boys are 6 & 8-1/2 and have only been swimming since June of 2008)

I wish you the best and hope your little one decides to get back in the pool. :-)

Wow, this sounds exactly like what my son did last year (when he was three, almost four). He really loved his first swim teacher and when he moved to the next level, he had a new guy instructor. There were a couple of days that he would not even get into the pool, and some that he would only stay in for a short time. I believe that the problem was having a new instructor, and the new instructor was not doing as much "fun" and silly stuff to get him interested and not wanting to miss out. Another swim instructor noticed the problem we were having and got him into the pool with her (near his own class). It took a lot of patience and encouragement, but he finally took a liking to his new instructor and fully participated. Another thing that might help, is for the new instructor to talk to him outside of the pool (just friendly, about something he likes besides swimming). If he gets to know the instructor a little bit on a personal level, it may help him feel more secure. Hope this helps! S.

Drop it for a few months and then ASK if he wants to take swim lessons again. In the meantime, just do fun watery things that he WANTS to do. While he is enjoying the water, or afterward when you are reflecting how much fun you had, make CASUAL comments about what even more fun things he'll be able to do once he is a better swimmer.

Yes, your son needs to learn to swim, EVENTUALLY -- does it have to be on YOUR timetable? Why is it SO IMPORTANT that he learn to swim NOW? If you force it, and try to manipulate, plead, cajole, bribe, etc., then an unintended consequence might be that it builds a barrier between the two of you. What he is subconsciously learning about you is that you will push him to do things he doesn't want to do.

Sometimes, this IS necessary. But not always, doesn't sound so imperative in this case. It can be very empowering, very confidence building, for a child to hear a PARENT say, "okay."

K.,

First I want to say Hi and congrats on your boy moving so quickly from Pike to Eel! I teach swim lessons at the YMCA in Shoreline, WA (Dale Turner Family Y) and this behavior is totally normal. I've seen it before, as have many of my fellow instructors.

This attitude is very normal and sometimes there is no help for it. Sometimes it's that the child doesn't like the teacher for whatever reason. Sometimes it's that there is a group dynamic that the child doesn't like. Sometimes it's that the child is growing and doing other things on land that may be new and scary and is trying to adjust. It could be just about anything causing this fear.

I suggest encourage him but do not push, especially if he's in tears at the start of class. See if you can get him in an Eel class with his previous teacher and see if that helps. Try another teacher for the next session (registration around here for summer sessions starts Saturday, June 6th). Maybe even consider a Parent/Pike where you go back to Pike level, but Mom/Dad are in the water with him. If you choose this option talk to the instructor and see if maybe s/he can break you off and do more Eel skills instead of Pike. Although Eels and Pikes are similar, eels are just able to swim a bit on their own.

Anyway, I digress. I hope this helps,
Melissa

First, HUGS! This too shall pass. :-)

Well, I'm probably going to get Bronx cheers for this, but I feel that my two cents from another direction might give some perspective.

My son, who turned 5 on 6/1, has been swimming in the YMCA lessons since he was 8 months and progressed to Super Pike by the time he was just barely 3. He's now a Ray. I firmly believe that kids absolutely should learn how to swim so that they can at least TRY to save themselves should they fall in a neighbor's pool, the local fountain (yes, I do know about a child that drowned in a fountain, unfortunately), or even right themselves if they go awry in the bathtub, or God forbid if they fall off a boat. They also teach basic water safety and lifesaving in the kiddie classes, so this isn't bunk. Along with this, like anything you learn, consistency is key, so we do not take time off from swimming but we do have him in another sport during the session when we can.

We always told our son that he could play in the pool but only if he did his swim class first, a reward for his doing his class. This also applied to when we would go to our friend's house on the lake; he could only swim if he had done his lessons. I equate this to "No TV until you've done your homework," which will apply when he starts school in the fall. So on days when he would refuse to do his class, he had to sit on the side of the pool and watch the other kids play; this was the advice from the YMCA pool toddler director. So I'm a hardliner on continuing on.

As for reasons why he might be upset, I have some ideas that no one else has mentioned.

I don't know about the pools where you go, but at the Lakewood Y, where he "grew up," the instructional pool is a good 10-15 degrees warmer than the lap pool. So when he went from Pike in the IP to S Pike in the lap pool, he froze and hated it, cried, refused to do the class, and I didn't make him b/c he was FREEZING. The solution was the warm vests that they actually have at most of the pools but don't leave out for people to find. I also got him a long swim suit and a swim shirt to keep him warmer during classes in that pool. Fortunately the Morgan branch is MUCH warmer.

Now, there were two other factors influencing my son's negative behavior. First, his friends were still in the lower classes and he wanted to be with them. We convinced him it was a good thing that he was doing so well, so we squelched that one pretty quickly. This could be something your son is feeling too.

The other factor was that we had always had class and then play time in the IP afterward. Well, that was fine, except he wanted to just be in the IP because it was always warm, but that was now not an option b/c there were classes in that pool after his class. So if he wanted to play, it was the lap pool or nothing. We begged for the smallest area of the IP for him to play in after his class, a little corner really, and the director was fine w/ that b/c she realized that it encouraged him to keep going b/c the play was his reward.

Finally, do what feels right for you. Yeah, I'm a hardliner, and others think you shouldn't push. In the end, you'll make the right decision for you. :-)