Too Young to Start Pre-school?

HI K.,
I think this decision really depends on your daughter and her personality. She could either be ready to be going and doing with new friends or feel really displaced by the new baby.

Two can be young for preschool, or it can be a great introduction to socialization and more stimulation for her. I guess it depends on the focus of the school and not just the ratios, but how many kids are in the class at a time. I would consider all of those things... With the amount of time she'd be going it could be a great break for you and for her.

I didn't find that the early months with our second child were terribly difficult because the baby sleeps so much. It's easy to spend quality time with the older one while the baby is near or while sleeping. And because my two were about the same age gap as yours, I got them on the same nap schedule so I could have a break too. It didn't get difficult until the baby started to move around a bit (crawling etc...) and "getting into" my daughter's things.

You could always send her and see how it goes... if she loves it awesome, if not, pull her out and give it a year or so. She'll be totally ready (and so will you) by the time she's 3.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I think that would be fine since she's not going every day, all day. It'll give her a chance to play with other kids too. She is old enough to learn some social skills too that will help you when she's home. Go for it!

My son started at 2 years, 5 months and it was FABULOUS! He enjoyed the social time and I enjoyed the sanity time :) He is now in 2nd grade and I think the early preschool experience did a nice job of setting him up to enjoy learning. Because of a November birthday, my daughter was closer to 3 when she started and she is now begging to go to school more hours and more days. I'm looking forward to that, too :)

All of my children started preschool right around 2 yrs old. I think it was great for them. A read some of the other posts and wanted to respond to a few things. Its only 3hrs a day/3 days a week you will still have plenty of time with each child. It will allow the oldest to run of a little energy and you to have some special cuddle time with the baby. Also you should never wait until kindergarten for your child to get socialization. Kindergarten is different/ harder now than when we were kids. Kindergarten expects more of kids now than it did when my 15 yr old was in kindergarten. They have a lot to learn in that year and socialization just put them back. I have volunteered in Kindergarten classes for 15yrs (I have 3 kids) and you can tell the kids that have been home with mom/dad and not in a preschool. The struggle a lot more. I am not saying the iff you don't put her in preschool now she will fail in kindergarten, I just think some preschool helps. My son went to preschool when he was 2 and made friends that he still talks about.

I say got for it! It will be great for her. Two is not too young to socialize & play w/kids her own age. And, really, at 2, it won't be preschool like for 4 yr olds. Sure, they'll talk about colors, numbers, shapes & letters but the emphasis will be on play & socializing not learning acadmeics. But, the key, I think,willbe to start her BEFORE you have the baby, like you're planning. If you wait to start her after the baby, she may feel pushed out & neglected. Starting her a few months before will work prefectly as she'll be ajdusted & settled by the time the second baby comes along.

You will be amazed at how fast that time goes. It feels like you just dropped them off and it's time to turn around and pick them up. Personally, I think it would add another obligation for me when I have a newborn. If the baby is sleeping it would be a pain to load up and go back and forth twice a day. And your daughter will need some time to adjust to the new baby (it is typical to have regression on the part of the older sibling). I would wait maybe another 3 months after the baby is born, when I was in a better routine and everyone has had time to adjust. But ultimately it will be fine either way, so don't stress.

The biggest concern I have is that you said "considering enrolling her in a pre-school for a few hours each week so that I can have some time with the new baby." If your daughter feels that she is going to school to get her out of the way of the new baby, you could have problems. If she is going to school because she is old enough and would enjoy the new environment, that's different. I suggest you think carefully why you want her to go to school. Kids are very perceptive. Even if you don't state to her that she is going to school to give you time with the new baby, she will be able to tell that this is the situation. With two kids you have to make decisions that are best for both children and maybe not ideal for you. Also if your oulder daughter feels she is being pushed aside for the baby, this will affect her relationship with her sibling. Good luck!

Although I agree that your daughter will do just fine at a good pre-school at this age and may actually really get a lot out of it, I also want to second the suggestion to hire a local teen to come to your house. I did this when my second was born and my older daughter still remembers it! They walked down to the creek to play 'pooh sticks' at the bridge, walked to the library, park, etc. Even just playing in the back yard was much more fun for her with someone different. Now my girls are teens and they love babysitting toddlers. They both say ages 2-4 are the best!

