Toddler Hitting - Taos,NM

Whatever method you use, I would recommend doing it everytime. He already knows it is wrong. He doesn't need more warnings. The next time it happens, tell him the consequences. The time after that, and every other time, he receives the consequences. Something that helped my son was I immediately left. I told him why, but he was not allowed time with mommy. It was just a short time, but very effective for him because he is very social and hates being by himself. You would probably have to take the baby with you if you tried that. GL

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E.,

He's a 2 yr old boy. My son clenched fists and swung as naturally as my daughter gave hugs and kisses. It is physical communication of his intense frustration of not getting what he wants. Remember, they are still picking up the language. Fists are easier and quicker at conveying anger.

He lashes out at you primarily because you are safe and standing in between what he wants and his current position. No different than any other behavior, he needs to learn that tantrums are a fast track to NOT getting what it is that he desires as well as an even faster track to a visit to a time out spot. (Tell him that his hands are clearly upset and need a time-out)
Always stay calm, speak to him with normal language (NO BABY TALK) and explain that hitting is not ok, that he is allowed to be upset or angry or disappointed but he needs to tell Mommy with his words.
Teach him HOW to communicate with you postively, by asking politely and with a proper tone.
SHOW him how to ask you for something by phrasing a correct sentence for him with a proper tone (rather than polite words spoken through seething, clenched teeth...)
IN TIME, through consistent behavior on your part, he will start to pattern his behavior after yours because when he 'does it right', you will re-inforce his work by giving him TONS of praise for being polite, being respectful, for using his words so well....etc.
Praise the positive behavior. You are training your child.
They respond with instinct and learned behavior so give them positive skills that they can use and will be re-inforced everywhere they go.

Good Luck,

J. Gourley, Reno

When my daughter started hitting or throwing things (around 1 yr old), we were like you...didn't know how to deal with a child so young. We tried to tell her "no" and tell her it wasn't nice...both of which did not work...so we resorted to "timeouts". It's seemed odd to us to start them so young but it worked! We would put her in a chair (our recliner is big and hard to get out of), turn off any music, tv, toys and set the timer. We didn't talk to her, barely looked at (only to make sure she didn't get down) until the time was up. We started with 1 minute and now at 19 months she is at 3 minute timeouts. She is a GREAT little girl with very little outbursts but all kids have their moments!!! Good luck!

I know exactly what you're going through.........i just got through it with my daughter. She was doing the same thing. Hitting me or her older sister when things didn't go her way......and she never hit Pappie. Odd how they tend to hit mom or siblings isn't it? The only thing i would do with mine was put her either in the corner or time out or something. I'm not sure if that's what helped her get over it or if it was just a phase. I had also started taking favorite toys away for about an hour. Hope it helps!!

Hi E.
Have you heard about the Dr. Fay book, "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood"? I am using the strategies in the book combined with "The Discipline Book" by Dr. Sears.
In a quick nutshell, Dr. Fay suggests when a child misbehaves,hits,for example, Quickly and calmly use the same verbal response which shares empathy for the child's feelings. I use "Oh, how sad." Then remove the child from the situation. You can put him down or even place him in his crib. Don't warn lecture or lose your cool ( which is hard when you just got slapped, I know). When you re-engage with your son offer a hug and reassurance.
I have been using this with my 14mth old daughte and I se it working very quickly.
Good luck!
S.

My heart goes to you! I'm in exactly the same situation-only that it has been now continuing for over 5-6 months. I have tried "it hurts", "no", taking away some very much wanted reward, ignoring him, distraction, explanations of why it is bed to hit people, everything-you name it. I'm expecting my second baby very soon, and scared that my elder may hit new baby as well. He is not hitting anyone but mommy and daddy.
i think part of the reason is to get some interaction out of it-no matter how negative it is. I also feel like he is testing my limits-how far I'll tolarate him. He is otherwise a very sweet kid btu I just ahte this hitting going forever now. I hoep I can find something that woudl work for us

Update: While readin stories to him, I started to emphasize that people or animals who love somebody, do not hurt that other person. And when he hit me, I told him that since we love each other, we should not hurt each other. That last approahc helped me a lot. now he is not kicking me at all:)

My almost two year old whaps at us occasionally too. We have found the naughty spot to work great. We are always calm but usually warn him that if he does it again he will have to sit in the naughty spot. Then, if he does I take him to the spot and set him down and tell him exactly why he has to sit here and that what he did was not acceptable behavior and he has to sit there till I come get him. We leave him for about 1-2 minutes and then go and tell him again why he had to sit there and then ask for a hug (he doesn't talk yet) and off we go and it's over. It works great. Good luck, M.

I am not sure what to tell you. I just wanted to respond and say that my son (2 yrs old) is doing the same thing. Drives me crazy. So, I know what you are going through. Sorry

Wow, My 2 year old does the same thing. But he hits at his grandma's too. I have tried everything, taking his toys away from sending him to his room. Trying to explain to him that it hurts and not to hit. Im hoping that this will eventually go away just because He did the same thing with biting when he was 1. he doesnt bite anymore. So im hoping he will grow out of it. maybe when he starts getting mad send him to his room right away not giving him a chance to hit. My son hates to go to his room so he stops. Well good luck

I HIGHLY recommend watching the seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years" found here http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-128-painless-parenting... or reading the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" found here http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/pc-121-25-love-and-logic... You can also buy the book on CD if you prefer. Both the DVD I'm recommending and the book are by the same authors and are wonderful. They address parenting children of all ages, if you have older children, too. It's all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting them suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way.

I am seeing remarkable positive changes in my toddler's behavior since applying the principles/ideas I've learned through attending Love and Logic classes here in Arizona. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful). They have Love and Logic parenting classes taught by a parent coach in the East Valley that I recently attended, which are awesome.