To Move or Not to Move - Cordova,TN

You want to be near your family, he wants to be near his family...so take the family out of the decision. Focus on other reasons why a move would be good or bad. Job opportunities, health, educational opportunities, lifestyle, etc. Good luck.

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I would not base this decision solely on who lives there. His brother could move again in a heartbeat.

Can your husband or you get a better job in Florida? What is the housing market like? Will you be able to sell your home in Memphis and get a comparable sized one in Florida? How are the schools? I would get all those things figured out before any decision is made.

I would definitely not just uproot my family to live near someone I like.

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Do not move without a job! The economy in FL is awful, schools are not great (there are some exceptions but many, many kids are in private schools) and we have hurricanes!

I can see your dilemna but to me in this economy it is all about the jobs and then about the quality of life.

C.

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I told hubby when we got married I was staying put. He was in the Navy where my family lives and I will not move away from my family unless I HAVE to. I love my kids growing up with them and I won't take that from them. I grew up in the military so I need my family for comfort too. That being said, if you're considering it, why not go for a couple of weeks and see how you like the area, how your daughter kives it, how your husband really likes it...then judge it from there?

If it were me - no way. But all people are different :). It's kind of you to consider it at least!

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I live 400 miles away from my parents, and my husband's parents live 1500 miles away. My sister lives within an hour drive, but they are so busy with their own lives & businesses that we very rarely see them (I end up seeing my family from Minnesota more often than my Chicago sister).

If I could convince my husband to move to MN, I'd do it in a heartbeat! There's no substitue, in my opinion, for good grandparents. I have a HUGE family in MN, and tons of friends. We spend thousands and thousands of dollars every year on child care, but we wouldn't have to spend a dime if we were near my parents.

On the other hand--Jacksonville is a very up and coming city. Their port is expanding, the infrastructure in the area is pretty darn new, housing is cheap (at least relative to Chicago), and the outlook for jobs derived from the port (warehousing, transportation, etc) is quite good. My husband has family there, and we are considering buying a vacation home there, but I don't know if I could ever LIVE there year round--I'm a big city girl.

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Growing up we moved every three years with my dad's job. Since your SIL is the one whose job required the move, what happens when she get another opportunity and they move again? Will you and your family be following them? If the only reason to move is to be near his brother and family, I'm sorry that isn't enough.

If he is serious, then he needs to secure a new position prior to moving. Moving without a job is irresponsible and just plain dumb. He needs to focus his energy on you and HIS family (your kids!). Good luck!

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These questions break my heart. But there is a fair way to handle things. Your brother in law created this situation. I don't see why you should have to be torn away from your family because of a situation that was not created by your job or your husbands job or any other reason related to you.

I'm sorry for your husband. This is not an uncommon dilemma. We moved to California for 5 years. Our oldest decided last minute to stay here. I grieved over her the entire time...not seriously grieving, but worried over her. I hated that she was on the outside looking in. She had her reasons and I knew she was young and naive when she decided to stay. 4 years later, the economy and a forced job loss brought us back home. Our then 18 year old and 2nd daughter STAYED in San Diego! UGH. I couldn't blame her. But here she is, 6.5 years later and she's still there. She is not married. She's not serious with anyone. She's old enough now to evaluate her life. She complains constantly about missing us. And yet she never comes for a visit until one of us buys her tickets or pays half.

I know that when her kids come a long in the future, she'll feel slighted that I am not as close and don't go running out there to visit. It bothers her now that I don't visit each year. I don't have the time. I have only managed one visit. I don't have the money. I had to put that one on a credit card and with everything maxed out, I didn't have anything to spend while there. Although I hope to change it before she gets married and has kids, SHE made this situation.

People should think long and hard before they decide to move. It always means leaving people behind. This is why I LIKE facebook. Sometimes it's all we have. I would hardly know my daughter at all without it. I'm really fortunate that she takes dozens of pictures every week and posts them all and talks constantly facebook about her life. I get to talk with her friends too. Even the friends I don't know and never met will talk to me sometimes.

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I know you love your family but you are not married to them. One of my best friends met and married her husband in Kansas City, Kansas. He was from New Jersey and he was longing to return to his roots. It broke her heart but she moved with her husband and young family. They are still here in New Jersey and have been here for about 20 years. It wasn't the end of her world. Now her family is mostly here in the east coast within driving distance.

Jacksonville is wonderful and Disney is only a 2 hour drive away. Florida has no state tax and is very affordable but that is relative. My husband moved from Jacksonville back to New Jersey. He was laid off from his job, wanted to come back to NJ to marry me, and couldn't find employment in Jacksonville in his field.

To move first things would have to be first. Where is your husband going to work? What will the family do for income? Where will you live? How much will it cost? What schools will your kids need to go to?

If he is serious about moving instead of it being just a wish well spoken, I would suggest he seriously start looking for employment. That would be a great place for him to start. Tennessee isn't that far from Florida especially Jacksonville.

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If you or your husband has a job there - fine. If not - I would not move until a job was obtained.

My cousin lives in Jacksonville and has for 12 years and LOVES LOVES LOVES it. She is from Montana and misses the snow in the winter but is VERY happy in Florida.

