December 24, 2008,
C.S. asks from Bennington, NE on December 22, 2008
To Have Another Baby or Not?????
Before we were even pregnant with my last baby my husband and I had talked about only having three kids. But now for the last few weeks all I can think of is having another baby.We had a "scare" a couple of months ago, i was three days late. I go very excited and then was disappointed. I have brought it up to my husband, during that time he was very nervous and then relieved. But for now even though he is not in agreement he is wiling to discuss it and leave the option open for now. His main reasoning for not wanting another baby are just that he thinks it would just be too much, that everytime we tried to take a vacation or buy a car we will have too many kids to do it easily. childcare expenses really aren't an issue b/c i am daycare.
I think that everything could work out just fine, we would have to adjust our lives a little but we had to do that three other times, that is just a given when you add another person to your world. I would never trick him or have an opps that wasn't really an opps, but if these feelings are real then i don't want to ignore them and always feel like something is missing.
I guess my question is had anyone dealt with this, was it just a phase becaue the baby wasnt' much of a baby anymore or were yours real feelings. My husband thinks that if we had another baby that i will just want another baby again when the maybe baby grows up but I know I would never want 5 kids. I don't want to just have kids around i want to be able to give enough to each of them financially and emotionally so that they can thrive.
J.S. answers from Davenport on December 23, 2008
I have 3 kids, always wanted 4...my husband did not. I think an even number is a better situation. We have found different times where another kid would have been nice. There always seems to be one kid out, while the other 2 are doing something together. We go to amusement parks and find that one person has to sit alone...not fun. Our youngest always wishes there was one more so that he had someone to play with. His sisters are approaching the teenage years....so they don't have much time for him anymore. I guess what I am trying to say is, talk him into it...I wish I would have. Even is better than odd!!
J.M. answers from Appleton on December 23, 2008
I to felt like you did. I had a miscarriage with what would have been my 4th child and was undecided about having another one but then after awhile I had an overwhelming desire for one more and so I got pregnant with my 4th and now I am so so glad I have him it is such a blessing and a completeness to our family. Of course there were adjustments but like you said anytime you have a baby there is. I also do in home daycare so I have gotten my share of babies my youngest is now 2 and no desire for more four children has made my family completed. It is a personal decision so I wish you the best of luck, J.
S.K. answers from Minneapolis on December 23, 2008
My kids are 7, 6, 3 and 1. If you can handle three kids, you can handle four. For me, my last baby was the easiest transition. She just fit right in and the kids LOVE her. No sibling rivalry or jealousy. She is their baby. I agree with you about the concerns with giving to them emotionally. Children need one on one time with their parents, I think more now than in past generations. Here is how we do it...
Oldest gets her one on one time after all the other kids have gone to bed, from 8-8:30pm. Second oldest gets his time after he gets home from Kindergarten and the younger two go down for a nap from 1-1:30. Younger brother gets his time when younger sister naps in the morning and the 1 year old gets one on one when the 3 year old is in preschool. We also take them off alone to do things while the other parent stays home. I take my oldest to baby showers and to plays and take the younger ones out to the store one on one. My husband takes one for errands, then out for ice cream or hot cocoa. He has also taken the oldest son camping twice and my oldest daughter accompanied him on a business trip once.
We also do family dates every Saturday, (museums, festivals, parades, service projects, parks, sledding, etc.) attend Church and stay together on Sunday (no work commitments or playdates) and family night on Mondays. (Family night includes singing, praying, lessons of morals / values, family council, calander planning, fun game or activity and treats.) The kids take turns with us conducting the meeting, giving the lessons, picking the activity and preparing the treats - with help from mom and dad, of course. It is one of the best things we do during the week with our family.
J.O. answers from Wausau on December 24, 2008
Well, everybody's different on this, but as for a 4th child "just being too much", I want to say that there are MANY families in my community who have 4 or more children. About 1/2 of my MOPS group either has or wants to have 4 or more. Quite a few of the families in my area here own extended vans so they have enough room for all the kids (and the car seats!)
I frankly do not understand how these families do it. How do they not feel like they're going crazy every minute of every day? But then, I only have one child, and I feel like that a lot already.
Good for you for not doing the "oops that isn't an oops" thing. I am in the same boat with my husband right now- I want a 2nd and he doesn't- only mine is not as open to the possibility as yours is. Keep the dialog going and monitor how you feel about it as time passes.
Good luck :)
B.J. answers from Rochester on December 23, 2008
People told me that I should just jump in and have another baby (my 2nd). I have a good just by my husband was having trouble getting a good job. We jumped in and I got pregnant. About 2 months later my husband got a great job! I believe that God really does provide you with what you need. We are now thinking about having #3!