Go for it. My kids are 23 mos. Apart and he went to daycare 3 days a week when I had my daughter. After feeling really guilty I look back and realize it was great. I was able to spend time with the baby adjust to nursing and get a little sleep and he was able to see other kids, play and have fun. A win for everyone!

My son was in an in-home daycare from the time he was two months old until I transferred him into a preschool at age three (when the in-home caregiver recommended all of her "kids" start preschool). The in-home setting had a 1 to 6 ratio and was run by a lady who had an elementary teaching credential, so she did some basic teaching along with social skills, potty training, etc. My son did fine in both situations and excelled in school, so his early training gave him a good start.

My twin girls started less a month after they turned 2 and they were fine. I think the fact that you will be there with them at the beginning should really help as well. Good luck.

B.
www.mamabeartales.com

My son started 3/ 2.5 hour days a week. He was 21 months old. He did not handle the first month or so but I was not able to stay with him for that long.. we had a week long phase in. It was torture to watch him cry but it has proven to be so great for him socially and educationally. He has learned so much and handles separation great! I can leave him with anyone and he knows I will come back! For us, it was totally worth it.
Good Luck with your decision.
S.

Hello K.:
As the mother of 5 and having had a Day Care for several years, I thought I would give you a few thoughts. A preschool is a nice thing as it gives children a chance to get out and make little friends and play with others.On the other hand I have seen it be a terrible burden for the mother and a time of insecuriety for the child left knowing that Mommy is with the baby. I t can also be a hardship to get 2 little ones ready to go out at any set time let alone the hours of a pre-school. I now have a set of 2 year old twins that I care for along with 3 drop ins. They are doing well and happy--but their poor mom is frazzeled at times getting them to me. I can share with you what I did with my own children for you to consider: Have a preteen or teen come in for a couple of hours 2-3 days a week after school to give your little one attention and use that time for the baby. I had a young man of 12 come play with my 2 sons and I have also had several different young women ages 12-17 come and help out as a "Mother's Helper". They enjoyed the money and often it was the only way I'd get a rest time myself. It is alot cheaper than a pre-school. I knew these young people from my neighborhood or church. I really appreciate that you are starting before the new baby comes. God Bless, Nana G

If the purpose is education with pass/fail, then she's too young. If you just want her to socialize and get out of the house with a side helping of non-graded educational fun that is more or less like a daycare, then she'll be fine. I used to work in daycare that has games and activities centered around education, but it was education hidden in games so that the children learned naturally and didn't even realize they were learning, and we had children as young as 18 months. It usually didn't take longer than a couple weeks before the kids were so excited about being there that they ran off to play, leaving parents to be the teary ones.

First, I do not think your daughter is too young to start pre-school. My daughter has been in a daycare that I consider like pre-school because of their curriculum. She will surprise you and may LOVE it. That being said, once the baby is born, she may not want to go or may cry when you leave. My daughter loved her new daycare, then two months later when her brother was born and I was home with him for 9 weeks, she cried every time I took her (even though when I picked her up she was having a blast). She was 2 at the time.

I would start her either before the baby is born (like you said - 2 months before) or at least 4-6 weeks after....

Good luck!

You can stay with her for a few weeks, but honestly I think that will just make it harder for her when you stop staying with her. Maybe stay a few minutes the first time, but that is it. Make a big deal about how she is a big girl and gets to go play with her friends. Talk it up every day and night. Ask her what she's going to do the next day. After preschool ask her what she did that day and what she ate.

My daughter has been going to classes since she was very young, < 1 year. At 23 months, I would say that your child is probably ready to learn and interact with her peers. Preschool is usually a setting in which children can be around her peers and learn at the same time, but I must say that social adaptation is can sometimes be difficult in young children. I recommend visiting to get your child acclimated. But be mindful that your presence isn't a distraction for your child.

my daughter started at 16 months, 3 days a week for 3 hours. she loved it. do it for her and for you - you both could benefit from preschool, for different reasons ;) !

good luck!

As a mom of three boys, I can guarantee that you will need some time away from your toddler when your new baby arrives. I think starting a few months early is a smart idea. Something to think about....if she is in a program for 3 hours, three days a week, you are going to spend a lot of time coming and going with a newborn. In and out with a newborn is not fun and so tiring. You might be cursing your pre-school idea in the long run.

