Hello Mamas!
My 9 year old daughter just lost another tooth. She scurried off to put it in her Tooth Fairy Pillow and write a letter. My husband wants to go in her room and tell her the truth. I've held him off for tonight... no need to crush her while we are in the throws of expecting a visit. However, it's brought up the question, once again, as to when we should fill her in. He's afraid that she'll be made fun of at school if she continues to believe and defend the reality of these figures. Sometimes I agree with him and think she should know the truth. She could be on our side and help keep the magic alive for her younger sisters. Other times I worry about taking the magic away before she is ready.
So, what age should I spill the beans? Does anyone have good advice about how to do it gently? Or, should I just let her find out on her own at some point? Any harm in letting her continue in the ruse if I think she might know the truth? Pros? Cons?
Thanks so much!
A.
Thank you all so much! I really appreciate you all taking a moment to share your thoughts. As it turns out, she woke up and saw me in her room last night. As I thought, she had been suspicious about all of it and since she started asking, I went ahead and shared the truth. It turned out really well. I took her to lunch, just the two of us. I let her tell me what she thought and she shared what kids at school and on the bus had been saying. And then I very gently told her the truth. If she hadn't asked, I would have just kept on with all the magic, but I had to be truthful. She is over the moon about being in on the jig and is very much looking forward to playing a part in helping with her younger siblings. I told her I'd continue to give her money from the "tooth fairy" and that some of her gifts would be from Santa and she was happy about that. It turned out really well... she was ready to hear about all of it. She even started to think back to all of the things that we've done over the years... letters, Santa's cookies, reindeer food, etc. and had a good chuckle about all of it.
I'm sad to see her lose this part of her life, but thrilled at how well she handled it and how excited she is to help out.
Thanks again everyone!
A.
My parents just waited until I found out on my own, and I don't believe I was ever made fun of at school for believing in such things. Soon she'll realize that they aren't real on her own, and then she'll be much happier to keep the magic alive for her younger sisters.
Last year when my son was 6 he came home from school to tell me his classmate, Sabastian said there was no Santa!! I said to my son maybe santa doesn't go to his house. My son thought about it and said, OK and dropped it. I'm gonna let him beleive till he doesn't anymore. My parents never told me santa, easter bunny, tooth fairy wasn't real, just eventually I knew the jig was up and it was my parents. Don't worry about it let her enjoy the fantasy as long as she wants to.
I say, "old enough to ask, old enough to know". That's the phrase we parent by (on most issues). Ours figured it out last Easter (she was 8) and when she asked, we told her the truth. No point in making her look like an idiot, lol!
She figured the Santa and tooth fairy stuff on her own after that. She has a 2 year old sister that she loves helping with on the holidays now. Go with your gut. I say if she still enjoys the magic, let her have it!
hello
I haven't had to explain IF the Tooth Fairy exist but I have had to explain if Santa does.... However, my approach isn't so much as to whether the person exists or not, but rather the larger picture which to me is in relation to where Santa comes into play.. a time to give.. a time to remember people who are special to us. but also... Santa is perhaps representative of how we (my family and I) might remember to be all year round, generous, giving and thankful.. I say that Santa is simply a reminder of the power of giving... and when I say giving, I am not talking about material gifts.. I mean the little things in life.. making cookies for someone.. sending a card.. etc..
If you are going to dispell the myths of these "great legends" LOL ...hahahah
then perhaps try and explain it in such a way that a 9 year can truly comprehend.. I mean you can be realistic but no need to burst her bubble.. 9 isn't that old...
Also.. When I was a kid , I knew that when I lost a tooth that it might look kinda funny until the new one grew in.. maybe having the tooth fairy to rely on for a little cash to ease my embarassment made it all worth it.. :):)
could be your daughter KNOWS the toothf airy doesn't exist but like most kids.. who doesn't like a little money laid under their pillow... believe me... in another year or even sooner. she will be asking if santa is real and all those other characters.. no need to rush it.. she will grow up sooner than you think.... :( like kids do...
Let her figure it out. Makes the child feel like they were more clever than their
parents for once..
DONT SPILL THE BEANS!!!!!! In the world we live in?
Please!!! I implore you!!!! Let me go to bed tonight knowing that there is a 9 year old girl out there that has majic and wonder, thoughts and dreams, imagination and love.
They grow up too fast these days.
P.S. Give that gal a five'r just because you asked!!!!
I say let her have it as long as she wants. When she starts asking questions, that might be a good time to come clean. I think our 8-year old thinks something doesn't add up, but she doesn't WANT to think differently. I think when kids get suspicious and ask the tough questions, and that's a sign to me that they are ready for the truth. If they're not suspicious, then no need to ruin the magic!
Let it continue as long as you can. If she knows, then she's playing along because she doesn't want to lose the magic of childhood. If she doesn't know, then keep going as long as you can.
They grow up too fast as it is. Let her be a child for as long as you can get away with it. And be grateful. Another mom was on here a little while ago asking about taking 8 and 9yo girls to see the Twilight series movie Eclipse for a birthday party. Be glad your daughter still believes in the Tooth Fairy! :)
When I was growing up my parents waited until we figured it out on our own. They never "crushed us". Usually they get told by some kid on the playground and come home crying and ask you for the truth. That's typically the best time to come clean, somebody else did the dirty work and you don't look like the bad guy! :)
But really, I didn't cry when I learned there was no Santa Clause or tooth fairy. It was just all in stride. And by the time they are 9 they usually have a pretty good idea something isn't right anyway.
And besides, I still believe in Santa Clause to this day and I'm all grown up now! :)
Good luck!
