Toddler Pulls Hair When Aggravated!

My advice is different from what others have offered. It is something I learned while studying Applied Behavior Analysis. Essentially, without being too technical, you daughter is exhibiting "self injurious behavior."

So maybe instead of using the extinction approach suggested by many respondents of walk away and it will stop (which may be true, but can trigger another attention seeking behavior). Offer your daughter non-contingent attention.

Meaning give her the attention before the behavior occurs. She may be trying to tell you with her limited vocabulary she wants you to interact more with her. Her tantrum and hair pulling are her way of getting your attention.

Engage her in more conversations, sing more songs, show her more attention, you may see an overall decrease in the tantrums, (it is hard to say without more information).

Understand why she is having the tantrum, behaviors just do not happen out of the blue, something is triggering her tantrum. Take note of what the trigger is and change it.

help her with her communication, one of the best things I have ever done for my ever-so-moody, almost 2 year old son is to teach him sign language.

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Happiest Toddler on the Block -- get the dvd or book asap. It will help you understand her behavior and how to react (or not) to it.

I agree, she's doing it to get a reaction from you. As hard as it might seem, you need to ignore it I think. When you think about it, it's bound to get boring (if not painful) for her. I'm sure she'll find some other thing to drive you crazy with. ;)

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I highly recommend the book Making the Terrible Twos Terrific by John Rosemond. He explains why they start acting like that, and how to simply get past it.

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I know I'm a little late with my response, but it's so interesting that you posted this now. Our 2-year-old daughter, home now with us from China for about a month, was having tantrums often. I attributed it to the trauma of the adoption, etc., until my mother witnessed a few of the tantrums and told me that they were "typical 2-year-old tantrums." She advised walking away to a not-too-far (i.e., spot where I wasn't too far away) - essentially, ignorning her. I have since tried that, along with an approach like what one of the other respondents offered - trying to anticipate what she's needing and listening more closely to her when she is trying to communicate (for us, this is big, since language is a real issue). The combination approach is working well. My daughter is having fewer tantrums, and I believe that's because I'm understanding her better (not just verbally, but in the ways she signals what's on her mind), and because, when it does happen and I do walk away, she comes out of it much quicker than before, comes to see me, says: "Hi" like nothing happened and goes about her business. I have also been reading a great book called "Toddler 411" that has helped a lot and consulting the new, updated Dr. Spock - both books are very helpful about tantrums. Good luck. I totally understand how you're feeling. It's frustrating - and heartbreaking - when it happens.

J.

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She knows it makes you crazy so you have to ignore it. If that don't work tell her to do it. They call that reverse sycology. She will stop it if she thinks you don't care anymore. Thats like a kid laying on the floor kicking and screaming. If you walk over and pick them up they will do it everytime to get attention. Ignore them and they will stop. It may take a while but they will STOP. STOP letting this small act for attention bother you she's not hurting you. She will stop! Try it, It will be hard to ignore her but you can! Be strong!

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Your request made me smile in remembrance. My now 26 year old daughter used to do that. She would be angry with me, reach up and pull out hair at the back of her head, and thrust her fist at me, with the hairs in it.
Initially, she would pull at her hair, and it came out easily, so I tried to discourage this behaviour. She immediately picked up on my concern for her hair. First time she did it in anger, I was shocked. Then, I had to laugh. She was so serious about letting me know she was mad at me, I got tickled. She did not continue for long, since I just laughed.
She was very independent and would get upset if I tried to "help" her too much. I learned a lot from her.
Now, she has a one year old daughter that I keep four days a week. My granddaughter is smart and already has her mommy's number, too, LOL...

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Don't let her know it drives you crazy. Essentially, you have to stop reacting, because then she is getting what she wants . . . your attention for her bad behavior. Two year olds are notorious for flexing their independence muscles, and part of that is pushing boundaries. She knows she is getting a rise out of you so she is going to keep doing it. You need to learn to ignore the behavior. She'll stop (and it may take a few weeks, so be patient) because she isn't getting the reaction from you or your husband and she'll realize it actually hurts!

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I have 4 children, all who have pulled their temper tantrums. Have you tried just walking away and ignoring her. She is only pulling out her hair b/c she is getting a reaction from you both. Just walk over her when she is doing that, and go to another room. She will not get any satisfaction from you not watching her. It will work, promise!! Might take a few times, but she will realize, mom is not going to give in or react to my actions, so what is the point.

