Too Early to Start Preschool?

I don't think you started him too early. My son attended a daycare for a short time last year, and the first day he ran off without so much as a kiss good bye. The next day I had to peel him off of me and leave hime crying the arms of the teacher. While he was younger and this was not school, the same theory applies. The first day is fun and exciting for any adventorous young boy, but after that it can be a little overwhelming to be away from mommy that long, especially if he is not used to it. I believe having your son in preschool now will help his social skills, and help him learn that things can be fun even if mommy is not there. Some tips would be to make sure he is getting to bed at a decent time the night before, and to give yourself pleanty of time to get to school. If your son is overtired, or feels rushed this may increase his anxiety.

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Hello, I am a former preschool teacher, so here are my thoughts:

It definitely sounds like he's ready and is having fun. Separation anxiety is totally normal and is to be expected. However, it sounds like he is able to soothe himself and has found friends and feels comfortable there. If he was crying throughout most of the day I would be more concerned, although even that often works itself out, but it sounds like he's doing great! By the way, often there is a "honeymoon" period, and separation anxiety shows up more a few weeks into the start of preschool- so don't be surprised or worried if this happens- it too will probably work itself out with the help of the teachers and encouragement from you. The best thing you can do for him is to show him that YOU are not worried and that YOU feel comfortable with the situation (i.e. not dragging out goodbyes, not acting worried about whether he will cry or not, and letting him know that he strong and brave, he is safe at his school, and that his teachers will take care of him until you come back!)

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I'm not a mommy yet (sigh) but I have worked in two preschools as a teacher. I would say that he is just as normal as can be, and maybe even on the more well-adjusted side. Most children take longer than just a few days to be able to take off and start playing, and some cry for the first hour every day, the entire time they are enrolled. Your son sounds like he is doing great, and I think it was wise on your part to start him out slow, to get him used to being away from you for part of the day. Well done!

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Three is a great age to start preschool, especially if he is enthusiastic about it. I began taking my son to a co-op preschool at 2, then he went alone to public preschool at 3 and now 4 and he loves it! He goes to school 4 times a week half days and it has done wonders for his social skills and speech. He was also a "clinger" too, if it wasn't for me, it was his older sister.

Are you able to volunteer with your child once in a while? If so that might help, or check out a local co-op preschool where all parents are required to participate, which means there's always plenty of nuturing from other caring mama's too. Dont feel bad for doing something positive for your child.

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It sounds to me like your three year old is responding in a very typical way to the new setting and the associated separation from you. He was distressed initially by the your leaving him in an unfamiliar place, which one would expect; and it is also very normal that he would be "fearful" or anxious about this new situation. But he did join in and had a good time, which I think indicates he is secure enough with both himself AND his relationship with you to do well in a good place with sufficient structure and appeal. Sounds good to me! I would expect that he will get better at the separation process there as he experiences your reliable return as well as a good experience when he's there. There are always some days with little people this age that they don't separate well for anything at all, though - we all have days like that.
One thought I had reading your post was to keep in mind that young kids don't have the vocabulary or experience to express the difference between feeling anxious about something because it's new or unfamiliar, etc., and "fear". So when a child says he or she is "scared" about something, explore it for clarification. Of course, you don't want to ignore a statement of fear because it could mean the child is really are afraid of something they don't understand or misunderstand, OR there is the less likely but important chance that there really IS something scary you should check out. But more often, kids who are scared are better described as (understandably) "anxious".
Talk with kids about the experience! Explore it with them after the fact, because this reinforces the good things, tends to reveal the problematic parts, and best of all makes you a part of what they experience even though you aren't there.

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It's not too early to start him in preschool and his reaction is completely normal, especially since you have always been at home with him.

My son, now 12, was the same way. It actually became almost like a game to him. He would cry until the door closed and as soon as it did he would run off to play with his friends, smiling and laughing at times.

It will get easier for both of you and the interaction he is getting with the other children at preschool is a wonderful experience before starting kindergarten. Plus it gives you a little one-on-one time with your younger son. Which, I believe, is important too.

