Training Bras for Daughter

Yikes, I am totally with you on this one. I also started wearing bras around that age and I remember my mother buying me actual "training" bras- the plain white ones with no padding. After reading the other posts I am wondering what message we are sending to our little girls that padded ones are the only ones available? If I were you I would definitely go with your feelings though. Maybe her stepmother was just trying to be helpful but you are her mother and ultimately it should be your (and her father's) decision. Best of luck to you!

Training bra time is a great time to "train" your daughter on what is appropriate. Go shopping together and you will realize that most bras for young girls are padded. I got all types of bras for my daughter, sports bras for athletics, and the bright color, fun and mostly padded bras, and some simple white, beige bras. Your daughter needs to know when to where each. Also which bras go with which outfits. My daughter where two or three camis/tank tops together. For that I'm grateful. However at 9-11 several girls start wearing the "fun" bras and want them to show with a see through tank or cami. You need to talk to her about that more than whether the bra is slightly padded or not. This is a time to talk about how she expresses herself throuh clothes and that includes which bras she selects. Peer pressure it tough, but set a clear expectation and stick to it!! The middle school and high school years are difficult for girls to figure out who they are. It all could start with the training bra discussion.

I would be upset about a number of things in this situation. I agree that she is not ready for that kind of bra yet, I would talk to the step-mom about this. I would also be really upset if someone else took my daughter out to buy her first bra without my permission. That is supposed to be a mom and daughter thing and if a step mom took my daughter to get her first bra I would definately be upset and talking to her about over stepping her bounds.

I would say that your daughter seems at peace with the changes in her body. If she's happy about a bra, then it's probably time to have the talk with her, support her excitement about growing up, and have a girls' day shopping to get a couple more. Then you can monitor what's being bought, and edge your two cents in there on the matter. But there still are some unpadded that could make her just as happy.
Just to empathize with you, it isn't easy to let go of the last baby. My youngest son is in the Air Force, and it is a bittersweet thing. I'm incredibly proud of him, but wowie do I miss him big time, just because he's a neat person to be around and we do share a bond. But despite that he's chosen a good path and made a good choice all on his own and I can live with that. He's a good kid.
but I still miss him bunches.

I think that alot of nine year old girls I see could use a bra, padded is really not acceptable at this age. And hot pink could be pushing it. A simple white or nude training bra would be alot better.

I am in the same boat, as fas as my 9 year old needs a bra. Have you looked at some of them lately?

It's been a while since I had to find a 34A, but a friend of mine wears that size. The only place we could even find them was in the younger section. I think the store just puts them over that way because of the size, there are a lot of teenagers who wear that size. However, you can also find the High School Musical/Hanna Montana ones right there also. Because their are a lot of older teens and some adults that need them, where you find the size you are going to find both.

It could simply have been that was all the store had in the correct size. It could be the one that she felt look the best on her, or in all honesty she was probably trying to make her happy about something like that. Some girls can be hard to get to wear them, I mean if she really really needs one and feels like she will be more differant at school.

Have you asked your daughter why that one?

Now for the rest of it, I certainly don't need an A cup. I think that was for all of 6 months when I was little; However, all of mine are padded. One of the reasons, is the padding helps aid in smoothing, support and shapping. By helping with the shape, it will give a smoother shape and avoid the directional pointing look.

I think I would simply say, "thank you for taking her, but do you really think she needed a "Hot Pink Padded Bra?"

Your baby is growing up and sometimes with that goes you have to let them pick somethings. My biggest problem would have been this was something you should have done with her. Kind of a right of passage thing for the two of you, not for her step mother and her.

Good luck
Chelle E

Personally I would not let my daughter wear a padded bra. There are plenty of training bras out there that are modest and cover you up. I would teach her that this is not the kind of bra that 9 yr. old wear. Take her to a Justice store and let her pick one out that you both agree on. If you don't want to do this, than somehow lose the bra, and take her out to buy her a new one. Good luck. Also I would talk to the stepmom about your feelings.

