Too Much to Do Not Enough Time to Do It.

Sounds like something needs to go. The biggest is your job. I know with 5 kids, you need an income, but it's obvious that everybody's suffering, not to mention the lack of time your baby gets. If you're husband works out of state, why don't you move there. That makes the most sense. Then, why not cut back and cut your work down, even if you have to change jobs, because what's the point in having all those beautiful kids if you all are constantly playing musical chairs. I got stressed just reading your post, please please please make a change, and not just for your kids, but for your marriage and yourself.

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I am the oldest of 5 kids and when my mom and dad split up I was the helper for my mom. I feel like a raised my younger brother and sister so she could work. Engage your kids into a team spirit. Have the older ones take the younger ones under their wing. Let them know you need their help. Kids want to help. As far as school. Ask for help from the school for tutoring. Sometimes even a neighbor or friend at church is a good contact. Service groups sometimes offer tutoring. Reach out. The other advice is make a chore list and also have the older ones help the younger ones with their homework. You cannot do it all and you shouldn't have to. Do they get allowance. Have them earn it. Kids like getting something for the work they do and not just something for nothing. I will keep you in my prayers.

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I had to reply because my children are similar in age to yours! I have 5 children as well. 16,14,8,4,1 (one more due in December). My husband works a lot of hours and is gone quite a bit as well. The difference is I do stay at home (when I say that, I mean for a few hours in the morning before car pooling begins!). I'm a big advocate of mom's staying home, if it's at all possible, with the children. We live on a tight budget, but it's worth it.

Saying that, I KNOW in some cases it just isn't possible. So, I'll give you some of my own tips that I use to keep my sanity. Crockpot meals or meals that will stretch for two nights for leftovers go over well in our household so I don't have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen (and I LOVE paper plates!). My teens are in charge of "areas" of the house. Because though I can keep it clean when they aren't here, trying to maintain it while they are all home proves quite the trial as I'm sure you know! So, for Mon, Tues, Wed., my 16 year old has the kitchen to maintain (dishes, counters, table). For those same 3 days, my 14 year old has the livingroom, family room, and loft to maintain (toys, trash, clothes, etc.). They do not have to pick up the smaller kid's things, but they are responsible for making them come and pick it up. Then on Thurs, Fri, Sat, they switch jobs. Sundays we all pitch in with everything.

My 8 and 4 year old are responsible for clearing out the dishwasher (8 yr old bottom, 4 yr old top), setting and clearing the table. They also pick up their own clothes/toys -- under teenager's supervision if it's in their areas. And myself, I'm right there in the middle of it all making sure they are doing it, showing them how to do it (in some cases), and just chatting it up with them. Work isn't so horrible if they can chat as they go.

I find homework to be a pain in the rear all the time, but if I can get them to do it right after school after they grab a snack it seems to go smoother. We're all just too tired in the evenings. I find that keeping in contact with their teachers via email seems to inspire better grades in my children.

Let's face it, with all our kids the hours between the time they get home and the time they go to bed are just going to be busy. But I'll set a goal for myself to be done with homework, dinner, dishes/chores by 7 p.m. Then we have some relax time before bed.

Simplify as much as possible. We as women just have to learn our limitations. We have to learn how to say "no" at times (to family, friends, co-workers). Yeah, there's a lot to do, but do we have to rush around, ranting, and never sit down. No. That's a choice we make and something we do to ourselves. SLOW DOWN, enjoy that time between getting home and bed time. Have the kids do their homework while your putting dinner together (or have one or two pitch in with dinner if they don't have homework that day or are done). Enjoy and encourage the talking and bantering back and forth during those hours. It doesn't take away the responsibility, but it makes it less of a burden. I make sure all my children have time to participate in all that talking going back and forth. You know what? We aren't perfect, but we have learned to enjoy each other. Good luck!

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* Organize clothes on the weekends for the school week, folding shirt, pants/skirt, underwear and socks together. The kids pick their outfit the night before & put it on their bed/dresser.
* The 10+ kids should each have 1 night a week to cook. They should decide on the weekend what they will be cooking so you can have things on hand for them.
* While you're helping the 10 year old with homework, the others should bathe the younger ones.
* While the 10 year old is bathing (at night) and getting ready for bed, help the older 2 with their homework.
* There are wonderful websites (usually from colleges) that will help them learn Algebra, some teachers just don't teach well and the older kids should be able to find a better reference source so they can learn easier.
Good Luck! and try to have fun with the kids during dinner making and maybe have a special day on the weekend for each of your kids to go to a movie, out to dinner, to the park, whatever they like.

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I would give ole hubby an option, either quit his job get a job near home, and involve himself in the kids he made, or pack your stuff and move where he is so that he can parent these kids, why are you not pushing for this, to me it so selfish of this man to have these kids and be a part time dad, on the weekends, long ago the family either should of moved or he should of quit this job, wouldnt you rather be a whole family maybe less income then a half family. 5 kids, its not gonna get better its gonna get worse, your wiped out, no body to help , ok I know I am gonna get hate mail for this one, might be better for you to quit, divorce go on welfare , so at least these kids can have your attention.. I see a big red flag here with the 10 yr old and the ones growing up,
hire a house keeper, who cooks & cleans, work 12 hr days so you can off 3 days a week, good luck I have sent prayers

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Can you figure out a way not to have to work? Or maybe just work part time? Your family would probably benefit more by having you home than working . . . .
Good luck

2 moms found this helpful

Obviously the top two questions- Can you move where your husband is working? or Can you tighten the budget so you can stay home?