Lisa W.

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I don't think you started him too early. He will be just fine. In fact, it's probably better that you started him now. If you would have waited he probably would have been even more apprehensive about it. I think preschool is important for the socialization. Just keep taking him, he will make friends and learn all kinds of good social skills that he wouldn't be exposed to if his interactions are limited to his immediate family.

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My daughter was the same way. She was very attached to me and did not even want to interact with other kids on the playground. So, we started her in preschool 2 months before she turned 3. She was hesitant at fist, so I stayed with her for the first month or so. That helped a lot because she could get to know and trust the other adults and relax while I was there. By the time I started leaving her alone, she was comfortable there alone. Any good preschool will not mind you staying, and almost all will not mind your one year old there with you playing. Fast forward 3 years... my daughter is now in Kindergarten. The three years of preschool has done wonders for her socially, and she is now just as social as the other kids. She loves school and adjust easily (she is not the one crying on the first day of school). She is about one grade level advanced in almost all subjects. I think that for the rest of this year and next, you should stick to only 2 half days a week, then the next year do 3 half days, but I think that he would really benefit from the time away and you will be amazed at how much he grows in the next 4 months!

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So I am going to give you advice form both avenues. I am a parent and I have also taught preschool. I think Preschool is GREAT for kids! Start them at three and give them a 2 full years, it is very critical to their development and readiness for Kindergaten. I have dealt with chilren just like your son and I have to say the first few days can be rough, even rougher on you, but it will all pass! I find the parents that stick around and fawn over their child, makes the transition harder on their child and the teacher! The teacher can handle anything and if your child is having an extremely hard time and throwing tantrums then it can be an issue, but a few tears will dry and life will become great! All the things your child will learn and bring home will amaze you! Preschool is such a fun time for everyone!

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It's one of my mom's favorite stories to tell about me at that age. I would cry and cry when she first dropped me off at preschool, then, as soon as she was gone, I would get down to the business of playing and learning. Then she would come to pick me up, and I would . . . cry and cry because I didn't want to go home. I think it's perfectly age-appropriate behavior and that you did not start him too young. I personally think it's a great (and fun) way for kids to start learning independence from the parents. And you're right: it will help his development in many ways! Good luck!

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C....
At first I wrote that you should keep your son home a bit longer, but after reading all of the other responses you got from other people, I've changed my mind.

Truthfully, you can't really go wrong with this decision if you keep doing what you're doing and continue being the thoughtful, concerned parent you are.

Whether you decide to continue with preschool or keep him home it will be the right decision.

Way to go Mama!

D. T

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Being a M. of twin boys who also started when they were 3, I can honestly say I think it is very good for them. They are now 12 and both in honors classes and doing very well and I credit alot of their success to 2 years of preschool. The social experience alone is worth it. As far as him missing you I used to go for the first 30 minutes and then would dissapear at a chaotic time so they wouldnt see me leave and by then they were so into having fun, they didnt even notice.
Good luck!

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hi - my firstborn -also a boy - had to go to preschool/daycare from the time he was 18 months and he would wrap himself around my leg everyday for years....but also was fine once i was gone. he is 7 now and still very attached to me - but now it is all about dad. so the mommy attachment changed a little and he does really well in school so it seems totally normal - you are doing the right thing
and i love to hear about mommies who love being mommies...i have earned that title myself and feel lucky and proud.

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Your question is a good one and one that I'm sure many moms ask themselves when their children start getting older. My son's birthday is in early September, and I decided to start him off in a co-op preschool only one day a week when he turned 2. I go with him and stay with him to get used to being with other children and parents around. My son is also very attached to me, so I understand what you mean. For this coming fall, I decided to enroll him at the same co-op, but for two days a week so that he can get used to me being gone for one day. Next year, I am planning on enrolling him in a private preschool for half days. The main idea is that I am getting him used to being without me at school very slowly. If your son seems happy most of the time to go to school, I would say that your choice was the best one. If it seems too much for him, though, maybe it would be better to cut down some preschool time and wean him away slower. Just let your son be your guide. Good luck to you with whatever you decide.

