Totally Uncontrollable 3 Year Old Boy

This was my son to a T, when he was three. My guy was little, which made it even worse, he could dodge, dart and duck through crowds like crazy. If I were your friend, I would consider a harness in public. This will keep him safe and her sane. I think the allergy thing might be a real issue. Less, dairy, more water, no caffeine, less processed foods. All of this can contribute to a child that might be ADD/ADHD. At this age though, he may be just being a 3 year old boy. My son was finally diagnosed with severe ADHD, but a lot of his behavior was just being an active 3 yo boy. It would seem to me that he has impulse control issues, which can be be a manifestation of ADD/ADHD. My son also would get very wound up and lose all impulse control when he was hungry or tired; neither of which he will ever admit to, even now at age 11. My son had/has a very strict eating regimine, sleep schedule and new/exciting events were carefully planned to avoid overstimulation. Yes, this put a big dent into my weekends. My son napped during the week and weekends until age 5 and up to age 7 he had "power naps" on the weekends. This toddler might just be extremely overtired, which is very hard to see because the ON button runs on "high" constantly. For kids like this there is no medium or low setting. I suggest a thorough doctor's exam, more sleep (for the boy...sorry mom), test for dairy allergy, limit caffeine, sugar, preservatives, additives, processed foods, add a vitamin supplement. Go from there.
My best to everyone involved. The good news is that this behavior/energy can be corralled and channeled for good, not evil. My son just brought home an excellent report card, got a 100% vote for baseball all stars, and spent the day with a friend and the friend's parent told me what a great job he did. (This mom used to barely tolerate my son when he was little)
S.

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Your friend should talk to her pediatrician and then heed the advice she is given even if it is uncomfortable.

Even if he is tall for his age, 50 lbs is not even on the chart for a 3 year old! I checked the CDC growth chart and it ends at 40 lbs (38 is in the 95 percentile). You also say he drinks milk non-stop so given that I don't know this child it seems pretty obvious to me that he is getting too many calories.
That is a lot of energy for a 3 year old, who are often rambunctious and energetic by nature. Even if he doesn't have a food allergy it sounds a lot like she is simply overfeeding him.

Honestly before shlepping him to a bunch of specialists and get all kinds ob evaluations, I would go with a pediatrician and maybe a nutritionist. Even before she goes it would be good for her to keep a diary for a week or two, writing down EVERY bite he eats and everything he drinks as well as his behavior, activity and sleeping habits.
She can work with her doctor on determining his dietary needs and establishing a diet that does not exceed his needs for growth, but provides all necessary nutrients.
Again, not knowing him in person, I would bet, that with a healthy diet and regular physical activity she will get a handle on the behavioral issues. She should give it at least 3 months to see changes, and track his progress together with his ped.
If there are no changes at all, her ped can refer her for additional testing - he will also do so, if he suspects anything that requires evaluation from the get go.
Good luck.

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My brother in law was like this. He was 15 lbs at birth (really) and was absolutely out of control. My MIL (bless her) started charting some of the more terrible outbursts which were accompanied by very self destructive behavior and found that they were like clockwork every two weeks.

She has my utmost respect. She had a hell of a time raising him, he was committed for a short time, kicked out of every school, would bang his head on the ground until he passed out -- but also an extremely sweet boy, and while he was hard to control all the time, the reallly harmful stuff was occasional.

It turns out he has lesions on his brain which they suspect were either caused by birth or a baseball bat swing to the head by another child when he was small. His pituitary glad did not function, either. He was diagnosed with ADHD and is still on meds for depression, but he's weaning off.

I should mention that he is now 24, getting his master's degree, has job opportunites that are beating down his door, is the most wonderful, responsible, caring man. He's engaged to be married and I trust him with the lives of my children.

It was a long road getting here, but he made it. My MIL has raised three incredible men and that was her last. Like I said, she has my respect.

I wish your friend all the best. I can't imagine how hard this musst be... well, I can, I suppose, since I've known my BIL since he was five. But please tell her that no matter how bad, there can be a light at the end of the tunnel and in the case of my BIL, it shines brightly.

