27 answers

Tomorrow Is My Birthday and I Am So Overweight :(

My husband and i has been trough a lot the last year and half. We have one income, have no family in the area, i lost my friend when things were no fun anymore( no she is alive but she is not my friend anymore), and we have to face a few therapists who unfairly tried to misdiagnose our son (past posts) thank GOD!!! He is a late talker but it was because of hearing loss due to enlarged adenoids, neurologically he is fine and getting better everyday after ear tube surgery.
We don't go out anymore as a couple, we do the same routine every day. Trough it all we have been always together. I lost the baby weight 55 lbs after my son was born and slowly the weight has come back. I have thyroid nodules but they don't seem to affect the weight the doctor said. Right now I am 43 lbs overweight and i can't fit in most of my clothes, the summer was a disaster, i had maybe 3 pants that fit. I feel so down and i know what i have to do diet and exercise. I just can't seem to find the time. I know many of you has gone or are going trough the same, i am so overwhelmed with the house work plus i have no family to rely on. I need to dedicate time for me but is just so difficult. My son started preschool twice a week 2 1/2 hours but still is like cleaning, papers, laundry, backyard, etc. I need guidance and tips about how to make time so i can exercise, maybe diet tips, my self esteem is very low now :(
thank you mamas for reading my question and send any response, i will read them all and try to get to learn from your tips!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You've got lots of good practical info from other women. I just wanted to add that losing weight is doable but it's a long process and doesn't happen overnight. This was the hardest thing for me - to stay focused on losing weight over a long period of time. Weight Watchers helped me a lot - going to weekly meetings helped to stay tuned on my weight loss goals and meeting other people who shared their tips and stories was inspiring. I lost about 40 pounds and kept my low weight until I got pregnant with my first child. After giving birth I tried to lose weight by myself but it just didn't work.... Now my son is 6 y.o., and I'm pregnant again and determined to join WW as soon as I'm ready after having my new babies (twins:) It's just hard to do it alone and easier when you're a part of a group. At least for me. You can do it! Wish you all the best!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that you need a few things that fit you. I just did this and it feels amazing. I'm just a few pounds away from my prebaby weight and I kept procrastinating to buy new stuff because money is tight and once I lose the last 10 lb's then I'll buy new stuff... well, my baby is 2 and my clothes were terrible!

I went to Ann Taylor Outlet today and everything in the store is 40% off. If you have one near you, go buy a pair of pants and some T-shirts. You'll feel better. When you feel better, you do better, IMO.

Take a deep breath, it will all be ok. You are a great mom.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

Just walk....if you have a treadmill, do it 1/2 hr per day and at least 4-5 times a week. Or walk that much time at a brisk pace outside. It is the best andidote to weight and stress for all time.
And to add more to this, if you can, eat fruit only always for dessert.
You will definitely make it this way. It's my only answer!

More Answers

There is a website called www.flylady.com that you should check out. It's free to sign up and what it does is give you weekly and daily assignments for organizing your house. I think that if you follow this system, your house and your life will benefit greatly from it and that will be one less thing for you to worry about.

Next up, I would see if you could join a mom's club in your area. The benefit of this would be several things: (1) making friends with other mommies; (2) finding other moms that you can walk and diet with; and (3) they have a lot of activities and playgroups that you can join which means you won't be at home as often and the house won't be getting dirty/cluttered.

It sounds like you have had a lot on your plate lately and it is no wonder why you are feeling the way you are feeling. Don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone deserves sometime, after a long stressful season, to take a time out and lick your wounds. Just try not to stay in that state. When you are ready, set one small goal at a time and do the best that you can with the time and resources you have available. And remember, no matter what else you may think may be going wrong for you, you are a good mom because you knew enough and were brave enough to investigate your son's language delay and find out the truth about what's going on. You really deserve a really good pat on the back for that.

I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow and feel better soon.

