G.W. asks from Dunkirk, IN on January 16, 2008
To Much Phone
I have a 15 yr old son named Jakebb. form the time he gets home until he gos to bed he is on the phone or the computer. He has good grades. but it seems like he is talking way to much with his girlfeind.What should I do. none of my other kids did this.
So What Happened?™
Hi everyone. Thanks for the good advice. I started having him get off an hour befor bed time and no phone at the dinner table, and one hour of family time. he got mad at first but by the end of the night he was fine. I like his girlfeind but she dose live about 30 miles from the house so he only gets to see her on the week ends when his Dad can take him. Thanks everyone.
J.H. answers from Chicago on January 17, 2008
He may feel that she's the only one he can speak too.If he does his homework, gets good grades, and isn't doing anything on the computor that he's not sopose too, have him get a parttime job to split the phone bill. A job will give him less free-time for the phone, the girl, and the computor.
Elk Grove Village, Il
D.K. answers from Indianapolis on January 17, 2008
Just like with other things, there need to be BOUNDARIES and limitations. Set LIMITS and stick to them. If he is BORED..give him things to occupy his mind & body to help around the house. He's not a guest at a hotel.
I'm assuming (knowing how my youngest brother had everything handed to him and being the youngest got by with all kinds of stuff I didn't as the oldest)that he has gotten by with far too much for far too long. You may have to gradually tighten up the reins, but if you don't, he'll think he can go to work and talk all day and play games on the computer and there are no consequences.
MAKE & STICK TO CONSEQUENCES for talking on the phone outside those guidelines and boundaries. Otherwise, what's the point? Don't make it chores...but rather helping a neighbor, grandma, a church, etc. LESS PHONE TIME THE FOLLOWING WEEK, etc. Things that will make him think but on the other hand....maybe something that will help him develop into a GOOD UPSTANDING HELPFUL CITIZEN.
Life is about BALANCE and being able to balance that. The older you get the MORE you need those skills. What other hobbies does he have? If he doesn't have one.......do one or find one.....experiement and experience with DAD or another sibling or neighbor or cousin. CREATE family time. Take an archery class, painting class or something that they can "do something they've never done" and get some experience.
T.S. answers from Chicago on January 16, 2008
I was the SAME way with my first boyfriend at hmmm, 15! We would sit on the phone and fall asleep talking. I didn't have internet or a cell phone but my mom ended up getting us our own phone line (my sister and I) in our shared room. Then my sister got a boyfriend and oh boy, was there fighting! Anyway, my mom gave us this freedom but she regulated when we could use it and such.
The bottom line is that if you aren't comfortable with it then you have the right to put some limitations on it. I'm not saying to tell him he can't do it at all, but all night? That's a little too much IMHO. At 15, I doubt the cell phone or internet service is in his name or that he is paying the bill...YKWIM?
M.R. answers from Chicago on January 16, 2008
Limit the phone and computer time. I'm going to guess that you are paying the bill for both, so you have control over it. Is the computer in a public space? It should be - with all the junk kids can find on the internet, you definitely want to monitor (not micromanage and oversee everything though) what your son is doing.
C.K. answers from Chicago on January 16, 2008
I really wouldn't worry, unless he's racking up a huge phone or internet bill. If he is still able to maintain good grades, than you have a lot to be thankful for. Many kids his age are out doing a lot worse things than talking on the phone. It's the age, and will get better eventually. As long as he's not tying up the line for your use, or not responding when you request his assistance, than I'd say this is not a battle necessary to fight with him. It's teenagers and I remember doing the same thing at his age, though I was allowing it to affect my school work etc.... So you're pretty lucky with him.
D.T. answers from Indianapolis on January 17, 2008
D.T. answers from Muncie on January 16, 2008
You can try sitting him down and talking to him. Ask him to cut down a bit and work with him to fine times when he can use the phone and computer. If worse comes to worse make him pay the phone bill or at least the portion that's from his calls. Phone bills are usually broken up to where you can find his calls and add up the amounts to find out what he owes. If he can't pay in cash, then get him to pay in chores. I hope this helps. Good luck.
M.N. answers from Chicago on January 17, 2008
Our rule ges like this...The amount of time you spend doing your homework without interuption is the amount of time you can be on the computer. Our 14 year old is also on the phone with his girlfriend a lot which is so odd for him. We allow some time but when we want him off we ask him to get of of the phone and to watch tv or do something with us. He doesn't always want to and he gives the same teenage response but in the end it's fine. This is a normal teenage thing. My parents said I had the phone attached to my ear at all times when I was his age. Have you met his girlfriend? Or her parents? We have met her and her parents. Our son is also in bed by 9:30. He crabs about it and compares everyone else bed times if they even have one but life goes on. It sounds like your son is a good kid. If he has the grades and talking to her over the phone is something you can monitor I think it should be ok. Explain to him about not being on the phone all the time and set some limits but don't set to many or he may rebel.
K.W. answers from Indianapolis on January 17, 2008
I have a 16 yr old and when she first got interested in boys, we set time limits on phone calls, etc. It has nothing to do with grades or anything like that, it's just her being available to be a part of the family. You're the mom, so you can set limits. When he does talk with her, I would give him his privacy, but limit it to whatever you think is all right. We did take her cellphone away as punishment when she didn't follow the rules. After that, there wasn't a problem!