Toddler (Almost 3) Won't Stay in Bed - Locking the Door Ok?

Wow. Those are some interesting responses! I can tell you from personal experience that there is nothing "traumatizing" about securing a child in his room, and that it will not "cause him to be afraid of his room!"

I had no choice but to secure my daughter in her room (using the safety door knob guards that she could not open) when she had to be unattended as I put her younger brother to nap or to bed (she was aged 15 months-2 yrs old). It was the safest, most babyproofed room in the house. No couches to climb, no chairs to stand upon, etc. I can't imagine that any of the Mamas who react so strongly against this would actually allow their own 18 month old child to have his/her own run of the house during blocks of unsupervised periods of time!

My daughter now views her room as her private sanctuary. She loves having independent time alone in her own room. (And now she has learned that she is not allowed to run through the hallway like a loud, wild animal when her brother is getting to sleep!!)

Do what you need to do for the safety and health of your child. Since my kids are still in cribs, I don't know how to solve your problem. But I do know that preventing him from getting out of his own room will NOT do any damage to him!

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ok so I will be one of those moms in the minority. My son was one of those who was up until way late and then up way early as a toddler. He wouldn't stay in a crib and would climb out by about 16 months. so we had him in a toddler bed. This of course gave him great freedom about whether he was going to bed or not. we got a gate for the doorway. which worked for about a week. then he figured out how to climb over that. so we got another gate and put them on on top of the other. he lay on the floor and kicked the bottom gate out at the bottom till he could escape that way. we bought a hook and eye and put that on the door and at night it was put on until we got up in the morning. he did not scream. and in fact we would find him asleep next to his bed, in the toy box, just on the floor in general. even though we had put him to bed multiple times. we called him houdini. he could get out of any carseat and any playpen. a sitter once told us she would not put the hook on she would hear him. when we got home she was hysterical. he had gotten out of the room and out of the hosue without her hearing. a neighbor called the police who brought him home. She didn't question the hook anymore. this only lasted a couple months and then it was like someone threw a switch. and he wnt to sleep at bedtime. but if a hook and eye or lock is what it takes to keep your child safe then do it.

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actually locking them IN the room (turning the door knob around so the lock is on the outside of the room) is the safest thing you can do for an under 5 yr old. If there is a fire do you want that child having access to getting out of their room? They would not know where to go and could easily get lost in the smoke. If they lock the door from the inside do you want to have to hunt for a key in an emergency? No. Therefore turn the knob around.

BUT it may not work. I would suggest if you are having problems with sleep that you remove all milk from the diet for 2 wks. I bet your sleep issues will just resolve instantly. There was a study back in 00 or 01 that showed that the majority of preschool sleep issues were caused by a hidden milk allergy. Tara didn't sleep through the night till she was almost 4. Finally I took milk out of her diet, after trying EVERYTHING, and within 6 days she was sleeping through the night (after being up anywhere from 2 to 20 times a night). After 6 solid nights of sleep we decided to test if it was the milk and overloaded her with ice cream, yogurt, cheese, milk and such. She was up 5 times that night.

So, try taking out milk.

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We put a hook and eye on the outside of my girl's rooms for the same reason. When we put it up, we put them to bed and locked them in. Once they are asleep, you can unlock it so there isn't a fire hazard. Hopefully you will find like we did that after a week or so of trying to get out and not being able to, they stopped trying and we pretty much have stopped locking them in since they stopped trying to escape. Same goes for the morning. If they get up too early, you can put them back and lock them in. They should go back to sleep and you can unlock the door once they do (or when you get up). While you are doing this, I would also purchase some sort of clock that he can read..digital if he knows his numbers, or regular if not, or just a plain old alarm clock and let him know that he can come out of his room in the morning when it says 7:00 or when the hand is on this number or when the music starts playing and until that happens he needs to stay in his room. That worked for us and we don't have kids getting up at 4 a.m.

I just wanted to add on to this after seeing some other responses..my kids aren't traumatized and don't hate their rooms. For one of my kids, we had to leave her locked in there all night long because she was one of those that would get up at crazy hours, quietly sneak downstairs to make sure she didn't wake us up and dangerously wreak havoc..trying to make her own grilled cheese at age 2 (stove and all), made a "water park" in the basement with couch cushions and water from the bathroom, make her own bath and get in it (again, age 2). Keeping her in her room was the safest thing for her.. at least we didn't have to resort to tying her to the bed with a straightjacket like they do in the loony bins! We also installed a peep hole (like you have on your front door) so we could see what she was doing in there to see if she was getting into mischief or anything unsafe and would check on her until she fell asleep. All in all, you know what's best for you and don't feel like you are scarring your child for life by trying to keep him safe.

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I get really freaked out about stuff like that (locked kids doors, gates in front of kids rooms)thinking about what would happen if there was a fire in the house...

