Too Early for Cell Phone?

Updated on March 04, 2010
D.B. asks from San Jose, CA
9 answers

Hi moms,

My oldest son is about to turn 12. I've always thought it was ridiculous that kids younger than him already have cell phones, yet it seems everyone has them. He's been begging me for a phone for a couple of years now. Though I think he's too young, I've recently been saying to myself that I wished he'd had a phone on several occasions. Is life in our society really that different that kids need a phone at age 12 now? I'm worried when he isn't home from school in time, when he's at a friend's or at the park playing ball. Also, I'm a single parent, so at times he has to come home alone, or he's at basketball practice and I want him to call when he is ready to come home. Should I have him ask to use the phone at school and friend's houses to check in, or should I get him his own phone?

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your advice. It seems we really are living in a different age than when I was growing up. After doing some research, I did find that there are a few phones out there with only certain numbers that can be called. I've decided to try one of these phones and see if he is responsible enough for it. From some of the reviews I've read, it sounds like 12 year-olds are too old for this type phone (makes them look un-cool to their friends) yet I will give him a year to prove he can be responsible with it. If so, I'll pass it on to his younger (but more responsible) brother and look into something more fit for a teen, but with plenty of parental controls still. I really appreciate all the comments and advice.

More Answers

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S.S.

answers from Montgomery on

My daughter is also twelve and she kept insisted on getting a phone. She is never really without a phone, whether it's at home or her grandmother's house. I told her that she could have a phone when she starts engaging in after school activities.

A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I too will have to cross this bridge some day - because we are a no landline family. It's true that pay phones are becoming non-existent and even when I was a kid school secretaries acted suspicious and rude when you asked to use the office phone.
The last time I was working most of my office mates' children had cellphones and there were two things that struck me about it - 1.)That many of the Moms got calls all day long being asked to solve simple problems or settle a dispute with a teacher etc. I will definitely have a solve your own problems rule when my son gets a cellphone. 2.) Kids who don't have one wind up using everybody else's. If his need to call you is extremely rare then no problem but if you want him to check in a lot consider the possible financial impact on others.

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J.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't know if they still have these phones, but when my niece was 11 my sister got her a cell phone. The only numbers you could call out were your mom or your dad. You program the numbers in the phone. It doesn't even have numbers on it to dial, just a spot for mom or dad-or any numbers you program into those spots. You can call him.

My niece is now 12 and she has a phone. I know she has restrictions on it, but it has been nice for my sister. Like if she ever needs to be picked up early from a practice-or her friend is not around to walk with her home from school. She has full right also to look at my nieces cell phone at text messages and things. It can be a positive thing-you would just have to set rules with it.

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I thought the same as you did, but then I discovered how much easier it is when they have cell phones. I think 12 is about the right age to start -- they start getting their independence, and you will want to be able to keep tabs on them.

Go for it.

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R.V.

answers from San Francisco on

I too feel that young kids don't need cell phones. But every situation is different. I have found that loaning my phone to my 11 year old daughter as needed ,like for soccer practice ,is working for us. To many kids have them just because and use them for chit chat. You seem to have some valid reasons for wanting one and I like the idea of having one that only calls your mom , dad or such. If loaning yours on occasion dosn't seem to be an opption then you might consider it. But also I think you need to not worry so much. If your son is doing to many things that cause you worry maybe he shouldn't be doing some of those things. You need to feel more secure with the freedoms your allowing him or change it. Best wishes

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V.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I second looking into to different 'kid' cell phones.
My 10 year sister has one and its where you add the minutes but she is able to call her network, at&t for free. It is nice because if something happens, my mom can get ahold of her.
Think about the benefit to you, and stress the responsibility issue with your son.
Times have changed and sometimes we have to roll with the punches (this meaning, the world is more connected, and in some ways that can make it more unsafe, and it benefits you to be able to get ahold of your son whenever you need to).
Hope that helps.

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E.V.

answers from San Francisco on

i don't have to deal with this issue yet but i have thought about it. i struggle with the thought too. i know times are different but i still think about when we were kids. we used pay phones (which hardly exist anymore) or used a phone in the school office or at a friends house. if i was late or needed i ride, i figured it out...found a phone. weird how we are so dependent on cell phones now. everyone needs to be able to contace anyone at anytime. i feel this has contributed a lot to our fast paced society and need for constant entertainment etc. all connected, all a cycle. sorry, had to vent. good luck, do what makes you and your son feel safe. :)

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L.T.

answers from San Francisco on

I am sure everyone is going to have their own opinions and rightfully so. So here is mine. I have two teenagers 17 and 15 (step sons) that practically live on their phones. My 6 years old has a phone with 4 buttons, mom, dad, brother & grandma and a panic 911. Grandma's idea originally. She is the first and only grandchild on my side. I love it though! I can call her when she is in her room for dinner, so she can feel important that mommy is calling her and she pretends she is grown up like brothers. We talk at night just to say I love you and good night. When she goes across the street to her friends house she can call me to cross the street with her, neighbor kid was hit by a car so yes I am a little nervous and I was run over and the driver tried to leave in broad daylight. So back to my point... I understand the risks of numerous phone calls and costly bills however, I look at it this way I would rather hear that sweet voice on the other end needing me and asking 500 questions than not to ever hear it again! If something, god forbid, ever happened you would not want to blame yourself because you didn't get that darn phone. Both my step sons were about 12 when they got theirs. Adding a line is only $9.99 a month with most carriers. I don't want to influence you either way but i love it and she really doesn't use it much after the "coolness" of having the phone wore off.

Hope this helps and god bless.
L.

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