Toddler Bedtime Has Become a NIGHTMARE!

A., I am a mother of 5 and have 3 year old boy/girl twins. She has up the anti on you to see how and when you will cave. If you continue to cave she will continue the behavior. She needs to know that anything she tries is not going to work. Right now she is in total control and will not relinquish it easily. It can be done though but you have to stick with it and not cave! no matter what! It does work, I've done it and it doesn't take as long as you might think. good luck. J.

This might not be what you want to hear, but all 3 of my boys stopped taking naps at 2, 1 even before that. It helped at bedtime, they were so exhausted, it calmed the crying down. Maybe try giving up naps. Good luck, you are not alone - my 9yr old can make himself puke, he would do it when he didn't want to eat something too - but he grew out of it!

A.... did I write this? I swear, I've lived your story. I have three kids and bedtime used to be a nightmare. I could tell you every horror story there is from never ending screaming/crying to kids who would hold my eyelids open so I wouldn't go to sleep waiting for them to go to sleep. These days, it's bedtime at 7:30 with a kiss and a hug and maybe a song or a story and I'm back downstairs. Honestly, it's heaven and it's changed my life.

First, let me say this: Your child really, really, really will go to sleep without all heck breaking loose. Second, plan on living on a battle field for awhile. It isn't pretty, but in the end your child will be so much happier. Your child (not just you!)will be happier. Really.

My approach is firm compassion as opposed to tough love. (I couldn't stomach the hours of crying when I just said it was bedtime and closed the door!) I started by telling my two little ones that bedtime was going to change. I didn't like all the yelling and fit throwing and they were big enough to have a nicer bedtime. I told them that I loved them and I would help them.

The first and second nights instead of laying in bed with each of them (alternating every 10 minutes), I laid between their beds and held their hands until they went to sleep.

The third and fourth nights, I laid between their beds and didn't hold their hands.

The fifth and sixth nights, I laid by their door. The seventh and eighth nights, I laid outside their door.

After that, I told them that they were all big and after I kissed them, I would go downstairs.

There were tears to be sure, but I felt as though I made the changes slowly, firmly and with patience.

BTW ~ the fact that bedtime is getting uglier as your daughter gets older makes sence. The more ways we accomodate kids when they're trying to go to sleep, the longer they'll draw out the process.

Good luck, my friend!

She sounds like a little girl who loves life and loves her mommy! Transitioning from that warmth and happiness to being alone in the dark is obviously something she hates, as do most children. I learned that transition times were the trickiest in childhood... "time to go home now, give the toy back to Sam, time for bed"... So I learned to treat transition time with as much attention as other times.
The transition would start by being in my son's room, voices and movements toned down a notch. Lights dimmed, the house quieter. Some choices, shall we have a story tape or do you want me to read? Shall we sit in the rocking chair or on the floor with blankets. How many pillows do you want? I would let him pick the book and the story tape, which I highly recommend, by the way. I learned not to rush through it, because the more impatient and anxious I was for him to get to sleep, the more he would stay awake.
This may sound overly pampering, but remember, this is when your child is most needy and vulnerable. If she doesn't feel abandoned, and can gradually learn to trust bedtime as a pleasant time, her natural fatigue will eventually win out. My son had a "special" pillow, just an old feather pillow with a very soft pillowcase on it. We would make sure the special pillow was there. Where is it? Oh there it is. Special pillow has been missing you, let's give it a hug. I know, I know, it sounds unbelievably sappy. Sometimes I would sit and read, sometimes I would crawl out of the room on my hands and knees, just to hear him wake at the slightest sound. But then he would see me and fall back asleep. Just resign yourself to carve out transition time, it was 45 min or longer sometimes. But. My son is now 15. And I cannot believe how fast the time went. So cherish these times, treasure them. You have an incredible little person in your life. Don't let her cry and throw up. Despite what others may say, it's my opinion that the distress children feel is real. If you can at all help her bridge the gap from warmth and mommy, to sleeping, you will have given both of you a great gift.

I didn't read all of the responses, but most of the ones I saw agreed and commiserated with you about using the "cry it out" method, but I thought I sensed from your wording that you are not comfortable with using this and are looking for a change.