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Hey, I live in Hungary; and they have the kids enrolled in preschool at age 3; before that the government gives some financial support to stay at home with the kids. From three years old, they put them in preschool but some stay from 7-4; my husband brings him to school on his way to work, and I pick him up at four. They give a week to "get adjusted" -- where we couldn't leave, and I was just planning on him being there till noon. (I had a 4 month old at the time, now he is 6 months) and our son loves it. He is also really attached to me and requests almost constant love, and attention... but when he goes to preschool he has a blast. I think it is normal for them to need time to get adjusted. I think learning from other kids is very good for their development, and they can learn a lot from being among a group. It is also great that someone else can help give ideas for crafts and games and activities. Just don't stop being the mom at home, and still be involved in teaching and nurturing... as long as you don't have the attitude that the preschool teacher will raise them... you should be fine. But from my experience the past few months, preschool can be a lot of fun for him... and he started at 3.

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A child is never too young to start in any form of education program. As the years advice through science and obvious observation of child and how they grow -- We learn that child rather enjoy a different stimulation than what Mom and Dad can provide. School is wonderful. It teaches children early friendship skills, social skills and how to handle themselves, rather than worrying about Mom and Dad, and how boring you cvan get after awhile--Thus the crayon markings and stickers on the wall.

Children crave. They need social skills.

I say your child is ready when you feel he is. No one will call you a bad parent for wanting the best. Keeping them locked away at home may be what some Mom's think is best. (NO offense home school Moms.) But, no child needs to be socially undeserving. They need friendships and to learn on their own too.

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I don't think it's too early. I started my daughter in preschool when she was just shy of being 3. She's an October baby and I would of had to do the same thing waiting until she was almost 4, but the preschool let her start. She did the same thing and is very independent! Things went great for the first few weeks, then she started having a little separation anxiety but it passed within a few weeks. I think all children go through this at one point or another. Some may last more than others. It doesn't sound like he is crying the whole time, just a bit here and there so I would feel confident that he will get through it. Some of the older children had more issues with their mom's leaving throughout the year so hang in there! Good luck.

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It is completely normal. I started my son just before he turned 3, just 2 days a week. (He turned 3 Nov.) There were quite a few young 3's in his class. they all start shy and unsure. Talk with the teachers about how he is doing. Even if he says he is scared, I bet you find out he is fine with in the first ten minutes. Pretty soon he will probably do what my son did, and be sad when I come to get him because he is having so much fun. Socializing him while he is young is easier and really good for them. My son's friend would sit in a chair for the first 10 mins not playing with anyone ( he was very shy), and then he would start to play. He now loves school and is so outgoing. they just need to know that they will be OK, when mom leaves them and that you will be coming back.
Keep him in school he will love it and it will be good for all of you.

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I am not sure as to what school program you have your son in but I don't think it was too soon to stimulate your childs mind.
Our child was 3 years old when we enrolled hin in "head start." I don't know if your familier with the program but it is for 3-5 year olds and it's 4 days a week for 3 1/2 hours. They teach them everything that Preschool would but for younger kids.check your area and see if they have one. It's such a great program for younger children.
Our son was a mommies boy as well and we were expecting a baby girl and wanted our son to interact with other kids. We beleived our son to be exceptionally intellegent for his age and wanted to continue his growth. It was hard the first few weeks while he got used to a school routine but once he bonded with the teachers and established little buddies at school it was no longer a big deal to let him go.
My husband also decided to go back to college so my son thinks it is the greatest thing that "they are just a couple of guys going to school". My husband drops him off at school every day and when his little school buss dropps him off at home it has to be his Mommy that gets him off the bus. Routine is everything!
My son has been in the program since Sept of 07 and the growth that I have seen in him is so worth it.