My husband was asked by our neighbors to play Santa, for several years running, for their little boy. They rented a suit and arranged formal visits. It was great fun while it lasted. They finally decided (when the child was about 8) to let him in on the secret. We handled it as if he were now old enough to be initiated into the wisdom of the elders, and he was assigned to be one of Santa's helpers, and to pass the traditions of kindness, love, and generosity on to the world's future children (though he is an only). There was no puzzlement, no sense of betrayal, because of the passing of the torch.
You could have a "tooth-fairy initiation" ceremony, or even an all-tradition initiation, to let your daughter know you trust her with this grown-up information. Mark it with a document, or a locket, or any appropriate symbol.
Assure her, if she's worried, that because parents are automatically nominated to carry on the tradition, you will continue to leave her money in exchange for her teeth if she'll feel that as a loss. It doesn't need to be handled in a traumatizing way for her; after all, you and daddy have been the ones fooling her up till now.
For all of these things we still 'believe' in our family and our kids are 13 and 15. When they started to ask questions or tell us that so-and-so doesn't believe in Santa/Bunny/Fairy, we just expressed our astonishment that anyone would chose to stop believing in something fun. 'No tooth fairy would suck the fun out of loosing teeth. Why would anyone choose to stop believing?'
Now as teenagers they love that Santa still brings them a big present and my 13 year old just lost a tooth last night and was excited to get her 'golden dollar' this morning. (we us Sacagewa dollar coins) The Easter Bunny fills their baskets with candy and nail polish and such each year. They love that our family still believes and often 'brag' to their friends about it. : ) Let her keep the magic!
Why do yo have to make your daughter grow up? I think this discussion on Santa Claus came up a while back. Ya'll need to step back and let your daughter grow...let her deal with what her peers say....When she comes to you with questions and that someone says there's no such thing as the tooth fairy..then that's when your parenting comes in ....and explain to her about the story, the legend....and that the tooth fairy can still live one if she wants it to...Sometimes kids still want that tradition to continue, some could care less.
I was this way with Santa Clause and my brothers and sisters had Santa Clause visit us till we were married.
My daughter was 11 when she figured the whole thing out for sure. There were a few signs & at times I felt like fessing up to her. But children don't really have much to look forward to with things these days - it seems like their imaginations are stripped of them by the time they leave kindergarten. The biggest thing is if you have any younger children, my oldest daughter promised never to break this to her little sister. Kids are quick though - two years ago I remember her asking me why Santa uses the same wrapping paper as us - I never even thought about that so I came up with a good fib. One thing though, Christmas eve we usually go for a ride so my husband aka Santa can get all of the stuff together plus we go see this amazing display in our town and she told me it really isn't any fun any more knowing. I say let them stay little for as long as we can!
I never told my oldest, now 13......he just "knows" all by himself........
I'm glad it went this way, because the magic is still alive in our home without any discussion about it........it's more fun for the 7yr old, too :O)
You don't want any regret about telling her........if you DO tell her, you can never go back to the "fun"........
It's up to you guys, in your own home really, but it could spoil the fun for the younger one's later.........
When asked by my son about Santa, or the Easter Bunny......my response always was...."He's real in this house!......he comes here doesn't he?" Soon enough my son just KNEW probably from friends or whatever. To this day we have never told him, but I know he knows..........he just plays along perfectly and is even bonding better with his brother to keep the magic alive for him longer :O) That tells me how much he enjoyed believing in everything.......
I hope my situation can help you determine what will work best for your situation....it's a toughy :O)
~N. :O)
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My kids are almost 10 and almost 9, and they love the Twilight series AND they still believe in Santa and the tooth fairy, as do most of the kids at their school. So, yes, you can still be a "child" and enjoy entertaining literature and film. My 10 year old has never "firmly" believed in any of this... she was questioning from the time she could talk. She's very practical in her thinking. We always tell her, "what do you think", and she never goes around telling people it isn't real. I think that she's always known, but she still "believes" just in case. My 9 year old believes wholeheartedly that this is all real -- Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy-- all of it. I will let them figure it out on their own. And when they BOTH come to me, BOTH not sure, then we'll tell them the truth. It is a silly social convention, but boy does it cause parents stress!
Oh come on...she knows the truth. She keeps it up because she needs another five bucks.
My daughter is four and lost her first tooth. I forgot the thing in the car and told her I would go get it. She stopped me and said, "No, I really don't want the tooth fairy in my room". This really took me by surprise. They she later told me, she doesn't like the Tooth Fairy and she doesn't like the Easter Bunny either.
It all just makes them who they are.
I don't think you really have to "spill the beans." She will figure it out on her own - in fact, she probably really knows now but doesn't really want to know so she goes along with it. I know that my parents never told me there was no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. We all just figured it out as we got older.
I just wanted to share a little something. I found out pretty early about the tooth fairy, then the rest of the magical holiday figures followed. But even though I knew the truth, every year my parents still gave us the big gift from Santa (the gift tag on it simply read FROM SANTA), and easter baskets. We even continued to bake cookies at Christmas, and dye eggs at Easter. Even though us 3 kids were adults, one year she made us do an easter egg hunt, which turned out to be so much fun! Even as an adult my parents still gave me a little something for easter signed the easter bunny or Santa at Christmas, and it made me think back to that time where you were truely surprised jumping out of bed to find one of those magical holiday figures left something just for you.
I know this doesn't offer a lot of sound advice, but I found out on my own, no one ever teased me, and we continued the traditions out of believing in the holiday.....and of course the characters were always welcome. =)
PS. Last year my Mom was pretty ill for awhile before she passed away, she wanted us to sort through her stuff as she told us what to do with it. One day she told me to take this bag of my childhood belongings. When i got back home (6 hours away) I looked in the bag. It was all my teeth that I put in envelopes to place under my pillow for the tooth fairy. LOL.
