To Hold Back My First Grader or Not?

Two things.

#1. Get her an appointment with a Psychiatrist and a Neuropsychologist. Take the evaluation data that you got from the school with you. If you do not have a full copy, complete with the subtest scores, write, do not call, but write to your school district and request a copy. A Neuropsychologist can do the evaluation that needs to be done, but take that evaluation to a Board Certified Child Psychiatrist to see if you there are any medical diagnostics to go with your educational evaluation.

Additionally, get her an appointment with both a speech therapist (for a langague evaluation, as dyslexia is a langague based issue) and an Occupational therapist (visual motor and sensory processing issues can impede writing and they are frequently comorbid with dyslexia and ADHD-ADD is really a form of ADHD, inattentive type) also get an evaluation with a developmental optomitrist, Catherine West in Spring is good, if she is still there.

The reasoning behind #1 is simple. You should never know less about your child than the school.

#2. Learn about school advocacy. www.wrightslaw.com is the best source for learing the dos and don't on how to proceed. You can read about dyslexia, ADHD, evaluation, qualifying for services, how to deal with the school effectively. Log on today, and scroll down the left side of the page. Click on "Retention." Read about why this is a very bad educational strategy. If your daughter has a high IQ then there is no reason that she should not be ahead of the curve, unless she needs to be instructed in a different way. That way needs to be identified, and her instruction needs to change; doing the same thing again is not going to help her.

Write to your school. Tell them that your have not seen satisfactory resluts from either the in class interventions or the RTI (response to intervention) program that they have been providing her. This is basicly what they have been doing, and you wish to schedule a meeting to discuss a new evaluation that will identify why your child has not made adequate yearly progress. Do not request dyslexia testing, request an evaluation of any/all contributing factors of her suspected disablity that are unknown to you, and say that you hold them responsible for evaluating all areas that they know of, or should know of. They are the experts. You do not have to share your private evalaution with them, but you will probably wish to, but you certainly do not have to tell them about your private evalatuions, nor do you, or should you, agree to postpone school evaluations. Use the evaluations to your advatage to keep the school honest.

You will not likely get all that your child needs from the school, though you can try. Find out exactly what she needs from the private evaluation, then negotiate for as much of that as you can get from the school, and provide the rest. Reading has a shelf life. You will understand this concept after you have read about retention, but she needs to get into the right kind of intervention and learn to read and write well before the focus of learning changes to reading and writing to learn, in 4th grade or so. Read about retention, especially for children with learning differences, it can very well not just be a bad choice, it could mean full scale academic and reading failure, I have seen it many times as an educational advocate, and many more kids with mild issues that, once they are held back, are always just not quite bad enough to need help at school, though you as her parent will find yourself buying it privately.

If your daughter has dyslexia, and frankly, no mater what the diagnosis is for her inablity to learn reading, all children can learn to read with an alphebet phonics, orton gillingham based reading program. You should make it your mission to get her this as soon as you can. You should also find out what else she may need to be successful, and all your answers will be in the evaluation data.

Good luck to you,
M.

4 moms found this helpful

It's obviously going to be different for every child and you've received a lot of great advice here to think about. Just to chime in on a personal note I was held back in 4th grade and the kids did know and it did bother me. I was tested with a very high IQ yada yada yada...... I was also put on medication to help with ADHD. I believe that with a little more support from my parents, teachers, tutors, etc I would of been in a much better situation than being held back and medicated.

2 moms found this helpful

considering everthing I would try the ADD thing. If your child does not have it then the meds do not work. If she does have it then it makes a drastic positive change. I would also do major reading tutoring over the summer to catch her up. Find a great reading tutor and have her go at least 2X a week.