Letting a small child cry for long periods of time feels bad to you because it is against all your instincts as a mother. The crying method was only suppose to be used for 15 minutes tops and if it doesn't work do something else. North American books on parenting are amazing cruel if looked at from the child's perspective, if a child is in need of the comfort and security of mom or dad it is ok, but not at bedtime!

I am sure in time you will be able to wear her down and make her do it exactly as you want, but there is a price, you lose a little of what is innately her.

I am not telling you to just roll over and let her do what ever she wants, that is no way to raise a responsible child, just try to change the way you are thinking about what bedtime should be. I am saying this again because it is important, throw out the rules in your head about what bedtime should be, maybe ask her what she needs so she can go to bed then remind her of her decisions. Connecting with our children is hard in our society, because it has become acceptable to read a book (What to "Expect With Your Toddler" etc...yuck, but I did own it until I found out anything that wasn't medical advice in there was WRONG!) Or you parents say, "Well it worked for you."
I say use your instincts even if it means laying down with her until she falls asleep. You and she will be happier and more relaxed.
Good-luck,
L.

Hi A.. I just want to let you know that you're not alone. My son is almost two and bedtime has been very tough for me too. My son doesn't make himself throwup but he'll do other things. Like sit by the door and slam his head back. It's not a fun situation. Someone gave me some real good advice though and it has helped a ton. A friend saw this off nanny 911. Every time she gets out of bed you put her back in bed but you don't give her any attention. You dont look or respond to her. You just keep putting her back in bed. The first night is the hardest can last a long time. Like hours. But it gets a lot better. She's going to test you and you cant give in. You have to let her know that your serious and it's bed. When she realizes that you're not playing games and she wont get any attention she'll start going to bed. I use the same technique when I started putting my son in time out. It has worked very well for me. Another things to think about is how long she's taking a nap for and when. I had to change my sons schedule because of that. He used to get a two hour nap. I cut it back to one hour and that seemed to help a little bit too. I know it can be very fustrated but hang in there things will get better. :)

Our 2 year old has recently decided that he doesn't want to stay in his bed. We finally resorted to putting up a gate in his doorway, which he hates. He cried for an hour the first night but it has gotten better. We do go into his room and lay him back into his bed every 15 min. or so. The less talking though the better. I think that if I were you I might try something instead of rocking to transition into bed. We changed to singing to our boys in their beds, they each pick two songs and then we say good night to them in their beds and turn on some music for them. They have water or tissues or whatever we think they might need before we leave them in their room. These are just things that seem to be working for us. No one knows your child better than you. I have heard about the puking thing and a friends doctor said to go in cover it with a towel and let them go back to bed. Once they figure out that they won't get what they want (taken out of bed) they will stop doing it. Good Luck.

Sorry you and your adorable daughter are having such a hard time. It's not too late to turn the situation around.

Lisa S. suggests a very sensible and loving approach, in my experience. What seems especially wise to me is that she described her own needs to her kids calmly and reasonably – she didn't like the way things were going – and what she wanted the change to look like, and how she would help her children change, acknowledging their needs, too. She took incremental steps to get there. She was creative with the details. She allowed her kids some space to deal with their own feelings.

I have found my grandson (now 2 1/2) has been capable of good reasoning and considering other people's needs and feelings for quite a few months now. He surprises me sometimes with his sensitivity and ability to think things through. It is often just a matter of looking at alternatives from his perspective to help him find good reasons to make a certain choice.

You might need to look at your own feelings/beliefs critically, too. You have written "it just kills me to know that she finally gave up and fell asleep in her puke. That is just horrible." Sure, it is less than desirable, but your daughter apparently survived one night sleeping in her own puke, slept well afterward, and was happy the next day. She didn't throw up the next night. So it seems to me that your daughter's propensity to puke is much harder on your imagination and emotions than it is on her.

Kids learn by feel what works to get them what they want. It's not necessarily conscious manipulation, but it's natural and instinctive. You are participating in that process to the degree you continuously raise the stakes, and then she still gets her way every time.