A.,

If my dtr could open her door she would be out every night(She use to try but gave up). We don't lock the door because we live in an old house and the door is just hard to open from the inside (unless you are an adult). I would use a safety doorknob cover on the inside of his room as well. It is essentially the same thing. He is going through a phase and testing you. It took my dtr a month to give up entirely. I also explained to her that unless the sun is up she needs to stay in bed. She usually then awakens at 7:00am.

If you ask me - no. I wouldn't want my sons to be locked against their will in their room (or anywhere). It just doesn't sit right with me.

We diligently did the "Super Nanny" trick and put him back in his bed countless times. I can't remember how long we had to do it, but the first night was a good 45 minutes. He also thought it was a joke, but eventually got the hint. As the days passed, the time was less and less. I think within a week - he didn't get out of bed and a year later still doesn't. I let him "read" books or play with his "letter game" in bed to relax.

Good luck - like others have said, it will pass.

T.

People have strong opinions about this.

We ended up putting the gate up in our son's door for a period of a couple months. We always started without the gate, and after three trips outside of his room the gate went up. If he was quiet in his bed for five minutes we'd take it down and start the process over again. Ironically, after his little sister started crawling, he actually asked for the gate at night - I think because he felt safe she wouldn't crawl into his room and play with his toys! (of course she was asleep in her crib, but the things that go on in a kid's mind are amazing).

I'm rambling -- at any rate, we only used the gate for a couple months and he just started staying in his room. It worked for us, and since he could see out of the gate I didn't feel as badly as locking him in the room with the door shut.

We ALWAYS took the gate down before we went to bed (for the fire safety reasons). That said, he never wandered in the middle of the night, so it wasn't an issue.

Every parent finds what works for them -- and this will only be for a short period.

Good luck!
A.

I would not lock him in his room mainly for safety reasons. We always used the gate and also took it down at night once my daughter was asleep. With the gate you still see into the room just in case he's getting into trouble. It is amazing what a 3 year old can get into. My daughter actually pulled her twin size mattress off her bed at the the age of 3!and she barely weighed 30lbs!! What if she would have pulled it off onto herself. I would have never known if the door was closed. Also, I agree with the fire issue. We had an intercom start on fire in the room when she was a baby. Either way make sure you have a smoke detector in his room. We finally had to keep sitting her out in another room until she would go to bed. I also left books by her bed so she could read in the morning when she woke up. My other daughter we would set an alarm and told her when the alarm went off she could get out of bed. This worked great with her. Of course now at 17 years old she never hears the alarm!!!Best of luck! It will pass!

We also turned the doorknobs around so that the lock is on the outside. We lock it when they go down for a nap or when they go to bed at night. As soon as they are asleep for the night we unlock it for fire safety reasons. They boys love their room (we do not put them in their room for discipline reasons) and are not afraid of their room. They are 4 and 5 now and we've been doing this since the oldest was 2.

Mornings I don't have any suggestions. My kids all get up between 5:30 and 6:30... The best we've been able to do is tell them to climb into bed with me until I say it's time to get up.

Don't lock your son in his room! If you were 3 would you want your parents to lock you in your room, I don't think so.

We tried this for about 3 nights...she freaked and will freak out everytime we so much as shut her door. Dont do it! You will feel worse than you can imagine, I did. I now shut my bedroom door and lock it. It upsets her but it is not the same. She now bangs on my door and cries and then either goes back to her bed or to her brothers room. It is getting better everyday. I just respond with "you need to go back to bed" and then I say nothing more. If there was really something wrong I would open my door. Ignoring the behavior seems to be the best and we have tried it ALL!

Good Luck!

Sorry but there is no way I would lock my child in his room. We like the previous poster just repeatedly kept putting him in his bed, and it did take a good hour the first night but adventually he got it. I think locking a door is unsafe and can be tramatizing to such a young child, he won't get that he is locked in to go to bed, he will feel like he was abandoned

I'd say absolutely not. You'll regret it if he becomes afraid of his room when he's a little older - it should be his personal space and refuge, not someplace he's afraid of. (also, the safety issues.)

We used a child gate on the door at that age. He was able to climb over if he really had to, but it was a reminder - and since everything's on one floor, we could hear him from everywhere in the house. We used to also take the gate down after he fell asleep, just in case he needed us.

No suggestions on the morning - I think most kids wake up early and parents just have to adjust their schedules. Or teach him to turn on the TV and leave some snacks out?

I see that I am in the minority here, but we did it . . .we used one of those door knob safety things and put it on the inside of my son's room. Honestly, though, like the other mom, we didn't need it for very long.

He is now 5. We also have a 2 year old that I DREAD moving to a big boy bed for this very reason.

You have to do what works for you, within reason and safety.

B.