32 answers

Training Bras for Daughter

Hello Moms, I really have a problem and I don't know if i'm over reacting or if I should be fine with it and let my daughter grow up:( My daughter came home from her Dads last night and was happy to show me her new bra her step-mom bought for her. Well its a hot pink PADDED bra size 34 A. She is 9 and she does need one, but I just feel like the padded ones make people look bigger. It does fit her fine I just feel like she shouldn't be wearing a bra like that(yet). Her step-mom and I are very close and I don't know it I should tell her that I don't want her wearing that kind yet. Is this normal do i let her now and try to get over the fact that my baby is growing up. Has anyone else gone through this. and if so this early. Please help with my feelings! N.

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So What Happened?™

First i should start by saying that this is not her first bra. I started buying them for her when school started in September. She at first only started wearing them when she needed to based on the shirt she was wearing. Her Dad throws a fit if she doesn't have one on and so im sure thats where this all started. Anyways i haven't talked to her step-mom yet, but i have decided to put that one up for a while and go buy some new stylish ones with her. She seems to agree and be fine with that decision:) Thanks again:)

Featured Answers

when i got my oldest daughter her first bras even 34A's could be hard to find much less non padded. Think of it this way if she gets cold no one can she thru her shirt she is cold. that would be a big embarassment to her.

i hope this helps some

M.

I would be upset about a number of things in this situation. I agree that she is not ready for that kind of bra yet, I would talk to the step-mom about this. I would also be really upset if someone else took my daughter out to buy her first bra without my permission. That is supposed to be a mom and daughter thing and if a step mom took my daughter to get her first bra I would definately be upset and talking to her about over stepping her bounds.

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Our culture is so keen on over sexualizing our children that its no wonder you're upset by this type of bra, its certainly NOT the training bra that I had. I think you should talk to the step mom and let her know your concern, and maybe go pick out a few plain simple training bras instead of sexy ones for your daughter. I'd be upset about this type of bra for my daughter even as a teenager, but especially at 9, that is WAY TOO YOUNG to be concerned with looking sexy. I'm sure she's just excited to feel like she's growing up, as I was at that age, so encourage something more age appropriate!

1 mom found this helpful

I would take her shopping for a diffrent bra withut padding and talk to the step mom! It is your responsability to make sure that your daughter is not forced to grow up too fast! A padded bra is too mature for a 9 year old!
BLessings Katria

Yikes, I am totally with you on this one. I also started wearing bras around that age and I remember my mother buying me actual "training" bras- the plain white ones with no padding. After reading the other posts I am wondering what message we are sending to our little girls that padded ones are the only ones available? If I were you I would definitely go with your feelings though. Maybe her stepmother was just trying to be helpful but you are her mother and ultimately it should be your (and her father's) decision. Best of luck to you!

Training bra time is a great time to "train" your daughter on what is appropriate. Go shopping together and you will realize that most bras for young girls are padded. I got all types of bras for my daughter, sports bras for athletics, and the bright color, fun and mostly padded bras, and some simple white, beige bras. Your daughter needs to know when to where each. Also which bras go with which outfits. My daughter where two or three camis/tank tops together. For that I'm grateful. However at 9-11 several girls start wearing the "fun" bras and want them to show with a see through tank or cami. You need to talk to her about that more than whether the bra is slightly padded or not. This is a time to talk about how she expresses herself throuh clothes and that includes which bras she selects. Peer pressure it tough, but set a clear expectation and stick to it!! The middle school and high school years are difficult for girls to figure out who they are. It all could start with the training bra discussion.

I would be upset about a number of things in this situation. I agree that she is not ready for that kind of bra yet, I would talk to the step-mom about this. I would also be really upset if someone else took my daughter out to buy her first bra without my permission. That is supposed to be a mom and daughter thing and if a step mom took my daughter to get her first bra I would definately be upset and talking to her about over stepping her bounds.

I would say that your daughter seems at peace with the changes in her body. If she's happy about a bra, then it's probably time to have the talk with her, support her excitement about growing up, and have a girls' day shopping to get a couple more. Then you can monitor what's being bought, and edge your two cents in there on the matter. But there still are some unpadded that could make her just as happy.
Just to empathize with you, it isn't easy to let go of the last baby. My youngest son is in the Air Force, and it is a bittersweet thing. I'm incredibly proud of him, but wowie do I miss him big time, just because he's a neat person to be around and we do share a bond. But despite that he's chosen a good path and made a good choice all on his own and I can live with that. He's a good kid.
but I still miss him bunches.

sometimes, the Padded bra isn't so much to make you look sexy and voluptuous, as it is to hide your nipples from poking through your clothes. maybe your daughter is embarrassed by this...I know I was!
9 is a bit young, my daughter is nine, and doesn't have a bra...but if your daughter is devoloping in her chest area, then you don't have a choice...she needs a bra.
If she's not devolping, and just wants to be "in or cool" then take it away.

My daughter is 3, but after reading the other responses I felt the need to play devil's advocate.

I definitely think hot pink is a little much for a 9 yr. old. However, since I don't know how heavily padded the bra is, I thought I would offer this input - when I was (MUCH OLDER) but (FINALLY) in need of my first bra, my stepmother bought me a padded bra because it helped to smooth things out. Especially when first developing, girl's "figures" can be a little "pointy" and the padding helps to make that less noticeable. I would have been very embarrassed had I not had a padded bra to hide that.

Just a thought. But, ultimately, what really matters is what you feel is appropriate for your daughter. You certainly don't want her new fashion to send her the wrong message.

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