We are planning, with the help of our grown kids, a wedding vow renewal next Fall. So there will be a ceremony plus a reception. I have discussed this with a few friends and have been asked by them where we are planning on registering for gifts so they can get an idea of what to give us. I brought this up to my husband and he was appalled saying it wasn't appropriate to give or get gifts for an anniversary party. I know that if I were going to someone's anniversary party I would bring a gift but then I'm one of those people who at least bring a bottle of wine to each dinner invite. So I came online to see what the proper etiquette is and found it totally divided. I can find webpages that support the giving of gifts and sites that support not giving gifts. Even Miss Manners says not to bring a gift if the couple has stated no gifts on the invitation and that if you do bring a gift that you shouldn't expect it to be opened in front of others. So that was no help at all. What I'm worried about is friends who, even if we put no gifts on the invitation, would bring a gift anyways and our other friends who respected the "no gifts" part and thus didnt' bring one feeling badly that they didn't bring one. I wasn't even thinking of a registry till two of my friends asked in the same day. What I'm thinking about is registering and then only saying something to those who ask if we are registered after stating that they have no need to get us anything but not announcing in anyway formally that we are registered and then let people bring or not bring gifts if that is what they choose. Does this sound like a good idea to you all? Input would be wonderful.
thanx!
I wouldn't register and I would put on the invitation something like No Gifts... Cards only. I think it would be nice to have cards to remember this occasion by. After my first marriage went south, and I remarried, we asked for no gifts, only cards. Some people will give you gifts and I would say to put them aside where no one can see and open them later.
Good friends/family may want to get you something. Let them! And I like the previous advice of tucking those away to be opened later, so that folks who simply come to celebrate with you do not feel as though they've done something wrong. For the masses...no registry! "No gifts, please" would be the proper statement on the invite.
Here are some other tasteful ways I've seen this handled
1. Choose a charity to be the benefactor of your celebrants generosity. In lieu of gifts, please consider giving a donation to (xyz charity) in our honor. OR
2. Have your children send out the invites. Have them request small, optional monetary donations for a "money tree" intended to send you on a mini "2nd honeymoon"
3. Depending on the timing in the Fall consider collecting school supplies for needy children or food for Holiday food baskets or toys for tots, etc.
4. Tell your guests that a scrapbook will be on hand. Tell them their "gift" to you would be a (or some) family photo(s) that you can put into a memory book. Provide materials at a table and, instead of signing a typical "guest book" each guest would construct a scrapbook page for you. They can be encouraged to answer simple questions: how they met you, how long they've known you, their favorite memory of time spent with you, etc.
I think you should register, its only polite to the people who do want to get you a gift. People don't want to buy you something you don't need or want.
I say register, and print where you are registered on the invitations with the caption "Gifts NOT required" underneath. Don't expect gifts and don't open them in front of others, but accept them from those who want to bless you.
Yes! Register! People who are going to the celebration are people who love you and will want to purchase you a gift that you need and will enjoy - and for those who feel differently, they can choose their own gift. Cheers and congratulations!
Looks like the responses here are just as split at the websites you looked at.
I vote with the "Your Presence is your present" crowd.
I like Joanne's ideas of some other ways people can show their love for you-really who with grown kids needs more "stuff"?
You can ask people to bring a optional "momento" of their favorite thing about you guys as a couple/family. For some it may be a photo of a past event, for others a story they can write down, for others it may be a gift card to a restaraunt you like to eat at, or a bottle of your favorite wine-it lets people be creative and thoughtful, and leaves the option to them how much of a gift it is.
Vows and reception sounds pretty formal-no one expects their gifts to be opened at a wedding.
Glad to hear people with grown children are still in love enough to throw such a gig-the most important thing is for you 2 to enjoy it.
Personally, I would not expect gifts. This is a celebration of your anniversary not a weddng. And, what could you possibly need after years of marriage? I have given 2 large parties for adult family members over the past few years and put "no gifts please" on the invites. Some people chose to bring a small gift anyway - most brought cards, which was great.
I think that is the BEST idea. That is proper etiquette for registering for gifts. Register, and let that get around by word of mouth (meaning only when someone asks). For the love of all things holy, PLEASE do NOT put a registry card in the invite, nor should you print on the invite where you are registered. (This goes for new brides as well--it is TACKY!).
Sounds like you did your research!
Best wishes with your vow renewal!
I'm with your husband- I think registering for anything other than a first marriage or a first child is tacky.
If friends are asking you what you would like- then they don't know you well enough to know what you would like...what about gift certificates for a night out or something to that effect... just don't register!
