To Leave Him or Take Him Out?

Let him have fun. It is a GAME. Period. I suspect none of the kids on his team will have a professional hockey career no matter how good they are at age 7. Who cares how good he is. Also - 7 year olds are generally not so good at talking about their feelings and motivations beyond what they feel in the minute. Because - they are 7 - little kids - having fun playing a game.

In addition to the great answers below, I'd like to suggest that he try some other sports too. I think it's great when kids get to experience a range of activities, I think it adds to the idea of playing something because you like it not because you're really good at it. Maybe he can do a soccer or basketball short program in the summer?

Listen to your son and stop worrying about the "what ifs." He will let you know if/when he's not enjoying it anymore. Some kids (people) don't care about being good they just like being part of a team.
And isn't that the point after all?

He's 7, he doesn't want to quit, yet you want to encourage quitting because he doesn't "play hard"?

I guessi just don't get it

He doesn't want to quit hockey. So what if he's not the best. Jeez, if we all quit things because we weren't the best at them, none of us would ever do anything.

Don't overprotect your child. Let him play hockey. I can't believe you're trying to "talk to him about it." Talk to him about what, that he's not that good at hockey?

He's 7. Let him have fun at his sport.

He's 7, he doesn't balk at going to practice (where he should be developing skills), and he doesn't want to quit. He may be afraid of all the scrutiny, all the pressure to score/be aggressive, and he may be afraid of the collisions & body checking (which I'm sure they aren't supposed to do but the fear is there anyway). 7 year olds just aren't always that competitive - neither are a lot of 10 and 15 year olds. Leave him alone unless you think the whole environment is too negative - are the parents screaming, is the coach yelling at him, are the other kids telling him he's no good? Then I'd have a chat with the coach about a supportive environment. But no, otherwise you don't take a kid out of a program that he likes just because he isn't a top player. That totally sends the wrong message. Some kids are athletic superstars, others are just participants. It's all valuable.

Follow your son's lead in this case. Personally, I would be more concerned if he was WANTING to quit because he isn't performing as well as the others, not because he is content to just participate. His confidence can't be hurt if he doesn't measure the value of the activity for him based on his performance. As Julie F said, when and if he is ready to quit, he will tell you. Since he is enjoying the practice and doesn't care whether he is scoring goals or whatever during games, it seems like a good fit for now--and maybe in three months, he will decide he wants to do something else (like figure skating!).

Enjoy watching him have fun!

One of my kids is like this. Not all kids are aggressive in hockey. What position does he play? Maybe he could switch up positions? My non-aggressive hockey player plays defence.

Mine does well in practice also, but lacks some confidence on the rink. There's always some really good kids on a team, and my guy often defers to the better players. That's just his nature.

He's still having fun and loves being on a team, and enjoys the games and works hard. He's just not going to be one of the top players, but he's learned his position well and does a good job.

It used to bother me (I thought why isn't he playing harder?) then I realized I was just worrying for him, when really he was having fun. It's also hard sometimes to sit in the stands listening to all the parents make remarks. If that's the case, ignore them.

I would let him stay in it as long as he enjoys it. If he really isn't showing any interest or wants to stop, that's when I would take him out.

For now, could you put him in any hockey camps? that's what we did. it really helped his confidence. They have power skating ones, puck handling ones, etc. Let him pick which one he thinks would help him out.

I really wouldn't make too big a deal of it or talk to him too much about it - my little guy thought he was doing great until we asked him if he liked it. Then he was like "Why would you ask?". So we keep our mouths shut and cheer him on, as much as his brother who scores lots of goals at his games.

Just show your support. That's what is important at that age. Here there are different levels - recreational vs. competitive. Is he in the right level? Sometimes going down a level helps them to get better confidence too. Good luck :)

I would talk to the coach or google other options.

There are many kids who are not aggressive/competitive and that is okay. Sure it is cool fun to see your own child (in my case) stealing the ball and making 3 point shots in basketball, but he is not that kid.

I am guessing that in a couple of years your son will need to 'try-out' and if he is not good enough he will not make the team. When you think about it, he is very young even if there are others who out shine him. The next couple of years might be his only opportunity to play on a team, so for that reason I would let him play.

Your son says he wants to play. Let him play. When and if he gets tired of this sport, he'll likely let you know. This is the age where kids start showing an interest in a variety of different things. He may decide next year he's more interested in soccer or music lessons, or …….whatever. For now, let him play hockey.

His self-esteem won't be crushed, and he won't have confidence issues if he's not the best on the team. Think about it. In all of sports, how many people are *The Best*? If everyone who wasn't the best quit playing, there would be no teams.

Just let him play.