Little kids often throw up quite easily, and do not invest much suffering in it. You are suffering over it a great deal. You might be able to find a gentle and creative way to wean your daughter from her nighttime dependency on you, and of course that would be the most ideal situation all around. And, if it turns out that she will throw up no matter what, then please take a closer look at the thoughts you hold about it. What if tolerating a night or a week of not "rescuing and fixing" would ease all this anguish you are both experiencing?

I wish you well. I would love to hear in a few weeks that the situation is easier for you both.

My dear A.,

I have been there, am still there now, but it's somewhat better so I can offer a couple of comments.

First, the hell with CIO. You know your girl best and you shouldn't look back over your shoulder on that one.

It may indeed be time to cut the nap, although it'll take her a few days for her body to adjust.

We had quite a long routine too, and no matter what we included or didn't include, it just stopped working over time. It wasn't until I *shortened it up* by cutting some things out, and cutting some things down, that it began to help a bit. Drop an item or two, sing one or two fewer songs, read fewer books. I believe this helped our little 21-month-old understand that the bedtime routine was really about going to bed, not about finding 50 ways to avoid it or stretch it out.

I give plenty of friendly advance warnings, and during each step I talk about what's next. And I have learned recently to offer lots of choices: Do you want to walk to the changing table, or be carried? The yellow PJs or the pink? Who will brush their teeth first tonight, you or me? What books shall we take to bed? (I pick one, she picks one.) Then we sing a goodnight song as we pass through the house, shutting off the lights as we go: goodnight to the dollies in their dollhouse (I lay them down and cover them up; lately she's been doing this in her play); goodnight kitties, goodnight mama, goodnight Katie. I have her shut the doors behind us as we go to help give that feeling of finality.

We cosleep, so before I turn out the lights I tell her my expectations. I say, remember it's time to lay down and be quiet and really try to sleep. When she rolls around or climbs on me, I say, did you forget? It's time to be quiet, etc. If she requests nursing, I say nope, nursing time is over, it's time to sleep. I'll sing you a song but we're not going to do anything but sleep. Sometimes it still takes her an hour or more to drop off! (I'd eliminate her nap but her dad says she often goes down in 30-120 seconds).

I would also recommend strongly: NO television or video before bed. There have been articles saying that there is a particular wavelength of light emitted by monitor screens that actually stimulates childrens' brains. I used to use it to get her sitting quietly while I did last-minute chores, but since I stopped, I've had better luck getting her to sleep.

I loved Lisa S.'s response.

The only thing I'd add is that it took her two year to get to this level of bedtime nightmarism, so it's going to take some time to get out of it. And when you cave, the only thing you have taught her is NOT that you are a kind compassionate mommy who would do anything for her . . . it is that SHE is going to have to scream, shriek and puke for at least 50 minutes before she can get you to do what she wants. I really think that this phase will last as long as you keep giving in. If you're going to let her cry it out, then you really have to commit to letting her cry it out. I kind of think that letting a child cry it out one night and then cry for an extended period the second night before rushing in is a little cruel and sends mixed messages. If you decide to let her cry, then you need to be prepared for the fact that she is going to raise the stakes as high as she can (puking, breath holding, you name it) to get you to cave in - because in her experience she CAN get you to cave in if she just works hard enough. If you can't deal with this, then I'd recommend looking at alternatives to crying it out.

With two of my three boys I had to use the cry it out method - but I did it long before the terrible twos, so we never escalated to the puking stage. I felt horrible to hear my babies crying - but I knew that the bedtime nightmares would continue to get worse as they got older unless we snapped a consistent and calm routine into place as quickly as possible. Sure. It would have made ME feel better to rush in and comfort them, but it wouldn't have done them any favors.

When my oldest got to the 2.5/3 year old stage he started getting concerned about the dark, so we invested in some night lights and a child's flashlight. We would give him the bedtime countdown, so all of the stalling and delaying had to be done and over with at the end of it otherwise whatever it was would have to wait until the next morning.

