Too Close to Home

I think in most cases the responses were truthful, but some were very condescending. When you get several responses like that, I could see how someone might feel a bit beat up.

It's not always necessary to point out people's mistakes. There is a way to give suggestions and insight without making the person feel like everyone is judging them.

Hissy fits on this site are nothing new. People still fail to understand the concept of 'forum'... I mean, it doesn't have to be truth to offend and some people are easily offended by the truth. No one likes to be told they have deep personal problems, but my guess is that the second was simply a troll looking to tell people off. At least, I'm hoping so!

There is always the danger of worrying about some wackadoodle stranger's kids when I get on this site, but it comes with the territory. Thank goodness most of the regulars here are pretty well balanced!

I deleted one of my questions a few weeks ago because I was didn't want it to be too easy to identify me. It had nothing to do with answers I didn't like.

That said, I think that some established members are putting a little too much stock in being a long-running member of Mamapedia. I received PMs from people after being attacked after my first question, and it wasn't to support the person(s) doing the attacking. It was quite the opposite. People can be as rude and mean-spirited in their responses as they wish, but it doesn't mean that people will automatically support this behavior just because you have been a member of this forum for a while.

I cringe after reading answers from some of the posters. Differing opinions don't bother me, but being a condescending jerk does. To all of the people who have been level-headed, thoughtful in your responses, and just helpful overall - THANK YOU!!

I think in some cases, posters (especially new ones) are looking for that one mom who says "YES, I know exactly how you feel you poor thing!" They aren't looking for "advice" per se, they are looking for commiseration on their issue. They end up getting all advice (and some of it not so nice) and not the "you poor thing" they were really looking for.

I do wonder if some of the "meaner" stuff said on this board isn't a little reminiscent of "Mean Girls" (not excluding myself). It is pretty easy when you are shielded by anonymity and a keyboard to say exactly what is on your mind, rather than being a little more . . . kinder . . . if the conversation would have happened in person. Plus, there is the disadvantage of keystrokes do not translate well into emotions - a sympathetic look or gesture goes a long ways when imparting tough advice. That is totally missing from an online group.

Without sounding too righteous, I think that some of the more regular posters should (again, I am including myself) think about how their advice is coming across before hitting the "post" button. I know that I have answered harshly (perhaps truly, but still harshly) to posts that push my hot buttons (the immunization thing for instance - I should have just refrained from posting at all). I know I am going to try to do a better job of answering the question that was asked, rather than stomping around on my soapbox :)

Good question!

P.S. I love that movie:)

I really don't get the first poster. There was nothing but support in that thread.

The second one, I don't want to hurt my vagina!! Sorry but either a troll or more than a few beans shy of a combo platter. Either way we neither helped or hurt her mental stability.

I think for a first poster, the amount of bluntness on this site can be pretty overwhelming. It can sound really harsh, and new posters are probably expecting something much more touchy-feely.

That last poster's problems were pretty extreme -- I've never heard of a pregnant person who expected to go through pregnancy and childbirth with no one ever viewing her va-jay-jay -- so it's not surprising that she can't handle the truth.

:)

I only saw one "-----"'ed out. I read the original posting and couldn't contribute because I hadn't had a C-section. Then I saw it again and was taken aback by her vulgarity and rudeness.

One poster, a few weeks ago, removed her post because her husband was upset and said it would identify them. So she blanked it out and I believe changed her name/location.

I know one person is getting nasty grams from a poster because of what she said. I just told her to report it. They were really rude and nasty comments from the poster.

Do I think those who flounce or remove (by deleting their words) got the truth told to them and they didn't like it? HECK YEAH! I can understand the post about being able to be identified, but these posts you mention? BULLS EYE...Very sad.

I did not read or respond to the first pulled question.

I did read and respond to the send one with a new nickname posted at this time. I tried to be nice but the post was just laughable that she actually believed she could have a C-section so no one would see "flayed out". She obviously does not realize that with a C-section she would still be "flayed out".

I hope she was a troll because someone with those types of irrational fears and phobias is not ready for baby. I am not surprised at her editing and flounce.

Sometimes the truth hurts, that's just how it is.

Mamapedia is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're going to get.

In some cases I think the poster was always going to blank out their post no matter what the responses turn out to be.
Some come here for the dramatic flounce off.
Slamming a door can be cathartic.
Hopefully the drama online is a venting mechanism and they are much less dramatic in their real lives.

I have had a few harsh responses to questions I have posted but the vast majority have been supportive, helpful, or at least thought provoking. I have only ever pulled one question that I posted here (years and years ago), and that was because I worded it poorly and unintentionally hurt some feelings. It just wasn't recoverable, I hadn't intended to hurt feelings, so I blanked out what I wrote so it wouldn't hurt anyone else.

I agree that the most common reasons for deleting are covering your tracks or flouncing. The flouncing kind of amuses me, because you can always figure out the question from the responses anyway. I guess it's like hanging up the internet.

Well sometimes, but mean responses aren't always "the truth" either...

There are lots of reasons to pull a post. You could be embarrassed by it after venting. You could hate the admonishment from the responses. You could be sensitive. You could worry for some other reason....one never knows. It is frustrating to take the time to answer though only to have it pulled.

I am always surprised by posters who ask a question and then get upset if the answer is no (apparently sometimes the only acceptable answer is yes) or who say they didn't want to hear opinions.

Why in the world would someone ask a question on an Internet forum if that person didn't want to get a variety of answers? I can understand being a new member who doesn't know the group dynamics but a person should expect opinions.

And personally, I lurked here for a long time so that I would understand the dynamics before I asked my first question.

Sometimes people pull their questions because of privacy concerns. They've gotten enough feedback and they know what they're going to do, and don't want to leave evidence behind for someone who knows them to realize who they are.

Sometimes people don't want too much of their lives to be on this site because of various reasons. And they remove some of what they write.

Some people write ridiculous stuff and then go in and change what they've written to make it sound more or less normal. You can usually tell by the answers which DON'T go away what they've done.

And some people are like one of the posters you're talking about. She changed her name twice, with the word "silly" being in the first two, to using the F word and the B word. Too bad this ridiculous girl is having a baby. She will be an awful mother.

And yes, hearing that elective c-sections aren't given so that she and her husband will still like her va-ja-jay probably did hit close to home. It's pretty astonishing that she thought no one would talk about anything other than whether the insurance will pay for it. It's not like this site is a google search. Writing that she's has never had a pelvic and doesn't want anyone to look at her down there and wants a c-section on demand is the kind of post that people will discuss ALL of what she wrote about.

It doesn't really matter if we answer their question once they pull them. People like this girl won't be coming back to the thread anyway.

I have no idea why the other person pulled her post. There was no discernable reason for her to...

I often wonder why people pull questions as well especially when the advice is pretty good.

For me if you are posting on a public site you have to realize that not everyone is going to be sunshine and roses.

I am not an old timer by any means but I really like this site and I have learned a lot.

Many blessings

i was pretty surprised to see both of those go too. the troll questions get hammered pretty hard, but both of those had a lot of good, thoughtful, useful answers.
i suspect your theory is correct.
khairete
S.

Starr B. is speaking truth.

In the few years that I have been on this site, I've seen some moms (usually not the most popular or regularly posting moms) come to the support of moms who are put down in the responses by some of the regular, long-timers. However, those champion moms tend to move on. They do not remain here long.