All of your kids but the 10 month old are old enough to do regular chores. One of those chores could be older kids helping younger ones with homework. If given a choice between that and cleaning the toilet...I think they will probably choose that one. So have them lift your load a little- they do still have to be kids and do homework too- but they can be responsible for their own messes and each other.

Check into the tutoring options the school has- peer tutoring, a study hour?, or maybe the teacher will give extra help.

Schedule one on one time with each child- maybe one a day for 30 minutes? Maybe they can help you make dinner or just talk with you while you make dinner or do a different chore? Just make it your listening time.

Relax- the house won't be perfect- somethings have to slide so that the important things get done- quality time with your kids.

Good luck! You are in my prayers 'cause you have a tough job!

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Wow. I only have 4 and my husband's a HUGE help in the mornings. My husband does come home late and it's not easy. Just my 2 older ones are in sports and making sure they get their homework and studies done while trucking them around w/the little ones in tow is already a nightmare.

Here's what I do. I don't like spending too much time with a child on studies - my belief is they should be independent.

So, I ask them to come to me and we go over whatever it is they need. Then, I send them off to try it. And, if they continue to have problems, they can come back. But, I just focus on making sure they work independently as much as possible.

I only pack lunches for the 2 younger ones each night and even that seems to take me over 15 minutes to do. Don't ask me why. 15 minutes when you don't have a minute to spare is a lot of time!

My mother would make lasagna and various pastas and freeze them in small containers so they could easily be removed and defrosted for a meal for just 1 person. I've been considering doing this too. I guess when we think "freeze", we're always just freezing in bulk, but I'm learning now to freeze in small, ready to go containers that can simply be pulled out the night before to defrost then heat up in the microwave morning of to throw into the thermos. So, we can spend a few hours cooking on the weekend to pack various meals that could be stretched over a month vs. a week.

Also, when I get home from Costco, rather than putting things away in the pantry, I go ahead & pack up the ziplocs. This has made a huge difference especially when the kids open a huge box of goldfish and leave it open ruining the rest of the crackers. So, I individually package everything right away so nothing's wasted and it's easy when time comes to pack the lunch boxes.

Let's see, what else. I just feel for you. If you ever need a break, force yourself to take the kids to the local park and let them play, bring the pack N play for the little one and let the older ones work on their algebra with you at the park.

Good luck!

S.

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Oh my god. First of all, I thought I was overwhelmed with the two I have. But now I realize I have nothing to complain about. I wish I could buy you a spa week. In lieu of that I have one idea. What if, when you come home (or earlier if they are with a sitter) there was an hour or so where everyone sits down with their "buddy", i.e. the 16 y.o. probably gets the 14 y.old's homework already and can help them...the 10 y.o. helps the 5 y.o. ( my 5 y.old has homework already-I don't know about yours). Hopefully the 10 month old can munch on something during all this. Then, after that you can come in and help the 16 y.old with algebra, etc. Sort of a homework "buddy" time. Also, make sure that you are assigning chores to each child (dishes, folding laundry, etc) to make your work less. You can rotate the chores on a spinning "wheel" ( a la the wheel of fortune) or just by days of the week. Other than that hang in there!!

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Hi DS,

I would first like to say that I really admire that your efforts. It is a tough job to be a mom and the first step to getting better is asking for help. I have three kids but was raised with 6 in my family and both my parents worked. We all had responsibilities in the household and we felt like a team. We were also given incentives to keep up on grades and my parents had contests with prizes on whoever had the best grades. As for family time, we had family day every Saturday together - no exceptions. All these things weren't always fun as a kid but taught me valuable lessons in life and I have lived on my own since I was 17 years old. I would recommend having a family meeting with the kids and explaining how a family needs everyone's help to be successful. Give each child some daily chores based on age - the older, the more. They may resist at first but set up some incentives and consequences to stay on track. For example, my 12 year old's chores are: clean his room, take out the trash from every trash can in the house, vaccuum the house and put away his clean laundry that I stack in basket for him. My 4 year old has to clean up after himself- picking up toys after playtime, putting his dirty clothes in the hamper, helps to make his bed. My 3 month old has to just sit there and look cute...lol...and she is good at it. My older son also helps sometimes with other duties like dishes or clearing the table after dinner. All these things really help to keep things manageable. Some incentives include giving time to do things they enjoy, like playing games, a dinner out, movie or time with friends. As for homework help, I would look into after-school tutoring that the school usually offers or emailing the teacher for help. As for extra attention, you may want to set up some alone time with each child for example you have 4 older children (the baby needs attention everyday) and you could divide out 1 child a week to do an activity that they want to do - put it on the calendar and they can pick the day. My son loves back massages, since he plays sports so he puts it on the calendar and I honor it. We get time together and he usually will open up about what is going on in his personal life. I hope these suggestions work for you, they have definitely worked for me. A rested mom is a much happier mom - your time is used wisely when it is with your kids and not doing the chores. They may not like the chores now but they will love you for that later on because it teaches them to be self-sufficient and confident. Please let me know if you have any questions or I would love to hear any success stories on the kids. Good Luck and God Bless.

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I am a single mother of 3 and completely understand your predicament.
One thing that we learned recently was that we can do alot in 15 minutes a day. www.flylady.net really helped.
15 minutes to clean each room 3 days a week. Teach the older ones how to wash/dry their own clothes. Also assign KP to all but the 10 month old. You work with them but they can all wash, and load the dishwasher.

Also limiting TV viewing to 30 minutes a day on "school nights" really helped us. Gave more time for homework. I work full time as well. Use the crockpot it'll become your best friend, eat dinner together, clear off the dining room table and get homework out.
You are the team captain, so act like a team captain, have everyone work together to help you and team family during the week. It will also keep you sane!