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Try an occupational therapy evaluation too. If not autistic, could be Sensory Processing Disorder. Touch, sounds, smells can really set them off. Food allergies is a good idea. I am in a yahoo group w/a lot of families on a no/low gluten diet. I've heard to avoid processed foods and artificial flavors. Can always talk to Pedi.
For my SPD sensory seeking dd, last week I put her 3lb lap pad in her backpack and she wore it in Wal-Mart. She did not run off (has always done) and she hardly touched anything w/out checking w/me first. They make weighted/compression vest for this, but not cheap. I do not know a lot about autism, but if he makes a lot of eye contact and hugging that is less likely (did not say it isn't possible

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I'm in the same boat. I'd say just be there for your friend like it sounds you are already doing. She needs support more than anything because it's hard raising a difficult child like this. You would not believe how many dirty stares you get from people. Like you just let your kid do whatever they want... when you've tried everything!! I really think he will outgrow it to an extent, but I also think he will probably always be agressive. I would second cutting down the milk though if he drinks it all day long. I think they're supposed to get 2- 8 oz glasses a day. My 3 year old is 42 lbs and almost as tall as my 5 year old... so he's a big kid too! One other possible option is sleep apnea. My ENT had me check for that but we're actually going in to get tonsils out because it's interfering with his breathing and sleep. And don't forget, even though he's a big kid... he's still only 3... he's got a lot of growing up and learning yet to do! Good luck to you and your friend!

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Food allergies can definitely affect behavior dramatically, although some docs say they are unrelated. By the way, with food allergies, traditional allergy test aren't necessarily going to give you the full picture. My daughter was allergic to EVERYTHING, including badly allergic to corn and dairy, and really nothing showed up on skin or blood tests. We had her tested and treated with some holistic treatments and she's doing much better. She did have behavior issues, although not as bad as you describe. The allergy doc we are seeing now saw a boy who was "psychotic" on red dye 40....he was treated for it and is now fine. The best way to identify allergens (aside from testing) is avoiding foods and see if he improves...milk would be the first to try, but it takes as long as two weeks to clear the system.

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i would be concerned with some kind of medical issue IF it was only one or two things, but when you add behavior problems + drinking milk constantly (someone has to be allowing that) + such a large child (is she intimidated by him? because my son is 3 1/2 and 45 lbs and i have no problem controlling him) + 4 bm's per day, + "monster" fits...i imagine she has a problem telling this kid no. you seem to think that she is very firm with him, but is she really? or does she just seem that way around people? i know some mothers who "seem" very strict but it's only because when their unruly children embarass them, THEN they react. if she is consistent with her discipline, doesn't allow these behaviors (a clue might be if he acts this way when he is away from her?) then maybe there is a problem and she should definitely get him looked at. i guess the question is, if she's such a good mom, why hasn't she already? i know this is your friend and you seem very loyal to her, but either it's a discipline problem, which is on the parents' shoulders, OR it's a medical issue, and she needs to do something, probably should have already.

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I would encourange her to get him evaluated. There could be a lot of things going on for this little guy. Kids don't just need a good spanking. It is likely that he thinks differently and she does not know how to deal with what might be going on in his head. I know how she feels. My daughter was always "very difficult". I had no idea why she would do the things she did when I took her out in public. I just kept trying to find things that worked. I later on found out that she has autism.. I am not suggesting that he has it.. I don't know what the boy is dealing with, but I know that he is not trying to just be a bad kid.. Kids at three are learning about things. It might be possible that he has sensory issues. If he is mouthing objects, throwing things, destroying things there could be reasons behind it. Is he trying to communicate? Does he want to see what happens to something when he throws the object? I am not saying these things are acceptable, but usually there is something behind a behavior, we just might not know what it is.
I bet this mom really needs a break and some times to see things from a different angle. It is heartbreaking as a Mother to see your child is acting different from most others. She is likely overwhelmed and needs someone she can trust..I know how she feels, I know what it is like.. It is tough to have a child that is so "high mantaince" It is very wearing.. HOWEVER, finding out if there is somethin going on is the key to helping him and herself!! Good luck!

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Get her this book, are 3 year old is very similar and difficult to take out as well. the book has taught us a lot of coping techniques, that not only help us deal with his behavior, but modify it for the better as well, so we are all much happier. As far as discipline goes, there are many many methods, perhaps her method isn't right nfor him? This book addreses that issue as well.

The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten by Dr. Sears
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Everything-Better-b...

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Tell your friend (if she seeks advice) to get him in to the pediatrician for his/her advice. The impulsive behavior and significant meltdowns could be markers of ADHD. Our son also was out of control when he was three despite our best efforts (and diet also had nothing to do with it) and it was ADHD. A pediatrician isn't qualified to diagnose this condition, but can make a referral to a specialist who can. Your friend can get help for her son at a young age when it's extreme. She just needs to be persistent and go to the doctor's office armed with a list of all of the extreme behaviors.

Have her take a look at some of the ADHD symptom checklists on ADDitude magazine's website (www.additudemag.com). This magazine also did an article about ADHD in preschoolers that may be helpful, as well.

