26 answers

Toothfairy Talk

My newly 8 Year old daughter has a loose tooth (not the first one) and as we were talking about it the other day she said she was going to leave a note with the tooth asking for a picture of the toothfairy. She then turned to me and said, "If it's you, you need to leave me a picture of you." When I inquired what she thought she mentioned that sometimes she thinks it's me. I want to be truthful with her but I'm afraid she will then bring up the Santa issue- I would like to get another year out of that! Should I tell her or not? Thanks for the advice!

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Hi J.,

I have sort of brought the idea up that all these characters have helpers (like all the Santa's all over town) and that sometimes mommies and daddies are helpers too. I think it is fun for them to pretend and fun for us too!

With my 6 yr old we have always taken from the Polar Express idea and given him the "if you believe...". It seems to work with him but then he's 6, not 8. My husband and I will talk about how we believe in Santa and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, etc with him.

I bet at 8 she knows about santa, if nothing else because of kids at school. I would talk to her some more and follow her lead. If she wants to know, she wants to know.

K.

ps. in little house on the prarie, there's a great explanation of what "santa" is about how it's everyone loving and the magic it makes. Have you guys read that book together?

More Answers

They only get to be little for so long, I love the magic that they get to experience, I do not see it as harmful or as "lying"...I say if they suspect the "truth" it is time to let them in on it, that doesn't mean it has to end...you can still pretend together = )
Trust your mommy instincts
B.

2 moms found this helpful

It's such a funny thing. That we tell these tales to our children. Mine are older now but I remember being in the position you are and struggling with it. The tooth fairy thing never really came up. The santa thing did. When I couldn't brush it off any longer. I told them there was a "Santa Claus" not like the one on tv. But one that went from house to house and left gifts for the children. Then when he went to heaven many other folks liked the idea so much that they decided they wanted to give children presents too. So now there are all kinds of Santa's. And they can be Santa's too. When you give a gift to someone you are a Santa. That took care of it they thought that was cool.
Kids at school talk about so much they hear it pretty early. Probably in kindegarten for most. There are always some kids who parents don't tell them about Santa and some who just don't have the money to spend. You could always say: Do you really want to know?

You could take a picture of yourself in the dark and leave it. lol That would be funny. Cover up the flash. :)

L. (H now)

2 moms found this helpful

I would just tell her.
My 7 y/o son knows there is no tooth fairy. It was something that I didn't want to even get started, but the school system did. We still give him money for his teeth because we have had to pull every tooth that was loose. He has never had a tooth fall out, but he has had an adult tooth come in behind the loose baby tooth & we had to pull it. I figure that he is brave enough to let us pull his teeth, then he should still get money for it. He also likes that I keep his baby teeth & that he can look at them later if he likes.
Personally I feel like I am lieing to my kids when I reinforce the tooth fairy or santa thing.
My boys also know that there is no magical Santa, as I have told them many times about the real santa. I want my boys to focus on Jesus durring christmas & not "what is Santa going to bring me". They do get excited about gift giving, helping others & recieving gifts, so it is not like I have taken away the fun. I have just modified it.

God bless!

1 mom found this helpful

Here is an idea that still leaves a little room for "fantasty" but isn't a lie either. Have your husband take a picture of you...in a robe or something...as you are disappearing around the corner of the bedroom door...you can tell her that the tooth fairy is just too fast as she flits in and out...to get a good picture of her. Sometimes we have to improvise as parents...I have vivid memories of one of the first times that our oldest daughter got a "visit from the tooth fairy". We were a poor strugging young couple, living on $750 a month ( this was 34 years ago!!) I THOUGHT I had put a one dollar bill under her pillow but she came out in the morning with a TEN dollar bill!!! I could NOT afford to let her have that entire $10, that was dinner for the next couple of nights. I told her that the tooth fairy must have run out of change and if she would just put that $10 under her pillow when she left for kindergarden, that the tooth fairy would come back and make change, so that she would have the money for the other little boys and girls. LOL...she bought it...
As to Santa Clause...I agree with one of the other Moms...I never made a big deal out of Santa Claus...I always told our children that Santa Claus was "the spirit of Christmas"...we always centered our Christmas Celebration around the birth of Jesus. The same idea with the Easter Bunny...we had fun with it...my husband uses flour to make "bunny tracks" from the front door to the hidden baskets...but they always knew the REAL reason for Easter was the Risen Lord. Children are so much smarter than we give them credit for...they can balance the fantasy AND the reality.

1 mom found this helpful

J.,

All of our children are now grown - let me tell you a little story. As much as we as parents Love to have that excitement and belief that comes with such things as Santa and the Tooth Fairy. When our middle one was around 8 she came home upset because someone else had told her there was no Santa. After speaking with her and reassuring her there is a SANTA life went on. Soon after Christmas that year she came home and was asking again, so we reluctantly told her - a couple of months later she connected the dots to the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy on her own. Now as an adult we talk about this very issue concerning her own daughter and the one thing that she always says is that she felt "Stupid" after she went to school and insisted there was a SANTA because she KNEW her mommy would not lie to her....it's such a fine line to walk with our children - we tell them every day not to lie, but yet, in essence that is what we are doing with them.

In short - if she is already doubting the existence of the Tooth Fairy, it is probably better to keep your credibility and fess up. She will be able to retain all of her good memories of these things and will appreciate that you treated her like a big girl! If she doesn't ask about the others (Santa etc..), don't bring them into the conversation, but do remind her not to blow the myth for the younger children she may come in contact with.

Good luck!

N.

My girls were watching the Macy's Day Parade and they were 8 and 9 at the time and my 8 year old was telling my 9 year old that Santa wasn't real. That the one on tv was fake and there really wasn't a Santa that it was mom and dad...they didn't realize I was listening. It broke my heart, but we decided that after lunch to sit them down and spill the beans. They were actually okay with it and seemed to be ready to hear the truth, which it sounds as if your little one is too.
We did tell them that we acted as these characters because we wanted them to enjoy the gifts they recieved from the characters and not think they were from us. We wanted them to be thankful of what they received and not have to feel they needed to thank someone for them. That we did it this way out of love for them and that we didn't want any credit for the "cool" things that Santa, the Easter Bunny and such gave them. It was sad to let the "dream" go, but they still enjoy Christmas and Easter and we still give them money for lost teeth, well there is actually just one more tooth to go between them, so we'll be a little richer after that one goes, until they get braces, lol. Good luck and God Bless.

You know, I just got around to reading the response you'd received. I love what Lisa said, but when I read what Betsy said something clicked with me. Pretending together is exactly what I've done, without realizing it.

I never wanted to lie to my children about Santa. Presents would appear Christmas morning and I let my children believe what they wanted. I didn't try to persuade them into believing. I encouraged them to think for themselves and come to their own decision, which I hope taught them to think critically and to respect others' beliefs.

I was surprised to find they never directly asked if Santa was real or not! They wanted to believe! But they so quickly got older as children do and I know none of them believe. We don't speak of it; rather, as my mom does with me to this day, we like to speak about Santa in fun as if he exists, as in, "The perfect gift! I guess Santa knew just what I wanted!" or "You must've been a good boy because that big present is for you!" It's all in fun, as we all know none of that is real. But it's still magic I enjoy.

As for the tooth fairy...I was just playful about it once the kids were old enough to question it.

With my 6 yr old we have always taken from the Polar Express idea and given him the "if you believe...". It seems to work with him but then he's 6, not 8. My husband and I will talk about how we believe in Santa and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, etc with him.

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