Too Many Drinks??

I'd say you don't have a problem yet, but you might be on the edge of one.
You seem to drink for a bit of a release and if you get to a point where you need the alcohol and you need that release, that's when the trouble starts.
There is such a thing as a high-functioning alcoholic.
They live their lives, work their jobs, maintain their relationships all while concealing their alcohol use.
It's just as h*** o* their liver as a low functioning alcoholic.
There are many people who have a glass of wine with a meal and it's not a problem.
I have a glass of wine maybe once every few months.
Can you find ways to relax that don't involve taking a drink or do it less often?
You just do not want to get dependent on it and it's the 'it's a drink or two, or I start smoking' thing you said that seems a bit like a red flag to me.
Some adult companionship might help - like a Mommy's group get together once in awhile.
You need to talk with other Mom's that know about the challenges and balancing acts and can relate - and talking about it works a lot like informal group therapy.
I think you'll be fine.

I'm just like you... I don't HAVE to drink, but it's nice to have a cocktail and unwind a bit, get my head back on straight. My 'me time' is kicking everyone of of the kitchen, and having a vodka cranberry while making dinner and listening to music.

I actually consulted a friend of a friend who works for CPS and asked them about this. They laughed at me and said 'it's far and few between, to find those mom's that DON'T have a drink at the end of the day'. She said as long as kids are happy, healthy, and safe, she personally views it as us mom's 'saving out sanity' ;)

Americans are too uptight about booze nowadays. Back in the day, people drank all day long, every day, and no one said a word.

Have a glass of wine every night!

I'm retired, have no kids living at home, and developed a 2-3 drinks a night habit. My doctor said it was too much but I disagreed. Then during a routine physical they found my liver enzymes elevated. I cut my drinking down to 2 or 3 nights/week and it didn't help. So I quit. Drinking, tho I enjoyed it, wasn't worth damaging my liver. My liver enzymes are now OK.

I described my drinking the same way that you have.

What I learned by quitting is that the drinking wasn't in reality helping me relax and get the sleep I wanted. My doctor referred me to a sleep clinic where I learned better sleep hygiene. But what helped most of all was starting to take trazadone. It relaxes me without becoming a habit. I don't get the negative affects of alcohol. The most serious one being that I was slowing increasing the amount I drank. And I sleep thru the night and wake up rested. I am much less anxious.

Your drinking may be interfering with the effectiveness of your anti-anxiety medication, too. For some medications it's actually not safe to drink. For others, even tho they recommend not drinking, it's still OK in moderation. However, both slow you down which can then increase your anxiety. Alcohol is a depressant.

I have difficulty with anxiety and depression. I feel much better without the alcohol.

Well, as far as your spouse, you know what they say: If your spouse has a problem with your drinking then you have a drinking problem.
Good luck!

Your an adult and I can nearly guarantee you do a hell of a lot more than he does (we are in the same lake, different boat) and he could go butt a stump! If it helps you relax go right on ahead honey!!

Please read Marda P.'s post again. Please.

Please see your doctor and tell him or her exactly what you said here and get the doctor's opinion. A big red flag went up for me when I saw the words "I am taking medication for anxiety." Do you know how your medication interacts with alcohol? Do you know how much or little alcohol it would take to interact with your specific medication? If you can't answer those questions, you need to be able to, and you need to be open-minded about talking with the doctor who prescribed you that medication. That's the person you need to see.

The alcohol may be a second form of medication, self-medication. A lot of posters are saying that 2-3 glasses "a few nights a week" is no problem but that does not account for the fact you are already dealing with a medical diagnosis of anxiety and you also don't say how often "a few nights" really is. Two? Three? More, in some stressful weeks? Does a particularly stressful day mean a third glass? That might not be an issue -- if it weren't for the underlying anxiety and the inability to talk about any of this with your husband.

The fact that you are questioning your own amount of drinking, while at the same time defending it -- noting how you keep the household running, etc., with no issues -- raises another huge red flag to me. You know on some level that it does concern you, or you would not be asking us here.