3 moms found this helpful

I know how you feel! I am also over weight. I have made it a priority to exercise! I had to! I want to be healthy and here for my kids! I found a great web site that really helped me. It's sparkpeople.com They have great tips, show you different exercises, recipes, and support/chat rooms. There are tons of different groups for people with all different kinds of interests. They are so great for support! Also, you can try Shredheads. I can get the video on our tv...on demand, I don't know if you have that? Anyway, it's Jillian Michaels. It's TOUGH! but it's effective! Or you can walk. Anywhere and everywhere! All of these things will help. Also, try looking up MOPS (Mothers of Pre-schoolers) It's a mothers group where you can bring your kids w/you and they watch them while you get adult time w/other moms. It was a Godsend for me, as I knew no one here when we first moved. I meet 3 of my best friends there! They have the groups all over the place so there may be one near you! Hope that helps, and have a wonderful birthday!

2 moms found this helpful

Know that you're not alone, girl! Some ideas that come to mind (some things I try to do to help me):

1. Drink water and only water. Perhaps a swig of 100% fruit juice when you're really craving a sweet drink. Don't buy the sodas, don't buy the koolaid. If they're not in the house, it'll be nerve-wrecking, but easier to control.

2. Eat protein in every meal. Protein will help you stay fuler longer. So a scrambled egg or hard boiled egg or two for breakfast, grilled chicken with veggies for lunch . . . . A good snack is one handful of nuts. Good protein, good oils. Just don't overdo it and don't get the sugary coated nuts.

3. If you can, get someone in on it with you. It's not easy to do this all alone. Get a friend who you can check in with every day or every week. Maybe every week you can email eachother what you ate that week or what exercise you did that week. Once you write it down and share it with someone, you will be more motivated to stick to it.

Sorry that's all I got. Just remember that you're not alone. Oh and don't go buy new pants if you can help it! If you buy the bigger pants, you will fill them up. Tell yoruself you're going to fit into your pants you have and make it happen! You can do it. Get online. Educate yourself about diets and meal planning and exercising.

2 moms found this helpful

I know how you feel, with the weight issue. First, acknowledge that you're doing a great job, and it is a BIG job! I am by no means an expert, and I'm not always where I should be with eating. But one thing that has helped me is green smoothies. Sounds gross, and they look, well, green. But I promise, they taste pretty good. Not like a milkshake good, but good. My aunt, and then my sis, tried to get me to try them awhile back--it wasn't til I was at my sister's one day, and she made one and gave me some, that I tried it. You basically do a combo of green leafy veg and fruit (fruit makes it taste good) in the blender. If you do this, you'll be fuller, and don't have to worry about fitting in fruits & veg the rest of the day. There are of course other benefits--check out this site: www.greensmoothiequeen.com for more info. Even if you start out doing one a week, that's great! It also helps me if I plan dinners & snacks ahead. For meal planning, just decide what you're going to eat, category-wise. (like chicken night, fish night, pasta night, etc.) Next, think of four dishes for each of thoe categories (4 fish dinners, 4 chicken, etc). Plug these into a calendar for the month, and you've just planned your dinners for a whole month. I don't know if any of this will help you. Above all, try not to be so hard on yourself--I know, I know, you sometimes feel like you should be harder on yourself, and then you'd lose the weight, right? Wrong. Be kind to yourself--you've got a big job, or JOBS to do, and a lot of demands.

As far as time with your hubby, and exercise, try to go out just once a month together, alone. And can you ever go for walks together? That would be getting two birds with one stone. Good luck to you.

2 moms found this helpful

I think if you take care of your other issues, your weight will come down. Two or three times you mentioned that you have no family or friends right now near you. You sound like the stress of life without the joy in it is making you depressed and my guess is that you eat for comfort. This is so common. Rather than jump in with dieting, why don't you start out with taking brisk walks, preferrably outside to boost your mood and your health. Then start going on dates with your hubby. When you kid is at preschool, can you call an old friend on the phone, and start finding activities that are SOCIAL while he is gone or home, like a mom group or something. Anyone would feel a little down without the friends and family and little kids. You can find some friends. Then once you have some more joy and fun in your life, you can up the exercise and start cutting down on junk food and treats.

