Toddler Upset About Going "Number 2" (Sorry If This Is TMI)

Updated on June 02, 2010
K.G. asks from Oregon City, OR
8 answers

Our daughter turned 2 at the beginning of May. We have had a potty seat out for a few months and will ask her occasionally if she wants to use it. No pressure, just offering it as an option. For a while she had no interest, lately she has been going about once a day. Number 1 only. For about the last 2 weeks she has started saying "No poo-pee, no poo-pee" in a panicked fashion when it appears that she has the urge to go. (This is not associated with us asking if she wants to us the potty, it's completely out of the blue). It appears that she's straining to hold back. She'll repeat the "no poo-pee" cycle again and again, until she finally goes. Sometimes it's within a few minutes and sometimes it's not for a few hours. My question is: What's going on? My husband says that he thinks she is starting to recognize the "urge" to go, and it's scaring her since it's a new sensation. I usually try to reassure her by saying that "it's okay to go poo-pee." Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any suggestion for how to deal with this?
Thanks for the help.
K.

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S.L.

answers from Portland on

My family loves "Everyone Poops" also. It's a cute little book. My advice is to a) recognize that this is normal and she'll get through it in time and b) help her out by being understanding. You're already doing that some by saying "it's ok to go poo-pee" but you can take that one step further by validating her fears or her discomfort. You can say, "It feels funny doesn't it? Does it scare you? Daddy and I get that feeling when we have to go too. It's good because it tells us when to go to the toilet. It means that you're getting to be a big girl and when you're ready you can poop in the potty just like Daddy and I and all the big kids that you know."
This way you give it a spin in a positive direction. You let her know that it's normal but it IS kinda weird and it's ok for her to be a little scared, but she'll get through it. And you kind of congratulate her on getting older and more mature. Don't expect her to change anything right away, but keep giving her that message that you know she'll be able to go poop in the potty when she's ready and that you'll be ready when she is.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

This is common.
Just don't pressure her or make her go... nor in a toilet only.
Otherwise the child will NOT poop... .at all. Withholding it.
This is then a medical problem... and "constipation" and bulging bowels are a hard thing to remedy and overcome. And the constipation causes "pain", literally, and then the child will get emotionally 'afraid' to poop. At all. Thus a vicious cycle.

Your daughter is normal. They do this. It can cause anxiety as they learn... to poop. Poop being the more difficult process to "master" in a young child.
So give her time. Don't pressure. Don't force. (not saying you do this). But it will make it worse.

A child's biological development also has to coordinate with expelling it.... the brain/nerve development/and bladder & bowel development. It is not just a "mental" ability.

She is so young.... it will take time.

all the best,
Susan

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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C.O.

answers from Sacramento on

Have you asked her if it is hard to poop or why she doesn't want to go poop? I am wondering if perhaps she is constipated or if it hurts. If that is the case, you can give her more fruit to help soften her stool. If she is really constipated, you can give her miralax (call the pediatrician for dosage reccomendation) to help soften it up. I used this for my son, at the reccomendation of his pediatrician and it worked well. Then I encouraged more fruit and he didn't need the softener any more.

Another thing to do, is get a potty book, and something like "everbody poops" and let her know, as you have tried already, that pooping is ok and natural and even important.

Hope this helps...and it isn't TMI. I think this is the third toddler poop issue on here in as many days ;)

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

my son did this -- he potty trained for pee in 3 days.. but walked around for 2 weeks hold his butt syaing he didnt have to go poop.. he would sit onthe potty,, for a second say he didnt have to poop and get up.. then the next thing he had to poop.. the first couple of poops on the potty he was holding my neck and crying.

whatever it was it went away.. he had his first happpy poop at day care and has been fine ever since.. he now gets excited when he has to poop..

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

It's hard to know why kids become panicked about pooping, but they do. Sometimes it's because they had a painful movement. Some kids become terrified of losing a part of themselves in the potty, and seeing it flushed away.

If she's just turned two, she's very much on the young side for successful potty training. Some kids do train that young, and that's great. Some train and regress when it all becomes too much for them. That's normal, and they will let us know when they're ready to make that wonderful step forward again. (Sometimes it's just a week or three of having the pressure to perform taken off.)

I'm not sure from your description whether she acts frightened about pooping in a diaper. If there's no problem there, I'd be inclined to give her that option for a few months, until the issue settles down. For many children, pooping is a separate and later stage of training than pee. It's perfectly normal.

If she is afraid of pooping anywhere, including the diaper, then she's probably had at least one painful poop event, and is afraid of it happening again. Monitor the issue closely and make sure her movements are not too hard, too infrequent, or too large. If she begins withholding, her problems may become more difficult. She may need additional liquids to help make her movements softer. Apple juice or prune juice both help.

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S.O.

answers from Anchorage on

Oh yeah, first know that this is totally normal. I have three girls ages 9. 7 and 3 and have seen this from them and their friends many times. Often it happens after a painful poo and it triggers a panic, which sometimes makes them hold it, which makes them constipate and hurt even more. Painful cycle for all involved. Also read that sometimes they fear the sensation as if a part of their body is coming off. All totally normal. First I'd try a high fiber, fruit and liquid (easy on the milk) diet that helps get things moving and softened up. Lots of patience. My last toddler went thru this for at least a month - and on cue right at dinner. We had to just sit her on the pot and shut the door. She would sit and scream and when the screaming stopped we knew she'd done her duty. Then the long explaination that "see it doesn't hurt does it?" I remember a friend of mine hovering over the pot, holding her daughter with legs wrapped around her waist to keep her from squeezing it in. Not pretty but after desperation and a need to force the situation. Since you are still early in the training I'd go for the diet change and just patience and book reading on the pot when you know it's about time. Take a day to go no diapers and give her the chance to go without a diaper and no scolding even if she has an accident because my niece became dependent on #2 in a diaper only for at least a year after training. I have to add that the forcing them to sit part was only used after they had totally mastered toilet training and had used all other methods and were just being stubborn. My last trained early and fell into the fear of pooping at about 21/2 so we knew it was not about going just about pooping. Good news, it all eventually passes. Now my older ones wet their pants because they don't want to stop playing. Always something....

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K.C.

answers from Portland on

My two and a half yr old is doing something similar. Normally she is embarrassed now and dashes away from me and then fusses throughout her diaper change. She is a VERY verbal kid and is not being pressured to potty on the toilet but she is suddenly aware she really DOESN'T want to be pooping in her diaper but is afraid to try the potty for poop.

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