Toddler Throwing Toys in Anger

I was always told or in his case (since you can hardly reason with an 18 month old) shown that if you deal pain you feel pain.
Although if he doesn't hit somebody every time, when he does it's probably an accident. I don't know just really get in his face and tell him NO! Like I said they're hard or impossible to reason with at that age. Just be very persistent. He will stop when he gets it. I know you've probably been told this. I think the main thing is the persistence of letting him know (learn)that it's not acceptable.

C. -

I'm not sure there are any ways to "avoid" this behavior from potentially happening b/c I'm sure you want your son to stay involved in play groups, etc. And I'm not really sure that he needs "calmed" as much as reprimanded! I have a feeling that since your 18-month-old son is an only child, he is not used to sharing with others or may even feel overwhelmed by everyone around him. Whatever the case, you have to stop this immediately before he does hurt another child! You can't be afraid to say "NO!" and take your child out of that play group to watch on the sidelines until he can behave. And you have to be CONSISTENT until he understands that there is punishment for his actions! If you take him out out of play groups completely, he will not learn to interact as he should. If this continues or gets worse, and he does hurt another child, then I still believe that there is nothing wrong with a little spanking on the behind - done out of love and not while angry of course!

Wow, please forgive me Erica, but I have to say-- if a child ever threw a toy at my house and came close to hitting or did hit another child and all the mother did was to say "oh, I see you're angry right now -- let's redirect"... then I'd be pretty angry with that mom. C., I think children at this age are going to try things... hitting, biting, throwing, whatever. It is our job as parents to teach them that each of these things is unacceptable. Sometimes that means a very abrupt physical removal from the situation, sometimes that means a very loud and scary "NO THROWING", sometimes that means a spanking if you so choose to. Whatever your method of correcting your child it needs to be strong and it needs to be consistant. An 18 month old child understands what the word NO means (they certainly say it to us don't they?) and they are very action/reaction at this age. Teach your son that if he throws something, then something negative is going to happen to him. Its up to you to figure out what that negative is that will teach him his lesson. To say that you are worried that he may seriously hurt another child means that you need to take action now. Your son is certainly not a monster, I'm sure he is a wonderful little boy who just has his naughty moments. Its how you handle the naughty moments now, though, that will shape his behavior for the future.

Removing him from the situation for a little time out sounds like it'd be a firm, yet calm response to a toddler who's learning how to properly express himself. If you're at playgroup - pick him up, take him to another room, get him calm and return to the scene. If it happens again - it's time to go home.

In those cases, I would calmly place him in a time out-such as a playpen. He will see quickly that this is not acceptable behavior. I would be certain there were no toys in the play pen before placing him there.

Ah...early anger management! My third child, and the only boy, is 6 and still has similar "fits of anger". Our tactic is to consistently remind him that it's o.k. to be angry, but its NOT o.k. to hurt someone or something when you're angry. And then we redirect him to the "angry bag". When he was little the "angry bag" was full of soft Nerf-like toys for throwing or squishing, bubble wrap for popping, a hammer and peg block for pounding -- anything he could safely take out his frustration on. (Now that he's older he has a punching bag in the basement.) Obviously, whatever it is has to be age-appropriate, but the idea is to direct and release the anger appropriately, not suppress it. It took several times for it to sink in, but sometimes even now he will suggest something for the angry bag! Good luck!

C. - My son is 19 months and has some of the same issues. If he is at home and does this, we take the toy that he threw and tell him not to throw and that the toy is going bye, bye. Especially if he does it when he is angry. The toy gets put up and he is not allowed to play with the rest of the night. This has solved our problem at home. I have also provided him with soft things that he can throw to show him which things are acceptable. We have some small soft balls which we allow him to use.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

We're going thru the same with our 22 month old (20 months adjusted). We've found that simply redirecting his attention to something else really helps. We tell him "No, don't throw, it's not nice". Then we give him something else to play with, or tickle him, ANYTHING to help him forget what he was upset about.

Hi C.!

Sound like you have a fairly typical (or at least not uncommon) 18 month old. Let me ask you a few questions to think about. Is he a first child? Does he speak fairly clearly yet? What sets off the temper since he is fairly laid back? At this age a lot of behavior can be due to frustration. They might not be able to communicate well, they may have in mind how something should work and they can't make it happen, if it's related to sharing have you ever heard of the Toddler's Creed?(if not, let me know, i'll find a copy.)

Acknowledge his anger. Say something like "I see you're angry" or "That makes you frustrated when it doesn't work" This teaches him the words for what is going on. Then show him what to do with those feelings or a way to solve the problem.

If his difficulty is communication, help him find ways to do that. If he's not talking yet basic signs can help (it doesn't have to be formal sign language, anything simple and meaningful to the two of you can help.) Give him an acceptable way to show anger (for now, could be squeezing a soft ball really hard, briefly making a loud noise, or whatever you find appropriate.
If he's frustrated because of his abilities break it down to simple steps he can do or do it with him (your hands over his).

In the heat of the moment, some techniques that may be helpful are: distraction and redirection to a new activity, remove him from the situation, if he's not hurting anyone ignoring the behavior sometimes works.
He may need a break from playgroup for awhile (unless this is your chance to connect with others) or less often (if its daily) or just make sure the toys are soft!

I think the real key is to figure out what sets the tantrum off and address that issue.

Biggest thing: Don't stress yourself out over this at this age. A lot of this goes away as they grow older and learn other ways to express anger.

I hope this is helpful for you.

This could be related to his inability to communicate. Have you tried teaching him basic sign language? Children are able to "express themselves non-verbally" a lot earlier than their oral motor muscles develop for talking. I am a former Speech Pathologist (career change). This worked great for my daughter. Her daycare uses basic sign language for kids this age and it really helps to cut down on the hitting, biting, throwing behaviors. As children's verbal abilities increase their use of sign decreases. This is a very well used technique and you can find simple sign language books at any bookstore. Since you stay at home, you could even develop your own sign that you and your son use. The only down side to this would be if he is around other children who know the "traditional" sign for something.

Just a suggestion!

Time to start spanking him with a paddle everytime he throws a tantrum. He will stop when he knows something is going to come of his actions. Ignoring, time-outs, taking things away will not help.

M.

Dear C.,
This may sound harsh, but, it worked for me. I warned my daughter (about 2 at the time) that I would be throwing out the toys she threw in anger. No matter how expensive! I didn't replace the toy, either. She lost 12 my little ponies at once and a Barbie doll. It stopped pretty quickly with a few small incidents in the 2 years since. You have to stick to it-even if they have a tantrum! (because they're already out of control with the angry toy-throwing, anyway). So, put a consequence on them that they will remember. And reference it if you need to! "Remember when I had to throw out your Transformers for throwing them? I wouldn't do that if you don't want to lose that toy." Sounds harsh, but, it puts the misbehavior on their hands and they are old enough @ 18 months to get that.