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Of course, I would follow up on all the medical issues people have brought up, as they are all very good suggestions. I have a "diffcult" child she is 4 now, she matches her dad personlity to a T! I have to be firm, but really try hard to not be so firm that it's mean. I want her to know that sometimes we might break a rule, like standing on the porch without our shoes, so she learn some flexablity. She gets very little sugar, as I had gestional diabetes with both my little ones, so no one in th e family eats much sugar. Her dad was a very big baby, like 12 lbs, he was a tall (thin) child/teen but that didn't make him any older even tho he looked older he was still just his age. Now, he is 6'10" so she may have a basketball player on her hands. My child is very high sprited, a trait that my husband understands & values highly as he is like that too. So, we don't want to break her sprit. We have her in sports, & preschool to keep her busy & to teach her of course & to wear her down as she seems to not need much sleep either! We just deal with it. Sure we don't get invited to 2 of her anuts houses, but who cares, they aren't much fun for even me. If your not use to children than any child can seem out of control at some point or another.

TWO things are paramount here.

One...99% chance he has a fungal overgrowth with all that milk. Fungus LOVES to feed on milk. Fungus aggitates the nervous system because it releases a toxin (it's own excrement).

Milk also has a huge percentage of it's own toxic waste in it. The bacteria count from commercial dairies is very , very high. They pasturize (boil) the milk, and when those bacterias and parasites die, they become incontinent, and release their excrement into the milk. You body must then process those toxins out. The detox organs, (the liver, kidneys, and colon) and second detox pathway the skin and lung,... can only work so fast. The toxins back up. The nervous sytem is highly sensitive to toxins.

Two... 99.9% chance he has a magnesium (mg) deficiency. Milk is 8 times the calcium to 1 part magnesium. This leads to hypercalcemia. Hypercalcemia is when there is too much blood calcium , and not enough Magnesium.
These two minerals work in tandem. You MUST have enough magnesium, or the calcium cannot be uptaken. With the huge CA to low MG ratio in milk, this easily happens. Calcium slowly starts to get deposited in soft tissue, joints, lung, heart, kidneys. Eventually Teeth (dental carries) and bones get weak. Arthritis can set in. Dysregulation of vit D occurs, UTI's may become more common, diabetes and blood sugar problems, asthma, high or low blood pressure and irregular heart rythms may develop. Early signs could be headaches, salt, sugar and carb cravings ,CHOCOLATE cravings, tantrums, irritability and easily provoked to anger, compulsion, confusion, innatention, restless and hyperactive, ADHD, IQ loss, easily startled by sound or light, sleeping difficulty, fine twitching arround eyes and other body parts, passing undigested fat in stool, dysregulated intestinal activity and IBS, diarrhea and constipation, PMS (MG works great for this), fatigue, reccurrent infections of lung/sinus/throat/ear, red ears, sometimes nausea, anxiety, lack of interest, depression, puffy face, hiccups, and lack of verbal control.

Magnesium deficiency aggitates the nervous system because of a few factors. It increases adrenaline, which aggrivates the nervous system. Adrenaline also reduces blood flow to the bladder and increases sugar in the blood. (Hence you get the behavioral manefestations on blood sugar fluctuation). Further, mangesium is a chemical gate blocker. It keeps calcium from rushing in to the nerve cell to overstimulate it. So having PROPER magnesium ratios keep you calm. Magnesium keeps muscles relaxed and also helps muscles work.

Other things could contribute on top of this as well. Any additional heavy metals (which are also toxins to the nervous system) such as vaccines, Iron supplements, vit D supplements, and the like. Corn syrup contains mercury, and a fair percentage of corn gets a fusarium fugus on it when it sits in the silos after harvesting.... remember fungus is highly toxic to the nervous system. so kids that eat diets high in any processed food (almost everything contains corn in it now) will have more emotional/behavoral issues.

Changing his diet from a grain/milk based, to a protien/vegetable based diet, will increase his MG and balance out his minerals. You should definitely see his behavior change.
Add to it Mangesium malate or magnesium citrate. "kidcalm" is dosed for children and you can find that online. Another thing she can do simultaneously is give him epsom salt baths,(especially helpful for insomnia) 2 c of salts to a tub of water, soak 30 minutes, maybe 2 x a week before bed.(rinse the salts off after soaking or itching may occur).
Liquid Vit b complex drops under the tounge daily supports the nervous system and is as important as MG in nervous system issues.
To help with other mineral deficiences she can give fulvic acid.( Will probably only be able to find it online or at health food store.) It has up to 60 trace minerals in an ionic form which are quickly absorbed by cells.
I gave some to a plant on my table and the next day it had a ton of new growth.

There are products that can chelate heavy metals out, and a calmer child can result. NCD zeolite is one product, and Alpha Lipoic Acid is another. My other recommendations are safe to self dose, but find a holistic doctor to help chelation with these two products. By the way magnesium chelates some heavy metals out. MG and vit C should ALWAYS be given before any vaccines.

