Toddler Not Staying in Her New Big Girl Bed

Updated on September 08, 2009
C.C. asks from Mill Valley, CA
13 answers

I have a 2.5 year old who showed several signs for needing to move into her big girl bed. She would start night waking in her crib, cry more, seemed she felt trapped, and she has always been a good sleeper, even naps.. now is a different story. We ended up getting her an extendable twin bed, and the first couple nights she was so excited and slept in it very well, but started crying and wanting me or my husband to lay down with her, to sleep with her, she said her bed is scary. I wonder if I need a guard rail to make her feel protected, as we don't have one now. She is starting to come crawl in our bed at night, it is becoming nightly, and I swore I would never let her sleep with us on a regular basis, but we are so tired at night we don't fight it. I have slept with her in her bed a couple times, but my back is suffering, and I just think we all need our own space. I would love suggestions on how to keep her in her bed through the night and be excited about it! She is just now showing signs of being scared, and we do have a night light too. Nothing has changed but from crib to big girl bed. Help!

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K.H.

answers from Portland on

Did you ask her why her bed is scary? Maybe she fell out. I think a rail is a good idea and then you just need to be consistant. You may be beyond tired, but you need to get up everytime she gets up and take her back to her bed. Don't engage her by talking to her. Just put her back to bed and tuck her in and go back to whatever you were doing. If you are truly consistant, she will eventually stay there and the time it takes for her to learn to stay in bed will get shorter and shorter. This generally works very quickly..

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

The way that we did it (which worked very well) was to put the new bed in the room, but leave her sleeping in her crib. Let her just play on the new bed during the day and let her nap there if she asks. After about 10 days, explain to her that her crib is too small, and it is taking up too much room in the bedroom now, etc and that her new bed is for big girls and is so fun! Remove the crib, and then you only have to worry about teaching her to stay, but not about easing fears.

I am guessing that this isn't a possibility for you because you probably already took apart the crib. If so, I have a couple other suggestions.
One, you could set her up with a sleeping bag on the floor on the other side of the room and try what I mentioned above.
Two, you could take her out to pick out some new character bedding and a new friend to keep her company.
Three, you could set yourself up on her floor for a week and comfort her from across the room.
Lastly, you could help her fall in love with her new bed by showing her that, unlike her crib, this bed bounces when you jump on it, and allow her to jump with you there to supervise. This also worked well with my kids and they were pretty good about my rule that they can only jump with me there to supervise.

good luck.

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C.S.

answers from Medford on

Hi C.,
I moved both of my boys (now 2 and 3) to big kid beds when they were about 1 1/2. I just put the mattress on the floor up agains the wall, and put a tupperware (about twice as tall as the bed) next to the head with a blanket over it so their pillow area feels more secure, and kind of like a little fort. Of if you still have the crib mattress turn it on it's side next to the bed and put a chair or something on the other side to prop it up, my 3 year old loves this. Then if they happen to fall out of bed it is only a few inches, and it is easy to crawl out of at night too. Hope this helps!
Celena

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A.B.

answers from Spokane on

I also have a 2.5 year old. We got her a toddler bed and she did the exact same thing...still from time to time she will get up in the middle of the night and climb into bed with us. We've just tried to be very consistent in walking her back to bed, giving hugs and kisses and tucking her in. She will then easily go back to sleep and doesn't wake up until the normal time in the morning. If you allow her to sleep with you or you begin sleeping in her bed with her it will become a habit that will be much tougher to break later on. 2.5 year olds have ever expanding imaginations as well. My daughter is scared of all sorts of things, monsters, shadows, etc. Try to come up with a fun way to help her cope with the unfamiliar so that she isn't scared. We tell our daughter that monsters only tickle children and that all she has to do is say, "go away monster" and they cant get her. Getting a rail may very well help..or make it exciting to have a big girl bed by helping her to pick out her very own brand new blanket to go on it. We also taught our daughter that when she needs extra hugs and kisses all she has to do is think of mom and dad and send us hugs and kisses so in the middle of the night when she needs to she will hug herself and blow us kisses. Good luck!

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E.L.

answers from Seattle on

When our daughter was the same age she was also popping up at night. We implemented the Silent Return (a la, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child). I told her when we put her to bed (after checking to see if she needed to potty, get a drink or sing one last song) that we were all done for the night and that if she got out of bed I would put her back in bed and not talk to her or look at her. It's a bit of a fight to train them at first, as we had to do it probably 50 times the first night (or more) We would put her back in bed and tossed her blanket on and then got out and shut the door. The second and third nights were a lot better, and then we only sporadicly had problems after that.

Now that her little sister is 2, the fight was well worth it. Little sister only got out of bed a couple of times when they got a bunk bed, and they go to bed wonderfully nearly every night. :)

Decide your rules, be firm, and be patient. Your daughter will learn the rules ONLY if you stick to them.

Good luck!

D.J.

answers from Seattle on

Hi there! Why you won't let her to sleep with you in your bed? Why you are pushing her away when she needs you? Yes, some kids do fine by them-selfs in their big bed in their rooms, but other kids needs the security of theirs parents love and touch. Her imagination is developing and many simple things are becoming big scary monsters. She is only 3 and she needs your love and your touch. Believe me, she won't crawl in your bed when she is 13, but because she was crawling in your bed when she was 3, she will feel more secure and loved and more alike to share thoughts and emotions. Co-sleeping enforces the family bonding and the child's self-esteem. God bless you all!