After reading the responses to your question, it seems you have conflicting advice. Be sure that whenever you ask for sleep help on this site, you will get a ton of people telling you to let them 'cry it out'. You said you don't have the heart or stomach for it, and I would listen to you instincts. Personally, from what I have read, letting them CIO only teaches them that you won't be there when they need you. Breeds mistrust and insecurity. Though as much as I believe that, I have been tempted many of times to do it so that my daughter will sleep through the night. But I keep on doing what I feel she needs. Which at this point is still to go to sleep with me and nurse at night (she's 16 months).
There are other alternatives to this new scary bedtime routine other than letting them CIO. I liked a lot of the other mom's responses, like Lisa S.'s. Most of all, I would tell you to follow your instincts. No one knows your child better than you do, and no one has had a child exactly like yours. Respond from a place of love and understanding that she is also having a hard time with this new routine, and you'll be fine. And when you feel like you are surely going to go mad, just remember that this is temporary. It's all temporary. I would probably stress the importance of taking turns with your spouse so that your daughter can go to sleep with either of you, and also so that when you truly need a break, he can go in and take over. I hope that option is available to you. It's definitely been a lifesaver for me sometimes. :)

We had tough bedtimes at a little younger age, but it varies child to child. We were recommended by our pediatrician to pick a long weekend where we were able to have less sleep...and let him cry it out. She said most people give up by night #2, but let it go for 3 nights. She was correct, night #4 I believe was the magic night he went without screaming for parents! Now this was a miracle to me, but it worked.

We also do give flashlights to our older boys from time to time, if they have had an especially long nap that day or whatever...they are not very sleepy. This lets them have some control over their environment, monsters, read a bit, make shadow animals, etc. Yes, they fall asleep with the flashlight on and we sometimes spend a lot in batteries, but it's worth it!

Also, counting down to bedtime has helped us as some others mentioned...we start telling them up to an hour before. It avoids a lot of problems with them feeling like they "suddenly" have to go to bed. This way they are expecting it more mentally, and able to process it better. There is a cute kids' book, "Ten Minutes Til Bedtime" that they love and is along those lines...dad telling the kids every minute and counting down. Look it up!

Good luck to you...this too shall pass. Some day you will look back and remember fondly her crazy bedtimes, and wonder how you ever could have wanted to give those up!

Wow! It sounds like you have a very strong-willed, smart girl on your hands! Our daughter's sleep pattern completely changed after she turned 2. It was horrible for a while, but it has improved. I always recommend the book, Love and Logic, Magic for the Early Years for most problems around this age. It has great tips and it will start you thinking about natural consequences for all of your daughter's behavior.
But, I really think the good news is that if you continue with a regular bedtime routine, regular bed time, and just be very consistent in what you do, things will improve! It may take time, but it will.
Best wishes for a good night!

Believe me, I've been there and done that! All of it!! When I read your letter, it sounded like I was talking about our daughter, the difference being that she stopped taking naps. To answer your question, YES, it does work to let them cry it out but at this age it will take a little longer. The deal is that once you start letting her cry it out, you can NOT go back. What I ended up doing was putting her to bed a little earlier and then turning on the the TV, a movie, or music and turned it up loud or went outside and set on the step for awhile. If you let her cry it out one night or two and then go back into her room the following night, she's not leaning anything only that if she crys long enough or loud enough, she will get you back in there. The throwing up will stop too, it's just another ploy. Just hang in there Mom and stick to your guns. C.

Children get their second set of molars in around the age of 2. My 2 year old daughter has a bedtime routine and is pretty good about following it unless her teeth are hurting her. When she is getting a new tooth she fights sleep like no other. I have found that Teething Tablets work well and she only gets them if I can feel a tooth starting to come in. But check your daughters mouth she could be teething.

Sounds frustrating! I've heard Elizabeth Pantley's book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Childs Sleep" has some great suggestions for addressing the delay tactics and tears at bedtime that do not involve crying it out for those parents who don't want to go that route. Good luck!

A.,

The advice has been good thus far and my addition is as follows. I had heard that making a chart with pictures of each bedtime ritual on it was a fun way of keeping the routine short and sweet as well as involving the child in the process. For instance, you can have pictures and words of bath time, brushing teeth, story time (where it says only X number of books to read), and hug/kiss, then sleep. You ask her, "What do we do first?" and she would then look at the picture and tell you. When she begs for more stories or something else you point to the chart and insist it be followed in order and/or that there are only 3 stories and that is all you can read. Then move on to the next step each time having her tell you what comes next. This helps them feel in control of the process, but you get to set the parameters of it!