Just some ideas off the top of my head.

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Wow... you are super busy. First of all you have to many things going on which may affect you if you put too much thought into it. Take one day at a time and live the present with you children. Hopefully you are not a perfectionist because this may affect you! Perhaps you can delegate SOME not ALL responslibity to your oldest and give him/her weekly allowance until it becomes automatic and then he/she may help with other things. Also, try to prepare small meals for dinner. Create a menu. Have your 14 and 10 year old help and this will make them feel like "wow: i contribute to my family. This may decrease your 10 yr. old cry for attention. Have your children help make small meals and not gourmet meals. Explain to them how you feel and this will help build your comunication and teach your chhildren so much as, responsiblity, empathy, organization, working together, and so much more. Good thing is that your family's relationshiop will become stronger. Also explain that by working together during the week will allow everyone to have free and fun time when on the weekend when dad arrives home. Good Luck :)

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Oh gosh I really feel for you.... you deserve a medal! Just with my 2 children and my Hubby working long hours and going to school, I go nuts. I know my situation cannot compare to yours...but you are a strong woman to be doing your best!

Here's a great t-shirt that might lift your spirits:
http://www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo/5989801
Sometimes as Moms, we need to know this!

Just a suggestion: since you have 5 kids, of older ages as well and you are a single parent, and your older kids especially probably need some moral support and "role models"... try looking into the "Big Brothers/Big Sisters" organization. Here is their link:
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/H...

It can possibly provide that "missing link" for your kids, and provide them with something to look forward to, a "role model" for them which is so important, and perhaps take some of the "pressure" off of you. They could also help with homework etc.

My friend, who was a working single Parent with 3 kids (boy & girls) took advantage of this program because she saw that they REALLY needed a male or female "role model"... being she was a single Parent. And, although she tried her best, she simply could not fill all of her kids needs. AND she didn't want them to fall into with "bad" influences or friends. It was her way of making sure her kids kept a "positive" road in life... and grounded somehow with good influences.

ALso, you can arrange for the "Big Brother" or "Big Sister" to simply hang out at your house... and do activities with them.

This would be my suggestion.... it's a great organization and very respected.

ALso, your older kids should be able to understand what the situation is... talk to them, openly, TRY to get a "team" attitude on their part... and explain that Mommy is doing her best, but "...I am a single parent, and so I need you all to help... please respect that. We ALL have to protect each other and help one another... we have to have each other's back. Mommy loves you all, but I need you too...." A teen should be able to sympathize and understand that. Try to engender that sort of respect in them...

*Sorry, I just remembered you said you are an "almost" single Parent, since your Hubby is not home all week. But yes, my suggestions would still apply. I guess your eldest children as well, must "miss" Daddy....since he is not available, and thus they are misbehaving. I"m sure a "big brother/big sister" might fill that void for them, and hopefully keep them from getting in trouble down the road. I'm sure your Husband, being he is not home a lot, should understand your situation and make concessions in providing this kind of support for your kids through a program like this???

ALL my best to you, sorry I don't have a magic answer for you, but just some moral support.

take care,
Susan

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You need a mommy's helper. Someone to come and take care of your housework once a week or so and cook some meals for you. I do this for the wife of an Admiral that works full time. I charge $20 an hour and cook, clean and do laundry all at the same time. I only take 2 clients and recently my other client moved away. I am a Navy wife, do not have another job and have a flexible schedule.

If you are interested send me a message, you only have to buy groceries and have a meal plan and I can cook and freeze it. I do the laundry while I cook and clean and just ask that things be 'picked up' when I come so I don't have to spend a lot of time doing that.

This would leave you time to be with your family instead of stuck in the kitchen or cleaning and washing clothes on the weekend when the family can be together. I can provide you references if you are interested, I won't give out names unless you are serious.

Hope you hear from you, if not, good luck and hang in there.

Regards, Jacque

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I know we all feel like we need to do everything ourselves, but it really sounds like your hands are full and then some. Is there any way you can hire some help - whether it's a housekeeper or babysitter or cook - just for a couple hours a day, or even a couple evenings a week. I bet there are young college students out there who are willing to work for cheap, and it would be under your supervision. They can cook or babysit for you while you sit down with your kids to do homework. If you can spare this expense, it may save your sanity.

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Have you tried to get your children to help? This will help in many ways.

Your children are all old enough (except the youngest) to help around the house. Give them each a chore to do after school. Don't give them the same chore every day, but move them around so each have a spacific job to do.

I have been doing this for years. It helps 1) with the housework. 2) teaches them responsibility. and 3) gives them good work ethics.

Not only do my kids rotate between the dining room (setting the table and clearing it off), the kitchen (washing the dishes and counters), the livingroom and bathrooms. Each day my children do a different job so they aren't bored.

They may not do them well at first, but with teaching them the proper way of doing them, they will improve their self esteem, and their studies will begin to be better.

I have also taught my oldest ones to cook dinner. This helps also when you are too tired to cook. They cook at least once a week. On Friday's, we call it "Fend for yourself" night. This is a night when my husband and I go out on a weekly date. It is a good time again to teach responsibility for the oldest ones to look after the younger ones. Also a time to talk to each other and tell each other how the week has gone, and the problems that arise during the week.

As for your 10year old wanting attention, your husband should be able to help in this corner. Have him spend the same amount of time with each child during the weekend when he is gone. It helps a lot. My husband used to be gone on a weekly basis. This will let the children know that he loves them and will be there for them also.

J.