Hi,
I took my 9 year old daughter to Sears and had her properly fitted for her first bra. Believe it or not, little girls are developing earlier these days. Plus, if your daughter is a little heavy she will need one (my daugther was 5'0" at 81 lbs...a twig). Kids are very concess of these things, now a days. And if all of her classmates are wearing one, she might just want to fit in.
It boils down to this, if she is developing she needs one. When it comes down to type and style well that is her call (with a little help from an experience older woman....MOM..). You just might want to talk to her and tell her your point of view, maybe just white bra's when she is at school and color bra's on the weekend.... or something like that. Be fore warned, they say once a girl starts to develop in the breast, her cycle will start in the following year........so push up your sleeves and have a talk with her, most likely she has classmates that have already started. Good luck and I hope this helped.
Lisa

It's hard to find ones that are not padded, designed etc. I try to steer her towards solid colors so that it doesn't show through anything. Nude or white doesn't always work, we moms know that too and we buy other colors for our wardrobe. My daughter prefers the padded ones, and I'm ok with the padded ones, she's so self-conscious right now at her age, and it's not a large amount of padding to begin with either, and my daughter likes them so the boys don't tease her when her nipples are cold. My daughter is almost 12 and she started wearing one around age 9.

It's difficult to find the old fashioned kind of training bras for the most part. But then again 30 years ago things were A LOT different than they are now.

As far as the step-mother doing it, perhaps dad said something to her because he noticed she needed one? Dad has a right as a parent to be as involved as mom, and thinking otherwise is a bit selfish. I'm sure dad realized that having a female go with his daughter would be better than him going afterall. I wouldn't be upset until you find out the facts first.

Wow.

First, she's NINE. YOU are the mother. If YOU feel it is inappropriate for a nine year old (and seriously, I don't think a nine year old needs to be wearing anything that makes them look bigger, older, whatever...) then she shouldn't be wearing it. Little girls should be allowed to be just that... little girls. Nine years old is STILL a little girl! You're not over reacting.

Second, in my humble opinion, it was inappropriate for the step-mom to buy that for her without first discussing it wiht you. Regardless of how well you get along. She's YOUR daughter.

I would have a conversation with your daughter. Tell her that you understand she does need to be wearing a bra, but you just don't think the one her step mom bought is the right one for her at this point. Tell her that you will plan a special day, just the two of you and go purchase a pretty bra that is just right for her. You could have lunch together, make it all very special. I think if you are just honest with her, try to explain your concerns in a way a nine year old can understand, but at the same time let her know you understand she needs it and want to help her with this ... then that will go a long way.

In addition, you DO need to have a converstation with the step mom. She needs to know she crossed the line. First, this is a right of passage that a daughter should go through with her MOTHER. Second, even if you were ok with her buying a bra for your daughter, she should have discussed it with you first to be sure you were ok with it and to find out what you felt was appropriate.

Finally, I think this is a bit of a red flag as far as what Dad and Step Mom think is ok for little girls. You may need to have a conversation with them on how you all are going to proceed into the next phase of your daughters life. How are the pre-teen and teen years going to look. What is ok to do, what is not ok to do. What is OK to wear, what is not. The LAST thing you want is for her to have certain rules at your house and then go to dads and be able to do something you aren't comfortable with. Like, I know I will never be buying my daughter belly shirts. I just don't believe it is appropriate for young girls to be wearing jeans slung down to there and shirts hiked up to here. If my husband and I were divorced, I would be sure to have a conversation with him to ensure we were on the same page. Consistency at any age is critical.

You didn't over react. You're watching out for your daughter.

I would take her shopping for a diffrent bra withut padding and talk to the step mom! It is your responsability to make sure that your daughter is not forced to grow up too fast! A padded bra is too mature for a 9 year old!
BLessings Katria

I would say she already has it and if you try telling her she can't wear it then your going to be the "bad guy" but I would try to explain to her that padded bra's at her age are not a good idea and how the boys will see her and if her friends or kids at school found out it was padded she might be teased about it.

THAT does not sound like a training bra. I don't think you are over reacting. A hot pink, padded bra is totally inappropriate for a 9 year old. Since she needs a bra, she should have one, but I think the pink and padded sends the wrong message to such a young girl. You have gotten alot of good input in all the responses...go with your gut, it's usually right on!