Another thing perhaps that might work is to prepare her in advance before she goes to sleep. In other words, instead of saying it's night night and immediately taking her back, maybe you can say "In a little bit we are going to go back to bed, but you can play for a little longer." My son really needs to be prepared for the next thing or he too throws fits. It has really helped him as he is less resistant when I do this for him.

Lastly, I would ask, "when does she go to bed?" Sometimes if you let them stay up too late they are actually overtired and they can be hyper active instead of sleepy. My son (now almost 3) tends to do this. He will start running around the house or singing silly songs at the top of his lungs. This is our cue that he is ready for bed. We start bringing him back for the routine at about 7:30 to be in bed by 8:00.

I agree that if you decide to let her cry it out (which I do believe WILL work with patience) then you should stick to it. She will get the picture that her tantrum throwing doesn't work and will give up eventually. It is a battle of wills at this age and if you don't win the battle now it will be something else when she gets older.

Good luck! Here's to better sleep for all of you!

Blessings,

H. C.

A.~
As I was reading your post, I was thinking....it sounds like I wrote it.
Bedtime has been an issue at my house and sometimes we still have some problems. Like you we were at wits end not knowing what to do. Everyone said let them cry it out, tried that...she puked everytime. And not just a little bit either. We had the same routine you have. Now we have quiet time. She has a bath right after dinner, then quiet time 1 hour before bedtime. This quiet time we usually let her pick (she's 3, but the problems started at about 2yrs) between stories or a show, like Kipper or Cailou. Then we turn on a CD in her room that has a heartbeat in the background, put her in bed and give kisses goodnight. Most nights she goes to sleep, some nights she gets up and we just put her right back to bed. But the puking and crying hysterically has stopped. She still chatters a bit, but it has become more calm and an easier transistion.
Good luck, it will get better!
T. S.

Hi A.,

All I would add to the great advise is to check out the book "1-2-3 Magic" which is a great parenting book (and I'm not big on parenting books). I just scanned the bedtime chapter and while it doesn't address your exact situation a lot of the concepts from other chapters I think would be really helpful. Good luck!

M. : I am a 45 yr. old mama of a wonderful 7 1/2 yr. old daughter.

A.,
Sorry to say this, but your story is funny. I can picture exactly what goes on and I can picutre you exhausted too.
I am a been there done that mom. This began the summer our son was 2-1/2. Everything was good until we went on vacation to visit family. After that he wouldn't get to sleep. What is worse, is that while we were gone, our basement bedroom flooded so we had to move into our sons' room. Then he wouldn't go to sleep until all three of us were in bed.
I'm with you. Trying to ignore the crying is just not my style. It makes me feel like a nut case. I also can't stand being exhausted and sleep deprived.
The next year we had our second son and the four of us slept in the same room. (We were the ones gutting and re-doing our bedroom. It took 3 years.) We all co-slept except our oldest because he had his own twin bed that butted up to ours. Needless to say the room was one complete bed, and that's no lie. Our youngest nursed ALL NIGHT LONG! I was tired all day and night. When our youngest turned 3-1/2 our room was finished and we moved in. I would listen to the boys on a monitor. They both had trouble sleeping. The youngest would fall out of bed; which was a mattress on the floor, or wake crying or something. Usually my husband would go in and take care of him. (They have an incredible bond so he never wanted me.) Getting both of our boys to sleep has been a challenge since then. Now they are 5 & 7-1/2 and it is a little easier. Last year I used to let them fall asleep to a DVD in their room. They wouldn't go to sleep and fought me constantly. I also got the excuses and stalling. My husband works swing so it's just me and the boys. I allowed the DVD's because it was easier for me. Since we stayed up until 11 pm, we were all tired the next morning. It was the worse for our youngest. When he was 3 & 4 he had difficulties getting up for pre-school. He fought me constantly and it stressed me out. I dreaded school days.
About 4-5 months ago he got angry at his video game and threw it into our new TV. The screen broke and my husband was so ticked off that he banned ALL OF US from playing video games and watching TV. This lasted for about three days when I told him that I was addicted to TV and couldn't stand being alone with the boys without distraction. Our solution was 2hrs per day of any combo of DVD, TV, Video games. They got to choose.
Because of doing that, it allowed me to get the boys to bed earlier than 11pm. Our routine is their favorite cartoon at 9pm, then at 9:30 they get in bed. I will read 1-2 books and then it's lights out. If they are thirsty or hungry they have to take care of it while I read. After reading time it's lights out, no exceptions.
The amazing thing is that they have come to accept this. Even if our youngest isn't tired, he tries to sleep. Sometimes he lays there for 1 hr, sometimes less, but he tries. If it's really bad, I make him some oatmeal and that usually helps.
Getting kids to sleep can be challenging especially at 2 yrs because at that age, they learn to test the limits. It took me three years to figure out what works for us, especially with my husband's schedule.
If my child was vomiting as a result of crying, I would seek a counselor. I wouldn't allow it to continue. I also don't believe in the philosophy of "just let them cry themselves to sleep". I find it stressful to me and absolutely ridiculous.
Work with a counselor and find what works for you. Like I said, it only took 3yrs to figure out our system.
Best of luck to you.