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I don't know exactly what it's like to be in your shoes, but my mom does! She was a single mom of 5 kids (9 years age difference from the 1st to the 5th), I'm #4. What I remember most from those years are my older sisters taking care of me. Your oldest are teenagers, so I know they can be resistant, but anyway to get the kids helping each other will help you, and I feel that for our family, it strengthened our bond as siblings. We fought a lot during those years, of course, but now as adults, we are all great friends. For the one struggling in Algebra, maybe they have a friend or you know another teen somewhere who could help with that. Sometimes, even the younger sibling can help an older one with a subject the younger one is strong in (the older sibling never likes it, but what can you do? We learned to survive). I know this is a difficult time, but looking back on my childhood, I have many fond memories, even of all those difficult years, and I adore my family that I still have close to me. My mom re-married when I was 11 and had two more babies - oh how I loved those babies! Your middle kids (or even the teens) might really like to help with the baby.

I know I don't really have any helpful advice for you, but maybe it will be encouraging for you to hear from one of the kids who survived it and still loves her family! :)

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Hi D S,

Do your kids help you with the housework at all? The oldest three are certainly old enough to share in the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, and helping with the youngest two. Even the 5 year old is old enough to help set the table, do a little dusting (OK, it won't be perfect!), learn to clean up after him/herself and do other light chores.

I went back to work when my kids were 14 and 10. My son (14 at the time) took over gardening and cleaning the kitchen, while my 10 yr old daughter took over cooking. For the first year, I would cook a good portion of the next day's dinner after dinner when I got home, and my daughter's responsibility was to warm it up, cook some veges and make a salad. Little by little, I taught her to cook with me while I was making the next night's dinner and she took over completely within about a year. She found that she had a really talent and love for cooking.

I also had my kids make their own lunches and prep all of the stuff they would need for school the following day. As for homework help, I made sure to look to see that they had done their homework and was available for any help they needed, but then, I only had two and the background to instruct in almost any subject up through 12th grade. Here's a couple of thoughts, though. If the younger kid(s) are having problems with a subject that the older one(s) had success with, have the older kid(s) help the younger one(s). You can also ask the schools if they have lists of tutors available. Often, advanced high school students will tutor to make extra money and will only charge $10 or $15/hour (much better than the $40/hour I used to charge --and my rates were inexpensive by the standards of most private tutors!) You can check online for tutoring services, like on Craigslist. You can also check into online tutoring services, such as tutor.com.

Finally, if your kids won't help and you have the funds, you might try getting an older teen or college student to help you out with general housekeepig for a couple of hours in the evening. Some college students will even provide driving services for a fee.

Good Luck -- sounds like you could really use a breather!

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Hi! I can't imagine! You are a blessed women to have so many precious kids. This is just a thought. I assume your husband works out of state because it is worth the pay? Sure, organization is needed in a big family-but will that solve the problem? I wonder if you could maybe get a part time job? I know times are tough, so it may not seem possible. I really think it would make things better. Sure money might be tighter....however you would have more time with the kids. In the end maybe you could get to bed on time!
Are you all able to sit down for dinner together? That might be something you could make fun, and you would be able to talk to each one. Each could share whats going on. You could even let one child pick a topic for discussion each night.
Could the two older ones pick two nights a week where they can make dinner? Even if it was quesodillas and salad. While they cook the next two you can hand a dishtowwel to and have them clean the bathroom counter tops, fold laundry or pick up things off the floor. It might take time discipline at first.....but stick to it!
The schools usually have tutoring once a week for free for specific subjects. Call and ask thier teacher if there is any afterschool tutoring going on. That way they could set quiet time aside to focus on thier homewrk with a teacher there to asnswer questions.
There was a time when i was working 40+ hours a week and overwhelmed! So i left for a part time job, which was 30 hours instead. It does not sound like a big difference, but it made a huge difference for me and my family. The bank account might not have benefited, but my family did. Time flies so fast, it is a bummer when they get older and you think, i wish i would have___________ you fill in the blank.
Be encouraged, you sound like a wonderful mama, i am sure yur kids think the world of you!

1 mom found this helpful

Check out the web site flylady.net there is lots of good info & encouragement there & it's free. It sounds like you could use the encouragement. I can't always follow all of the flylady's ideas, but it has still helped me with my attitude toward my home & my organization skills.

Also, just a thought, but when you pencil out the "costs" of working---child care, lunches out, take out bought for dinner because you don't have time to cook & your kids are STARVING, dress clothes, gas, the wear on you & your family & your vehicle, is it worth it? Several of my friends have found that when they REALY did the math, the expenses of working out of the house eats up so much of the income, it wasn't worth the bother. Or if you truly make the big bucks, then hire help & start enjoying the time you have with your children, instead of being so stressed. If you are only working for the Health Insurance, check out Healthy Families. Your children could be covered with medical, dental & vision at a very low expense to you.

Also, put those big kids to work!!! Good Luck!! V. Conradi

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Why dont you sit down with your 2 oldest and tell them how your feeling and make them understand that they are old enough to help out so that you will be able to handle all of this. You did not mention at all if they help but certainly they are old enought to clean, help with laundry and dinner. Would that not be the help you need? Ask the school if they offer free tutoring. If you have no extra money to hire help then you must utilize your 2 oldest to help out. They are kids I know but a little responsibility never hurt anyone.