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I don't think you started your son too early. I started with a co-op preschool with both my daughters when they were 1. Of course at that age, I was attending with them. Then in their 2nd year, they joined the 2-3's class and I went one day as a volunteer parent and then I dropped my daughter off on the 2nd day. It was a great way to begin the drop off at school process. For the older child in the 3-4's, she went 2 days without me and 1 day I went as well. It's great to be part of her education, but also allow her time to be there without me. If you are feeling like he still needs you close, you might want to look into co-op preschools.

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It sounds like he likes it and was eager to go to school which makes me think he's not too young at all. I think something new is always weird for kids but that doesn't mean your son doesn't like school or that he's too young. We had a lot of tears when my daughter started preschool and over the years the 1st day of school is always hard because it's something new. My daughter is now 10 and in 5th grade, she likes school has lots of friends and gets good grades, etc. but anytime she's had a break from school (Xmas, spring break etc.) the first day back is always hard on her. It sounds like your son is doing fine to me. If he cried the whole time you were gone it would be a different story.
Ironically,I also have a 4 year old son and he loves going to his preschool -- totally the opposite of his sister!
Good luck with your boys!!
-M.

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I am a preschool teacher and what happened is normal. It's just a new experience for him. If he cried the entire time wanting you I would be concerned. He might cry a little bit for the first couple of weeks. The more you stick around, the longer it will take him to stop the crying. Since he had a good time I wouldn't worry at all. Being separated from mom for the first time can be a bit scary for kids. Mostly because it is new. Just keep reassuring him that you will be back to get him. That's another reason they get scared--they don't understand that mom will be back to get them.

Since he seems happy to see friends and with the program, stick with it. Enjoy your preschool experience.

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It's never too early to start! I put my son in school early, started him in pre-scool. I did have him do kindergarden twice, do to him being small (short). This is for the same reason, he was at the cut off. But it was the best thing I did, he has been top of his class ever since! More schooling is never too much, not these days! Good Luck!

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I didn't read all the other responses, but it sounds to me like your son is doing just great at preschool, and really thriving on the social environment. If he's been with home with you since birth he's bound to experience a little bit of separation anxiety, but it sounds very mild and like he's handling it very well. Good job, Mom!

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It is never to early to start preschool. I believe you are talking about learning in a social environment. I work in a preschool/daycare and your child is acting very similar to all the new children. He will have days when he can't wait to get to school and other days when he is a little shy. My thoughts are that since you and your husband have started preschool, it is important that you support this with your child. Often parents see concern and think they are forcing, and remove the child. Having him learn to stay with his decision to go to school is the most important support you can provide. Does your school allow parents to help in the classroom? Are there parent meeting where you can find moms with similar interests and children for playdates? You say that you saw your child dancing with others and when his friend came over he was alright, he is! You may be having the separation anxiety yourself. Can you use the time to go shopping or spend the special time with your second child. Your one year old has never had the chance to be an only with all the attention you were able to give your oldest.

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My daughter did the same thing when we started preschool. She (now 4) and her brother (21 mos.) have always been home with me, and I decided to start her in preschool for the same reasons as yourself. The first couple times I brought her she was nervous to be dropped off then wasn't ready to leave when it was time to go. I think it is very normal. As long as he is not upset the entire time, he'll be okay.

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I totally understand your feelings. My husband is a teacher at private school where children can begin at 3 and they go from 9-1 five days a week! I was terrified even though my husband's classroom was down the hall. To make this short, my son has loved every minute and I truely feel that he has learned so much from school--how to take turns, how to stand in line, how to reach out to new friends, how to feel secure with teachers, etc. that he was not getting from me. I can teach him his ABC's and show him love, but there is so much more that needs to be navigated, especially since 5 seems so young to attend elementary school! He is now 4 1/2, I will keep him at this school due to the small class sizes and my husband being there, but feel that there is a lot of value in going to preschool. I have found that even taking him to playdates and classes does not teach the same things as he is a different (and sometimes clingy) boy when I am there compared to what he does at school, where he also has piano lessons and after school sports.

