To Wean or Not to Wean

I weaned my son at 15 months and it was hard. He would cry and act upset when I didn't nurse him and I was sad about it, too. When I look back I ask myself, "WHY?!" There was really no reason to completely wean him before both of us were ready. As it was, we were just nursing in the morning and at night before bed. We could and should have continued that for a bit longer until we were both ready to wean. Remember...this is a special bonding experience that you only have with your child for a limited time.

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I nursed both of my kids to 3 1/2. I was done!! Neither of my kids would have chosen to stop at that point. My oldest daughter we had to throw a wean party and invite people that assumed we stopped nursing a long time ago. My son I told him that the milk had stopped working. We had a couple nights of tears but plenty of snuggles.

Looking back I have no clue of how to get through the "terrible twos" without nursing. Every single time my daughter and I would reach our wits end with one another she would want to nurse-- instant pressure release valve. With my son nursing was an excellent time to talk about being nice. Your baby/toddler is listening while you nurse, they feel safe and loved, and bonus unable to talk back-- isn't that what you wanted out of your "lecture" anyway.

If you are done with nursing-- it is time to stop. I don't think there is a point that it is too long. There is a point that you hide it, but it is really between you and your baby. Please do not stop because you are worried about what the world around you might think.

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Breatfeeding is a relationship and our/our children's feelings/need for it comes and goes in waves. There is not magic number to stop, from a biological stand point our children nurse for much longer than we (american moms) allow. Our children recieve so many benefits from extended nursing both in physical and mental health.
My son is 2yrs old and I NEVER thought I'd be nursing as long as I have. I always had a "cut-off" date but then it came and went. I realized how much nursing ment to him and decided that WE weren't ready to stop. There are definately times when I wish he'd stop or even when it physically makes me uncomfortable but 99% of the time it is great for bot of us. I just read or speak to other nursing moms of toddlers when I am down about the subject. Knowing that it is normal to have mixed feeling sometimes always helps.

Happy Mothering,
L.

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The comment about breast feeding for longer than 12 months causing diabetes is just wrong and uninformed. (I've cited some studies below, in case anyone is concerned about it)

As far as weaning, when you feel that the two of you are done, then it's the right time. No one else's opinion matters. My boys weaned at about 14 months for the older one, and 15 months for the younger one. It happened naturally over a month or two as I first cut out the feedings that they didn't seem to need any more. The last to go for both boys were feedings before naps and bed time, because of the snuggle factor. I found that if I rocked them in my rocking chair with their favorite bear and a good book (I had a great book of kids poetry all about bugs, frogs, etc. called "Hey Bug!"), they didn't even miss the nursing. What they were looking for at that point was that special quiet time alone with me. They're now 7 & 10, and we still curl up before bed time and read a book together as often as we get a chance, although now they take turns reading (currently the new Eragon book), and I think all of that early time spent reading has contributed to both of them loving to read. My 10 yr old recently had to find a poem to share in class at school, and was complaining that he hated poetry, but when I brought out the "Hey Bug!" book, he lit up and said, "Oh, I remember that book!", and had a blast flipping through it and reading the poems again for himself.

Here are those links:
http://archpedi.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/156/7/6...
This one may have been where someone who doesn't know how to read a study got the impression that breast feeding for over 12 months causes Diabetes. Where it says "...breastfeeding longer than 12 months (OR, 0.24; 95% CI, 0.13-0.99) as significant independent predictors of diabetic status" in the study, that isn't saying that it causes diabetes, it is saying that breast feeding for longer than 12 months is a predictor of diabetes STATUS (as in... breast feeding for longer than 12 months was shown to be associated with participants in the study NOT having Type 2 diabetes), not that it causes diabetes. This is shown in the conclusions.

Here are more studies:
http://care.diabetesjournals.org/cgi/content/abstract/31/...
http://jhl.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/24/2/193

Here's an analysis of the results of over 1000 other studies:
http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/abstract/84/5/1043

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I'm still nursing my 21 month old... at least 3-4 times a day (and she still even wakes at night..). She is very attached to it, so I'm not sure how to stop (but am planning to in the next few months). Most countries recommend nursing until age 2. Good luck!