1 mom found this helpful

OMG-I am overwhelmed just reading your story! You have a lot on your plate.
I just suggest that your children pitch in with dinner-perhaps one night a week the 16yo makes dinner, then one night a week the 14yo. It's ok to have spaghetti a couple nights a week! They learn some skills and you can maybe take that time to spend with your 10yo. Then one night you make a frozen dinner. Then one morning set the crock pot for the evening. I'm talking go easy! If you can afford it, I would even order out once a week-just to take the pressure off.
The kids from the 5yo on up should be able to help around the house and do some chores.
You all are a team. Everyone participates in making the house run well.
As far as dividing time up with your kids-my heart aches for you! There is only one of you!
I think it's better for the house to be a mess than for your kids to miss you. If you can stand it, let some of the chores go and play a game. What game can all of you play? Uno? Charades? Apples to apples? I know it's hard to play a game when laundry is staring at you, but when I ditch the chores and play Candy Land with my 4yo, I have a much better behaved kid.
Also-be aware of time suckers: Computer and TV-huge time wasters (as I check my facebook, mamasource,email,etc....).
I know you will get a lot of great suggestions. Just keep your chin up, mom. Don't forget to breathe deeply and drink water. I'm sending you hugs and prayers. You already are doing a good job.

1 mom found this helpful

You do have your hands full AND you also have kids old enough to help you. Delegate responsibilities to your older children. There is no reason, including homework, why your older kids can't help you with laundry, cooking and cleaning. Write out a schedule of who needs to do what when so that you can spend time with your 3 younger kids. Write everything down that you need to do and DELEGATE! Save heavier cleaning and laundry for the weekends and have the older kids do it! If you can afford it, pay them a small allowance for their chores. There is no reason why you should be doing all of this work yourself. With all of your responsibility, it is essential that you make time for yourself, even 20 minutes where you close the door and read, write, knit, WHATEVER! My 13 and 11 year olds do the dishes, laundry, and keep their room clean for $5 a week. There is free tutoring on line. Just Google to find tutoring hotlines in your area. And the schools will offer extra help for math. My school offers math labs every day after school. I was a single Mom for 5 years and I did it all with 3 kids. Now they are helping me and it's great for them to learn responsibility and appreciation for all that goes into making a household run. Be strong & delegate! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi there, Wow, that is a lot on one plate! I don't know your financial situation, but if you can afford it get some help. I'd prioritize starting with the algebra. If your kids need support in that arena get a pro to help them. If you live near the San Fernanado Valley or Santa Monica email me, I have some great tutors. Since a few of them need help you could probably have one tutor help them both.

The older kids should be doing something to help out. It's going to be tough if they've never been asked to help before, the they are old enough to help cook and clean. At the very least they can babysit so you can take your 10 year old for some special time. I do it as much as possible to start and then come up with a schedule. It does not have to be anywhere major, ice cream etc, just let them choose.

Good luck

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Hey D S,
Emily Barnes has several books in her "More Hours in my Day" series and she is AWESOME. Really great ideas on EVERYTHING. Also, look to your church or friends for help. They are stand-in family. :-) All of you need help, as do all of us. God bless,
V.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm pretty much a single mom too.
my husband only is home sat and half of sunday.
and is gone again. I take care of 3 kiddies and
pretty much go nuts thew the day getting things done for
them, I use a board to write things down that everyone in the house can see that needs to be done that week. and do the house cleaning at night when there in bed. and use alot of pre made meals that I can thew in the oven. not sure if this help hang in there!
M~

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First off, Kudos to you for taking on so much and still being able to hold it together! I see that you have gotten a bunch of great responses so far!

When I was a kid my mom only had my sister and I (my dad was "out of the picture"). My sister and I had to have the house clean and have dinner started by the time she got home from the time I was 13 (sister was 10). We learned A) How to cook and B) responsibility and C)independence.

Get everyone involved! My girls are 8 and 7 and they LOVE helping me make dinner and even cleaning a little when they get the positive reinforcement. Last night, they cleaned their room without having to be told! Could have knocked me over with a feather!

Good luck Super-Mom! ;)

One other thing: Make sure you take a little time for yourself (I know, easier said than done!). If you keep up the pace the way you are you are going to burn out FAST!

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Dear D S, I am a stay at home mother of 4, so I know where your coming from. I have not always been a stay at home mom and I too, struggled with work and picking up kids and getting dinner ready....it is HARD work. Know your a great mom and doing your best. I would try to set aside time on Monday night for the 16 year old, and then time on Tuesday night for the 14 year old and then Wed. for your 10 year old and so on... or have the older 2 help with the youngest ones so you can spend time with your 10 year old, since she is needing more attention. Take time off work, if you can, take some vacation days and spend with the kids when they are out of school one day. Most important, take like 20-30 minutes for yourself every evening, after all the kids are in bed, just to relax, or to watch some TV, read a book or whatever you like to do....I feel for you, really I do!

If you have some friends, have them help you with dinners during the week or have them come over and help with bathtime and bedtime, don't feel weird asking your friends for help. If they are your friends, they will help, no matter what!

I wish you the best of luck!
M.

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You really need help. And since your husband is gone during the week and you work full time, you have some choices, but what you are doing now doesnt work. First, you should set up a plan for your 4 older children to help you every day. There is a lot they can and should be doing to help the household run smoother. Cleaning up after themselves goes without saying-but they should have other household chores to take some of the pressure off you, and to teach them responsibility. Helping with dinner, dishes, trash, dusting, vacuming, and helping with the younger children should be daily chores for them. The two older children can even help with the younger one's homework. Hire a tutor for help with algebra. Call the high school and get recommendations. Spend 15-30 minutes a day with each child. Read to the younger ones, and just chat with the older ones, or go shoping, or braid hair, etc. Make dinner time fun with lots of conversation about everyone's day.
And you should have help with the big cleaning as well. Either your husband can take care of the big jobs on the weekend or if he's not interested, hire someone to do them for you, and get those kids in the car and go somewhere and have some fun. Your life can not be all about work-enjoy those kids while you have them; they will be gone before you know it.

