Toddler Bedtime

Good morning. Since you have already sat at your daughter's door, and used a gate, you have already set a good boundary for her. It seems to me that you can use the gate, telling her that you are going to check on her every few minutes, and that you would like to see her, like a big girl, sleeping in her bed. I think you can also tell her that she has the freedom to sleep on the floor, too, if she wants, and that, if she chooses that, she will want to bring her blanket along so she doesn't get cold. If she doesn't want the blanket, you could say, she doesn't have to have it, but she will get cold. You can tell her that she knows where to find the blanket if she decides she wants to be cold. All these decisions are up to her. You can check on her every five minutes the first night. Every ten minutes the next night. Every 15 minutes the next night, etc. If she wanders, sleeps on the floor, cries, bangs stuff, etc., she will learn that you have set a boundary, also, for yourself, and that her actions are not going to control you. When you go back to her, if you find her in her bed, you can say something like, "I see you have learned to sleep like a big girl. Good for you! I love you. Good night." If she is out of bed, you can say, "I love you. Good night." Do not go back into her room after you have done the bedroom routine. She will learn to appreciate that you mean what you say and that she can count on you to be true to your word. If she ends up sleeping on the floor, then so what? If she wakes up cold and stiff, you can tell her that the bed is more comfortable. Let her deal with the natural consequences of her choices. Her behavior needs to be her "problem", not yours. Stick to your time decisions. She will learn. Best wishes. And write back with what is happening!!

Could it be that she is "overtired" and got a second wind? That is how my nieces were. They had an absolutely early bedtime ritual starting at 6:30 or they got another wind and got overtired and acted like what you are saying your daughter is doing.

Run her ragged so that she is exhausted before bed! I have a 2.5 year old boy and a 5 month old baby. Stick to your guns with the bed routine and show her that just because there is a baby in the house does not mean that she can get away with this new behavior. The behavior will probably pass but in the mean time... lots of active play (have daddy help while you are with the baby or have dad take the baby and you run her).

With a toddler who doesn't want to go to bed and a newborn you probably don't have a lot of time and energy to read, but you might want to check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." Some things Mary recommends are morning exercise, limited screen time and no screen time after dinner and a quiet, regular bedtime routine. Some kids get wired when they get over tired too. Mary says "sleep begats sleep." Mary has also written books on raising spirited children. My now 13-year-old was like your 2-year-old and he now sleeps like a typical teenager. It's funny though--I STILL think back to those early years though and I HATE waking him up. Good luck.

My daughter is the same age and we had trouble with that when she had just turned two. I would always do the routine, (similar to yours) and then I would leave a light on in the bathroom right off her room, and leave her door open. When I see that she has fallen asleep, I close the door for the night. She is a good girl now rarely fusses at bedtime and she always stays in bed, if she needs me she just calls to me and doesn't get out. I am very blessed. But when she was starting out with this, she would fuss quite a bit, and come into the livingroom...many times, but each time I would just walk her back in and repeat that its bedtime and that she had to stay in bed. I would say that it took a solid 5 days of her trying to 'stay up' for her to get it. But I do have to say, that making sure they have burned off that energy is the absolute key! Just do a little hide and seek in the house, playing outside a little while before it gets dark, rough housing with Daddy, whatever..it doesn't have to be all that much honestly, you will notice when she starts to lose momentum and that should be enough. =) If I were you, I would not sit outside her room, you want to be out of sight, because you just become a distraction and a temptation to be with to her. I would always put the TV on when she went to sleep, watching 'Mommy shows' as she calls them- I didn't always sit in front of it, but I think she found comfort in me doing the same old thing every night. Good luck!!

Hi M.! I can feel your pain! We went through this exact thing with our little one recently at exactly the same time (age). It was a battlefield getting to bed. Crying and throwing fits every night when we took her upstairs to go to bed. Here is what helped us:

1) Put her to bed at the exact same time each night (for us that is 7:30)

2) Make sure she is getting at least 11 hours of overnight sleep. At this age little ones need anywhere between 12-14 hours a day including any naps taken during the day. Our daughter usually takes an afternoon nap for about 1.5 hrs so all in all she gets about 12.5 hrs sleep each day. Its helped TREMENDOUSLY!

3) We showed her how the clock looks when it is time for bed (i.e. what "7:30" looks like on the clock. Then, when its time we tell her - "Look at what the clock says". We show her the clock says 7:30 and that means bedtime. For the first few days she would still fuss and I just told her "Mommy cannot change the clock. The clock says its bedtime so its bedtime. I'm sorry you're sad about it, but being so angry won't change the clock".

After about 5 days it stopped being an issue and now she knows when its bedtime she goes and tells her Daddy goodnight, tells the dog goodnight and then we go upstairs and start our routine.

I wish you all the best!!! I know its tough!

I actually disagree with the people who suggest running her ragged. It has been my experience that overtired kids cannot settle themselves down to sleep. I am firmly in the sleep begets sleep camp. Also, I completely agree with the poster who suggested that 10:30 is too late and she most likely has gotten a second wind. Kids that age need about 12-14 hours of sleep a day with about 12 hours of it coming at night. If she is waking at 8am then she should be in bed by 8pm. I think you have a good routine...just need to stick to it. Make sure the lights have been turned down low and there isn't a lot of noise or stimulation for that last book. That helps. All the signals should be to sleep.

