17 answers

To Have Another or Not?

My husband and I are considering having another child. We have three children now. An 11 year old daughter (from my husbands previous marriage), a 5 year old son (from my previous marriage), and a 20 month old daughter together. Many pro's and con's come with having another baby. I am going back and forth on do I want to go through all that "baby" stuff again...I am busy as it is and then with another baby! However, I also love the idea of another baby to add to our family. We are a close family and the kids all love one another very much. We have the room in our home and I am a stay home mother, so child care is not an issue. Anyone been faced with this decision? I am not getting any younger and if we are going to committ, now is the time! Thanks!

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Featured Answers

If you are healthy and want another child, I think you should go for it if you are both in agreement! I fought with the decision whether or not to have another child at 28! We had 3 beautiful girls, and I was afraid to have another baby after 30 because of the problems all the women in my family had. I'm very glad we decided to try again. I wouldn't have my handsome son if we hadn't! Good luck!

I say go for it!!! I would love to have another one myself (I have a 5 yr old and 14 mos old, both girls and I'm 36)!!! BUT, economically, we just can't. We just bought a new house with just 3 bedrooms and I'm not moving again. I say definitely go for it!!! Good Luck!!

More Answers

It sounds to me as if you're heart is on having the baby, but you're not sure if you're going to be able to keep up after all of them. One thing to keep in mind are that your 11 and 5 year olds will be in school a lot of the time. Your eleven-year-old will also soon be reaching a very independent age. She may be able to help some, but then again, she might be off playing with her friends! (You know how teenagers are.)

Just judging from the tone of your letter, you sound as if you really do want a 4th child. And there's nothing wrong with that. You sound as if you've thought it through. I'd say go for it!

I don't think anyone can answer this question but you and your husband. I have 4 children between the ages of 5 and 8 months. It's a struggle. They test me every way possible. It's a financial challenge. But I couldn't imagine life without any of them. It would be nice for your daughter to have full brother or sister but I don't know how things are with your stepchildren so perhaps that's all she needs.

I say go for it!!! I would love to have another one myself (I have a 5 yr old and 14 mos old, both girls and I'm 36)!!! BUT, economically, we just can't. We just bought a new house with just 3 bedrooms and I'm not moving again. I say definitely go for it!!! Good Luck!!

Go with your heart! If you want another baby - go for it, everything will work out. Me, I know I only wamt the two and my husband and I agree - I just feel like these two are all I can handle. I think our spirit tells us what we can and can't handle. Good luck!!

I have four children and it was a great decision to do so. I feel that having to deal with the troublesom times of infancy is well worth it. To me, seeing a baby grow and learn is so enjoyable and facinating. I also agree that it can be hard, with all of your responsibilities. My husband is interested in having another child, but I am not ready right now, because it is stressful, even hectic, at times. Make sure the decision to have another child is a decision made together. My husband and I are 26 years of age and still have a little while to make that decision. So my advice is that if the two of you would really like to have another child together then that is the right decision. However, if you think about the future, that may be alot of grandchildren to keep up with, just teasing.:)
Have a good day,
S. N.

T.,
I just went through this dilemma. I am 38, and my youngest was 10 yrs old when I decided to have another baby. It was hard because giving up your sleep and going back to all the lugging diaper bags and all that isnt appealing when you are considering it.. but I did it and I dont regret it at all. yes.. it is hard.. and different than the other times I had babies BUT.. it is so worth it. I had the same mind-set you mentioned - I wasnt getting any younger and I knew I needed to do it now if I was going to do it and even though it was tough to go back to the hard work of raising a baby, I am smarter - more prepared and more comfortable as a new parent than I was with the other children and the bonus to all this.. having older children gives you 3 great "helpers" with the new baby!

I am 33 and a proud mother of two boys ages 4 and 16 months. We are considering a 3rd, but we are not 100% sure. I work outside of the home and so we pay a fortune in childcare. Also, both our families live in different states due to our move in the Navy. I contemplate whether we would ever be able to afford childcare or visit our families. I do love the idea of a 3rd. I love my kids. It is a hard decision and we discuss it frequently. I don't have any good advice. We are on hold at least until next summer when we will seriously consider options then. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

C. Newlun

I am a young mother of two and i cant say that ive been debating like you have but all i can say to you is that there is nothing like having a baby its the worlds greatest gift and if you want another go for it you only have one life especially if you have the space and money for the baby.