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Although, My life is not as hectic as yours, it runs fairly the same. Mu husband leaves the house by 5am and he does not return home until 9pm. I have 2 boys ages 10 and 7 and I work full time, help with homework, cook dinner, clean up the house and I am also attending school. I think to help, you have to develop a routine and stick to it. When I get home, around 5pm, it's homework time. From there, it's cooking (My kids help with dinner;one sets the table and the other loads the dishwasher). Once dinner is done, it's down time ( reading for the kids and homework time for me. Around 7:30 it's bathtime and then they get ready for the next day ( they get their clothes out and place their backpacks in front of the door). I want to know if your older children can help the younger kids with their homework and then you could use that time to cook and maybe after dinner, help those who are struggling.

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A lot of libraries offer free online (grade appropriate) homework help. That might come in handy with the algebra. Good luck! I hope you get the help you deserve! Hang in there.

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Hi DS,
It sounds like you are dealing with quite a bit. First, if you have the finances, maybe you can purchase those prepared ahead meals for the week. They allow you to pick the ingredients which have been cut, sliced etc. and all you have to do is throw it in the oven. They are designed for larger families, so it may be a great option for you and will give you back a little more time. Also, buy paper goods to eliminate clean up. You will have more trash, but it will give you more time to be with your children. Additionally, getting a housekeeper in every week could really help with the general cleaning giving you even more time to spend with your kiddos. As for help with algebra talk to your child's guidance counselor to see what services are available to help your child. If no services are available, an in home tutor a couple of times a week can make a big difference. There may also be some websites that are available that you can refer to when you need it. Finally, if you don't have a church family I would greatly recommend it. The church can provide a lot of support for you and your family in almost every way imaginable. You're dealing with quite a burden and having someone to share that with would allow you to be the best mommy you can be.

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Yeah I am a single mom too, of 16 years. I understand a ton is demanded of you and its tough. I teach algebra and tutor occasionally. What child is needing help? Its tough and overwhelmed is correct but try and hang in there. Being a mother is not always easy, rather when is single parenting ever easy!!

Get your kids involved around the house. Don't let them think they live in a hotel with room service, etc. With responsibility comes better behavior typically, too. If you need free help with the Algebra kid, let me know!

Wow, any possible way for you to work less? I'd definitely
give the teens certain responsibilities to lighten your load!
Maybe they could work together to cook dinners one or two nights a week. Certainly, they should help around the house-with basic chores.

My cousin used to make all her meals for the week on Sunday and freeze them - hope this helps

Have you tried setting stuff up for the week, on the weekends? Like having a bag ready for the baby for every day of the week? Just grab the next bag on the shelf and you are ready to go. Set out what everyone you dress will wear each day, in like a hanging shoe caddy(I saw that suggestion in Parents Magazine).
I would really start teaching your kids to help out around the house. It really benefits them in ways that are hard to imagine. When I was about 8 or 10, my parents taught me to do the laundry, which of course I hated, until I learned that I could take care of my own clothes, and no one else could damage them (like my evil little sister...) It also helped when I went to college and knew how to work the machines. I was surprised the first time I encountered a person who couldn't work the machines, but it felt good to help them... You could have the ten year old help you pack the diaper bag for the next day, while the oldest does a load of laundry and the next one down and the 5 year old set the table. You could have your husband cook something on the weekend and freeze some for a dinner later in the week... Ramon and cheese tortillas (i know the word, but can't spell it) were an easy meal I could make when I was 8-10yo and teaching her how to make them gives you time with the 10 year old...
As for the homework, if you don't know the answer tell them and ask them to explain the problem to you, so you know what they are doing. Half the time, thinking of how to explain it helps them to remember how to do it, and you know for the next time how to do it, if they need more help... don't know if that made any sense.
And, like one of the others said, cut out the tv. It frees up the kids to help you...
Good luck
R.

Hi D S, there is a couple things you can do, first of all you have a 16 and a 14 year old, get them to help you, they are old enough to get dinner started, throw in a load of laundry. I do some you women counceling, about trying to make it all come togeter, the first thing is this don't try and do it all your self, you have 5 kids 3 of them can do alot, dinner at night, you need in invest in a slow cooker or crock pot and a rice cooker. in the morning or the the night before put yur meat and veggies in the slow cooker, make your rice in the rice cooker, buy the packaged salad, when you get home from work, dinner is basically ready, all you have to do is open the salad wash it and maybe put some rolls in the over, ad you have full course meal ready, I do so many different meals in my crockpot, in fact I have two of them, I work at home but sometimes have 5 to 6 kids to take care of and feed, cause I run a home daycare, I get up early in the morning i set my cookers up and slow my meals, it gives me more time with my daycare kids. Also you make a schdule, this is for laundry, house cleaning, watering the plants what ever it is you have that needs to be done, for example laundry is every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, all my kids had their own hampers in their rooms and when they got old enoght they were responsible for putting thir hampers in the gaurage, or laundry room, depending on where we were living, also it was a rule in out if you eat a snack or you cook something for your self you wash your own dishes. I took care of breakfast, lunch and dinner dishes. I guess the ket thing to realize is that everything does not need to be done everyday except for cooking, feeding the pets, things like that, I also had my kids lay their clothes out the night before, as I do myself, I had them take thie showers at night before they went to bed to save bathroom time in the morning, school lunches were packed the night before by me, and put in the fridge, I also kept a clip board in the kitchen and if you finished off something you write it on the clip board, you run out of deoderant put it on the clipoard, so when My husband and i went to the commisary we just grab the list and go instead if having to sit down and go through the cupboards and make a list. I've ran my home like this for 25 years now. My mom was so unorganized and everything was always a mess, and I hated it but there was nothing I could do, so I told myself when I had my own home and my own family things were going to be different and they were, still are. Hope this helps. J. L.