1 mom found this helpful

Your daughter actually sounds a lot like me when I was her age. We moved several times, each to a school that was better than the previous ones. I was a late August baby and was always the youngest in my class. I'm sure I was immature for the grade (but didn't know it at the time.) I'm not "off the charts" smart, but in the low 150's, which is I was very behind as a reader. At the beginning of the second grade, the teacher told my mom that if I didn't "catch up" by the end of the year, they'd have to hold me back. She also told my mom that I would probably never be a normal reader and that I would struggle with it all my life.
Now, I'm in my late thirties and I've been a professional novelist for a decade. I love reading. I never had to skip a grade. I graduated from High School and college with honors.
So, what made a difference in my life?
My mother refused to accept that assessment of my future. She asked the teacher to help her order special reading books (this was in the 70's and they didn't have those teacher stores everywhere, so they had to be ordered through the school). She read with me from that book every day, all year long. And then we read more over the summer. By the start of third grade, I was reading at grade level. Then a couple years later, we moved again and the same thing happened all over again. And again, she fought for me.
If you don't think your daughter should repeat, then don't let her repeat. Fight for her! Look around on line and find the best summer program in your area (in Katy, I'm sure there are lots) and enroll her. If you can't afford it, find a teacher supply store and buy books yourself or go to the library and check out books on dyslexia and homeschool. If my mom could it, so can you. All my mom had in her favor was her passionate conviction that I was not "slow."
Fight for your daughter! Become her greatest advocate, you won't regret it!

1 mom found this helpful

We held my daughter back after 4th grade... she was born in August, and went to school just after she turned 5. She is very intelligent, but had problems focusing. (I think, for her, it was something where she would be working on something, and that would get her thinking about something else... and pretty soon, her mind would be a million miles away!)

She also decided that "math was too hard" and wasn't doing her work. All it was at that point, was that she hadn't memorized the multiplication tables... her intuitive understanding of math was on the 7th grade level. For her, it was the best thing we could do. She is now working on her PhD at John Hopkins University.

However, we moved right after her first 4th grade year to Texas, and she was always one of the smallest kids in the class. Holding her back at that point worked out fine... it gave her a chance to catch up socially, and no one at her school (as far as students) knew that we held her back.

I really don't know what I would do in your situation.... but I work with middle school students and it hurts to see them struggling, especially when reading skills are so important in all core classes. I see students all the time who have reading skills 2 grades below their current level. They struggle so much to read the math problems, the science book, and all of that. She really does need a good basis of reading skills to succeed in future years. Where her self-confidence is already being battered, it may get worse and set up a lot of struggles in the future.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with Mindy T. And also be aware that if she DOES have a learning disability, she might be a 2x exceptional learner (that means twice exceptional). Disabled due to a learning difference, yet at the same time gifted intelligence-wise. It happens and is not unusual at all.

If Martha is on the board today, she usually has great advice on this subject, and if she chimes in, I defer to her. ;)

1 mom found this helpful

I know some kids, my daughter's classmates, that were held back in 1st grade.
The parents had the choice. They held their child back.
It was a very good choice for them and their child.
Their child, benefited from it. In many ways, academically and emotionally as well.
Other kids did not tease them. In 1st grade, it is not a bid deal in that respect.

But it is a personal choice.

Maybe, get your daughter a Tutor?
But she should be addressed per Dyslexia.

In 2nd grade, the academic expectations, increases. And they have to become... more independent about it.
In 3rd grade, there is a marked jump, per academic expectations as well.
So, to address this now, per your child's academic ability... is wise.
Before it gets more frustrating, academically. Or not.

My daughter is in 3rd Grade. So I have seen and per talking to the teachers, know what is 'expected' in 2nd Grade and 3rd Grade and 4th Grade etc.

In 1st grade, they are hand-held more. They are young.
In 2nd grade, it is expected to be more academically independent and instinctual... about behavior and knowing the basics of reading/math etc.
Per age and per grade.

Or is it simply something, where maybe she needs Glasses???? That affects a child's learning ability too. That happened to some of my daughter's classmates. A couple of them. They needed glasses.

If she does have Dyslexia etc., then help can be gotten for her and she does not have to be, held back.
So, the point is, to find out what is holding her back or hampering her.
Then trouble shoot, that.

