Too Much Texting

I think that our children are in a different generation which is "wired." A large part of their sociability is texting. I do not think there is any harm in it. It is like anything else there is a time and a place. Turn off phone in church, in school, at mealtimes, etc. Just remember to pick your battles.
I have embraced texting and find that I can communicate all the time with my children even when they are gone to college. I can let them know I am thinking of them anytime of day. Have fun with it.

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I think you should put limits on your child's cell phone time, or even use it only for emergencies.Please don't take this the wrong way but do these young children need cell phones. A cell phone is too much of a distraction anyway!

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My niece is the same way! It's ridiculous.. she will even cry if you try to take her phone from her. (She's 13) I don't even ask her to stay the night anymore because my rule is no phones or internet (for HER use) at my house so she wouldn't like it any ways. God forbid she have to actually communicate w/ us.. and in person. I'm only the aunt so there is nothing I can do about it. My sister says it's just easier to let her have it. She will even sit in the car while it charges if it dies and they are out.. she also carries extra phones with her that she can switch out for the extra battery! Crazy right? My boys are very young at this point, but I hope and pray it doesn't get that bad.. which I have a feeling it very well could and could even be worse by the time they are old enough to want all this stuff. I will have no problem setting time limits on all of this, and I have already tried to have toys that are "old school" and force them to use their imagination more. And I really don't want to get any kind of game consule, there are too many obese kids already and I think that has a lot to do with it.. Too technology driven these days! Get outside and PLAY for Pete's Sake! Good luck!!!!!

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I agree with Kim J. It's just socializing. I used to pass notes in school and spend hours on the landline -- my 13 year old texts constantly (we have an unlimited texting plan, so it doesn't cost anything extra). It's really not much different, it's just a new era.

My concern with my daughter was WHAT and WHO she was texting. The phone is mine, the plan is mine and privacy rules do not apply to children when they're not paying their own way. If she texts, it better be something that she doesn't mind me reading, because she knows I'm watching. She was grounded a while back for some unfavorable texts she sent and received ... I just called the carrier and had her texting turned off for a month. It got her attention and now we're back to knowing our limits! lol. (Ahhhh. The joys of parenting a teen.)

Pick your battles wisely. Is he really hurting anything or anyone? If you feel he is, place some restrictions. Watch your bill. If he breaks your rules, impose new restrictions. If he continues, shut him down.

Hang in there mom!

Best wishes, C.!

J.

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While I can understand the challenges that you face as a single mother (my mom was a single mother of 4 girls, however I was raised by my grandparents), I don't agree with giving a 13-year old or a 10-year old a cell phone. I honestly don't believe they truly understand the responsiblity that comes with it and it's apparent that your 13-year old doesn't understand that it is a device to be used possibly in case of emergency or when he needs to get a hold of you to pick him up from somewhere or to let you know that he has safely arrived at his friend's house safely. The cell phone is not a vehicle for him to be in constant contact with his friends. I have a 13-year old niece who has a cell phone and I think that it was a poor decision on the part of her parents to let her have one. When she is at family gatherings she rudely disappears only to be found either on her cell phone chatting with a friend or texting. When children are at this age and until they are driving, there really is no real need for them to have cell phones. Give your son .35 to keep in his pocket for those emergency phone calls. If he's at a friend's house, I'm sure his friend's mom wouldn't object to him using their phone to contact you. I would take the phone away, shut off the service and don't give it back until he's 16.

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Please dont think me rude. But why does a 7th grader need a phone. My son is in 6th and I never even considered giving him a phone.

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Absolutely you must put limits on the time available to him. This is a common problem for non-driving teens. However, it can be a habbit that is extremely hard to break. Teenagers have actually had car wrecks that have killed others because of texting while driving.
It's all part of a disciplined life. Do you set limits for anything else in his life? Would you let him eat cake for every meal and damage his health? Of course not. I have two daughters in their 20's and the teen years are a great challenge. They often told us that we were the biggest control freaks and that none of the other kid's parents did what we did. Don't believe a word. All the other good parents are doing the same and looking for soladerity with others. It's the indulgent parents who don't offer controls for their children that make our jobs harder. You will probably get that as well if you set reasonable bounderies for your kids. Stick to your guns. Only let him text when his homework and chores are done. Never let him bring his phone to the table or any other family time, like going to the movies, etc. I don't know what his school's policy is, but many students text during tests to get answers from others. This has become a big problem and many schools don't allow students to have their phones in the classroom.
Our children now tell us that we were right to be so strict because of what was going on out there. They now see the results of their friends lives. (and we weren't that strict, just different than regular society seems to be) Anyway, it may take a while, but the rewards are great later on!
God Bless you in this and all other parenting endeavors!