It sound like your routine is a nightmare alone. Can you cut it down a bit? I used to sit outside the door and I would open the door say very sternly "go back to bed" and shut it until they cried or got up again. This is a battle you want to win! There is light at the end of the tunnel. My kids now go to bed on their own and those times seem very far away.

Go ahead and remind them that it will be bedtime in an hour. "Is there anything that you would like to do before you get ready for bed?" Then do soft, quiet things until the time comes. If there is trouble, remind them that they knew this was coming. This may squelch anxiety if they know when it's coming. Let them watch the clock for when the long hand is on the 12. If they are younger, and you don't want to hold them, sit with them next to the crib, but don't pick them up. If they stand, lay them back down and don't speak. If you don't mind the crying it out, leave the room after they get up tooooo many times and say good night. You have to be the boss. Be concistant and don't give in once you pick a plan. I always went the deeper route with mine. I never had trouble with them getting into Mr. Yuk stuff, because I would explain to them that it could hut them badly. Maybe if you tell her how much her body needs sleep and use a book for children on healthy bodies.... it will soon soak in. She's not too young to learn. I've learned that in my childhood literacy class. It's just another way that confirms your demands.

A 2 yr old is plenty old enough to give a lesson to. She is trying to see where you draw the line, so do it. I agree with the,,, if she throws up, put a towel down and say, oh, you had an accident, there, I fixed it. 'Good night. Don't over react in front of her. She can see when she is "getting to you" It won't take too long to fix once you stick with it.

Hi A.,

Our daughter never resorted to puking but I do know that she continued to make bedtime a big chore until we put a loft bed above ours at 5 yrs and let her sleep within arms reach of us. I also co-sleep with her younger brother who is coming up on two. As soon as we put the loft up there, she started going to sleep with no problems at all. She really just needed to be near us, all the time. I would highly recommend giving her what she needs most so you can get what you need too! You may try letting her fall asleep on the couch as you watch tv quietly or we have a spare bed in the computer/office room that she sometimes crashes on while Daddy plays his stupid little video game with head phones on.

Btw, I do have a friend who's daughter was a puker. I do believe she had to stay with her till she fell asleep. Often falling asleep herself. She has grown out of the puking though at 8 yrs. Hope this helps. Deep breath!

I feel your pain. My daughter was an excellent sleeper until about 18 months and she is now 4 and we still fight with bedtime. My advice is to stick to the routine and keep trying. My husband and I did not address the problem quickly enough and it is much more difficult to correct at 4 than 2.

Yes! My daughter was 18 months old and the a new stage struck--sleepless in our house. Her older brother was the calmest kid and never did this and therefor I did not expect it. He was 2 years older.

She refused to take naps and did not (cried) go to sleep until 12, waking at 5am for 3 weeks. She screamed all day for each and every reason. Then, for a week she slept 24 hours a day. The the three weeks of he-- began again. A week of 24 hours of sleep, etc... this went on for a while until I noticed a pattern.