Remember behind it all that you have a diagnosis of anxiety; you're taking medication that could be interfered with; and the fact that your household runs perfectly doesn't mean a lot, relative to the alcohol. As someone with a relative who was a completely high-functioning a-few-glasses-a-night drinker, who ran his business and his home to perfection, but who has ended up with grave liver problems, I hope you see the doctor tomorrow and discuss this.

There is a third red flag that's waving in your post and your "so what happened" update and it's not about wine: "My husband has NOOOOOO room to talk, period." "Even WHEN he's here, he's really not." Please reread those parts of your post. Yes, he's busy. Yes, your house is running just fine and the kids are dandy. But do you and he communicate about much other than the kids, your schedules, the household? Is he really just using a double standard when he criticizes your drinking, like some folks are saying, or might he be genuinely concerned about you? Are you dismissing what he says maybe because other than criticizing the wine, he doesn't talk to you much amid all his studying and work? Please sit him down and tell him what's really wrong: You need him back and he must make "room to talk."

If he could spend less time on the computer and studying, and more time interacting with you in the evenings, would you really want those evening glasses of wine anyway? Does HE know that you see him now as someone with "no room to talk" who is "not here even when he's here"? He might need a wake-up call from you about how you see him.

Please update us. This post is more worrying to me than just the part about the alcohol.

I think you are fine. America has a culture that resist drinking expecially for women. The Italians and French drink wine daily with their lunch and dinner and no one thinks anything of it. In fact medical studies have proven that even though they eat a diet rich in butter and other fats they are healthier than most Americans. Lower cholesterol and healthy hearts because of the wine they drink.
I do also think you need to find some Mom activities and some Mom time.

I am a stay at home mom too. I would say I drink wine 3 nights a week. I never have more than 2 glasses because by the time I am done with the second one I am ready for bed! I get a nice buzz, but I wouldn't say I am drunk. I drink slowwwly, my kids are in bed at 7 so I drink those 2 glasses in about 3- 3 1/2 hrs. I have never had a problem getting up with them in the morning or if they wake up at night (they rarely get up at night though) So, you are not the only one who does this. However, lately I have been feeling like I NEED to have those drinks after the kids go to bed, and I don't like that. I think that could lead to something more, so I am trying to find other ways to relax after the kids go to bed. Sometimes my husband will give me a good massage and that is just as relaxing to me.

I could have written this post. I think your consumption of al. is very typical. That said, I think what starts out as a treat, a release, a pick me up, a mood swing, quickly becomes habitual and you find your self reaching for it more often than not. After my second was born I reached or it more than I should have and it was not the best way to cope with stress. I knew it , but felt it was the rut I was in. Again, I wasn't getting drunk, didn't have hangovers 1-3 drinks 3-4 times a week (8-6 drinks/wk). But recently I've made a change and I have noticed that I'm more likely to go for a walk, or play a game with my kids. Alcohol is an escape from my kids, but if I skip it I'm more available to them. I think alcohol is a deceptive thing, it can really take its hold in your life with out you realizing it. I have not read what anyone else has written but my guess is a lot of people are going to give you a pass because they are doing the same thing. I just want to say as a fellow "indulger", I'm leaning towards giving this habit up. For months now I've felt God speaking this to my heart. I've gone two weeks and actually, its been awesome.

A couple of glasses of wine a few nights a week is not a problem.

Have two or three drink a day occassionally does not seem too much, but 2-3 drinks a day most or every day is too much.

Oh honey! Lord no. Better to have a few glasses of wine than to be lighting up (anything) in the garage or something. Red wine is good for you anyway ;-) I have a 2.5 year old and a 18 month old and I'm stressed the h*** out sometimes.... but three? It's A LOT to stay home and keep the house up as well as yourself and your children...and your husband. I definitely have a few drinks (wine or beer) several nights a week...I'm also on anxiety meds) My husband comes home gets a beer and we sit in the sun room and talk. (One day yours will be able to do that with you too) And with him- I'm sure he probably wants to be able to enjoy having one with you, but he can't. Oh....The last time I was at my OB GYN's office...I can't remember how we got on this subject...but he was telling me a lady asked him recently if he thought it was bad that if she was having an extra challenging day with the kiddos to have a glass around like 3pm or so. She said if it's been a really challenging day sometimes I have 2. He was just like...well..do you drink the whole bottle & she obviously said no. So he just said.... eehh that's fine. Who gets drunk off of 3 or 4 beers or a few glasses of wine anyway? ;-) It is what it is. You're not out driving around or unable to take wonderful care of your babies so I say.... CHEERS :-)

I don't think thats bad at all. Don't they say you should have a glass of wine after dinner every night. There are nights when I would love a drink but I have to buy the alcohol. I work full time and then come home and jump right into mom mode. I have had a drink once in awhile to relieve the stress. Everything seems just fine for men but the minute a woman does it, its just so wrong.
If you were drinking 2-3 drinks every night, then maybe it might be a problem.