I agree with the poster that said texting isn't any different then when years ago we spent hours on the phone.
If you feel it isn't appropriate for your child..then set the rules.
I have 3, ages 18,17 and 15.
My youngest texts the most..but even DS (18) does somewhat. It is a more mobile step from AIM that they started with....no longer connected to the computer.
Mine did not get phones though till they where into activites at the middle school that we where told to pick them up at a certain time...but because of travel time, games going over etc....well they would be hours later (especially DS and wrestling)
This was before the schools had the all call and could set up a call out to all parents.
My girls are on a serivce seperate from DS and DH and I....and I actually dropped minutes of talk time off thiers as they where even losing roll over minutes.....
Barb

Check with your cell phone company. I know several of them have started to put in extra security measures for parents. I heard of one where you can allocate how many minutes they get each month and how many text msgs they can get/send. You can also block numbers and people too. Once those minutes were used their cell phones wouldn't respond unless it was from your number (i.e. emergency) or used to dial 911. I thought it was a really cool thing but I don't remember which company did it.

I certainly think there ought to be limits as to how much they can use the phone. It is a priveledge not a right and it is an expensive one at that. You are well within your limits to set limits and take away priveledges...we did, after all, survive w/o text messaging and cell phones...

Hi C.!

I have the same problem. WE have had to establish limits. Here are our limits: phone is put away by mom when it is time to do homework and eat dinner together with the family. It is not returned until the next morning. Occasional exceptions every once in a while, but by and large those are the rules. My boys didn't like them, but that's the way it is or we get rid of texting.

You WILL get complaining from your 13 year old. But, you have to set limits and teach your child how to self-regulate. It is a formidable task!

D. - married mom of 17 and 14 year old boys and a 9 year old daughter, who wants her own phone too.

Hi C.,
we have a 15 yr. old. We got him his cell phone about 2 yrs. ago - simplicity on all of our lives to be able to reach him! However, our one criteria was that we would not be providing the texting for him. He simply does not have it on his phone...every text that comes thru is $.20 though - which stinks b/c his friends will still text him every once in awhile. However, we have told him it is his responsibility to pay for any texts that we get charged for that are not from us - as he should have told him friends he doesn't have it. We simply felt that texting is not the reason we got the phone for him - somehow he understands that...and we do hear about much it sucks sometimes. But overall he has learned that texting is just not part of his life. Our main reason for not providing the texting for him is b/c we have no idea what goes on in those texts. We can check his email, his facebook, etc., but not the texts as easily. But we also don't do it b/c we've seen what it has done with some kids on it 24/7. The generation is on the computer so much and not verbally talking anymore, that we don't want our son to grow up and not feel comfortable talking on the phone. I think each parent has to make the call on what is right for them and their children - but I certainly don't feel you are being too harsh to put limits on him. Every kid at some point needs limits on certain things - you just have to chose which ones are your battles! good luck!

HI C.!
I am looking into getting my son a phone and just this weekend we were at Sams Club checking out prices and ect.. the lady with At&t told us about a plan that you can go in and control ALL items on his phone!!! From number of texting to phone numbers he can only recieve or call and even a time frame can be set to make and recieve calls like when he is doing homework...no-one can call him let's say from 6-8pm....or make calls!
It even lets you see what he pulls up on the interenet!
It sounded really cool!
You might check into that and then you could just let him know his bounderies.....I myself would explain to him your frusteration and just limit his acsess to the texting. It is a privalage and responsibility of respecting you as the parent to set bounderies that he should respect in order to have a phone!!!
Sometimes as a mom...it is SO hard to not feel like that BAD parent! Or to feel UNFAIR!!! I promise in the long run he will only learn from it and respect you more for making him understand!!! It just may be hard at the time!
REMEMBER...they can't stay mad forever!!!
Hope this helped!
T.