2 moms found this helpful

First of all, Happy Birthday to you! Secondly, you're not alone. I think so many of us get so caught up in being Moms, that we totally lose ourselves. We put on weight, because it's so hard to watch what we eat while taking care of children all day. We snack when they do, finish what they don't eat, etc.

Exercise is so much more important than dieting. It really releases endorphins, making you a happier person, boosts your metabolism rate so that when you DO tend to over-eat, it's not that big of a deal, and just generally makes you feel better about yourself.

I do the Jillian Micheals workout videos at night after the kids go to bed. They're only 20 minutes long, but they WORK. I suggest you try one out, see what you think. It's only 20 minutes out of your day and really makes a difference.

Good luck, keep us posted. Don't beat yourself up....being a Mom and wife is very stressful.

L.

1 mom found this helpful

I know how you feel! I have 3 kids under five and have no time or energy to exercise. I constantly feel like my head is barely above water with all the housework. Tomorrow, my husband is taking all the kids (God bless him!) to the in-laws for the entire day so I can clean my house! Anyway, several weeks ago, I cut out snacks entirely for several weeks (slipped since then) and the pounds slowly started coming off. I lost 5-7 lbs. just cutting out snacks. You could start there - but you should definately find some other mommy friends! I started a playgroup in my neighborhood by putting flyers up on our mailboxes and four of us meet once a week now. Good luck! Oh, and Happy Birthday!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Happy Birthday! The only program that has ever worked for me is Overeaters Anonymous. It's a 12-step program similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. I lost weight and have friends for life. Most importantly, my life as a whole is so much better. Go to http://www.oa.org to find meetings in your area. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that you need a few things that fit you. I just did this and it feels amazing. I'm just a few pounds away from my prebaby weight and I kept procrastinating to buy new stuff because money is tight and once I lose the last 10 lb's then I'll buy new stuff... well, my baby is 2 and my clothes were terrible!

I went to Ann Taylor Outlet today and everything in the store is 40% off. If you have one near you, go buy a pair of pants and some T-shirts. You'll feel better. When you feel better, you do better, IMO.

Take a deep breath, it will all be ok. You are a great mom.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

I second the www.flylady.com...she is awesome and encouraging with babysteps to help with the house and life. She has also teamed with the No excuses workout to help with exercise...It is free also!

1 mom found this helpful

Happy Birthday.

We all know it's not easy. If exercise cannot be a part of your day then try this.

Here are some ideas. First, clean out the junk from your cabinets. Leave 1 package of cookies for your son.
Eat three meals a day but do not overeat at those three meals. If you would normally eat 2 slices of pizza then eat 1. Do not eat after 6 pm. Only thing to eat after 6 pm is a piece of fruit. Bananas are filling. (inbetween means have celery, carrots, red peppers califlower.)

The biggest problem is people eating at night when their kids are sleeping.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.. Happy Birthday. Sorry for all that you have been through :(. I'm also overweight and have decided to make exercise a priority. I would always put it last. I recently won a free month at Ladies Workout Express. Don't know if they have any in Fla but the have hydraulic equipment and you can do a decent workout in 1/2. I go while my son is at nursery school. He goes 3 days also 2 1/2 hours. It is difficult to put that before housework but I try to set my mind to it. Can your husband help so you can get 1/2 exercise in, if even at home or even take a walk?