J. F.

I have some experience with this situation. It probably isn't a confidence issue, but just his demeanor. To be good at hockey does require being aggressive. But some kids are more comfortable hanging back and being in a support role on the ice. They are never going to be first to the puck or go take a puck away from someone.
To be honest, those kids will fall behind the more aggressive players over time. Especially if everyone is doing private lessons, camps, speed skate lessons etc. which seem to be the norm these days. So he may keep falling behind and it might be disappointing for him, like he might not get drafted for his current team next year.
But, if your son really loves it, has a supportive coach/league and you can afford it without going broke, leave him in. Every team needs some good kids with a good eye for the game and he enjoys it and gets a lot out of it even if he isn't the fastest.
I do think you should talk to the coach and possible some of the other dads or private lesson coahes who have seen him play and see what they think. If you do talk to him about it, I would praise every effort you see. If he asks about whether you think he will move up next year or be able to stay with team / get selected for travel team, etc, I would be honest and say that for kids to advance, they have to get to puck first / take puck away / skate hard / etc. But if he doesn't ask, I would simply praise effort if you see it and if you don't, just ask "did you have a fun game?". Hopefully the coach can shed some light on the situation too.

Depends on the model that his league is using...is it cross-ice, as is the current best practice for this age group per the ADM (American Development Model, what USA Hockey embraces as the developmental model for youth hockey)? If at least part of his season isn't cross-ice, look for a program that is. Is he a mite player right now on a travel team? If he is, that might just be too much for him right now...try to find a house league in your area that has 1 game and 1 practice a week, uses a cross-ice format, and focuses on fun and skills instead of winning. There are usually more beginner- and mid-level players in those programs so he won't feel like he's not keeping up with the team. Another thing to perhaps look for is a program with a shorter season. The standard August - March/April season is so, so long that it's easy to see how a little guy can get tired and burnt out. Add to it the fact that the youngest players often have the earliest ice time and it can really wear on the kids.

My three sons (ages 16, 10 & 9) and my husband all play hockey. My oldest didn't start skating until he was 10, did one round of learn-to-play hockey with 5 year olds and started playing on a C-level pee-wee team at age 11. He is now a B-level Midget player and a JV/V high school player, full-time varsity next year. His first season, he was the newest and worst player on the team but didn't mind, and got better over time.

My 10 & 9 year olds have been on skates since they were 2 and did several learn-to-skate and learn-to-play programs from ages 3-7. The older one did a cross-ice league in 1st grade, more skills and drills sessions for a couple of years, a house league last year and finally now in 5th grade is in a full-season Squirt program. Loves it.

My 9 year old didn't skate at all for the past 2 years and had no interest in doing a full season program. This year, in 3rd grade, he started a house league and loves it. He's now really ready to play and can't wait to do a Squirt season next year.

I mention my kids' experience so that you know that it's never all or nothing. I know in the world of youth hockey it seems that kids start at age 4 or 5 and never take a season off or step back, but that's just not true. If you can find a way for him to play that has a shorter season and a cross-ice game format, which is way more fun and really helps the kids develop, he might stick with it, or decide that other activities are more fun and let this drop.

For now, because you probably have another 6 weeks in his season, don't talk to him about it. At his games, be nothing but positive after - just a hug or high-five and "I love to watch you play, that was really fun to see you out there today." And then listen. If he's bothered by something, he'll bring it up. If he's happy and clueless, let him be happy and clueless. My youngest blew two huge plays in his game today, and one of them directly led to a goal for the other team (he's a defenseman and passed the puck up the middle in his own zone twice - I was horrified because it's just a stupid move and he knows better). But it's not my job to talk about that. His coach gave him some feedback immediately after and will probably work on it in practice. So I didn't bring it up at all, just gave him my "that was great, I love to watch you play" speech and we moved on with our day.

Also keep in mind that he's really young, the sport is hard and the season is long. If he isn't self-conscious about his game experience and wants to continue, let him continue. Not every kid is a super-star and that's OK. It really took my oldest a couple of seasons before he wasn't a liability on the ice and I was always so nervous when he played because I was afraid he was going to make a mistake or cost his team a play or whatever. But at the end of the day, it's just a game, and he had fun, which is what counted.

"he says he doesn't want to quit hockey"

That is your answer. If you keep bringing up taking him out you're going to convince him to quit. What confidence and fun he does find in it will end because you will have stripped it out of him. He shuts down because you're not being encouraging or supportive. Stop doing this to him.

If the time comes where he wants to try something else, he will let you know. It will be on his own terms and with his own thoughts, which is a lot better than wondering why your parents think you should quit.

Maybe he likes the skating but hates the game/team experience.
Maybe he should try figure skating.

Talk to the coach. That's what they are there for.

is showing any actual evidence of 'confidence issues'? if not, why assume he will?
if he's having fun, and doesn't want to quit, the only confidence issues he'll incur is from his parents trying to talk him into quitting.
i'd strew his path with other possibilities, and let him play hockey as long as he wants to.
khairete
S.

Sounds like my son. I think he likes to go because he likes to play with his friends. But he mostly checks out when it comes down to learning the game and staying engaged in it.

As such, we've pulled him out of most sports we've tried. He winds up running around, not listening to the coach, and basically wasting the money we spent to put him in there. And now he's getting to the age (also 7) where the other kids are starting to take it a little more seriously. It's not fair to them when my son is rolling around on the floor on the sidelines because he's tired of working on dribbling, etc....
I could take him to the playground for free for that.

We just keep trying new things to see if anything resonates with him. We've tried most of the sports, but I think we're going to move onto things like music class and building things to see if he does better with those. He just might not be a sports kid.