Your 16 and 14 year olds should be pitching in to help, even the 5 and 10 year olds can do things like empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc. Teenagers can learn to cook easy meals and have them ready when you get home, or cook while you help the little ones with homework. You have to delegate! Things may not be done perfectly at first, but they will be learning to appreciate you, and you will have more time to be the mommy you deserve to be. When your husband is finally able to come home, you wont be so tired and may have some energy to hang out with him. Its a win-win! Mommies have a habit of taking everything on themselves and we need to be able to let go a little and accept help. Good luck!

Wow! You are superwoman. It sounds like you've been doing an amazing job.

All your kids (not the 10 month old, obviously) can do a lot around the the house to help out, particularly the older ones. I have two boys, 14 and 10, and they do a fair job cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming and dusting. This is in addition to maintaining good grades at school and playing outside. We've pulled this off by eliminating electronics (tv, ipods, game boys, computers) from the school week. It's amazing how much more we get done when we unplug our children!

Yes, it's hard to get them started, but as I always tell them, being in a family is like being on a team: we all help each other for the good of the team. When they rebel and don't do their chores, I'm simply too busy to take them to their activities or say yes to something they want to do. One missed activity is usually all it takes to get them back on track.

I'll share this story to illustrate...when I was 13 or so, I got tired of doing house and yard chores all day, every Saturday, and I distinclty remember throwing down my broom and telling my mom I was not her slave and I wasn't doing any more work. My mom was a real stickler for chores and she just laughed and said, "Call your grandmother and tell her this!" So I did and my grandma just laughed and told me "Your mom did the same thing when she was your age and we just told her chores are part of being in a family." Fast forward to last year... My son threw down the mop and declared he was no longer my slave and I laughed. He called my mom and she told him the same thing my grandma told me. My sons grudgingly accept that they are the 3rd generation of "chores slaves" and are looking forward to having kids of their own to do chores for them. <g> And, no, they don't do chores all day...unless they do lousy work or work very slowly. Mantra: effective and efficient!

Good luck, supermom. You can do this!

PS: I'm not sure I agree with tell hubby to find a job closer to home. Sometimes family economics don't allow for a good salary or good cost of living someplace else. You do what you need to do. But, when he's home, he should be pulling his weight plus yours. If he complains, offer to take off for a week so he can get a feel for what you do. I'd bet lots of money he'll decline that offer and start helping more. <g>

I noticed you still wanted tips and saw someone reccommended Flylady.net. It is really wonderful (AND FREE!!!) and she has an associate who teaches you about making dinners ahead to freeze for the week. I am new to flylady, not even a whole month and she really helps you not feel overwhelmed and guilty. Her most important tip remember it didnt happen over night so it will not be fixed overnight. Good Luck.

Hi there! I am J. and a stay at home mom to 6 kids (well, I stay at home and run the business end of our company from here) ages 13,11,8,6,5,& 3. I know we are not in the same boat, but I thought it might help if I gave you a little info. about me and hopefully some of the things we do can help.
Our daily schedule at home goes something like this...all kids wake up in the morning, get dressed, make their beds, eat breakfast, make lunches (I make the 5 & 3 year olds snack for K & preschool), and then brush their teeth. The 6 year old & up is responsible for grabbing the papers out of their cubby to put in their backpack and then we head to the various schools. Immediately when they get home (mine don't all get home right after school because of kids college, scouts, etc.) I get them a snack (fruit, string cheese, healthy-their brains work better with it) while they start on their homework. No one in our house gets up for anything but a bathroom visit until homework is done. I am not sure if it is crazy, but I have them all do their homework at one of the kitchen counters, the family room (connected to our kitchen great-room like), basically downstairs so that I can see they are doing it, help verbally or right there with them if they need it. Homework time is when I start dinner too. (oh-and I use the older kids to help the younger kids with their homework if it is a critical time in the dinner process...I figure it reinforces their skills in the subject as well as teaches them leadership and teaching skills) If they get their homework done in time then they can play until dinner. We rotate setting the table between younger kids since it is the perfect job for 5 and up. My 11 & 13 year old switch on dishes (We go by months right now, but have done weeks, days, etc. in the past-oh, and the kids start a dish rotation at 9). My 8 year old is in charge of family room pickup before bed, the 6 year old picks up the loft (playroom), and the 5 year old picks up the entry way. My husband does a bedroom check daily (which you could do)-are they always clean? no way! If it isn't something that can be addressed really quick before 8:00 bedtime (8:30 lights out so they can read, and 9:30 for the 2 older kids to allow kitchen time), then we make sure we get it the next day or on Saturday.
We also have a family contract that we all signed that explained the house rules, etc.-we did it on a Sunday at family council and talked the kids about how a house runs, who needs to be involved, and that just mom can't do it all. That has helped too-especially with my 6 year old who now wishes he didn't sign it (don't we all wish that sometimes after signing something?) ;-)
I guess my overall "help" in everything is to make assignments. We are all better mothers when we are not doing it all and it teaches our children that they have responsibility, encourages the older kids to "lead" the younger by example, and might give you a little more time with your 10 year old so that she feels she is getting enough attention. Oh-and be fun. On the weekends, when your husband is home and after chores are done, go to the park, play croquet, have a family movie night, eat a backwards dinner, and have the older kids make dinner (my 11 & 13 year old can both pull together dinner). You are obviously super mom and I am so impressed! :-) Good luck with everything! I hope I wasn't too bold-you are an obviously amazing woman! Take care!
J.

