My DH has been begging me to ask this question: How do I stop my 15 month old from hitting me in the face when she's angry or frustrated? I've told her to stop, and sometimes resort to patting her on her leg to get her attention. Sometimes she laughs, other times she frets, but she's pretty slick and will softly hit my face even after I said, "No". Most times I try to keep from laughing when she does it, but I know if it doesn't get nipped in the bud, it will get worse. She's too young to feel empathy, as I've faked crying when she does it, and she has no reaction to it. Even when she's not in my arms, she'll put her hand up as if to hit once she reaches me. She sometimes does it with my hubby too, but it's on his leg or arm.
15 months is not too young for empathy.
Seems she is ready to experience a consequence for negative behavior - time outs are the most effective, you clearly wouldn't want to do any spanking because that would just reinforce the idea that hitting is an option.
Tell her calmly you don't like it and ignore her for a few minutes. If that doesn't work in a few days try timeout. She is getting close to the age when it is affective but you will have to keep putting her back in the time out chair constantly until she gets it. Please don't put her in a corner or facing the wall!!! The standard for timeout is one minute per year of age so she would only sit for about 90 seconds. My background is in behaviour management so I am pretty confident one of these approaches will work. Make sure she isn't getting any response from you or she will continue.
Hi K.. You are right to nip this one now because it will definitely get worse. I work in preK and I also have 4 kids, the youngest is 4. Hitting hurts and the older they get the more out of control it gets. What has worked for me is to immediately, when you see her go to hit, take her arm firmly and put it back by her side, say no hitting firmly, and then put her down and walk away. If she raises a hand to hit when she's on the floor, put it down for her, say "no hitting" firmly - don't smile or she will think it's funny to you so it must be a game- and walk away. Same for your husband. Tell her no, don't let her hand hit you, and remove your attention. If she follows you and comes to you, pick her back up, but repeat each and every single time she tries to hit. If you let it happen once you are back to square one. If you miss the signal and she does connect, don't act any differently - arm down, say no firmly and put her down and walk away. You don't need to be angry at her, just consistant. Hope this helps. Good luck!
Snatch her hand and in your most serious tone and facial expression tell her "NO, we do not hit, it hurts." If she does no quit then seperate yourself from her. Put her down if you are holding her or move her away from you if you are sitting. And tell her she cannot be with you if she is going to hit. Do this repeatedly until she gets the point. Dont give in, be persistent and consistent. It should work in about a week.
my advice was going to be the exact same as Cindy B. No matter where you are if she does it put her down and walk away. Say the same thing each time. sternly. she'll get the message but you have to be consistent.
I think they all do this. My youngest son certainly does. He's now 18mo and is learning to control himself with a little more success, so don't worry, it won't last forever. My son also thought he was slick. When I would tell him "no hitting" he'd turn his hand around and hit me with the back of it like that didn't qualify as hitting or something. :) Then he'd hit me in other places, like my upper chest or the top of my head because I guess this also didn't qualify as hitting. You just have to be very specific and consistent. They need to know that hitting means more than "palm of the hand meets face." Correct her every time she swings at anyone. The most effective discipline technique for babies this age is isolation. They do NOT like being left alone. If she hits, put her in her playpen or somewhere else safe and tell her that no one likes to play with someone that hits. No hitting. Then walk away and have your husband walk away or turn his back as well for about a minute. Do this every time she takes a swing.
They just have a very hard time dealing with frustration at this age and hitting is the instinctual reaction to frustration and anger. As she gets a little older (as long as you're consistent) she'll begin to understand. Since they can't focus on others' feelings at this age, you just need to keep her motivations for change focused on HER wants. Make it beneficial to her to get herself under control. (i.e. if she wants people to play with her, she must learn not to hit)
First time, say "No hitting." Take her hand in yours and rub/pet your face and asy "Nice hands."
Second time. Put her down, say "No hitting" and walk away (even just a few feet). When she gets upset and goes to you say, "Sorry for hitting Mommy?" and do the "Nice hands" thing again.
Be CONSISTENT! With you your husband, grandma, whoever. It will take a few days, but she will get the message.
Don't yell, don't hit her back, just be firm and for heavens sake, don't laugh. Right now, it is not vicious, but a game for her. Don't encourage it.
I have a four year old and a 13 month old daughters. I find this age tough, because you think of her as your sweet little baby. But at this age, they are starting to get mischievious and naughty, testing boundaries, etc. It is not too soon to start developing your calm disciplinarian Mommy persona. Trust me, it will serve you well in the next few years :)
This is a normal stage that babies go through when they can not express their feelings. Lack of verbal skills is a huge cause. Even though they do not have the ability to tell you what is frustrating them, they do understand what is being said to them at this age.
What I did with my three was this: Every time they would take a swing at someone, they would get told that hitting is not nice (use a very firm voice and stern facial expression). If they did it again, they would get put down and who ever it was that they were trying to hit would walk away saying firmly "I don't like that!" It took some time for them to get it, but it did work.
I also use this with the children in my classroom. It hurts their feelings for you to walk away from them, more than it would if you spanked them (which as a teacher in day care, we are not allowed to do).
Good luck!
I have the same problem and its true if you do not stop now it will get worse and escalate. I suggest getting a book on discipline and strong willed children. There are many out there and they are all good. Do not get any book that talks about ignoring the problem, because believe me it will not go away. You need to learn how to handle the problem and give strong and positive discipline to her now before it gets harder. Good luck and believe me stick with what they tell you it will work it just takes time and consistency.
hello K.,
I have the same problem. I have been putting my 18 mo old daughter in timeout for 2 min. when she does it. it seemed to work for a while since she HATES timeout.. I just have to be consistent. I talked to my pediatrician about it on weds. and she recommended essentially the same thing, a firm no and put her in timeout and to be consistent. we sit our daughter on the hallway stair by herself (we can see her from the kitchen) or on a chair in her room. I suggest you try timeout and see how it work.
Kids love attention, so if you ignore her and don't pay attention to her after she hits it will be punishment enough and she will get the picture with that negative reinforcement. It won't be funny to her after awhile; and don't feel guilty and think she will be scarred for life...she will soon learn and you can go about snuggling with her and showing her all the attention she needs! :)
This is a common problem. We went through it with our daughter at about the same age. My Pediatrician told me when she hits to take her hands firmly but gently and hold them and give her a firm "No hitting". Everytime and anytime, even if it is during play. Its the consistency you are looking for, and you'll be surprised how fast it works if you ALWAYS do it. Our problem is that sometimes it would happen when we were playing and it was hard to remember or to correct her when you knew it wasn't in anger. They can't discern the difference between hitting in play and hitting in anger, so you just have to reinforce "no hitting ever". If the child continues to hit after you stop and tell her no several times in a row, then she should go into time out and be removed from the situation that is causing her to hit.
Good luck.
I found with mine the best way to make the hitting to stop was to ignore her when she did it. Put her down, or simply don't react. She is trying to get your attention and you are right- she is too young to be reasoned with.