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I nursed my youngest until after the age of three. I tease her about probably nursing until she got a job if it was up to her!! Please research the diabetes answer! I looked it up and found several articles that say nursing can actually 1) benefit diabetic moms and 1)lower the risk of type 2 diabetes in those who were nursed. As was said earlier - you and your baby decide when it is right to wean. Jen was down to a quick nurse before bed and occasionally when she was hurt or sick by the time we quit. We did continue cuddling (often in the same position) for quite a while. That is what she missed most. Good luck and God Bless!

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A year is definately not too long, as a matter of fact it is the minimum recommended by the AAP. I nursed for 2 1/2 years, but at the end only every few days. Try weaning her at night so that you can get some sleep.

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Hi
My daughter is 18 months old and still nursing. I too thought I would breastfeed for only a year but she is just not ready to wean. I had to have a nuclear medicine study done recently and was told to to nurse her for two days afterward. It was an absolute nightmare! She was crushed and kept sobbing and refused to go to sleep. We went right back to nursing as soon as we could. I would like to have my body back but I feel her emotional health is more important. Hopefully she'll be ready by the time she's two!

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Hi there.
You have gotten a ton great advise. I had planned to nurse my son till at least his first birthday and he is now 17months and going strong. There are days where I feel so ready to be done but I know he isn't ready, he is still very attached. So I am taking ques from him to see when he is ready to ween. If you are able to keep going I would suggest to continue. Maybe try to night ween first and see how that goes.
Good Luck!

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WOW- I just looked at your responses and they would make me feel bad. From a practical standpoint, I would breast feed until she is at least 12 months like you are now. The reason being is that formula is expensive and you would have to switch to that for at least a month. Both of my kids weaned themselves at 14 and 13 months. We switched to food and cows milk via bottle or sippy. They handled it pretty well. You would never know by looking at them when they were weaned. They are healthy happy individuals.
I am sure you are ready to sleep throught the night and your daughter is truly capable of doing that as well. Does she sleep with you? I had a rule once my kids showed me they could sleep several hours without eating that the "drinking fountain" was closed from midnight til 5 and my husband would have to take care of them during that time. Definitely do the night weaning when you are ready. Quit the daytime feeding when you (or she) is ready. I have friends who have had to resort to turtle neck dresses during the day to wean their older children. The weaning seems more natural and easier for both of you before your kid can really voice an opinion and is more likely to "go with the flow." Good luck, And remember you are the best Mom for your daughter! You're doing great! S.

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Oh, C. - on this subject, you are going to get answers ranging all over the board until you are so confused you don't remember what the question was. Always go with the gut and what's right for your body and family.

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Back in 2000, I saw a WHO study that said the average length of nursing, worldwide, was 4.25 YEARS.

America obviously has some different thoughts about that, but I just offer it as a shift-thought.

I weaned my first too early for her at 22 months, my second at something like 18 (by his choice), my third at 20? (she was ready but I made the choice), and my fourth weaned himself at 14 months, no thank you mom I'm done.

Watch your baby and what she needs and wants. Meet her needs, but decide if her wants are balancing well with your needs, figure out a gentle way to bring them into balance.

Good luck.

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I nursed my one and only daughter for 22 months. At the end she would only nurse to go to sleep. (and for comfort during the day if she had an "owie".) I suspected she was not actually getting much milk, but enjoyed the time spent. So one night I suggested we read a story instead of nursing. She was fine with that and she never looked back! The new ritual I think was the key.
Good luck in finding what works for you. Just a side note about the previous response about nursing over a year causing diabetes, I have NEVER heard anything about that EVER, and I hope you don't take too much stock in that comment. I have friends who were nursed 2-4 years (adults now, who have nursed their babies 2-3 years as well) and they are healthy as can be.

I also thought I would nurse my son for a year and be done. However, when he turned one, I just didn't "feel" he was ready to be done. I did cut-back nursing considerably during the day and gave him fruit and yogurt smoothies instead as a distraction. By the time he was 18 months, I was only nursing him before bed and during the night. He just turned two and I have now weaned him completely. He resisted a bit, but it was surprisingly easier than I expected. I started giving him a sippy cup of milk before bed to replace that feeding. He accepted that pretty easily. The harder part was the mid-night wakings. I refused to give him a substitute during the night because I did not want to have something else to wean him off of later. I'd say it was about a week or two of angry wake-ups in the middle of the night demanding "mommy's milk". But, suprisingly enough, when I said "mommy's milk is all gone" and comforted him, he fell back to sleep quite quickly ( probably within five minutes). So, overall, it really wasn't too bad and I think he was ready, even though he didn't want to admit it!