PS Look for a Saxon math algebra book on ebay-it totally explains Algebra in a simplified manner. It mightbe all the instruction the Algebra student needs! :-)

Hey, I have two teens ages 17 & 15, a tween aged 11 & 10 and my baby boy who is 7. I feel for you... I am a stay at home mom and I still need help, I cant imagine what a hard time you have doing everything without your hubby! My advice is to try to impliment your teens to hepl around the house when they get home from school, like a chore list for the ones that are old enough. Even your 5yr old can fold & put away laundry! My 10yr old is helping to clean bathroom & kitchen, and I'm teaching the 11, 10, & 7 yr olds to wash clothes! When you've got alot of kids and only 1 parent you've got to stick together and help each other out all the time. The older ones can help the little ones do almost everything, there;s no reason whith 5 kids you shouln't be able to stay on top of things like cleaning and laundry at least. The nyou're free to pay bills, make phone calls or just catch up on whatever...I really hope you guys find something that works for you and brings your fam. closer together. Also if theres any extra curricular activities that are just making it harder wont you consider dropping some for a season until everyone is set on a new better schedule? Good luck and God bless!
V.R.

Ihave 4 children & 7 grand children so I have some expreience. First & formost GEET your Childdren involved . require all of them ,acording to age to do some of the house work. Teach the older one to cook aara at least helpout . Do it with love & PRAISE a lot. Good LUck. AdaIN no. hills

Wow - I cannot sympathize, because I have never had SOOOOO much on my plate as you, but I am sorry that you feel so ovwerwhelmed. Maybe you can roll your kids into the equation. The teens are old enough to help out around the house. When I was a freshman my mom returned to work and we all started to become more self sufficient. We did our own laundry (My day was tuesday - if I didn't do mine on Tuesday, I had to wait a week to get it done) we also picked a day to make dinner. Usually a kid-made dinner was spaghetti or something really simple, but hey, it was a meal. My brother got really good at making stir-fry, which was always our Wednesday meal. I also recall being responsible for the cleanliness of a bathroom. I got on my siblings for messing it up, because I was the one who had to keep it clean. You could give each child a room to be responsible for keeping clean, and they will police each other to pick up their own stuff (that way it won't always be you!)

I would have a family meeting and ask for their support. You guys are a family, and family members help each other. You can't do it all.

As for the school subjects, have a meeting with their teachers and see if there are any tutoring services that the school offers or extra homework help.

God Bless you and your family

OOOOOOhhhhh - Also, I just started using a pressure cooker and I love it!! You can cook a whole chicken in 15 minutes!! And pork ribs falling off the bone in 30 minutes!!

Hi, D.S.,

I can sympathize to some degree as I am a grad student, mother of two babies and wife of a touring musician who is gone most of the year (touring the world). My husband grew up in a family of five and my mother, the eldest of eight kids, helped support her siblings.

I will try to offer some tips that I hope will prove useful and that you and have not already been offered.

1. For the kids struggling in Algebra, where I was last a high school math teacher, there was a free, excellent after-school tutorial program in which the math teachers tutored the students. Ask your kids' math teachers where you can get help. If these kids can get tutoring that helps improve their comprehension, they will be happier, and you will feel better because they are doing better and you will have more time to do all the other things you need to do!

2. When I became really frantic trying to do everything, I hired a very good professional organizer to help me sort through paperwork. (It really helps to have another adult around to help you catch up on things like that.) The money I spent was worth the sense of calm I got from the service.
By the way, I found almost $1300 worth of checks by going through my files with the organizer!

3. I finally admitted that I could not handle everything by myself and hired a part-time nanny to watch my kids two days a week. I get more rest now.

4. When I've gotten really busy with school, I've taken my babies to my gym so that someone could watch them for a couple of hours while I read sitting, just sitting, on the exercise bike. Certain gyms charge only a couple of bucks per hour. My kids get to play with other kids in a safe environment while I study.

5. My sister-in-law who lives in the San Francisco Bay area told me that there is a Tot Drop in her area where people can leave their kids for a few hours. I don't know whether there are any in your area, but it seems as though a search might be worthwhile.

I hope that these tips as well as the other tips people have offered will help make your life noticeably more manageable and enjoyable.

Good luck,
L. E

I don't really have any good advice, I just wanted to say WOW! You ARE doing it! 5 kids AND a job and what an age span! WOW! You're my hero. If you can manage all that without becoming addicted or abusive, you've already accomplished a lot. Maybe your husband could consider getting a job in the same state for starters. I know there's been a few similar posts on this website and tons of supportive responses, so I don't feel bad telling you I really don't know. I have the same feeling with my part time job and one child. It helps me to feel better if I can release myself from some cleaning chore to do something fun with my daughter, but I guess you're on a bigger scale. Anyway, good luck!

Orginisation will only get you so far. It looks like you have too much to do and no amount of organizing will fix this. If I were you i'd have a heart to heart with the two older kids. Express your burden to them and ask if they will help take over some cooking and cleaning. Give them some responsibility instead of nagging (not that you nag, but if i were in your shoes, I'm sure i'd be nagging). When I was 16 I took on some grocery shopping because I loved to drive. My mom used this to her advantage. If they don't all ready know how to cook some simple meals, teach them and then give them a night a week that they are responsible for. I'm asuming quiting your job isn't an option because that would solve your problems.