H.S. asks from Centralia, WA on April 19, 2008
Transitioning from Working Full Time to Staying at Home.
In August, when our second child is born, I will be transitioning from working full time to staying at home full time. I am scared to death! I am especially worried about post-partum depression and keeping at 2 year old occupied all day without just plopping him down in front of cartoons. Does anyone have any advice on any books or other resources on how to ease this transition for both me and my family?
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T.H. answers from Portland on April 20, 2008
Hi H.,
I felt the same way when I transitioned from my full time job to staying home full time with my (now 10 month old) baby. I joined Stroller Strides and it totally helped!! It gave me a place to go every morning on a schedule, there was a guarantee of other moms to chat with, I'd get my exercise in and it was fun for my baby. I know they are in SE, SW and NW now.
The transition was easier than I thought though, I feel so blessed to get to stay home with him but still some days I go crazy for adult interaction!
Good luck!
C.T. answers from Seattle on April 19, 2008
I third the vote for meetup.com and add in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). I'm involved in a great mom's playgroup through meetup and my MOPS group has been the salvation of my sanity of more than one occassion. I hope that helps!
C.-WAHM of 4 y/o virtual twins
owner-BeHappierAtHome.com
S.K. answers from Seattle on April 19, 2008
H.,
I am in a similar situation as you are. My older son is 2 1/2 years old, and I just had another little boy. I worked as a special education teacher and am on leave for the rest of the school year. After the summer, I plan on taking one year leave from my job and am scared to death, too! I love working and am worried about being at home all the time. We don't live in walking distance to any libraries or community centers, but I'm planning on driving to play groups or book reading groups on a daily basis. Having a routine is definitely the thing to do! I also belong to a few different online mom's groups that have planned activities each week. You can search through Yahoo Groups or meetup.com. Good luck to you!
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S.L. answers from Portland on April 20, 2008
Hi dear,
I went to stay-at-home-parenting with my second, as well, but my first was 4 at the time and she was a big help. Here are my suggestions, though: Start building your postpartum network now. If you have friends and family in town that have offered to help, take them up on it. Ask them to bring you a meal or come over to watch the kids while you take a quick shower? Are there neighbors with kids your older one's age that might take him to play for a couple of hours so you can have quiet time with the baby? Look into those cheap wonderful resources we have. August and September are great for going to parks and playing outside, but when fall hits the Portland Parks and Recreation Community Centers all have a drop in program called "indoor play park" that lasts about two hours costs a nominal fee ($.75 to $2 per kid) and kids can ride around in those big plastic cars, play on a plastic play structure, etc (all the centers have differing sets of toys) and play with other kids. If your 2 year old is fairly autonomous you can bring him there to play while you sit on the sidelines and talk to other moms, nurse your baby, etc. It took me several weeks of going to these things regularly before I started to make friends, but now I definitely have a network of other stay-at-home or nearly-stay-at-home moms with kids the same age that I'm friends with in North Portland.
Also, OMSI memberships are great. They have a room called the Science Playground that is for kids 0-6 years and it has a giant sandbox, a water play area, art/playdough areas, etc and its a great place to go and let your child run free for a few hours without messing up your own house with water and sand, etc.
Good luck and write me if you need anything.
1 mom found this helpful
T.B. answers from Seattle on April 22, 2008
H.,
First, fabulous to hear you're eager to talk about social and political issues! Improvements to our world will not be achieved by failure to watch the news. They will be achieved through debate, constant learning and taking relevant actions. I say - do not fear the stay-at-home experience - it's a great opportunity to contribute on many valuable levels!
Now, I don't have a huge amount of advice - I simply want to suggest that the best way to eliminate anxiety is to take clear actions. If you look at your new role as having all of the requirements of a paying job, you'll see no reason for a dull moment or a television babysitter. At every job, you have responsibilities - you define them, you perform them, you reflect upon your performance. The same system is valuable to the at-home experience.
Also, I think a lot of moms fall prey to this idea that they must constantly stimulate or entertain their children. I don't know about you, but, when we were kids, we didn't require t.v., gadgets or anything else, to entertain ourselves. We used and developed our imaginations!
The world is full of stimulation for a child, without requiring you to make stuff up. Personally, I have maintained a 'craft table' in our dining area since our children were very small. They are never bored and are often there, creating things. I've also always made sure they have 'alone time' every day, if possible. I've told them that every person (including mom!) needs alone time - time to think and not do anything for anyone in the world. It's a basic human need. If they spend theirs reading or drawing or blowing bubbles or whatever - I don't care. And they can come up with the ideas as to how to spend their alone time, themselves - and they will, if you give them the task to come up with ideas and you give yourself the freedom to NOT entertain them every second of the day.
So - that's my 2 cents - to create a plan that doesn't have you performing like a clown at a 3-ring circus. One that allows you and your child the opportunities to develop, not stagnate in front of a television set. Being at home is not easy - it's hard to quantify your accomplishments and, in many ways, it makes a paying job look like a vacation. But it can have as many advantages of working outside the home - and then some! I'm certain you'll find your balance and your joys - as well as moms who need the same intellectual stimulation as you do. Best of luck to you!