Just take the phone. Our 16 yr. old was doing the same thing. We just took the phone. After about a week she ws fine , her grades went up and she was back in our lives. Take control of it now and don't feel bad if you are not the cool Mom.

The answer is simple. Take his phone away or restrict his privelidges - especially if texting is interfering with his doing other things such as schoolwork, chores or communication with you.

Just set some limits on his use time, like not during dinner, when he does chores (if he has any), etc. And set a couple hours (or however long it takes to do his homework) aside in the evening when he does his homework. If you think he might do it anyway, have a basket or something at the front door, and when everyone comes in, drop your cellphones in there. That way he won't think you're picking on him (since everyone has to do it), and you can make sure he is not texting when you're not watching.

I have to agree with Ashley that limits are the best tool a parent has!!!! My kids do NOT have cell phones, except my 16 year old, and she has a job and pays her own bill (although it is on my plan) and she has learned the consequesnces already of texting too much (has had to pay $30 from going over). I only have texting to contact her and hubby when they can't take a call. I think that parents today are too lenient and are afraid of not "being cool". Kids, especially teens, need and want bounderies even if they don't say it. My daughter has friends whose parents let them do whatever they want whenever they want, buy them cars, give them everything and Rebeka comments on how all those kids are MISERABLE and unhappy....My hubby and I are prety strict and I actually get Thank-yous from my girl for it!! Sorry for the rambling....Good luck!!!!!

~A.~

Hi C.,
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only mom concerned about all this texting! I have started joking that my 13 year old (7th grader) daughter's cell phone is going to become fused to her hand if she doesn't stop carrying it with her at all times! Obviously you are very concerned and I was too. I have learned from talking to other moms that their kids are the same way. I think it is just a sign of the times, unfortunatley. We have decided to let our daughter text as long as it does not interfer with her school work and other activities. We don't allow it at the dinner table or let in interfer with normal conversation! So far she has respected our rules of when she can and can't have it or use it. We have found that taking it away and grounding her from it has become a great "tool" for punishment and discipline! We do make our daughter pay half of her phone bill and she has a babysitting job lined up for the summer and she will have to pay her whole bill this summer (she'll make plenty of money to pay for it and sitll have spending money and put some back to save to help pay for her 8th grade Washington, D.C. trip). She had a lot of friends that had a cell phone before she did. We finally decided to get her one (she helped buy it!) when she started babysitting more. She is a cheerleader and we wanted her to have one to be able to get ahold of us when she was away at games and so we could contact her when we needed to. It actually has come in very handy for many reasons! My biggest concern now is that her generation will not know how to communicate face to face with one another! Don't know if this helps at all, but maybe some comfort knowing your son's not the only one!
Good Luck!

Obviously, he is addicted. What would you do if he were addicted to drugs. You would get him help and remove the stimulus.....the phone.

I'd hate to be the one paying for that phone bill,I know wilth some cell phone companies you can put a block on the text messaging,and you can't receive or text.At this age to me they are still to young to keep in contact with friends all the time it seem's like all kids' do these day's is cell phone computer video games,put a limit on this or if it's not out of control now it will be soon.

Agh! Teenagers! I don't have a teen myself however, my husband teaches middle school and my boss has a 16 year old daughter. I think it is developmentally appropriate for them to socially float away from the family and dive headlong in to the friend pool.. When we were kids we talked on the phone nonstip and I can remember my mom being upset. I don't think you have anything to worry about him texting unless, it is causing problems with school work, sleep, and any household reponsiabilities he may have. Theses kids just have so many more ways to communicate than we did.

I am looking for that answer also. I have a 15 year old girl and everytime I turn on her cell phone she is in constant contact with friends and there is way to much drama. My advice is to somhow limit or never give them a phone. It's hard to take something away once it has been given. I have limits on the phone, as far as time. No phone from time I am home in evening till 8- bedtime is around 9. Any advise anyone has for me will help also

I would let him know that if he keeps on with the Texting then you will have to take away the phone. Do you know who he is texting? What are they talking about. I betcha that bill will be high

How about setting a limit and taking the phone away! He won't think you are being "fair" but you WILL be acting like a parent. Kids won't tell you that they need limits, it is their job to try to push the limits. As parents, it is our job to set the boundaries and make the decisions that are in their best interests. This does not usually make us popular with our kids, but we do not need to be their friends we need to be their parents. I highly recommend the book "Boundaries for Kids" by Dr. Henry Cloud. If you haven't read it, it is an easy and AWESOME read!