1 mom found this helpful

Both of my younger kids are very bright with ADD. It was much more subtle and difficult to diagnose in my daughter than my son, and it took until 4th grade before we figured it out. We took both to a pediatric neurologist who was able to help them with therapies and medications, which we used carefully and minimally. Good school districts do good testing, but going for individual tests is often necessary to make sure what you're dealing with. No one ever suggested holding either of them back, but I would hesitate to do that. If she is already the largest girl in class, that could cause issues for her.
I know you'll do what is best for her. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I would be very committed to tutoring over the summer. I was never held back in school but would imagine it would be heartbreaking. Although that is not a good reason to base your decision on, I would just get tutoring until she is caught up.

1 mom found this helpful

Your school district should be able to help with testing, ask the director of pupil services, the psychologist or someone like that. You can also see a specialist like a psychiatrist or neurologist for that kind of testing. Holding her back will NOT solve any issues if she has a learning disability. If she has any type of disability, she may qualify for special services, a 504 or an IEP plan. Just repeating the grade isn't a treatment for a disability and without any services or modifications, she isn't just going to "get it" if there's a disability so please do pursue the testing and good luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

Hello,
I had almost a similar situation, except my daughter was in the 3rd. (also in Katy isd) I really didn't feel like she was ready to move on. I had chosen to hold her back. Herdad was upset that I wanted to. She is also a twin so her sister moving on and not her would have been hard. She seemed to understand, which I think made her work harder. I am so glad the plan fell through. She has shown so much improvement. For one through her own confidence and then through hard work. I knew that every child learns differently and get things at certain pace. Which is exactly what she did.
My suggestion to you would be not to hold her back. As she keeps developing, she will amaze you even more. Just work hard with her and her teachers and she will be great.

Good Luck to her and you!

1 mom found this helpful

All I know is that in California they won't do anything for the kid unless they are two grade levels behind. So guess what? My friend who held her son back a year doesn't get the help he needs for his dyslexia because as far as they are concerned he is only one year behind. Disgusting.

1 mom found this helpful

She sounds like my 11 year old: very high IQ and mine has dyslexia and inattentive ADD. Ask your pediatrician to recommend a neuropsychologist to test her so you can understand her learning style and strenghts and weaknesses. Then with that info in hand you can request a meeting to evaluate her for an IEP. My daughter "gets" almost every topic on the first mention (so she is bored) but cannot read long boring social studies texts on her own (ADD) or write at class level (dyslexia). Spending 6 hours a day in class is torture for her. We are working with the school, with a local Masonic Learning Center that provides free Orton Gillingham dyslexia tutoring, with a therapist who specializes in Learning Disabilities, so we have a path forward. I would not hold her back since with her high IQ she will be even more bored and tune out even more (at least based on my daughter's profile, I do not know yours). Get her tested by a professional neuropsychologist, and get ready for a long road ahead since the schools in our area deny services if they can find any kind of reason. We have hired a legal advocate to help us, since the schools interpret the laws to their advantage. Good luck.
PS: things like Sylvan Learning Centers and Hooked on Phonics do not work for dyslexia. Do not waste your money.

1 mom found this helpful

Please do not hold her back now. She will forever think of herself as stupid. Because her IQ is so high by holding her back she will consider herself a failure, always.
Plus you won;t do this, but others will, they will sneer and say things, she will always be the one who "failed" first grade.
Even family will do this or they will be patronizing.

Get her help. Go to Sylvan, or Huntington, get her a tutor.
Work with her every day this summer.

Work with the school next fall. Have them give her an IEP. She has to be in the least restrictive environment and putting her in 1st again will restrict her social and emotional growth.

Please get her the help.

1 mom found this helpful

I would strongly take into consideration her social skills. If she is emotionally on the young side I would say hands down keep her back, let her build her confidence and she will blossom. If she is on the emotionally/ socially mature side let her move onto the next grade and get her some tutoring. So much of school is learning how to be with other people. Children are at school most of their day, you want her to be happy and well adjusted socially to minimize teasing.
Another option is looking into a different type of school.
I went to a waldorf school as a child. The education is much more individually based, and there is a lot of art and music. Some children aren't ready for reading and writing so young, their brains just aren't ready.
Good luck, That's a hard one. Follow your gut.