I finally noticed a pattern and went to her doctor (Have you done this?) and he gave me some medicine to make her sleepy. That worked once! She figured what it was and refused to take it again!

I went back to my doctor and he suggested I take a suggest a glass of sherry at 8:00, if that didn't work, an additional glass at 5:00 (small of course).

He also said no more naps--ever. And he said get rid of the crib. I did that and the first night I told her she had to hold very very still because she might fall out of bed. I made a big deal of getting the bed and setting it up, etc.

Good news, It Worked!!

W.

I have a nine month old who won't sleep (we go through a similar routine) and I just started keeping him up. I let him stay up as late as he wants and don't try to put him down until he tells me that he can't stay up anymore. It's hard not having the break before I go to bed myself, but since it was taking so damn long to put him to bed (2+ hours), it's a lot less stressful this way. He's cranky and fussy the whole time but nothing like the crying that I deal with in the bedroom.

Hello A. M.
So far you're doing all of the above right so no worries there. It has been there done that for me to. Lets say bedtime is at 9 pm. try getting her ready for bed at least 1/2 hr early with the routine you described above and if she insists on playing around after that just walk out of the room and shut the door if she cries, you and dad are going to have to tough it out and not go to her because she's turning her bedtime into a power struggle to get her way. Be firm with her that bedtime means bedtime and nothing else give her a hug and kiss tuck her in tell her you & dad love her and walk out of the room.

God Bless and take care and good luck with your daughter.
A.

I have 5 kids ... 4 boys 19,17,14 and 6 and one girl 12

We had a random change in bedtime habits with our 3 year old son as well...he was having tantrums and crying and it was taking him almost 45 minutes to go to bed. Rather than let him cry it out (because he would get almost hysterical), we started telling him we'll be back in 5 minutes. Then we'd come back in 5 minutes as promised. Then we'd say we'd be back in 10 minutes. Again, back in 10 minutes. We kept doing this adding 5 minutes on each time. Eventually, he'd get tired of waiting and fall asleep.

I don't have any advice for the puking...

Is she afraid of something maybe? Maybe she's developed a fear of "dragons" or "monsters"?

Good luck - I'm sure it's a phase, but I know that in the meantime, it's exhausting for you!

hey there...my three year old went through a phase like that a few months ago. she tried all sorts of things to not go to bed, but we were consistent, we were patient and above all, we stayed in bed with her. she learned that she couldn't really mess around, plus she was so tired. my advice to you is to evaluate nap-time. maybe she doesn't need a nap anymore. my daughter stopped napping at two. it took some adjustment, but bedtime was was sooo easy. when she napped, it took awhile to get her down. now it takes about ten mintutes, and she is in bed by 7:30pm. maybe your baby isn't as tired at night as you think. if you don't want to give up naptime, i would stop the crying it out method. it doesn't work. it actually makes your child less connected to you and less independent in the long run. try being a bit more patient...read one more book. be okay with one more glass of water. or try getting a toddler bed and laying down with her. maybe she needs to be comforted more. however, be consistent. constistency is something toddlers need. she is probably going through a growth spurt of some sort and will be fine. but the crying it out, puking routine shouldn't become a regular part of bedtime, or you will be in for far worse down the road. it's just another bump...you'll make it through. much luck~s

Hi Mom A.,
I very much simpathize with your troubles...I have a 2 year old boy,he always says "No sleep-sleep",but I have a 5 month old baby and I tell him that the baby needs me,I need to feed Minya!Maybe if you get a doll she likes and maybe if you make it so she thinks this is a real-needs person and sort of "share" time with the doll and with your daughter at bedtime...just a thought...if this is too much or not appealing,please do not even consider it...Good luck to you Mom and Dad.Let me know if this is helpful,just if you want.Love,K.

I find it interesting that the second night your daughter cried 10 minutes longer but didn't puke. You felt bad she'd slept in it the night before, but apparently she learned that it wasn't going to work anymore.

Your nighttime routine also might be too fun. Bath, jammies, one book and soft music on a CD player with a one song snuggle and then leave quietly. If she chooses to cry, let her.