You could try a medication switch and see if that helps. But I would say if a few nights a week you have a couple of glasses of wine after kiddos are in bed then it is okay. But if you start to drink more often or increase the ammount of glasses you are having then it may be a problem. If you start drinking during the day, or to "get through the day" then i'd worry. I am a sahm, my husband works 2 jobs and any and every side/handy man job he can pick up. So yeah, I would say I do about 95% of the child rearing/house work. It can get so very stressful and there are days I feel like i'm going to lose my mind! I have a 2 1/2 year old and 1 year old twins, all boys, so my house is very hectic as you can imagine! There are days when I have a drink after they go to bed but honestly it is rare. I am on medication to help me with some mood swing issues I have. I started to paint though. I'm not really very good mind you and I cant do landscapes or anything it is all abstract but is it very relaxing and so much fun. It gives me something to look forward to that is just for me. Even though i'm not that great my husband is always excited when I paint something and like he says, it is MY art and as long as i like it or am having fun that is what is important. Maybe if you had a hobby/activity that was just for you it would help. I totally get where you are coming from and i'm not judging you or anything, just trying to give you some other ideas

everyday, you looking at addiction. IF you can function and not go through withdrawl symptoms and handle NOT having it every day. Then your ok. 2 or 3 regular wine glasses and not BEER STEINS full is a good if not bordering on large amount. Its ok, but if your husband, who is a drinker is concerned enough to say something it might be time to check in with a doctor, and maybe cut back a little. I know life is hectic. I occasionally smoke E GODS. I know terrible right but I dont do it everyday, and never more than one. Usually its just to calm frayed nerves. I can quit at anytime but I choose not to mainly because its my only reason to get away from the kids when the husband is home.

My hubby and I are non drinkers, or rarely I should say. Our kids are 15, 12 and 9. My mom is a wine drinker like you. And when my kids are over there, they HATE that she drinks. She, of course, doesn't see what the big deal is, even when I point out that I don't want my kids to drink and I don't think its a good example to them. So maybe your kids are young now, but think about maybe setting a better example for them before they get older. Do you want them to think the answer to stress and a hard day is a couple glasses of wine? And if like oneanddone said, if hubby thinks its a problem, then it is...good luck.

You said you have 2-3 glasses a "few" nights a week, I really don't think it's an issue since it's not causing a problem in other areas of your life. If it was every night or you begin to feel dependent on it, then it might be cause for some concern. I usually have a drink or two a few nights a week.

I don't necessarily agree with nor have I heard the, "if spouse has a problem with your drinking then you have a problem." That statement seems unfair. There are people who are a little over the top when it comes to accusing people of having a "drinking problem".

No problem! Too bad you don't live next door -we could be drinking buddies! I normally drink once or twice a week, but it's definitely gotten to be more while my kids are small! If you find yourself truly dependent on it -where you freak out if you can't have it or start drinking during the daytime or something -then it's an issue. If it starts having a negative impact on your life and your responsibilities -it's an issue. A few glasses of wine several times a week isn't an issue!

I stay home w my two guys. I'm not a wine drinker, but I'll have a couple beers once a week, or a L. less. I feel like its fine.

My mom, on the other hand, used to drink every single night. I thought it was normal, that every mom drank 3-4 boxes of wine a week. Come to find out, it was sooooo not normal! Thank God she has been sober for 15 yrs now!

Weigh your true feelings, and your husbands feelings. Don't take offense to what he has to say, and take a deep look at if/why you get defensive about your drinking habits.