I'm a military brat. I've moved my whole life so I never grew up with real (blood) family near me. This is the longest I have ever been in one place. urgh. My parents live 3K miles away as do my sister and brother. My father in law lives 500 miles away (MIL is deceased). Husband has one sister that lives near father and one in the South.

i would try to find a compromise. I would also go to visit before making my mind up....however I would state there is NO MOVE until a job is obtained. You both want to live next or near to YOUR family. And since his brother moved, you can't have it both ways.

you can go visit your family. It's an 11 hour drive from Memphis to Jax. There are MANY options. You have to want this too. Communicate with your husband about this...it's not just about you - it's about him too. i get the living close to family thing. I would love that. But I know it's not happening for me...I couldn't move back to California...it's not the same California I left years ago.

You will NEVER know unless you try. Go visit. Go see what Jax has to offer. Then find out if there is job potential there for your husband. If so - let him try for a job. If he gets one - GREAT! If not - then it wasn't meant to be.

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It seriously depends on the work situation. No matter how much he wants to move or how much you want to stay. If there are no jobs there is no move. If he can take a vacation to the area he wants to be in and fill out some applications and stuff, just to see if he has any nibbles then perhaps that will tell him what he needs to know.

Also, the cost of living is what, double?, in Florida? He would have to take that into consideration too, if you can't afford housing on a new salary then that would nix the idea too.

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I live in Memphis( life long) too, but am lucky my husband does not hate it. He is from MA and the cost of living is so high there, he is happy to take the good with the bad here. One thing we do to make it work is take all our trips to see his family which is all along the east coast. His parents are much more available than mine ( my father has died and my mom is 85!) so we really miss out on those free nights out. All my pals live her but we mostly hang with my son's friends parents.

It has been my experience that with kids it is easier to find a network of friends. However it may take a while so patience would be needed if you move. I would not minding moving away to give my kids a new experience. But on the other hand, I am more hopeful about Memphis than I have been in along time. Exposing my kids to different communities and different cities have been very helpful. Where ever you are, You are HOME. Good luck!

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We moved last year, but hubby and I both wanted to live here. My hubby works from home so his job wasn't an issue. I do miss my family and we keep in touch all the time, but I was never in a situation that I urgently needed them. I have made friends here that I know (and trust) will help out in an emergency.
There are a lot of things to consider when moving to another state. The first would be a job. And that the only family nearby would be his brother. I would sit down with your hubby and go over the pros and cons about moving. I am sure he misses his brother, but would it be beneficial to move your family there too?

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Yikes, that's a hard one. I'm so lucky that my hubby's family is all out of state and he moved away from them when he was 20. My mom lives a mile from me and when my grandparents were still alive, I could not IMAGINE living away from my family (I'm an only child). That being said, I'm sure your hubby feels the same way. He wants to be by his family and you want to be by yours and unfortunately, they are not close by!!! It seems like you are more established where you are now. As far as supportive family goes, but what about financially? You didn't say anything about that. Does your hubby have a good job now? Would he be able to get the same or better in FL? I think that would determine it for me. I think I would stay where I am and go on vacation to visit FL when you can. Just talk to hubby and list out the pros and cons and see where the chips fall. In this economy, I think it would be a little scary to risk a move...good luck!!!

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If the sole reason he wants to move to Florida is to be near his brother, personally that would not be enough for me. Why does he hate living where you are now? What would be different in Florida? It sounds like there's something else underlying his unhappiness, and unless that is solved, he's not gonna be happy anywhere. And if he can't be happy unless he's close to his brother, then that's a problem he needs to work on. His primary relationship should be with you. What's he going to do for work? Can you handle the moving expenses? What happens if his brother's family moves? Are you going to follow him around the country? You and your husband need to sit down, develop some short and long-term goals for your family (meaning you, hubby and kids) and come up with a plan on how to reach those goals. Then decide what impact moving to Florida will have on those goals. Also, what impact will moving to Florida have on you and the kids? Is your hubby really willing to take you and your daughter away from all of your relationships there, for the sole sake of his relationship with his brother? What are some changes your husband can make so he can be happier in TN? Make some friends, get a hobby? Also, see if you can develop a schedule for visits between the brothers so your husband has those times to look forward to and it doesn't feel like it'll be forever until he's able to see him again. It doesn't have to be the whole family either, sometimes he can go solo, and sometimes his brother can come visit him. I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle here, so I hope this is helpful.

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In your situation I would not uproot my family for FL (and I live in Florida and love it) without a good reason.

There's something to be said for stability for children.

take a look at it from his view...

switch the rolls, your family moved away and you were only left with his family that he is really close to and your kids love dearly. Would you want to move closer to your family and be ok leaving his?

I'm sure you would by how close you are, that's how your husband is feeling. Its hard on him, with good reason.

I don't know if I would move or not if I was in your shoes. It would be hard to do.

I would suggest writing it all out. Both of you do your own lists... on one paper put all the positives that could/ will come out of it. On another put all of the negitives. Then compair and talk about the ones that are different ( I have a feeling that they will be the exact oppisite) and try to meet in the middle with it. maybe you will realize that there is alot of good that could come out it that your not thinking of or maybe he will see why it would be the best for the family to stay put.