Hey A.,

I'm a mother of four, ranging in age from 5-20. It would seem that I've "been there and seen it all", although after having four and seeing how different they are all, I'd be stupid to make that assumption.

The very best advice I can give you is to not cave in. The best lesson we can teach our children is that their bedroom, their bed...is their own little sanctuary and that they can fall asleep on their own. I would limit the routine that you have set to a certain amount of time in the bath, one pair of pajama's, two books and two songs. Obviously these may not fit into what you've already started, but you get the idea. Set some healthy boundaries and don't budge from them. Be very united in your approach so that you and your husband are supporting each other and neither of you are "taking her side". She needs to see a united front. She will realize very quickly that you, as parents, are in charge...and she isn't. This is soooo important for her to learn.

You may feel bad about her puking in her bed and having to sleep in it, but she certainly learned that it doesn't benefit her in the slightest to do this. Sleeping that way is no fun but honestly if you don't allow her to have consequences to her actions, she'll keep doing it.

Tough love is so hard, but you are, in the end, doing what is best for her and your family as a whole if you stick to your guns. And, when her behavior improves, you could give her a small reward. Don't use a reward to bribe her, just use it as a "thank you" when she improves.

Good luck,
D.

Your tenacity at 2 yrs. old will bless you when she is 12!
Does she run the roost? I, too, a sickly child, though, tried tactics with my parents, and they acquiesced until one day Mom out and told me "You are too old to be rocked to sleep" Don't give in, you know what is best over all of life...she will learn, she's pretty smart!, just outsmart her. Try a clock game...show her when bedtime is, remind her several times, then let her take the lead to "beat the clock". Kids love to know you like to have fun, too.

I've had a challenging sleeper and had to do the crying out method multiple times over the course of his life. However, now at 2.5 years old, he doesn't give me much grief. We had some episodes around 2 that were similar to what you described (absent the throwing up) but I found several things to work to get him back on track that didn't involve massive amounts of crying. I can often tell when he's going to have one of his stubborn episodes of putting up a fit as soon as he gets in the crib so one of the first things I do when he starts to fuss is tell him very firmly that it's bedtime and then I calmly start asking him to re-cap his day for me. That seems to re-set his mind and instantly stop the beginning of a temper tantrum about bed. Then I switch the conversation to talking about what we are going to do tomorrow. I ask him if all of that sounds like fun and then tell him that he needs rest to do those things. That often is enough to calm him, but not always. Another trick I've used when the crying becomes intense is to walk back into the room and tell him "Stop it. You are scarying all of your friends. Do you want your friends to be sad? My goodness!" Then I turn to each of his stuffed animals and tell each of them that it's okay and Boden want cry any more. He's just tired and having a hard time falling asleep. I then had him one of the stuff animals to hold and tell him that they probably need help sleeping too. I tell him that I need to leave the room, but that he can talk to his friends or sing to his friends but he cannot cry and scare them any more since that makes them sad. This works surprisingly well actually. I may sound like a crazy person talking to his stuffed animals, but it calms him down. The last few months he's been going to bed fine now. He can spent over an hour talking and singing in his cribs, but that's much better to listen to then his intense crying. The important thing is to calm them down and stick to your sleep rules. I make sure never to go into the room too many times. I let him know that I love him each time I do go in (when the screaming is intense) but I always stick to the rules that he's in bed and it's time to sleep. One other thing that we added to his bedtime ritual is right before placing him in the crib I rock him and say "On the count of three let's say goodnight to all our friends...one, two, three..." then I put him in the crib and say "goodnight friends" with him and ask which friend he would like to sleep with. The 1-2-3 resets his brain for him since that's what he hears at his preschool when they do transitions to various activities.

Good luck with it all. By the way, my son really has been a challenge to get to sleep so these tricks are ones that work with a child that has never responded to any of the tricks found in all the sleep books I consulted. When we did crying out with him the first time at 5 months of age it took 3 weeks of intense crying before he could put himself to sleep. It was horrifying, but none of the supposed "kinder, gentler" approaches worked. We even consulted the "sleep lady" who wrote the book about the "no cry solution" and she had to refund our money because nothing she told us would work and she ended up telling us that we had to just let him cry it out.