Good Luck!!

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The key is not to ignore, but to let her know that you are responding to her need but not giving in to her because she is pulling her hair and hurting herself, but that you are responding to her because you love and care enough to find away to help her to communicate without hurting herself. With my oldest daughter she is very strong willed so I had to learn to watch and listen for signals early because once the tantrum hits its hard to get it under control and by the time you find out what the root of the problem was its a lost cause if you know what I mean. Like it may have been something she couldn't reach and by the time the tantrum was over shes to exhausted to even care anymore. These little tots know that they are in our hands and that they have little control of their little world so its very frustrating when mom or even dad doesn't understand them since they have little vocabulary and haven't learned completely how to get what they want. So don't ignore her just don't reward the tantrum, meaning don't just give her, her way and go on, let her know she has your attention and that you care to find away to communicate successfully. When she sees that your working on a plan that is more positive she'll feel her wants and needs are important and learn that there is a better way to commmunicate. Hopefully this helps because you don't want them to grow with a habit of self destruction. ps sorry I'm just responding but I wanted to let you know your not alone but I remember the self assured look on my daughter's face when she felt confident that her needs were important and that I was willing to find solutions before she had a fit, because I'm telling you staying in tune meant knowing when to put her down for nap, eat a meal, get outside a while, ect oh I even put a kitchen cabinet aside for her, with my dishes but like tupperware, a wooden spoon ect she'd sit in the cabinet and play while I cleaned the kitchen stuff like that because she wanted to help in the kitchen. That is in reference to things she couldn't reach. This kid would get so upset she'd turn blue, lose her breath and even hit her head and passed out I'm not sure in which order but she scared herself too but thats when I learned to stay on top of her aggrivation. Me doing this turned around and she became really self confident. She became a straight A student and today she is 20 and really organized and knows what she wants. That is the plus side kids that are stubborn about getting their way or leaders and know what they want we just have to learn to steer that energy to be used correctly.

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Many may disagree, but I think she's found your hot button and using it. I would be more interested in solving the tamper tantrums. You could time out or take something away. At two it's hard to say use your words, but try to start now. When my friends daughter would hit her head as form of her tantrum, the Dr told her to let her doing it. Stop cuddling and giving her attention when she hurts herself and soon she would stop. She did!

Just leave the room and she will realize she gets no attention whatsoever when she does it. Don't even look at her.

When your daughter throws a tantrum, either leave her on the floor and walk away or tell her she can only throw tantrums in her room and WALK her there. If your head isn't close to her she can't pull your hair and if she's pulling your hair or being held she is probably getting just the attention she wants during the tantrum. As soon as the tantrums aren't productive for her the hairpulling will probably subside too.

I dont know if this is the best approach?
but....I went through this once and got fed
up when other diciplines were not working..
would scold, put in time out, tried everything
nothing stopped him...
so got fed up and one day and when hair got pulled...
I pulled back just enough to get his attention.
and then he didnt like getting a taste of
his own medicine and the behavior soon stopped.
basic dicipline didnt work but that did.

She pulls her hair BECAUSE it drives you crazy, fully expecting to get what she wants as a result. If it works she will continue.

I just talked to my pedi about this. She said it is an inmature way to deal with frustration. I need to give her other avenues in order to get it out!

some of these responses that people are sending you make me very sad. IGNORE? wow...
check out this website: www.cnvep.org
have a look around. check out some of the suggested readings.
try and put yourself in you daughters shoes. i would bet that no child or adult has a tantrum or pulls their hair unless they have a need for something.

i hug everything out w/ my son so i barely have to deal w/ tantrums..i just say.."huggie" and he comes over hugs me and it's over. there is a book on this way of dealing w/ toddlers..i never read it ..it just came naturally..if i ignore then he gets more upset..and i don't like to do that.

You said it already - she knows it drives you crazy. Best advice I can give is to not let it. (i know, easier said than done)

This sounds like trichotillomania. I have had it since I was 13. It's not that uncommon actually, but it's a behaviour that's hard to change since it's quick and automatic and even if the hair grows back, the follicle is damaged and the hair can be pulled out even more easily. I hope your child can be taught different skills for coping with stress, I've never been able to completely stop doing it even when my life is going very well. All it takes is a few seconds and without realizing it, the act is done and it's too late. Good luck!