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20 answers

A.G. asks from Anthony, NM on July 18, 2011

To Invite or Not to Invite Husbands Brother & Family?????

My twins turn 1 next month, We are having a small party for them (mostly family) I dont know if I should extend an invite to my hubbys brother & his family or snub them like they always do to us. Long story short is the the b-i-l's wife strongly dislikes me, my husband & his entire family. They have 2year old twins and have never ever made any effort to see my kids even though they are in town about every 6 weeks. They live about 10hours from us. I would love for my kids to know all of their cousins. I mean seriously how many twins out there also have twin cousins?! My husband & I cant decide if we should just invite them or not say anything to them. What would you other mamas do? Invite them? Not invite them?
I should add that said s-i-l accused my m-i-l of not loving her grandkids and not ever wanting to see them, and if you have read any of my other posts you will see that is not even possible with my m-i-l she loves her grandkids a lot, and wants to be around them 24/7.

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So What Happened?™

Thank you for all your responses. We have gone on several occasions to visit them, they will be in town the weekend of the kids party to visit with her family. Her family lives in the same city as my inlaws...just a few blocks away from them. which is about 45min from me. I will probably extend them an invite. Im hoping that his brother comes with the kids and leaves the wife with her family, but who knows what will really happen, she will probably forbid him to go

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M.P. answers from Sacramento on July 18, 2011

Invite them - be the bigger person. Most likely, they won't show up, but at least you are not the one to blame when the kids don't know each other later......

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S.S. answers from Chicago on July 18, 2011

In families, always invite. That way there cannot be any of that 'you didn't invite me' stuff. Believe me, coming from the most dysfunctional family on earth, I know. Whine, whine...

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M.P. answers from Sacramento on July 18, 2011

Invite them - be the bigger person. Most likely, they won't show up, but at least you are not the one to blame when the kids don't know each other later......

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B.C. answers from Los Angeles on July 18, 2011

I agree with "luv my wonderful life". Invite them. If they don't show, the next time you see them, tell them you are sorry they couldn't come.

Good luck to you and yours.

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J.S. answers from Jacksonville on July 18, 2011

Invite her, they won't come. Then you look like the bigger person and she looks like the biatch.

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S.B. answers from Houston on July 18, 2011

Invite them. At least then you can say you tried.

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L.M. answers from Norfolk on July 18, 2011

Invite them. It is mostly an invitation from your children to their children. There's no reason that the drama has to transcend generations. But I agree it is unlikely they will attend, but there is no harm in extending the invitation.

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L.D. answers from Dallas on July 18, 2011

Definitely invite them. You want your kids to know their cousins. If they show up, be polite to the parents but dont get into anything, and sweet to the kids. Its a short period of time. Leave all the other problems out of it.

If they do not show up, dont worry about it. That is out of your control. You did what you could.

Have a great party!

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D.F. answers from Boston on July 18, 2011

I say invite them........they probably wont come but at least your the bigger person!

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S.S. answers from Chicago on July 18, 2011

In families, always invite. That way there cannot be any of that 'you didn't invite me' stuff. Believe me, coming from the most dysfunctional family on earth, I know. Whine, whine...

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L.M. answers from New York on July 18, 2011

Be the bigger person, invite them and try and not get stressed...

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R.D. answers from Richmond on July 18, 2011

Invite them. They probably won't come, but invite them.

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L.M. answers from Dover on July 18, 2011

Whether sil likes you or not, they are family. Invite them. They can accept or decline but either way, it will not be because you did not invite them. Be the bigger person and realize that you can't make them behave like adults, you can't make them like you, but you can set an example for your kids and welcome the opportunity to have interaction with your husband's family.

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T.V. answers from San Francisco on July 18, 2011

I would not invite them to a party because why have the DRAMA at what is supposed to be a happy occasion.

If your husband is interested in having a relationship with his brother, I would invite them for a weekend with just your immediate family and his.

Blessings....

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K.H. answers from Phoenix on July 19, 2011

We should always rise above others and set an example. Invite them , be kind and show them their attitudes do not phase you. It does not help to get revenge. "Treat others the way we want to be treated".

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C.O. answers from Washington DC on July 18, 2011

I think it's too much drama and would NOT invite them...

you don't need her approval or condescending attitude...it's supposed to be a party - not a fight....

I don't know all of my cousins...i know OF them - but I don't know them all so it's not a big deal...I personally would go without the drama and say nothing...

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J.S. answers from Hartford on July 18, 2011

It can't hurt to invite them. If they don't accept the invitation then at least that's expected behavior. If they do accept then they just might have fun in spite of themselves.

For what it's worth, I have cousins that are twins. On their mother's side, twins run very heavily so they have aunts and cousins in their extended family that are also twins.

Edit: In biology classes and child development classes in college, it was discussed that twinning can occur in families regularly. It's very common, actually. So it happens pretty frequently. :-)

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S.!. answers from Los Angeles on July 18, 2011

I say give them an invite and put the ball in their court.

Good luck!

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D.D. answers from Pittsburgh on July 18, 2011

Invite them, but expect not to show. At least you'll feel better and it will set your mind free.

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L.F. answers from San Francisco on July 18, 2011

I would invite them and give them the benefit of the doubt. You will have done the nicest thing to invite them--who knows, maybe they will want a fresh start??? It can't hurt to invite them--and not inviting them could cause even more of a rift--I would do what your heart tells you to. GL

M

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D.B. answers from Charlotte on July 18, 2011

They live 10 hours away? What? Would you consider it a snub to not invite them?

Since they don't like you, they will either laugh at your invite, or they will be pissed that you "expect" them to travel 10 hours.

I would not worry about this. And I would not invite ANYONE who lives 10 hours away to a party other than a high school graduation.

D.

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K.L. answers from Medford on July 18, 2011

Id send the invite knowing they wont come due to the fact they live too far away and dont care much for you for whatever reasons. I think for a 1 yr party, you invite local family and a couple very good friends. I have to ask tho, do you ever travel those 10 hours and go see the BIL and his twins?

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