Phones are just like computer, tv, etc. When it's lights out for the night, have him leave the phone with you, leave it in the kitchen, etc. I am a teacher and have taught both middle school and high school. Texting is top priority to these kids right now, and the sooner you can put limits on it, the better! Another option is to limit the amount of texts that he can send through your phone's plan, and then let him know that he is financially responsible for any over and above the limit. Good luck!

C.:

There is nothing fair about parenting. You do what is best for them and they will always tell you IT'S NOT FAIR!. Kevin Leman wrote a book that I would recommend -- "Making Children Mind Without Loosing Yours".

I personally would put strict limits on the texting and phone usage and if it is not followed, he loses the phone.

If you are not currently part of a church, I would encourage you to find one; it can be a great support to you as a single mother. Parenting is a tough job and doing it alone is even tougher.

Hang tough, you won't regret it!

definitely put limits on everything that is or could be getting out of control. in order to be a really good fair mom, your kids need boundaries. and limiting phones, computers, pagers, video games, tv, etc is needed. i suggest putting controls on the phone itself (whether for calls or texts) by stating he can only use it when he's leaving you/home for an event (not for school days!!). calls at home (& texts) stop at his 9pm bedtime. between school & bedtime are (in this order): homework, chores, family interaction, friends. if his calls & texts are a concern in the evenings, tell him he gets 5 min per hour to use the phone....all 5 min together, or 5 (1)minute calls. that includes incoming AND outgoing calls/texts. make these house rules that are non-negotiable. i did this with both of my daughters. they are now 38 & 29yrs old & wonderful balanced young women, who are using these same boundaries with their kids. he will thank you over time, even if he resents it now. & he WILL resent it now, cuz you've allowed it to get outta hand. but it's not too late to regain control as the parent & adult of the home.

I'm not sure who your carrier is, but Verizon Wireless sells phones that have parental control on them. I would definitely limit his usage of the phone including texting. I think kids should have a phone in the event of an emergency and for use to contact you the parent. But other than that, it is a distraction. Just my own personal opinion. Try and look for a phone for him that allows only 911 calls and calls to pre-programmed numbers such as your home and mom and dad's work and cell. I believe you can install a password on it to prevent any other calls. Good luck in whatever you decide.

I'd take the phone away from him. He doesn't need it at school. They should be taking it away from him if they catch him with it anyway. He only has it for when he's away from you for extra activities. He has to earn the priviledge of so-many minutes of texting per day. Also, can you get from you company a record of how many and what time the texting is occurring? That way you can check up on him...if he's honoring your rules?

Personally, i don't think a teen should have a cell phone until they are at least 16 and able to pay for it themselves. It would show them more responsiblity. I have a SIL who is 16 now, and when she was 13 all we ever saw was either texting someone or talking all the time. She always had the phone in her hand. My kids are all under the age of 5 and they won't be allowed to have a cell until they are old enough to get a job and pay for it all their own just like i had to do growing up. I'm 25 now. Also, What's the point of texting anyway? You call the person up if you want to talk. It's a waste of time and money to be spending on texting.

hi
I too am a mother of a 14 year old son...kids need boundries..they may not ask you for them but desperatly need them..texting should be limited to after school and ?? some time in the evening...you are correct that too much time focused on one individual is not good. think about what fits best for you,,,sit down with him go over the rules then make consquesnces for breaking the rules..(loosing phone privelages alltogether) or ?? but FOLLOW THRU...this will make his life difficult at first but in the end it will make him a better MAN. thanks

It's the "IN" thing to do right now. Just talk with him & let him know that your concerned & that he should only do it through the hours of 6-9 pm. I'm NOT saying this will work but it may help, IF all else fails & you feel that strongly about it TAKE the phone once he's in for the night. Good luck to you & God Bless!