One thing we always told my kids is that they release growth hormones during night time REM sleep. So, if they want to grow to be big and strong like their father, they needed to sleep. That was a HUGE motivator for them.

Good luck

Our daughter did this at about the same age. We decided to not do naps anymore and it fixed the issue. She would still have a bit of a low and watch a cartoon, but would perk right up and be ready for the second half of the day afterwards. She went to bed soon and slept sounder also. Also establishing a routine helps. We always put her to bed at the same time and up at the same time, etc. I would read her a book and snuggle by her for a few minutes every night, no matter what. We still use this routine and it seems to work well.

I agree with the other poster- try to wear her out before bedtime. I know that is hard to do at that age, but if she is exhausted she'll go to sleep faster and give you some peace. Also, you may want to try to give her some extra special attention during the day if you aren't already so she doesn't feel like the baby is getting all the attention. Would it help to put a door handle guard on the inside of her door so she can't open it? That way it would be a little quieter, darker, and reinforce that it is bedtime. It's the same concept as a gate, but may work better for you. We did that for our daughter for awhile because we lived in a 2 story and we had no safe way of putting a gate at the top of the stairs, and we didn't want her to roam the house in the middle of the night. You may just have to make sure she has everything before bedtime and goes potty and then just leave her alone. She'll probably go to sleep faster if she doesn't hear you or think that she can get any attention from you. Good luck! Stick to your guns, she'll catch on. She's just a little off because of the baby.

3 of my children gave up napping by the time they were 2 years old- I kind of forced them to because they were going to bed late or being very difficult at bedtime. after no nap then they were TIRED at bedtime and fell right to sleep, give it a try!

get a copy of The Family Bed : An Age Old Concept in Child Rearing by Tine Thevenin from the library or on line or your local bookstore.

Try to save the battles for the "big stuf" and join many thousands of others in welcoming your little ones to your bedroom. Millions if you look at the sleeping arangements in the whole world.

Or just put FAMILY BED into your computer seach and you will find lots and lots of information from many sources:
here are a few

http://www.bygpub.com/natural/family-bed.htm

http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/family_bed.html

http://www.babycenter.com/0_sleep-sharing-the-family-bed_...

My almost-3-year-old as a very strong internal clock. It doesn't matter what we do- nap, no nap, lots of exercise, little exercise, earlier bedtime, earlier wake-up time, bribes, music, stories, etc.- he WILL NOT go to sleep before 9 pm and gets up when he feels like it, usually at 7:30 am. I think some kids just can't go to sleep until their bodies and minds let them.

We were having a lot of issues with our 3 year old son also. I attended a workshop about a month ago and received a boon titled The Sleep Fairy by Janie and Roger Peterson and it has worked wonders!!!! I was very skeptical that a book could keep my son in bed and go to sleep but it has worked wonders. We read the book to him every night before bed and then once he is asleep and hasn't gotten out of his bed the sleep fairy visits him and leaves a treat under his pillow. We don't do anything fancy for the treat. We just give him some pennies and usually we use the same ones over since he doesn't keep track of them and then about once a week he will get a little hot wheels car that we got from the Dollar Store. Since we have started this he has stayed in bed. The first week he did get out of his bed a couple nights but the last week couple weeks he hasn't and he always asks to read the sleep fairy.

The website is http://thesleepfairy.com/

J.

We go through this with our daughter too. She will be three this week and it has gotten somewhat better. We tell her that we will always take her to the potty if she has to go, but if she tells us she has to (only at bed time) and she doesn't we will take away a toy. She takes a Diego doll everywhere so it usually does the trick. But you have to be willing to follow through. She is SO sad when we take Diego away. I will sometimes tell her that if she falls asleep right away that I will bring him in after she is sleeping, but if I tell her I am going to take him, I take him. Good luck!

I don't know your household, so I'm not sure my advice will work, but my sister is a Psychologist and we discussed this when my 1st son was 2. Bedtime became an issue. Long story short, her advice on what to do without scarring them for life :} was to help the child build a fort {above their bed if possible} and make it an adventure. Give her a little lantern {Walmart-$5}and let her keep it inside her fort/tent. This helps create a safer feeling.You could also allow her to pick out ONE book to look through. This will keep her occupied by herself in her comfy fort and potentially fall asleep. You won't have to keep the fort up forever, its just the novelty of the fort that makes it so much easier than just saying "Go to bed". Like its a punishment. I think most of us don't realize that making them go to bed {Which of course we must do} but don't think of it in the way a child does. The point is, the child feels like their almost getting sent to a time out. The feel they will miss out on something great. So make bedtime something great. It sounds like your doing a great job with the schedule and reading, thats awesome. That helps a ton as well. The one That worked best with my second son was, Let him pick out his new "Big boy Bedding". Sheets, Comforter, Pillow etc. He couldn't wait to sleep in it that night! I did the same thing with potty training actually! haha, I told him, no more diapers, lets go buy some Big Boy underware. That was the end of the Huggies.