1 mom found this helpful

Ok first of all I would like to wish you a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! When we met at the park, as you can see I am very over weight too. So I know what you are feeling right now. I really don't know what to tell you cause I am in the same boat, but know that I am here for you. You have my email and number. I am here the majority of the time and if you ever need to talk I am here. I have thyroid problems too and that is the cause of my weight problems. When I was diagnosed and was put on synthroid I lost 80 pounds. But I then slowly gained it all back. I never dieted so I believe that the medication regulated all that. But as the years have gone by my TSH levels are creeping up and I believe that is why I gained all the weight back. I keep wanting my doctor to change the dosage but she said that it is not necessary. One thing that I can say is have you tried water pills? My father is on them and he lost 25 pounds so far. I can see that his clothes are fitting him better again. The buttons on his shirt don't look like they are about to explode! LOL Maybe cause of all the stress that you are under, you are retaining water. Maybe while your son is at preschool you can turn on some music and dance your way through your cleaning. I know that the weather is getting colder now but maybe you and your son can go for walks everyday. Take a stroll around your developement every night. And watch what you are eating. Use less portions and inbetween when you are hungry grab some carrots or for lunch eat a salad. I wish you all the best and remember I am here for you. If you ever want to talk just give me a buzz.

1 mom found this helpful

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day.

I've struggled with my weight for years and I've tried a lot of different things, but for me, the only approach that actually works to lose weight is Weight Watchers. You can do it online, as someone else suggested, or if you are able to steal away an hour or so for yourself, going to a meeting is very helpful. The first week or so is hard, but then your body adjusts and it really does work. I think the most important thing, though, is to be ready mentally and emotionally that this time you're going to change your life.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

FIRST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
ditto! I feel the same way!! I have not lost any weight and my DD is now 22 mo and I nursed for 21 of them!!! all my other mom friends drop weight like crazy and still say they are fat. I only have ONE pair of jeans that fits me and I feel so low on myself too, that has affected my realtionship w/ hubby of course and other people too.
I know you are busy when your son is in PreK as I would too use that time to clean/organize. BUT is there any way you can use one day to clean and one day to work out? can you take walks w/ him in a stroller? can you join forces w/ other local moms to walk w/? can you get out one night a week to work out? not that these will make a big difference but even small changes might make you feel better. Sorry I dont have much for you bc I am right where you are: at least you are not alone I guess.
LAST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

1 mom found this helpful

A., you and me both! I need to lose about 50 lbs. I'm pretty sure I'm a self-sabotager. :) I say I need to diet then I go eat cookies. Let's do it together! We can keep each other motivated!

1 mom found this helpful

First, you must take the time for you first. I have 3 kids and I used to only do all the kid stuff and worry about myself later. I gained about 30 pounds and couldn't fit my clothes. I decided one day that while they are at school, I would go to the gym 1 hour a day (or every other day). You get your time and you just have to forget about the house work for a minute. It will always be there. Try to eep the mess to one area if you can.
The no family thing is hard though. I don't really have any nearby family either, so I try to join or volunteer in small parent groups or go to a small church group. Also seniors are great company for kids. I made friends with an older lady in my building & church and she was a godsend with my kids. Like a grandma to my kids. See if you can have your child in pre-k five days or two full days. It's much easier to schedule things. He'll be fine.
For dieting, you must cut out half the carbs. That means if you had a bagel in the morning have less pasta, rice or other starch at lunch. Have two servings or veggies and fruits. TIP: put ground up veggies in ground turkey, and spices and make yummy turkey burgers. That's how I sneak it in to my kids food.