I have two children from my first marriage, which one is living. I lost my first daughter with anencephaly. She did not have a brain. I was 35 then and 3 months after I lost her, I got pregnant with my second daughter, who is now 15 years old. I was married the first time for 13 years before I got pregnant the first time. I waited a long time for my babies, which was very worthwhile for me. But now, my second marriage, my husband does not have any children of his own and I would love to have one for him, but I am 51 years old and everything on me is still intact. I can still have children but I think I'm too old to do that. After losing one and the chances of a "Downs Syndrome" baby or even worse would just devastate me. Although, I would keep it and love it just the same but I can't see my bring a child in this world at my age to have to suffer the consequences of being possibly mentally retarded or whatever. Chance of this happening are greater when you're older in life. I love children, not only my own but everyone's kids. So, you're still relatively young enough to go through it again and if I were, I would do it again. So, I say "go for it". But now, at my age, I don't think it would be in my best interest or either my baby's best interest to go through with it. The child doesn't ask to be born and I don't want it to have to live life with a handicap if I can prevent it. Whatever decision you make, God will be there for you all the way and the best of luck to you and your family. I, myself, would do it in a heartbeat if I were younger. Good Luck!

No matter what, your decision will be a good one. You already have 3 wonderful children, so even if you don't have another baby, your life will be very full and happy. On the other hand, if you have another baby, that baby will be a wonderful addition to your family. We had two and thought about it that way when trying to decide; now we have three and I can't imagine life without the third. Good luck with your decision!

We have five children and love it. We do get a lot of negative comments but we are well established as a unit and live in a big house to fit all of us. It is a lot of work but if your heart is wishing and pondering another then listen. Our oldest is 11 then 7, the twins are 3 and baby is 1 1/2. I am a stay at home mom and everyones activities keep me busy but seeing their joy in the end when they kick in the goal or earn the badge they have been working torwards makes it all worth it. I do wish you the best in this choice you and your husband are making! Good Luck!
A.

well, ask yourself this one question when you look at your family and you picture yourselves together do you feel that someone is missing? If the answer is yes then I say go for it, you will be busy no matter what and the oldest one should be able to help out and the 5 year old can do a lot on their own, and if you were to get pregnant right away your 20 month old would be 2 1/2. It is just a matter of what do you and your husband and your 3 children want. Is everyone in agreement to have another baby? you are right about the age issue you will have more risks associated with the pregnancy the older you get, and as it stands you might still be placed in a high risk category because you are over 35. You just need to decide aside from the baby thing, do you want another child and will you regret the decision if you do not have another child. Life is too short to have regrets. Good luck in your decision.

If you are healthy and want another child, I think you should go for it if you are both in agreement! I fought with the decision whether or not to have another child at 28! We had 3 beautiful girls, and I was afraid to have another baby after 30 because of the problems all the women in my family had. I'm very glad we decided to try again. I wouldn't have my handsome son if we hadn't! Good luck!

I myself have 3 children from my first marriage. I am engaged to a wonderful man who has 2 grown children. We have been talking about having one together. However, I need to have my tubes retied in order for that to happen. So, if you can have one having your tubes "normal" then I say go for it. It'll be awhile before I can even cosider it. Good luck!

I say go for it!!! I am a firm believer that if your spirit tells you that another baby is the thing to do then go for it. It sounds like you are in a perfect position to do it. If you have the ways and the means and everyone is on board, then why not?? I am a working 34 year old mother of one 18 month old son. Tried 7 years for the one I have and would LOVE to have another. It may not be in the stars for me, but more power to those who can. Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

Hmmm, I had this long post all written out, but the answer to your question is really very simple.

If you had another baby, do you feel you would regret it?

If the answer is no, then go for it. If the answer is yes or maybe, then consider this, would you want your parents to regret your birth?

Remember, it is perfectly OK to not want to have another child and it is also perfectly OK to want to have another. It is your life, your heart, your time, your decision.

Good luck.

~Take care~

If I could have more, I would. But, since my "insides" prohibit me from carrying another child to term, I cannot. I would recommend that if you are seriously considering it, DO IT! NOW! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! My ex-sis-in-law had her last baby at 41 because she debated so long about having another and the longer you wait the harder it is on your body and the riskier it is! SO, DO IT! and then post lots of pics!

~Ro~

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