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B.H.

answers from Portland on

SLEEP WITH YOUR BABIES....reading the posts on this site I am freaked out by the stuff I am reading.."dont console her let her learn to comfort herself?!!!????" WHAT! Your children will not sleep alone BECAUSE THEY NEED YOU!!!! the more you push them out of your bed the further you push them away. You dont stop being a parent just because it is night time, Strong attatchment builds strong indapendance. I understand the need for your own sleeping space, maybe build a cot for yourself on her floor stay close she is waking up because she doesnt feel secure. Dont listen to all of the magazines and what other people tell you listen to your heart what does it say. mine says 2.5 is still really young to be all alone. she was crying in the crib because she needed you she is crying at night because she needs you. be there for her and she will feel secure and she will have the confidence in you that she needs and this will pass peacefully without screams or battling. my son is 4.5 now and I coslept with him from birth everyone told me what a battle it was going to be to get him into his own bed. you know what it wasn't he felt secure so it was a peaceful transition. it seems to me the only people that have this horrible problem are the ones that put their babies in another room to sleep.

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L.T.

answers from Portland on

We are also having this issue with our daughter on this but she is 6 now! The older they get the harder it becomes because it has become a habit. For the last couple of weeks, we have been putting her right back into her bed when she comes into our room. It is a battle but we have had a few nights that she will stay in there on her own. I believe consistency is the key and eventually it won't be a battle. We also have been having a little present for her in the morning if she stays in her bed all night...just something little from the $1 store, but she loves it. I'm not sure if that would work for a 2 1/2 yr old though..?? Possibly!
I believe it is good for our children to learn to be independent and to be able to put them selves back to sleep (rather than having the family bed). Yes they need our love and attention, but don't they get that all day long? Just my opinion. Well good luck!

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J.T.

answers from Portland on

When we transitioned our son to a big boy bed, I provided several sleeping options. First, I used the toddler rail on the crib so that he could get in and out as desired. Then I bought a twin bed mattress and put in on the floor, so that he could choose between the crib and the mattress on the floor. Then I assembled the captain bed and moved the twin mattress onto the captain bed. Eventually, he had absolutely no interest in the crib (so I disassembled).

I did install a toddler rail for the twin bed, which is a great safeguard until you are confident they will not roll off in the middle of the night.

I think if you are able to provide some choices, your daughter may be more comfortable.

Good luck!

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M.H.

answers from Seattle on

Well, you could put her back in the crib for a while, and see if that helps. You could also try talking to her about what is scaring her - Will a night light allow you to stay in your bed? Will a rail on your bed help? Once you get an answer, implement that. You're daughter may be able to verbalize what is bothering her, which will help you find a cure. Also, giving her some say in what happens will probably help her feel like a 'big girl', and will help her want to comply.

As to getting out of the bed - you have to lay down the law. With my daughter, we were lucky that she likes to have the door open. We told her it would stay open as long as she stayed in bed. It took one night of her getting out of bed, and us closing the door when we put her back in, before she sort of got that part.

But i do find that if we bend even a tiny bit (like letting her into our bed before our appointed 'wake up time', even by half an hour) makes things worse and worse instead of better and better. So you really have to suck it up and stick to it even if it is hard.

The bad news is, i don't think this ever works painlessly, and it will take a little while of not sleeping for it to workout. The good news is, it almost always seems to take effect within a few days, and then you get massive pay offs after the fact.

good luck!

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

I found guard rails wonderful. You could also use baby gates on the doors. But be prepared for a couple of tough nights, and don't give up. Because if you do, she will just cry harder the next night. Don't console her either. Let her learn to console herself.

What ever you do, be consistent calm, don't give up. Good luck.

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R.M.

answers from Portland on

C.-

I am a Parent Coach and Certified Professional Nanny, and often see right around 2.5 years old children having trouble transitioning from crib to big kid bed. There are two issues that I can think of without talking to you personally occurring here. First, right around 2.5 children start to become very imaginative. The TV shows, movies and books they watch/read/experience begin to take on a reality for them, so the ideas of monsters and being afraid at night can occur out of nowhere. I also think you’re correct about your daughter feeling scared without the security of a guard rail. I think a rail would help a lot. Here are a couple other suggestions.

1) Create a bedtime rule list and post the rules where your daughter can see them.
2) If your child’s bed is in a frame, you may need to lay the mattress on the floor for a while so she gets used to the bed. She may feel overwhelmed by the new bed.
3) Create a bedtime ritual, (if you don’t already have one), once the bedtime rituals have been finished, any time after your daughter exits her room, pick her up, tell her “I love you, it’s bed time, I’ll see you in the morning” and lay her in bed. Do not say anything else, just repeat those words. **Note- if she is honestly scared or hurt, comfort fully
4) I believe One Step Ahead offers a toddler clock that will have a sun pop-up when it’s time to get up. Find this toddler alarm clock and let your daughter know she can come into your room only when the sun (or other icon) is showing.
5)
I hope these suggestions help. My godson was having the same problems a few months ago, and my friend said these suggestions helped a lot.

If you have further questions, please let me know.

Sincerely-

R. Magby
Parent Coach
Everything Baby, LLC
www.everythingbabyll.com

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J.L.

answers from Corvallis on

Guard rails are wonderful. They are difinetely a security a child needs when moved out of a crib. All of my children transitioned wonderfully from crib to a bed using the rails.

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