1 mom found this helpful

My son is nine months, I went from 130lbs to 215 with this pregnancy even though I ate very healthy throughout my pregnancy. I am now I 174lbs and very upset about my weight. I have been working out and eating healthy but I feel am not loosing the 1 to 2lbs a week as all they say. I know it takes time and I am trying so I am giving myself some credit.However tonight I stumbled on the Acai Berry diet from Lean Spa. There is even a testimony from Fox 5 health columinst who volunteered as the guniea pig and claims she lost 25lbs in one month. Lean spa is giving free trails until October 10,2010 so I am trying it. so maybe you should check this out. I know how you feel. Just put excerise as something that you have to do daily. You will feel better because you know you are doing the work. Try at least 30 mins a day. Weight is a very depressing issue. Don't beat your self, you can do it. You just need some encouragement. We mothers tend to think about everyone else except ourselves. Claim your time mama and get moving you'll feel better good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I saw a couple of good tips already.
I think the tip to always drink just water is important (zero calories and helps flush out your digestive tract). Also water can fill you up some.
Also the tip not to get bigger pants because you will fill them is true---I got bigger pants for my husband and he did always fill them!
Remember that the gardening and the laundry are exercise...
Shopping can be exercise if you park very far from the building. =)
A personal trainer once told me to take vitamins (at about the same time every day) and to eat something every every few hours (smaller meals, more frequently) to avoid low blood sugar (energy crash) which leads to overeating.
Also practice "self-care" as best you can---make your hair look good, be fresh and clean, do and think and say positive things as much as possible.
Two really positive women's magazines are Oprah's magazine and More magazine. They are about real women and real stuff, very encouraging and inspiring.
Try to talk to your husband about doing more "couple stuff". It's important to a marriage.
The best thing you can do for yourself, and for your self image, is to commit to doing things that are FUN for you, even if they are just little things. Remember that you are a whole person, not just a body.
Happy Birthday!

1 mom found this helpful

I can suggest a few things, try to join some playgroups in your area to make some new friends for both your son and yourself. My best friend today is a woman I met when my kids were little and we were in a playgroup together. There's usually a newcomers group in your town that has such a playgroup, or something through one of the local churches - even if you are not a member.
Next, you MUST exercise. Without diagnosing you, because I am not qualified to do so, you sound a bit depressed. I can not stress enough how much good exercise will do for you. Forget about it helping you lose weight - which it will - but more importantly, you WILL feel so much BETTER. No questions asked, you WILL FEEL BETTER. I guarantee it. Start out small. Make it a TO DO. Walk around the block. That's it. Tomorrow, walk around the block twice. Do that for a week. After that, walk a mile every day for a week. Next week after that - 1.5 miles. I was in the beginnings of a depression a couple of years ago, and I am not typically a depressive person. I knew I could either fall over the edge into a true depression, or I could do a little work to climb myself out of the hole. I decided to climb out. Reaching out to this online group is a start. Now it's time to take those steps - physically. I challenge you to get out today and take that walk. Tell your husband that for your birthday you want to take a walk together as a family. Have him bring in a nice healthy dinner. You could make small changes in your diet, make it easy though so you can handle it and keep up with it. Maybe join Weight Watchers. I have friends who have been VERY successful there. That's also a great way to meet some new friends and to get words of encouragement. And it's easy - manageable. Please take care of yourself. Climb out of the hole before it gets any bigger. You CAN DO this. You really can. I will say a prayer for you. Prayers do get answered in my opinion. Happy Birthday. Consider your Birthday yet another new beginning. Be grateful for what you have. Write down 5 things every day that you are grateful for. Try to think of something new every day. These little changes will make a big difference. Congratulations on your new beginning. I know everything will work out right.

1 mom found this helpful

I feel exactly the same much of the time. Everybody tells me "you look great for having twins"...and I'm like.."but its been almost a year and a half?"...makes me wonder what they would think if i was this size and didnt have my kids. ;)...Try not to be so hard on yourself. It is very hard juggling everything at once...I am a student with two kids and a off-on invloved boyfriend. I somehow managed to gain 30 lbs. (I think it was all the coffee and soda I drank for the caffeine) after my kiddos were born..and well....I haven't lost it yet! I think the best thing you can do is to first off: get your self-esteem up. Find something that you like about yourself and do all you can to accentuate that. Its alot harder to change habits if you don't feel good about yourself. Great luck with higher self-esteem and the desired weight loss.
I hope you have a great birthday!!