T. B
1 mom found this helpful
R.S. answers from Seattle on April 20, 2008
I totally understand your fears. I worked for 12 years at the same company before I decided to stay at home with my then 9-month old son. It can be lonely at times until you get settled...
I'm not sure where you live, but I have written/published a book called "Bringing Out Baby: Places to Take Babies & Toddlers, Seattle, The Eastside and South Snohomish County" - it's the 2nd Edition. It's available at most bookstores or online at our website - www.jasibooks.com. It focuses on indoor and outdoor activities for you and your children and is organized by area/neighborhood.
Also, I'm pretty sure that there are PEPS groups for 2nd time mothers, or you might try using www.meetup.com to find or start a playgroup. I've found that my playgroup has been my savior when I'm looking for something to do. I hope that helps - feel free to email me back if you need any help!
S.K. answers from Seattle on April 19, 2008
H.,
I am in a similar situation as you are. My older son is 2 1/2 years old, and I just had another little boy. I worked as a special education teacher and am on leave for the rest of the school year. After the summer, I plan on taking one year leave from my job and am scared to death, too! I love working and am worried about being at home all the time. We don't live in walking distance to any libraries or community centers, but I'm planning on driving to play groups or book reading groups on a daily basis. Having a routine is definitely the thing to do! I also belong to a few different online mom's groups that have planned activities each week. You can search through Yahoo Groups or meetup.com. Good luck to you!
C.T. answers from Seattle on April 19, 2008
I third the vote for meetup.com and add in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). I'm involved in a great mom's playgroup through meetup and my MOPS group has been the salvation of my sanity of more than one occassion. I hope that helps!
C.-WAHM of 4 y/o virtual twins
owner-BeHappierAtHome.com
E.B. answers from Seattle on April 19, 2008
Thereis this great thing called meetup.com you can find one in your area and what it is all about is there is a group organizer and then assitant organizers. They plan stuff depending on how involved the group is daily or weekly and you can just join the meetup group and start going to the different things. It is good for a trip out of the house and meet with other moms and the kids can play and in the summer they take trips to say the zoo or the market or have house playdates and some groups have mom night outs. There are meet up groups for a city say Federal Way or specific meetups for say moms with multipule children or kids with special needs that sort of thing. It is worth a shot if anythignf or support.
I went from working full time to a SAHM in January and I am expecting our third. I found routine is the best thing for our family. When I was working, My schedule differed from day to day because i worked retail. So we get up about the same time and they get to watch about an hour of cartoons. Mainly so i can get breakfast going and the day moving. Then we usually go out for a bit to do the running. Come home have lunch and a nap and then we get the house ready for daddy to come home or take a walk down to the library. You will at first either be on cloud nine for being home or I wont lie a little lonely but as soon as you get into a routine or something that works for you guys it will be wonderful. I have a day or two out of the month where I wish I were back at work but since you arent totally leaving you will still have some adult time. I hope this helps a little and COngrats!! I wanted a girl with one of mine but it is soooo much easier i think having boys!!! Soon the two of them will be close friends!! mine are 21 months apart and i cant separate them to save my life!
S.B. answers from Eugene on April 21, 2008
hey there...good for you! eugene is such a great place to raise our kids. the library is awesome, with story-times for different age groups. and those story-times are a great place to meet other moms. when my baby was one, we started going, and met so many moms, we started a moms group. look out for mom groups as well. especially with another one on the way, you'll need extra mama support. bounce is a fun place for kids as well. also, the eugene waldorf school has a parent-child group for babies and toddlers. it is so beautiful. the teacher is amazing and the community is so gentle. you learn sweet songs to sing, learn handwork crafts and chat with other moms about everything from recipes, to diaper creams to good doctors. however, it is alternative and you must be open-minded. anyways, check out the waldorf school if interested. also spring has sprung, so take your babies out!! tv is bad for babies so little, and nature is so much better for them. just bringing them to parks, having picnics and walking around is so much better then being inside. and if you feel like you need to stay at home, do some baking, or see if your toddler will entertain himself for a bit, instead of putting on the tv. you will do great! staying at home is so healhty for our children and you are so lucky to be doing so. have fun!!~ s
ps. weleda is by far the most magical diaper cream i have found.
A.C. answers from Portland on April 20, 2008
Hi H.! I know how you feel! It can be a scary transition! But I did it and I love it now. You definately have to find things to do, and create a daily/weekly schedule. Because my older one loves to learn, I went to a school/teacher supply store and bought some alphabet cards and lined paper, and we started working on letters and numbers. We also got an annual pass to the Chilren's Museum. I applied for financial assistance, and qualified for a free pass, because I was not working. And then also, don't feel guilty about letting your little one watch some T.V./movies. Maybe start to buy some educational DVD's? I also found a mom's group to go to which has been great. It gives me time to interact with other moms for a couple hours and gives me a break from the kiddos....and them a break from me! And lastly, my daughter learned how to use the computer when she was about 3. This has been a great tool for learning and hand/eye coordination. She loves the computer, and we are thinking about getting her her own computer now since she wants to be on it so much! Anyway, having a set schedule in your day helps get a routine going, and kids love to have a routine! Hope it goes well. Feel free to message me if you want to talk more!
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