To Monitor or Not to Monitor Texting or MySpace

I don't know, but I'd sure like to know how it all works out! The only thing I can relate to this at all is back when I was a teenager, my mother used to read my journal. She must have been doing this in secret for a while. She finally just popped one day, not liking what she read in it. The secret was out! I never trusted her again and unfortunately, it took many, many years for me to find a journal as a good emotional tool/outlet for my life again...I seemed to always be writing as though someone were going to read it so there was no point to having it at all....so I'm a big believer in respecting privacy and all that. Of course I know My Space is a different deal...but I can't imagine having someone always listening to my phone calls, etc. I just have to wonder if there are other options...even ones that maybe you might have already dismissed as options... Well, I really would like to know how it all turns out!

1 mom found this helpful

We used to work with teens and we were scared what some of them admitted to doing and saying on the internet that their parents did not know about. I say yes to monitoring it as well as using a filter. I think it helps build a more trusting relationship if you let her know. You want her to tell you things, even when it's something you don't want to hear. Give her the same courtesy. We saw good success with the families that did these things. The kids got into much less trouble. Also, you might find that her friends will help you keep her out of trouble since they don't want you talking to their parents.

My first instinct is YES & YES! I had custody of a teen a few years ago & my god daughter is almost a teen. Myspace especially there are more predators out there that come in varieties we sometimes can't imagine. Text, not so much if your trust your child, may be the occasional check up just in case. And absolutely you should tell her & explain why. This is more then trust it's safety, but she won't trust you if you go behind her back & she will feel like you don't trust her. May be tell her you will only monitor myspace to ensure proper behavior by others & you won't monitor text unless you have a reason (aka betrayed trust). Good luck teens today give a whole new spin on safety and face challenges we never even imagined at their age.
K

Yes and Yes. It is your responsibility to make sure she is safe and careful. If she knows you are monitoring she is more likely to use those sites responsibly. As much as she may protest, it is our job to be the parent and not the friend. They will thank us someday...

A.

Z.,
Is she a good kid? You should tell her if you are going to do it. I haven't had a problem. My husband looks at all our kids my space and has a sight of his own just to keep taps on what others say to our kids and what is happening in their lives. They are all grown and on their own but it always is nice to know whatever age they are.
C. B

Here's my feeling...for what it's worth. I'm a social networking geek and frankly I will monitor everything my kids do on the net. Kids are funny, they see "safety" where you and I know that all sorts of things can be going on.

I'd install everything you can, tell them you're monitoring and then monitor ocassionally. That way they know you're watching, but you don't have to be obsessed about every day conversations. I think it's a great way to make sure that they know you're watching and gives you the chance to check in ocassionally.

I think you should be monitoring your teenager on myspace. And I would let her know that you will be. It might make her be more careful of what she does/post, and I think that's ok. I wouldn't do it in a threating way though unless you've had problems in the past. But I would do it in a way that you can tell her why you're doing it... there are a lot of weird people out there, and you want to protect her, and make sure she's being appropriate... that kind of thing.

Good luck!

A. Schell
Team Leader
Bubble Goddess Bath Co.
"Natural Bath Products for Your Inner Goddess"
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Yes, monitor her and tell her you are monitoring her. Kids don't always think through what they are posting online. My cousin - who is in college - posted photos of her home and some weirdo figured out where she lived through the photos on MySpace and kept dropping by her house at all hours. You would never think just a photo of your home could give that much away, but on the website it also said what city and state and her college so apparently it was not too hard to find. As a parent, it is your responsibility to know who your kids are talking too, especially online.

I have a teenager too.. I used to simply TELL her to watch what she was saying and texting because I could see everything, if I wanted to. lol There was no way to see/read text messages then. But a few weeks ago, there was a big thing on the news about how you now can. I also have told her that she is welcome to have a email account and myspace as long as I have the password. I never have checked up on her though. Shes a great kid... but I like to keep the "oh my gosh my mom could be watching" factor into play.

At the same time, from working in a JeffoCo school, the kids see the monitoring as no trust and are going to be more apt to keep things from you. I'm not saying I agree with not monitoring, but the things I hear at school make me re-think things sometimes with my own kids.

My daughter also saw the news story on how colleges and employers are now using MySpace, Facebook etc. to check on new employees or students applying for colleges. That right there I believe, made her aware of what she writes!

M. Sanchez
AtHome America
Homestyle Specialist #33731
www.athome.com/shell

We monitor our teens' internet usage with spyware and they know that we do that. With both children, they have forgotten over time and we have discovered inapprorpiate use. In my opinion, that is a good thing because then we can talk with them about internet safety, etc.

We do not allow our teens to have Myspace accounts, and I check every so often to be sure they don't have them. At some point if they do have them, we will monitor those,t oo.

My personal belief is that as a parent, I want to know what my kids are doing and I monitor it. I also want my kids to know that I am monitoring them.

Absolutely monitor and it depends on how good of a kid she is if you should tell her. If you are worried about something she's doing or has done, you may not want to tell her only because she will find a way around it. Also, watch for other places they like to go besides MySpace. There are many different areas kids go to chat. (I've been through 2 teens, so trust me!)

If there isn't anything you are currently worried about, then I would tell her. Regardless how much they complain, you need to be the "voice of reason" and it isn't about not trusting them or their privacy - it's about keeping them safe.

Good luck!
C.

OH, one more thought, we let our older two have computers in their rooms - BIG mistake. Make sure it's in a "public" area of your home. Our younger two may have their own computers when they are old enough, but they will never be in their own rooms. :)

Yes and Yes!! Its best to be open and hosnest if you expect the same in return.