I am a Mom of 3 kids. I nursed each one until 1 year (almost exactly). It was a good time to wean (for us). It wasn't too big of a deal at that age. I think if we would have weaned later.....they would have been very upset about it. But as it was they got all the healthy benefits for a whole year and now have no memory of the weaning process. By 1 year old they were really only nursing a couple times a day. (usually to go to sleep) So I cut the day time nursing out first (replaced it with books, cuddles, bottles if you have to) and then took the night time nursing out last. They all did just fine. Good luck! R.

C.- I had to respond because I saw one of the responses to your request and I was a little concerned. I have never read, and would be very surprised to hear that if you nurse for more than 12 months your child has a higher risk of diabetes. I would risk saying that the opposite is true. Mama milk is what children need! It's sweet, but full of nutrients, and I have never heard of it causing a "sweet tooth" either. Please, do your own research on that before you believe it. Doctors reccommend nursing a lot longer than 12 months, but our society has such a hard time with nursing mothers that we wean early. Like it has already been pointed out, a lot of other countries nurse until 2 and 3 years old!
I personally nursed my son until he was about 18 months, and then he was done. And he still will walk up to me and kiss my breast and say, "I like your boob mommy!" cracks me up.
Listen to your body, and watch your baby, she will let you know when she is done. (and please don't believe that there are any health risks with nursing, that's simply not true)
Good luck mama! L.

Hi C.,
I would say to listen to your mom's instincts. The studies show that kids that were nursed more than 12 months are more alike to get diabetes. Actually they develop a "sweet tooth" as mommies milk is very sweet and you might have problems later with the solids. At the same time they say the cow's products are bad for humans, so after weaning her you might struggle with food choices and diet supplements. I was nursed until 2.5 and I have no diabetes but definitely have a "sweet tooth" and teeth problems. And my son weaned him-self at 5 months when he discovered that with the bottle he didn't have to work that hard to eat. And, yes, I pumped for a while until all the process turned into a nightmare and I had to give up the effort. I would say, listen to your mom's instincts or just leave that decision to your little treasure. There are so many prons and cons out there that you would never know if you made the right choice. Good luck!

I let my oldest (at 10 mos.) and youngest (at 14 mos.) tell me when they were done. I weaned my middle child at 12 months because I found out I was pregnant again and I was just too exhausted.
You'll know the signs. They are not asking for it and are uninterested while nursing. This may be her way of having her mommy time with you, but if you feel ready to be done, and I understand that (I recall feeling as though my body didn't really belong to ME, but to the baby), then you can gradually begin to just cuddle her at those times, rather than nursing. Will she take a pacifier?
You can start by just cutting out one nursing at a time, very gradually so she doesn't feel like you are stopping cold-turkey. Get it down to just once a day and maybe you'll be happy with that arrangement for awhile.

There are no rules to this. Follow your instincts.

I'm still nursing my 15 month old and have no plans to wean anytime soon. Even if she's just enjoying the mama time, is there harm in that? There's a TON of literature listing the benefits of breastfeeding for at least a year so I really encourage you to stick through it until she's at least one. You can also let her decide when to wean if you're willing to let her. There's no reason a child needs to be forced to wean, at any age. As long as it's still working for both of you, stick with it! It sounds like it's not working so well for you anymore, but when weaning, it's best to do it very slowly, it may take a couple months even, but that's the gentest way to do it. Generally, the midday and morning feedings are the easiest to stop and the bedtime and overnight ones hang on longer.

Kudos to you, C.! I think everyone should nurse for at least a year. Having said that, I don't think your baby NEEDS to nurse throughout the night, especially since it sounds like she has a good diet throughout the day. It always amazes me when I hear about children who don't sleep through the night past 4-6 mos. But that's just me.
If you really feel the time is nearing, if it were me, I'd first cut out the during-the-night feedings. Your child will probably let you know about this, too. She may have a different feeling about this 'timing thing'. Mine quit pretty much on their own: #1-12mos. to the day, #2-17mos.-could've quit sooner, 16 1/4 or 16 3/4 mos. was harder to write in the baby book (took too much space and I was limited on space), #3-14mos.
Good luck

These articles talk about the lower risk of diabetes for breast fed children. Since diabetes runs in my family I wanted to check out any links between diabetes and breast feeding.

http://diabetes.webmd.com/news/20061116/breastfeeding-may...

http://www.earticlesonline.com/Article/Breastfeeding-And-...