My parents and my inlaws are of the generation that after work every day was cocktail hour. My mom and dad did it - my dad drank much more than my mom - and it never negatively affected me. Funnily, I am a bit jealous of my dad. I just don't like the taste of alcohol much and wine disrupts my sleep etc. It seems nice to enjoy something like that so much. My dad is in his late 80's now and has done completely fine. So I wouldn't worry much but same time, 2-3 glasses is kind of a lot. Why not try 1-2 glasses and see if you feel like you "need" the 3rd? And maybe sometimes you do. I honestly "need" my antianxiety medication sometimes to sleep. I supposed I'm somewhat addicted. But I really monitor it, set limits etc so it doesn't turn into an every day or even every other day thing. I think awareness is an important feature of drinking, prescription drugs to sleep or anything unnatural. Maybe just keep a close eye on yourself. My friend has alcoholism in his family and used to drink to the degree I'd raise an eyebrow but knows he has a potential issue and keeps it in check very well. There are too many stories about SAHM's becoming addicted to pain killers or alcohol so it's a slippery slope. Seems like you're ok now but definitely keep an eye on things.

I am not sure that I see a problem here. How is your behavior when you drink? If he is there while you do it, and you don't act nasty when you drink, then I am not sure the harm here. If you don't necessarily depend on the wine, then not sure there is a problem....If you really can go without the wine, then I don't see this as an addiction. I had 2 glasses of wine after the kids went to bed last night :)

I totally, 100 billion percent agree with Marda P. What you are doing is NOT healthy, and not helping anything.

Alcohol is our legal stress reducer. As long as it's not causing a problem I dont think there is anything wrong with having a few glasses of wine. If you cant afford it or you get crazy when drinking, that's a problem. If anyone in the household has a problem with it, then it's considered a problem.

It all depends on the drinker. I can't drink more than two glasses of wine or I'm pretty lit. But, everyone is different, so you may be able to handle more. I think as long as you are not using it as a crutch, ie today has been a horrible day and the ONLY thing that will make it better is alcohol, then you are ok.

Hmmm...okay, well sometimes I drink 2-3 cans of diet coke if I need to really chill...is that bad? I don't think it's too bad, but I wouldn't try to do it nightly. I think the problem is that you can't drive after that, and what if something happens?

My one friend is a single mother of two girls, worked full-time, took her girls to all of their things, and worked on her MBA full time also. She drank one bottle a week. That was her rule.

I work full-time, full-time MBA student, husband works two hours away so it's also me that does all of the appointments, attends all of the ceremonies/conferences, etc. If I drank, I'd drink a couple a night too!

What I can tell you from a perspective of a child. My parents drank growing up and as I got older it got worse. When I was in high school and even up until maybe 5 years ago they were drunk almost nightly. They have WAY cut back and drink tea over alcohol more nights than not now. But to have it so they couldn't drive if they needed to, or talk to us, or anything was a lot. So I just caution you to make sure it doesn't get out of hand. If you drink 2-3 a night, then maybe in a couple of years you will need 4-5 to get the same stress relief.

I also don't get why people are being upset with your husband. Sounds like he is trying to help you. And as a full-time worker, full-time MBA student, and full-time parent myself, I know that I need my husband to be 100% able to take care of our kids no matter what, when he is home.

You are not doing anything wrong, I'd just make sure to keep it in check :).

Well, I have found that a few glasses of wine here and there is nice. But only one time in my life, has my husband told me that I have had enough, and that was at a Halloween party. Anyway, I would suggest that since you are probably closer to your husband than anyone, he loves you and is concerned about you, and maybe he is worried that 2-3 glasses a few nights a week is too much. You said you were overwhelmed. You said you take anxiety medicine. BUT you still find yourself drinking wine. Maybe you are using it to medicate. Maybe your husband is on to something.?

If you are using it as a sleep aid I would cut it back, your body can become more and more dependent on it and it can be harder to fall asleep with out it. Try taking melatonin instead to help induce sleep.

No judging here... I think a glass or two of wine a few times a week is perfectly healthy. HOWEVER, do check into whether the alcohol is affecting the absorption of your anxiety medicine. It's very possible that you're getting less of the medicine's effects due to alcohol intake. And that would be the exact opposite of what you're looking for!

You can probably give a quick call to your doctor's office to ask about how alcohol affects your med.