C. G,

Do you pay the bill on that phone, or does he? You are the parent, call the cell phone company and turn the texting service OFF you can do that!! I did it to my 13 year old boy!! He is gonna be mad and upset , but he will get over it! I see and hear so many parents on this site saying they want to do this and do that and don't want to hurt the children....the bottom line here is that you are the parent you are the person in control, not the child!!!

You're the mom give your child limits.

I have read some of the responses and agree with limits and boundaries. I am 25 and remember my teens very well. I remember constantly telling my mom (also a single mother of two) whatever it was... was unfair. I bought my first car from her, I have always paid my own insurance on that car, I paid for anything "extra" I wanted. If it was shoes or clothes, I had a designated amount to be able to spend. Anything over that, I had to pay for or do chores in exchange for. We even made written contracts. I remember this very vividly. I recently commented to one of my friends I wish I could buy some of the stuff that she has, and she commented back with something about I wouldn't want the credit card bill that she has... All that to say, teaching boundaries is an invaluable lesson :)

Hi C.,
I have to agree: Limits and Boundaries is what helps teens become responsible adults. Parenting is not Fair, you are to be a friend, but not their "best-friend". You are the adult.
If it was my child, he would not even have a phone at age 13, but I understand, some circumstances need them. By best-friend is single and has a 13 year son, but he has very strict limits on the phone, very strict days and times when he can use the phone. She also tells him that the text messages better be things that she can read or he better not be texting at all. Even then, teens can be sly, he just ran up the phone bill over 100.00's and he is the "respectible, responsible, straight A, two instrument playing child". You have to be in control of his phone, You have to take it away from him and hide it during hours of non-usage. Life for teens might seem un-fair and/or tough, but they will learn in the long run, that it is for their best interest. Good Luck---Oh and the mom that made the statement about addiction, said it best, if it was drugs, you would intervene in a heart beat. Be glad at this moment that it is just a phone. Best wishes, M. N.

I agree with you, this text messageing has went overboard. My favorite is kids who sit in class texting, that drives me crazy. Does he pay for it himself? Make him pay for it himself with a job such as walking dogs or such and then he won't have as much time to text.

Just a suggestion,
D.

I would definitely be putting some limits on his phone use. He's only 13 and should be more worried about school work and family then his cell phone going off. I'm 24 and I don't even text that often. A cell phone is a privilege, not a right. He should abide by your rules on the matter or loose the phone.

Oh, my gosh, I can't imagine your phone bill.
Limit, limit, limit, as a mom you have the right to have rules and expect him to follow them. My in-laws were selfish, lazy teens when I met them and they are now both in their mid to late 20s. Their mother never gave them limits on anything and they are still acting as they did when they were teens, selfish & lazy and living at home with her doing everything for them.
I think limits are good, expecially when you are paying the bills. If you talk to him about the limits and he doesn't follow, itemize the bill and let him know how much $$$ he owes you at the end of the month, make a list of things for him to do around the house that will make up for the $$$ he owes you, that will make him a little more respectful of your rules.

my daughter has friends that constantly text and is one of the reasons I haven't let my 7th grader have a phone to herself yet. My 10th grader has the phone and they share it but he has it most of the time. He is very responsible and rarely texts although he would love to have unlimited so he could text back and forth to his friends. I won't get them the unlimited plan and he has to pay for text messages out of his allowance so his is usually less than 3.00 a month because his friends know not to text him all the time. They can talk as we have the same network as most of his friends but they don't want to talk on the phone much. Teens now just want to text all the time. I figure when my daughter gets to 9th grade and involved in more activities then she will get her own phone and will probably have unlimited texting by then but for now not having unlimited texting seems to be working but they do email their friends and chat online when they get a chance. Texting isn't any different than chatting online to their friends or chatting with friends on xbox live and playing games at the same time. That is also the new thing teens are into.
Teens used to chat on the phone for hours.. now they just text but like texting more because they can multitask and chat to more than one person at a time.

I would definitely put limits on when he can use his phones. Cell phones have gotten way out of control and I can't believe parents get their kids phones in the first place. Does he do chores to pay for his own bill at least? Good luck, teens are hard:-)