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Dear C. P
It sounds as if your little buddy is doing a fantastic job of going to school. Two days a week for 3 1/2 hours is a great introduction for him. I believe you have made the right choice. Introducing your child to social settings is a wonderful gift to give him. By the time he is ready for kindergarten, he will have past those hurdles and ready to focus. If he's happy with his setting, I would continue in this vain.
Best Wishes,
J. S

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probably not ,,, he just needs to be told and then will also see that you do indeed come to get him at a certain time each day. If you haven't been apart before he is not sure that you do come back.

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I am a preschool teacher and mother of 2. I have found that it is so much easier on a child waiting until a later age to start preschool. I would tend toward starting a child closer to 4 than 3. There is so much development between 3 and 4. A child does not play with the other kids until he or she is 4 or very close to it so I don't see any sense in Preschool until the child is actually interacting. With my own kids I did not do preschool and they have adjusted very well and got my attention at home which was all they needed. I think an only child might need it more than mine did though.

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Hello,

My kiddos went to a co-op preschool from about 6 months on (with co-op parents attend with child) So I would no - it's never too early -- I do think 3+ hours could be a little long - most programs are 2-2-1/2 but no worries -- I think a little sadness at that transition from mom to school is normal and you may find that it goes in waves just like all "stages" I think it was smart to come back and spy -- that wil help to alleviate your worries -- and just be sure you are talking with the teachers -- they are amazing resources!

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Good chioce in my opinion, which is prob because I'm doing the same thing. My son is one of the youngest and will have to repeat the same class next year, but he's learning so much. I felt like he was ready and that I was mayeb even hurting him if he didn't go. My son goes 2 days a week for 2 1/2 hours.

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I wouldn't say it's too early. We started our son two months shy of turning 3 and he loves preschool. He goes two days a week for two hours. He also cried the first day, but after that we haven't had a problem. Now he asks every day if it is a school day.

It is totally normal for a 3 year old to have some separation anxiety. Especially one who has had a stay at home parent. However, the social interaction with other children is very important at this age. Give it a few weeks and see if he relaxes.

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Has your son ever been introduced to just a daycare before this? Some children that are just starting out in a group setting, take a bit of time to adjust. Mine has been going to a daycare since he was 2. The first couple times he went, he grabbed my leg for dear life. I practically had to pry him off my leg. Now, he's almost 5 and in preschool. He's been going for the last year. I still have a few anxiety problems where he doesn't want to be left behind, but for the most part, he's doing fine. It's probably just going to take him a bit to get used to. Even with too much stimulation, that can make him a bit nervous. Also, at around 3, they are just starting to understand their emotions a bit. He could just be confused as to how to describe how he feels. Not sure if any of this helps, but I hope it does. :D Good luck! ~B.

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Hi there! I am a preschool teacher myself, and I have children as young as 2 who seem to have benefitted from the experience of attending preschool. (Actually, I have even had 1-year-olds who have done well.) This is just something new for your dear boy, which is challenging for little guys. They don't really like change. It sounds like he does enjoy the experience overall, so I would say to keep him enthusiastic about it as much as you can. (If he were experiencing separation anxiety that just went on and on, I would encourage you to take him out for the time being.) You sound like a wonderful, caring Mama, and your boys are blessed to have you for a Mother.

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C....he's not too young and it's perfectly normal for him to change his mind and be all over the map about going. Just be calm and consistent and unless the teacher recommends that he not come any longer, just keep taking him no matter what. A lot of times at this age, the "I don't want to go" has more to do with power testing than school. He knows it's an "important" thing and he wants to see what it would take to get you to do what HE says. Even if he throws a flat out tantrum when you're there, my recommendation is not to feed into it whatsoever. Just calmly kiss him goodbye and tell him to have a nice day and walk away. I'm on the board at my child's preschool and both of my kids went to the same preschool. Believe me, the teachers have seen it all and honestly it's easier for them to deal w/any problems when you're not there. They will let you know if then need you to stay or if changes need to be made...just trust them.

And....enjoy your 2 hours and 15 minutes to yourself! I totally live for those mornings!

Take care!

L.

P.S. I'm a sahm to 5 and 8 year old girls (the 5 year old will start Kgarten this fall)

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