Dear K.,
You've received lots of differing advice. I think you'll just have to go with what you think will work best for you on this one.
Keep in mind that many of us moms have had to put our children into daycare of preschool much younger out of necessity either due to returning to work or some other situation. My son was still a baby when I was going through my divorce and I was so lucky to find a wonderful preschool for him. I had so many court dates and attorney appointments, depositions, etc that I couldn't take him to. And, I had no family close by to help me. My son was loved and nurtured and learned songs and had play time with little ones who he looked forward to seeing. It was a blessing for him to have his own little place in the world that was truly his. He had his own little cubby and his own little rack for his jacket. He loved getting to go.
Some moms are right...the driving back and forth to pick up a child from daycare/preschool with a newborn can be daunting. But, My kids were 10 years apart. So, I had a child in grade school with a new baby. There were no school buses, so it was a daily thing of taking her and picking her up. But, you just find a way that works. For instance, I got up early to get my daughter ready for school, nursed the baby and we set out with him still in his jammies and that's when I did my grocery shopping. There are no crowds at 8am in the grocery store. At least not where I live. My baby slept through most of it anyway and we set back off in the afternoon to pick sissy up. It just becomes a matter of what you do and you figure it out and a routine becomes what your kids get used to. I have video of my little baby being at his sister's school events and school plays. Having an older sibling was part of his life and having a younger sibling was part of hers.
I don't think your daughter is too young for preschool or daycare. I don't think it will harm her in any way to be around other children or be away from you for a little bit at a time. I know some mothers feel that kids don't need socialization this young, they shouldn't be away from their parents....
But, take it from at least one mom who has well adjusted children that started preschool early. My daughter was in kindergarten at 4. She was ready. My son started at 5 as most kids do, but he already knew the routine of being somewhere else and Mommy would be back to get him and it was all okay. Lord knows he had lots of experience riding to take his sister to school and pick her up. It just seemed like a natural thing.
And thank God, because there wasn't really an option. He's received numerous awards for citizenship and takes other kids who struggle under his wing. Both of my kids truly benefitted from having awesome people in their lives in the daycare/preschool setting.
I would ask to do a couple of drop ins at the school you are considering and see what your daughter thinks of it. She may absolutely love it. If you get her used to it ahead of time, it won't be like something she is doing only because there is a new baby, it will be because it's her own time and her own little thing she gets to do. Which in my opinion, won't hurt her a single bit.
Your choice is your own and I'm sure you will make the right one for your family regardless of what that choice is.
I wish you the best.

Don't worry. I think it is a great idea. My daughter started preschool at 22 months. She did great. Your child will love all the activities the preschool will provide. I think spending one-on-one time with your new baby is a great idea too.

My son started at 18 months. I think it is easier on them if they start early rather when older and k ow what is goin on. The separation might be harder.

K. you have given this a great amount of thought. I agree that your daughter is on the young side of toddler age. As a good starting point I would simply ask the pre-school the ages of children currently in their care for 3hrs a day 3days a week. I would ask permission to visit and I would definitely explain enrollment would be on a trial basis and make sure the financial terms are satisfactory to you under trial basis at first. Experience is the best teacher so I would ask the pre-school to provide you with some references. Do not be nervous you are making this decision on behalf of your daugther & you will make the correct decision. My 4 kids started pre-school between 2 1/2 and closer to 3 which is a little older but they had siblings and did not need to learn how to play with other children. I used pre-school for learning skills pre-kindergarten.
Hope you stay happy & healthy throughout this pregnancy,
Mary

My daughter wasn't allowed to start her preschool until she was 3 and potty trained. That being said, if the school allows younder children, potty trained or not, and you have the resources I would go for it. The time you would get with the new one would be nice to have and your daughter will be getting some special fun time outside of the house for a couples hours a day. I worked at a Montessori preschool and they had a 2 to 3 yo room and the kids did just fine.

If your daughter has a somewhat outgoing personality and can speak well I'm sure she'll do fine. Both my girls were in some kind of program outside of the house at that age. I would second the idea that it will not give you much (if any) extra time with your newborn though. Honestly by the time you load everyone up and get you oldest settled and get home it will be nearly time to turn around and do it again. I know it seems like 9 hours a week but beleive me it doesn't turn out that way. You may be better off to hire someone to to come in to your home and "play" with her a few hours a week. I hired local teens to spend time with my oldest at that age when I needed time with my second alone or time to work and do housework. They would play in the backyard, go for walks, read books etc. I was there in case of emergencies but the "go to" person was the sitter. After a few visits my daughter got comfortable with her and really enjoyed hanging out with a "big kid". The teenagers (we used a couple over the years) seemed to enjoy spending time with a toddler, most girls do and it was actually cheaper than preschool with more time for me to focus on the second baby and work.