C. - As far as when to stop, do it when you are ready. I would try to cut out the night feedings 1st and see how you feel after that.

i thought i would wean my son at 1 year also. it turned out that i waited until he was 16 months old. it was one of the best choices iv made because he got his mama time and when we decided to stop it was easy. he never cried or asked for it. we were both ready and it made it that much easier. i was worried about how i would get himt o sleep without nursing so i replaced rocking him and nursing with rocking him and saying prayers. we always read to him at night so that didnt change anything but if you dont read maybe when your both ready to stop nursing then you can replace it with a book or something.

I nursed until my daughter was 2 1/2. By the end of it we were down to once a day. Everyone else seemmed to have an idea of how long I should nurse, but I remain convinced each family is unique. The day my daughter did not ask to nurse was the day we started weaning.
it was several days in before she noticed. She cried that night and maybe the next. All in all it was quite smooth.

Hi C.. I think the first thing i want to tell you is that when you do decide to wean, you have to go it COLD TURKEY. I weaned both of my babies at one year, they were still feeding too, but I thought the time had come and I knew they'd be getting their nutrition from the other things, and i watched my mom breastfeed two of my siblings until they were almost 3!! lol that wasnt happening to me! Anyway, If your husband could help that's going to be greatly needed. My husband would take the baby at night and bottle feed away from mommy. She will probably be upset and scream and cry, but it should only be that way for a few nights. Just cover your ears and let daddy do the work.. :) Good luck!

i nursed mine for 2-1/2 and 4-1/2 years, until they were ready to wean, and i am so glad i did! they are now parents and their children are breastfeeding well into toddlerhood. i think child=led weaning is by far the best way to go, breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition (which in itself is a very good reason to nurse until at least 2). the closeness is so important and will give her a gift that will last a lifetime in terms of feeling secure and having good relationships. la leche league has some good books and information, such as mothering your nursing toddler and how weaning happens. and it is possible to nurse less at night, while still cosleeping, if that is a problem for you. keep up the good work!

My opinion is that 18-24 months is the earliest that a person should wean. Babies get up to 40% of their nutrition from breast milk until age 2, then the percentage starts to drop. If you have to stop nursing and start giving cow's milk or formula then it's too early to wean. I nursed my son until he was 3, which was a perfect time for both of us to stop.

I know a lot of people have strong opinions about breast feeding. I will just tell you my experience. I think when you feel ready, that is the right time to ween. Your child is almost one which means you can begin to introduce milk. I would mix it with breast milk for a while to help introduce the taste. As far as taking away the breast, I would start by trying to comfort her back to sleep with out feeding, and then work on days. I weened my boys at 3 months. They are healthy, happy children. They have strong immune systems, hardly ever get sick, have never had an ear infection, and have no sign of diabetes. As far as I am concerned saying that not breast feeding will cause sickly kids is just a scare tactic to try to guilt woman who do not wish to breast feed in to changing their minds.

That is great you've made it through the first year. It's also good you are considering your dd's feelings too. If she's not ready it may be easier to extend weaning a little longer.

There's a LLL book called Mothering your Nursing Toddler that maybe good info for you, they do talk about weaning.

I am still nursing my 2.5 year old and pregnant with the second. Nursing past a year has been great especially through the rest of teething and all the colds she got in that second year. It was nice to know I could comfort her so easily.

Also check out http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html

HTH

I nursed my son 3 times per day until he was 17 months old. I nursed him in the morning when he woke, around noon and at night before bed...never in the middle of the night after he was 9 months or so. I figured it would take a month to week. I took away noon feeding first. Then the nightime feeding a few weeks later. The next morning I went to nurse him and he wasn't interested anymore...so we went down and I gave him breakfast. I was glad that he chose to stop on his own with a little help from me.

There is no reason to give up nursing because you reach the minimum...it should be based on your lifestyle and your child.

I would start by cutting out one feeding per week and by the time she is one she will be weaned. Good luck!!!

Hello C.,

Have you thought about why it is you've always thought you would wean your child by age one? Is that the social norm around you? Do you know that the World Health Organization recommends nursing till at least age two and beyond? Here is a link on nutrition you may want to read that may help you make an informed decision: http://www.babyreference.com/BEYONDBREASTMILK.html
Also, child-led weaning is another option worth considering.

I believe the decision to wean should be entirely between a mother and her child. I also believe in making informed decisions. Good luck to you!