1 mom found this helpful

It seems crazy to me that the school would suggest a gifted child repeat a grade. That could lead to many problems in the future plus as you said she is big for her age. Can you get a tutor for her to catch her up. She is very bright so I would think once you figure out how she learns best she will catch up. I also suggest you google the twice exceptional child. (gifted kids that also have a disability).

1 mom found this helpful

I would get a complete psycho-educational evaluation (my personal preference is to do it privately).

In my experience learning disabilities are not remedied by staying back a grade. That doesn't make it the wrong thing to do depending on the reasons - it just may not be the "magic bullet" you are looking for as far your child's learning issues go. Those typically get worse, not better, with time unless you do some serious intervention.

We homeschooled our son to close a three year gap between his reading and math ability. He now reads on a high school level, and you would never know he had a problem. But it took TREMENDOUS testing, work, and commitment on his part and ours. We have had a specialized reading tutor for the past five years and we have also done visual training (along with many other things too long to list here).

The biggest task right now - for you - is to really hone in on exactly what her issues are so you are not spinning your wheels and wasting time & money. The sooner you get going on this the better.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

1 mom found this helpful

No, I would work with her over the Summer on her lower scoring topics and let her try to succeed. Of course if it is necessary she may have to go back anyway but she may take off this Summer and bounce forward. My husband has a very high IQ and they wanted to hold him back to first grade because he could not read. His grandmother sat every day and read to him from the scriptures and he was reading above his coming grade level by the time school started in the Fall.

If she does have disabilities they can hinder her learning all throughout school and she needs to feel 100% part of her class so she won't internalize that she's a failure.

1 mom found this helpful

Have you thought about her having learning dissablities?? Woppie Goldburge has them as other famous ppl . I also have them. I thought I was a little slow because I had a learning dissabliites. and my tests were made simpler and I went to a room filled with disabled kids for help. Years after I graduated from HS I found my folder and noted the IQ was high. I asked my mom about this being shocked. She then explained to me that I was smart and my brain worked in a fast manner that it was difficult for me to be bothered with a bunch of different questions or answers to questions. I still am fast and get very impatient. I also was one of the biggest/tallest kids in my grade. I am now 5' almost 4".

I would not hold her back. If she is struggling with self confidence already I bet that would make things worse. I think doing it on a one-to-one setting will help her more than anything else. Increase summer programs she is enrolled in or find a teacher or even a college student wanting to be a teacher to work with her over the summer.
Best Wishes!

WOW - that is a really tough decision! Usually I say go with what the teacher suggests because they know what they are going to be up against the following year. But I do like the advice from MamaMay to get her a tutor over the summer and see how she is doing a few weeks before school starts! How is she doing socially? Does she have friends in her class/grade? I think that needs to play into your decision somewhat as well. If she is not at the same maturity level (which doesn't sound like that is the case) then you may want to hold her back.

If I were you I would make an appointment with her pediatrician to discuss this. What I would definitely want would be testing done independent of the school and he can help you get set up. I have got to believe that there is more definitive testing out there than what you have had.
Because of her height I would be extremely hesitant to hold her back. Because she will look so much older than her peers people will realize that she was held and there could be a stigma attached to her. Kids and even other parents may be a little leery of her..so sad but true.

I would get her help over the summer--maybe Sylvan or similar type program. If you can't afford that, get a lot of 1st and 2nd grade workbooks (Barnes & Noble) and work with her every day (maybe 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon). Based on the info you gave, I would not hold her back--because she is gifted and big for her age. Let her start 2nd grade and see how it goes. If she is REALLY struggling in Oct, you could consider moving her back to 1st?

Go to your ped and ask for a referral to phycology that specializes in ADD. I was put through a battery of 25 tests for my ADD at age 7.

I will also say that you get her tutoring over the summer and then see if she has caught up to her classmates about 3 weeks before school... if she has not, then hold back, if she has push on.