My first thought was your meds and it not being a good idea to mix them. The fact that you are one meds kind of makes me think you shouldn't need the alcohol in additon to the meds. So if it's just something nice for a release, you might want to see what else you can subsitute for it that is healthier. Gasp the empty calories, alas alas.

I am a recovering addict and have been to NA/AA meetings over the years. "They" say that even if you only drink on the weekends, if you do it regularly you are an alcoholic. Not sure I agree with that philosophy, but that's what "they" say.

If you are taking medications for anxiety, I'm pretty sure that the addition of even a small amount of alcohol is dangerous. If he is worried about the mixture, then it's a valid concern. And if you "have" to have a drink a few times a week, then it IS a problem. It's the "HAVE" to that's important.

Sounds like everything is fine. You're husband is very busy and perhaps he just wishes he could sit back and relax with you once in awhile. It will happen. If you described some circumstance where you are throwing things around or the children were neglected I might worry. But you sound like you just want to handle everything. And if I had a glass of wine over screaming at my kids I think well, truthfully the wine would win out.

Clearly not an issue but because you asked,,,,,maybe consider sticking to 2 nights a week and see how you feel.

I don't see any issue with it....other than you are already on a medication for anxiety. I would check into that....to make sure you're not harming your body.

I also think that because you've been doing this for awhile, that your tolerance is getting higher. So, maybe take a week off or spread out the days for a bit, so you still get the same release without having to drink as much.

I think hubby just sees the empty wine bottles and is worried about you. Do you feel like he is judging you? Criticising your ability to do your job? Is that why it bothers you? That you feel you are doing EVERYTHING and he is coming in and rendering judgement? What is his motivation for saying something to you? That's the underlying issue.

I would only be concerned if you were drinking during the same time period (8hr-24hr period depending on the meds) as the antianxiety meds.

Most combos of the two are HIGHLY addictive (more addictive than street drugs when you mix them... as in you cannot avoid getting addicted), and others are potentially quite lethal (depressing the respiratory system, or causing heart attack and stroke, or causing the adult version of SIDS).

Well let's see... it's 11:11 AND I just finished my second glass of wine :)

I'm off to bed shortly.

I'd say on average 2 - 3 nights a week I have a glass of wine or two.

I rarely have 3 - that's over the edge for me... but sometimes on the weekend I might go for the third.

I live the life you live... husband works a ton, travels, home full time... we earned it :)

You say you drink 2-3 glasses a few nights a week. You're not drinking everyday so I would say enjoy. I have my times where I may have a glass or 2 or 3. The problem is if you can't go without drinking. If you can't then there's a problem. Cheers to you!!

I think it is great that you asked this question.
Some things that came to mind when I read this are:
It sounds like you are using the drinks to cope with an very busy days and, dare I say it, only a small amount of adult companionship.
But it is not the best coping choice. Maybe try to call a friend, or make a friend? Or schedule date nights? Or exercise?
The thing about alcohol is your body can start to need it, and that need progresses slowly. You could end up with a habit, and by the time it sets in, you may not have other good coping mechanisms in place and that will be coupled with you body telling you that you NEED to drink.

Those are just my thoughts and I am sharing them because I get the feeling you are trying to keep yourself from getting into a drinking habit.

I want to say, and I hope you don't mind, that what you enjoy MAY end up being what you need. And that's a bad thing.

I have a friend who changed gyn's so that she could get permission to have one cocktail a day while pregnant. No kidding. She went to THIS doctor specifically for that reason. She loved her cocktails THAT much.

You have so much stress that this much wine is your chosen method to decompress. Find something else to do it so that it isn't just the wine that calms you. That way you can enjoy the time you DO drink without worrying your husband and without depending solely on the wine to chill out.

Dawn

We don't drink at all, we have to find other ways to wind down. If I were a drinker, I would say no more than 1 drink a few nights a week, but that is also my policy on drinks like Dr. Pepper. I can see how using it as a distressing method can become problematic if you ever fall into a very stressful, traumatic situation. Take a bath, indulge in some dark chocolate, read a book... But really, I don't agree with it being more okay for one parent than the other!