Hi N.,

My daughter is 9 also and just started wearing a bra on occassion. Depending on what type of shirt she is wearing determines if she's wearing one that day. I buy her the tank top bras they sell at Target in the girls section by where the underwear and socks/tights are. The tank top bra as I call it is like a sports bra but they also have tank tops that are long and have the lining inside that act like a bra. My daughter would not be wearing a padded bra yet as she just needs something right now to cover her up and smooth her out...not draw more attention. I highly recommend though that when she is able to wear a real bra that you take her some where and get her professionally fitted. I live in Brighton and there is a great bra store called HUSH that has well made bras and salespeople who really know what they are doing. Good luck to you! I'm in the same boat...our babies are growing up! :(

I believe it's the mom's privilege to buy her daughter's first bra when the time is right for mom and daughter. It is your choice what your daughter wears, and no one else's feelings matter where that is concerned. That is your right as a parent.

I feel those bras are inappropriate for young ladies. They'll be "big girls" soon enough. I have 2 daughters and both need to wear bras. I buy them Lily of France at Kohl's. They are soft cup bras, not underwire and not padded. They come in white and pink and are age appropriate.

For now, I would put the bra aside and take her shopping for some that you feel are best for her. Explain that when she gets a little older, she can wear that one, but for now, you have something more special in mind for her. Take her to lunch and make it a fun mother/daughter day.

If step mom is offended,tell her you appreciated the gesture, but that the bra makes your 9 year old look too grown up and you'd like to see her stay little as long as possible. If she's a mom, she'll understand. Good luck!!

Wow. I still remember when I was that age and I came home with a training bra (why are they called that? what are the girls trained to do?). My mom took it away from me and made a huge deal out of it. Trauma! Please don't do that!

I'd encourage you to just pick one up that you feel is appropriate and encourage your daughter to wear it instead. Make it a girls date! How fun.

Good luck.

S.

when i got my oldest daughter her first bras even 34A's could be hard to find much less non padded. Think of it this way if she gets cold no one can she thru her shirt she is cold. that would be a big embarassment to her.

i hope this helps some

M.

well my daughter is 9 and she started wearing a bra last year, I started with the training bras but she developed quickly in 1 years time so now the training bras dont fit well and her nipples still show through them so she wears a padded bra now and yea they make them a bit lavish for kids but its this time we live in, all kids stuff seems so grown-up compared to what we had at that age. I would buy her a couple other ones and get ones not so overdone, something you like but places like target all sell these padded bras in the kids section

OMG! Does stepmom have a daughter of her own? I would be LIVID. She is 9 not 19. Go say something. I would also have a talk with your daughter and try to explain why you don't like the bra and go buy her an appropriate one. Kids are very smart.
The sooner you clear the air with stepmom the better your relationship with stay with her.
Good luck

Cyndi

Hi, it isn't as if she came home with purple hair, a couple of tatoos and multiple body piercings. Let it GOOO! Denise K. (How great that you have a close relationship with her step-mom!)

Hi N.. First of all, please don't feel bad---You are your daughters advocate right now. So don't stay quiet. Our instincts are usually right, we just choose not to follow them because we don't want to hurt feelings. If you have a good relationship with this step-mom, she will understand. (and if not, is that really your problem? Speak in Truth and Love and you can't go wrong!) My 9 yr old daughter & I went bra shopping this year and I was so surprised to see that we had to go to several stores to find a bra that WASN'T padded! I mean, REALLY! What kind of a message are we sending to our little girls? we ended up with sports bra's--very comfortable and appropriate. Society is already pushing to make them grow up so fast. I would have a talk with your daughter after the stepmom to let her know that it was nice for her to take you shopping, but let's save the hot pink one for when you're older, and go shopping for ones that are much more age-appropriate and comfortable. My daughter asked me why would someone wear a padded one?!? She said they talked about it at school and it was because "boys like bigger boobs". Straight from the kids......

I just took my step-daughter to buy bras a couple of weeks ago and almost all of them in the store were the padded. I was kind of shocked that they would even make padded bras that small! But, we did find some non-padded ones and she was fine with that. Unfortunately, I think it was probably just a matter of what is available in the stores these days. Probably 90% of the bras were padded - even in the "training bras". I would suggest looking at Kmart for the non-padded ones and telling your daughter you are going to put away the padded bras until she is a bit older. I would mention to her step-mom that you are uncomfortable with the padded bras because they seem a bit too mature for her age. I'm sure she will understand - especially if you have a good relationship with her.

Wow... I would totally not want my daughter wearing a padded bra at 9. Give the step-mom a call and share your feelings with her, honestly is always the best policy!