K.H. answers from Minneapolis on December 23, 2008
maybe you should listen to your hubby-times are hard these days...even if you do run a daycare-babies-kids etc.cost big cash....look at the big picture....if you were billionaires id say go for it-but looks to me that your hubby is trying to take care of the future-and the more kids you have-they dont get all the attention they need....good luck...
M.H. answers from Appleton on December 23, 2008
I guess my question for you is that do you not see that your other children still need you- that your other babies perhaps are not at the small, innocent dependent stage, but they still need you- and that with each additional child, your attention for the others is divided, diverted and, yes, distracted at many times.
Isn't your 1-year-old still significantly dependent- and your 3-year-old and 7-year-old still want to snuggle and cuddle with Mom, I am sure. I am a mother-of-three, with an "oops" at the end. We have two girl, 9 and 6, and almost 2 years ago I found out I was pregnant. I was elated, but really worried how I would make ends meet. It has been tough, but I do not- nor ever have- regretted having our son. I really treasure every moment with each one of them, but many times I feel as though I am so rushed with all three, that I am missing so many special moments with each one. I would really love to have another baby- not now- but probably in another year or so when our son is off to preschool and done with diapers. However, I also know that babies don't stay babies, and that we really couldn't afford another one. The decision is yours entirely, but unless both you and your husband are in agreement over another child, I really wouldn't bring an innocent baby into that strain. Good luck!
K.K. answers from Des Moines on December 22, 2008
It has been said time and time again...if you have to ask, you must not be ready to be done. At least your hubby isn't DEAD SET on no more. Mine wants to go have a vasectomy now that we are preggers with #3! Although I know I don't want another, I think that is too big a decision to make so quickley. I am telling him to wait 5 years.
ANYWAY, I wouldn't give up on the idea of another baby, however, since your youngest is only 1, I would just wait a little while. The idea may be too overwhelming for your hubby since you still sort of have a baby. Just be patient, but don't drop it. It's your life too! Good luck to you!
D.K. answers from Sioux City on December 23, 2008
Your situation sounds just like mine a few years ago. What I have noticed is that I never here anyone say, "Oh, I wish I would have had less kids." I love being a Mom. I went to college and got the degrees and in the end nothing meant more than being a Mom. I am now pregnant with our sixth child. We lost our third and fourth. Nothing is more precious than life and babies are the best gifts for siblings. I know for myself, the desire for another child would have never went away and I am happy my husband agreed to another child. It was a very hard decision especially after burying two preborn children but it was the right decision for us. I always figured if you desire another, that's God way of telling you he has a gift waiting for you. I can't picture my life without all my children. It would be to sad.
S.W. answers from Minneapolis on December 23, 2008
My husband and I always said two kids and that was it. A year after we had our second my husband said he would like one more. It blew my mind and to be quite honest scared me to death. I was looking forward to finally being able to go places with out having to load the car with a million thing. Two years passed and all of a sudden the thought of another child really hit me and that was always on my mind. It felt like something was missing. I waited a year to see if that desire would pass and when it didn't we tried for another child. I can honestly say that I have never once regretted it. Yes another child is work. We were done with potty training. bottles, getting up at night but our family finally feels complete now. It has been 2 years since our third child, and I have never once had that feeling of something is missing. We have both decided that we are now a complete family and I have had my tubes tied. My point is if it feels right and your husband isn't totally against it then talk about it.
J.G. answers from Rapid City on December 23, 2008
I'm resoponding because my husband and I just went through the same thing! Or Are going through this too! We have 19 month old twins and we always talked about having two kids. Well, now that my boys arn't babies anymore I really, really have baby feaver!!! It's all I can think about. I think once you get this urge you can't stop it! My hubby wasn't sure about having any more... but since it's all I can talk about and he now see how much it means to me he's on board now!!! We arn't pregnant yet but we know that we want our kids to be about 3 years apart...so we'll start trying this summer:]
My advice is to just be honest with your hubby about what you want, respect what he wants & Talk about it A LOT! He might get use to the idea if it's all he hears:]
J.S. answers from Minneapolis on December 22, 2008
I'm glad you asked this question! I don't have advice for you, but am sort of in the same boat. We have 3 kids and it's my husband who has always pushed for 4. We JUST had the third, and he's all ready mentioned the 4th a few times... I always said 3 was enough.
I'll be curious what other's recommend for you.
SAHM to Charlie (3 1/2), Joey (2) and Rebecca (4 weeks).