1 mom found this helpful

You've got lots of good practical info from other women. I just wanted to add that losing weight is doable but it's a long process and doesn't happen overnight. This was the hardest thing for me - to stay focused on losing weight over a long period of time. Weight Watchers helped me a lot - going to weekly meetings helped to stay tuned on my weight loss goals and meeting other people who shared their tips and stories was inspiring. I lost about 40 pounds and kept my low weight until I got pregnant with my first child. After giving birth I tried to lose weight by myself but it just didn't work.... Now my son is 6 y.o., and I'm pregnant again and determined to join WW as soon as I'm ready after having my new babies (twins:) It's just hard to do it alone and easier when you're a part of a group. At least for me. You can do it! Wish you all the best!

1 mom found this helpful

You should sign up for Weight Watchers online. They will give you all the tools that you need to lose the weight plus a support group in their forums. I also suggest that you find a gym that has daycare and use it. This will not only help you take off the weight it will decrease stress and increase self esteem.
Your weight loss and physical/mental health are WAY more important right now than a clean house. Also-once you begin to feel good about yourself again it will all fall into place and you will find the motivation to keep the house up and you will be anxious for date night once again.

Happy Birthday! Go out tomorrow morning and find yourself a gym and workout. All gyms should give a free week to see if you like it or not. A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Take that step on your birthday.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm sorry to hear about your problems. I can relate b/c everyone is always criticizing me about how fat I am. I feel like I'm constantly exercizing and constantly starving and only eating healthy food and yet I'm still looked down upon and insulted no matter what. I don't know how you come with a number as to how many lbs. you are over weight. I gained at least 10 lbs. because I keep working out more and more and now my jeans feel a little looser even though I weigh 10 lbs more... I am realizing more and more that numbers on the scale don't mean much. Also, every height and weight chart has a different number on it. Also, I just found out that my frame is large. I always thought it was small. But if your wrist is 6 inches are larger, you have a large frame and are supposed to weigh more because of it. So forget about that 43 number. It very well may be wrong. :) On a different note, one thing that I find helpful is to eat lots of veggies first thing in the morning. I steamed an huge pot of fresh green beans the other day. I pigged out on them throughout the morning. I got tired of chewing them eventually (I didn't steam them too much so they were semi firm) and wasn't even hungry after awhile. For a brief second I started to feel guilty but then I realized, I had just consumed so few calories, I was really off to a good start and good starts help to continue throughout the day. I hope you feel better about yourself soon.

1 mom found this helpful

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. You need to start taking care of yourself and finding the good qualities that you have. Start small.Little things make a big difference. Do your nail and toe nails. Maybe a new hair style or at least a trim. Buy new make-up and put it on every day. wash your face with a good face soap twice a day. As far as the house, clean your bathroom its easy because its usually not cluttered in there. Next would be the kitchen. Make your bed every day. Small amounts of time can be productive and pampering to yourself. One step at a time.

1 mom found this helpful

Yes A., I have been there too. Do you walk your son to school? That is some exercise. Try adding a few more streets a day before you get back home to your housework. Do your best to make some time for you. When you are depressed you are not much good to your family. You will start to look better and feel better too. Aslo, my friend lost a lot of weight by dancing around the house. Put on some music and pick up your step a bit while you are cleaning up! Happy Birthday Grandma Mary

Updated

Yes A., I have been there too. Do you walk your son to school? That is some exercise. Try adding a few more streets a day before you get back home to your housework. Do your best to make some time for you. When you are depressed you are not much good to your family. You will start to look better and feel better too. Aslo, my friend lost a lot of weight by dancing around the house. Put on some music and pick up your step a bit while you are cleaning up! Grandma Mary

1 mom found this helpful

Just walk....if you have a treadmill, do it 1/2 hr per day and at least 4-5 times a week. Or walk that much time at a brisk pace outside. It is the best andidote to weight and stress for all time.
And to add more to this, if you can, eat fruit only always for dessert.
You will definitely make it this way. It's my only answer!

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