We take our 18 mo daughter to a class and she has been to our son's classroom and she loves it so much we would like to get her in preschool next year but she misses the cut off date!

Having put a child in Day Care at 24 months and friends who are SAHM (who put kids in preschool at this age), I completely support the decision to do it.

Our son was one-on-one with a wonderful woman in our house until 21 months when I had our second child. He was well-loved and cared for. He has flourished since being in day care.

I understand Day Care is different than 1/2 day preschool. But, all the SAHM I know who have younger children have put their kids there to help with the bonding time with the new baby as well as introducing different social/learning environments to their older child (all of them were 2 years when they did this). In speaking with one friend this past weekend, her only current regret is that 1/2 day is not enough time for her now 3 year-old daughter.

Socialization in Mommy & Me groups is much different than when the child is on their own with other authority figures (teachers) and no parent present.

I, personally, completely advocate it and would do the same if I were a SAHM in the same situation. It will take a few weeks to acclimiate if they're used to being with you all the time. But, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the rewards.

Good luck making your decision.

I had a similar situation, my daughter is a little shy of 22 months older than my second daughter... I think it really depends on the preschool. If it is kind of a daycare type preschool then I'm sure it will be fine, here is what I found... the preschool I tried over the summer to try and acclimate her, (she was 2.5) was a similar ratio, but she was really not ready. By the fall when she was just about 2yrs 9 months, which is the EARLIEST they can start at the preschool my daughter attends she was more ready, but she is the youngest in the class, and while she does great and loves school it has been socially and emotionally a a very different experience than I was expecting. My daughter is very very verbal and friendly, but shy in a classroom environment. The point of my rambling is don't get your heart set on it before you try it because it might be a let down if it is not quite right for her... on the other hand she might flourish and it will be fabulous.
On a sort of unrelated note, even though the first few months with the new baby might be trying, those are also the months where doing stuff (if you have a good moby or other baby wearing device) can be the easiest for a new mom of 2. I found that I was able to take my infant everywhere and just let her sleep and eat on the go as we went to parks and playdates and wherever,.. that phase is short so enjoy it, and by the time your littlest one is ready to be awake and alert and playing and will require a different kind of attention your older one will be ready for a more regular preschool. My older one now does 5 mornings a week at preschool, she loves it, and it gives/gave me much needed bonding time with the baby once she was ready to play but not play like the big one. Hope that makes sense.
good luck!

I personally would not do this. This age (plus a new baby) IS exhausting but it is so VERY short! Believe me, the bonding time you have with your children before they are school age is something you will look back on as one of the most precious. You only have 3 more with this baby. If you have to have time to yourself then call your mother, a friend, a sister, cousin or even ask your husband to take them for a while.
I think it is ridiculous to assume a 2 years old needs to "socialize", the only socializing they need is with their family, there will be plenty time for them to learn socialization skills in kindergarten.

I started my daughter in pre-school last month, when she was 26 mos old. I felt it was time because she speaks very well, already knew her colors and counting to 10, and just seemed to soak in anything I could teach her--I felt she needed the additional enrichment of pre-school. As my first child, she also would benefit from regular time with other kids, and with other adults as authority figures. I'm blessed to be able to work from home, but having her in school 1.5 days/week also would allow me to work in the office a little, which was a nice benefit (it's very close to her school).

My daughter is outgoing and happy but also very sensitive, and though she liked school from the get go, she had a hard time with me leaving her anywhere. At the beginning I'd have to carry her in crying, and they'd peel her off of me as I made a quick exit (the faster the better for the child), and when I picked her up they would assure me she stopped crying very quickly as she got into playing with toys and the other kids. A little over a month into it, she walks in on her own power, but still cries when I kiss her goodbye...though she immediately goes to the teacher to hold her, rather than clinging to me. They tell me she's doing great, and they're ready to move her up a class because she's mastered everything in the toddler class! She also loves to tell me about what she did at school that day, all about her teacher (who she loves), and I'm starting to learn things about her classmates too.

I really notice some changes in her, with learning new things, being less shy around new people, and overall having more confidence in herself. I have no regrets even though the morning tears are sometimes tough. I think she'll be over that in another month, though. She really does love it, but she loves her mommy, too!

Good luck!