It depends on how big those glasses of wine are, really. I have a small wine glass, so I probably have about two a couple times a week. Any more then that, probably isn't healthy. However, if you are taking anxiety medications, please be careful with alcohol. It decreases the effect the medicine will have on you, and probably makes the symptoms more frequent. Just a thought.

I don't know how drinking interacts with anti-anxiety meds or whether patients suffering from anxiety disorder should drink, so I cannot comment on that.
On drinking in general, I am a working mom of a high schooler and a middle schooler. I have a couple of glasses of wine a couple of nights a week. I don't view this as a problem. I know plenty of people who have a glass or two of wine with their dinner every night, people who come home and have a cocktail every day after work. I think that drinking every single day isn't a great idea, even if it's just one or two, but going through a single bottle of wine (six glasses) as long as you're not drinking anything else that week isn't a drinking problem.
If you feel like you may be drinking too much, and you're drinking because you are overwhlemed, maybe a better idea would be an evening out for coffee with friends or alone, or getting a sitter or mothers helper to pitch in.

I don't see a problem, but I'm no expert. I do think 1 glass 2 tops would be better than 2-3. Medical experts say 1 or 2 is fine but more can harm your health instead of helping it. I'm careful not to drink much because I never want to get impared to a point where I wouldn't be able to drive my kids super safely to the ER if needed. On really bad days, I like a rum and coke. But those are few and far between. Usually when my dear husband is home!! lol.

I don't think the amount of wine you drink is a problem at all. I also get that your time is very taken up with your kids and all your responsibilities.

But, If your husband thinks you are indulging, suggest instead that he makes sure you get an hour a few times a week to get some exercise. Even 1/2 hour of fairly intense exercise works as well as most commonly prescribed anxiety medications (read "SPARK: The revolutionary new science of exercise and the brain" for the studies that showed this) and is as relaxing as a glass of wine (my opinion :-).

My three point relaxation and de-stress program, that has kept me off of anxiety/depression medication includes: exercise, alcohol, and sex...

GOD NO!! I enjoy a glass or two of wine a few times a week. I don't see any problem with it at all. If anyone does who cares. You are not drunk or being stupid in front of your kids. If anyone has anything to say about it then I am in the same boat as you. I like wine so I drink it. I usually wait until after all the "stuff" gets done around the house. It is the same to me as coffee in the morning, do I need it no do I like it yes. Keep doing what you are doing. If you have any suggestions on fav wines let me know.

my only concern is anxiety medicine with alcohol and the impact it can have on your liver and your overall health. you are obviously the key person in your household and your family needs you to be healthy in every way. so that is my concern. talk to your dr to make sure they are okay together and please make sure you are getting a yearly physical to stay on top of it.

Not judging. Not being mean, but here's my opinion.

The medical and nutrition associations define "drinking in moderation" to be 1 drink per day for women and 1-2 drinks per day for men. Unless you are larger than your husband, I would try to stick to the one drink per day. Also, the health benefits of red wine (reveratrol in wine, antioxidant effects) start getting outweighed with the risk associated with more than 1 glass (impaired judgement and decreased inhibition).

You can build a tolerance to alcohol, which is why you don't feel drunk after 2-3; however, your judgement is still impaired, you shouldn't drive, and your kids might have a different opnion of what yoju're like after 2-3.

I am a small person and I am very careful to have my one glass of wine per day. Anything more, and I start yelling at the kids. I don't want that. My husband, whose biologiocal father was an alcoholic, doesn't drink.

It worries me a little that you seem to be drinking as a stress reliever. In my opinion, that it the wrong reason to drink, and can lead to more drinking. Is there anything else that can be a stress relieve for you?

I hope things work out!

oh please... sounds like a double standard to me!

Somewhere in the mix you are going to have to carve out "Me Time" and stick to it. Get a sitter and spend an hour or two alone at the library, movies, spa to eliminate the stress you are under and to recharge your batteries.

When hubby finishes his degree hopefully things will change so that you are not "alone" when you are together and enjoying each other's company.

Check with your doctor about the amount of wine and the anxiety pills to make sure you are not cutting your nose to spit your face. I know that they tell you not to drink alcohol for certain types of antibiotics. Don't drink alone as it could/can to lead to other things.

Hope all is well otherwise in the household.

The other S.