I hope this helps . Good luck,
Gail
ps.....mouthing and eating weird things is a sign of a mineral imbalance.
So there is even more proof that he is out of wack.

no answer- just curious b/c it sounds exactly like my nephew!!!

I love the fact that we have this wonderful resource to go to and get ideas and suggestions but please tell your friend to get her son to the pediatrician and ask for a full evaluation and then ask if there are parenting issues that could be inadvertantly encouraging this.
When he gets to acting up does she get ramped up too? I see so many Mom's that seem to spend a LOT of time yelling and threatening their children and I always wonder how they think their child is going to learn to be calm and reasonable when the role model that they are seeing is doing the same thing they are doing...yelling, angry and out of control! (I am not saying that this is the way that your friend is acting...I am just throwing some thoughts out there). I know how easy it is to get our "buttons" pushed by our children...but it is up to us..as the adults to try and stay as calm as possible, reason with the child and actively LISTEN to them to see if we can understand why they are upset.
That being said, I return to my original point....your friend needs to go to a professional for some guidance in this instance. As well meaning and caring as we mama's are on here...we are not professionals and you should take the advice of a professional over anything that we have to say here!!

I would take him to see a neurologist and an allergist and get him off so much milk. Seems like too many bm's per day for a child that age.
Make sure he gets plenty of protein, no processed sugars or foods, stay off junk food. Good luck.

He needs to be evaluated by a team of specialists. You don't say whether or not there is any chance of some kind of retardation - I would worry a little about that.

The food issue is a real good thing to bring up. There are a lot of threads on Mamasource that talk about that. Your remarks about putting stuff in his mouth sounds like a sensory integration disorder.

I hope she can get him some help. Bless you for trying to help her.
D.

I've had some experience with milk issues. A child in the day care I worked in kept falling asleep everywhere, Dr. took him off milk, different child. Another had a very clumsy energetic child decided to see what taking him off milk would do, again different child, able to focus better everything.
I found that I was allergic in my 30's, went off milk completely for a while. Milk gives me very frequent and loose stools, makes me feel like I need to eat more (like I have to overpower the milk with other foods), makes my mouth feel raw when I eat cereal or ice cream, can make my stomach hurt or make me feel itchy.
Taking him off milk to see what the results are is a good option to start with.

I agree w/ having an OT eval. I am going through a similar situation w/ my 3 year old girl. She was already dx'd w/ a Sensory Processing Disorder and is also having sleep issues. We are working w/ an OT therapist in and a sleep specialist. We are also having allergy testing done (should get the results this week!). She is a healthy eater and very loving - just gets overstimulated. A great book my doc recommended was Raising Your Spirited Child - kind of gives parents a look on how to handle.

Food allergies can definately affect behavior. I've seen it in my children. There are doctors who clear food allergies now adays. Or at least they can check what he's allergic to and he can avoid those foods...

Sounds like there are a couple of things going on here.
You didn't mention what he eats, but a 3 year old should weight around 30lbs. He is definitely overweight. If he is having that many bowel movements a day, I'd love to hear what he's eating. Can't be good. I wouldn't be surprised if his diet is affecting all aspects of this child's life. It might not necessarily be an allergy, per se, but something chemical.

Secondly, this child is DESPERATE for attention, and negative attention is the easiest for him to get. Especially, when he sees that he can get a rise out of people.

Overall, I'd say that he doesn't have boundaries with food or behavior. I think it's important to not only look at the child, but look at the parent. Sometimes, we as parents, need to change the way we parent, not try to change the way our kids are kids.

I had a similar problem with my son. I realized that he needed a different type of parent/parenting style. After I realized it, we got along better. He excels in school, he is very gifted, and is thriving. His issues started at 3 as well.

It has to start with the parent(s). So if she isn't willing to find an answer, this child doesn't have a chance.

First off, is he drinking milk all the time b/c that is what she offers him? He may be drinking to much. And if it is whole milk then he is drinking the wrong kind of milk for his age. Why don't you suggest to her to give him water. If he is thirsty then water should satisfy that thirst. If he is just drinking milk b/c it is in front of him then that could be part of the problem. Second, you may suggest he get tested, first for diabetes, if he's truly thirsty all the time, that is a sign. And second for ADHD or Autism. He could have a slight case of Austism. Especially if he is that uncontrollable. And other's have said an allergy, which it could be also. But you have to talk to her about it and your fears first. I hope this helps some. Good luck and God Bless.

oh it sounds to me like he needs a whooping. plain and simple. that boy is to big to be going over other people's house tearing up things. and when i say big i mean age wise. i know sometimes thing get broken by toddlers and that's understandable but and all the time, i think not! and i would really have to talk to my friend about this. like asap. i can't really speak on the milk issues because i have never dealt for with it. good luck